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RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/25/2008 11:15:14 PM

Daes

Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
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Edit: Read up =P

< Message edited by Daes -- 6/25/2008 11:17:07 PM >

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I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

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RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/27/2008 4:27:09 AM

lassnmo

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/17/2008
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hi, lass has permission to come back.

nice to see you all again.

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RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/27/2008 4:29:36 AM

lassnmo

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/17/2008
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Hello,

i am back, after a bit gone. i guess i best behave or i will lose my privilages. Its good to see you all again.

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RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/27/2008 4:45:23 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
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sometimes the really strong thing to do is to step back - its the doms that wade in regardless of illness, insomnia, stress - because they think their dominance is being challenged without regard for the whys and wherefores that in the end come across as less in control.

nothing should ever be done in anger, judgement invariably sucks at such times - and basically, everything should be done with the care and respect a fellow human being deserves - unless theyre pushing their luck, then you can get out the crowbar.

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RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 7/8/2008 2:16:59 PM

masterforRT

Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
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If possible, never punish when you are angry. if you do so, you're doing it for yourself, not them. They'll know it too.
Better to step back and punish later, AFTER you've discussed with them the reason for punishment.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

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RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 7/8/2008 10:43:01 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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The Dominant who steps back and assesses the situation including his own level of displeasure and especially when angered and knoiws when to punish and when to teach and retrain not only has his head screwed on straight but also is demonstrating his maturity and strength. It takes a similar level of strength and maturity to also know wnen to fight and when to walk away. Fools rush in and fight or punish because their noses are out of joint. As always, these are my personal views and may not be in line with others...

IB
(The incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent Bear)

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RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 7/8/2008 11:11:28 PM

MisterBeast

Posts: 142
Joined: 6/26/2007
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I have the temper from hell, this is what I have learned. You never punish out of anger. And if you find yourself getting angry and ready to do somthing you damn well could regret later, its time to hang it up for a while, walk away, get some space and get your head back on straight. If you punish out of anger, she is either going to leave your ass, or she will become so timid and afraid of you that the good stuff that makes a relationship worth having will be gone.

You dont have to physicly touch your girl to punish her either, and you dont have to do it right then and there. Some times you need to just walk away, getting angry when she gets angry is only going to encourage the combative behavior because you are letting her control you by reacting. if you can make yourself remain calm cool and collected, it kind of makes her look like the ass, where as if you haul off and slap a lung out of her when she is allready sick, well you might just have to start wearing a trojan like a knit cap.

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RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 7/9/2008 12:25:06 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ProfoundDarkness

My beloved sub today had not been feeling well, in fact she began to outright disrespect me and yell. When I put my foot down she'd kept going, and as i grabbed her to punish her, she was damn near combative. I stepped out as opposed to letting my anger do the punishment, as i do not want to punish until it is abuse, just discipline.

Am i doing the right thing or is it best to just step in and punish reguardless of how she handles it?

Why are you getting angry in the first place? When a child throws a tantrum because they are feeling ill, you don't punish them. Submissives are not children but the relationship is similar. Allow the tantrum to pass and put their ass in bed and know that it is the illness creating the "missbehavior" not them. Imagine how that little drama would have gone if you had you simply taken her in your arms and held her and if she railed against you it fell like water against a mountain. Today she would be feeling safer and more secure rather than knowing she was able to make you lose control and become angry?

You were in effect punishing her for feeling ill, who wouldn't get pissed and act out? Your reaction to her legitimate behavior? Anger! Not good at all. You need to do some serious self evaluation and look to see where that anger stems from. I say that as someone with a former anger problem.

Reread LA's post it bears repeating!

quote:

Try to always do the thing that will make you both closer and stronger together in the long term. That doesn't mean tolerating her shit, it means not just reacting, but operating with best authority for the whole relationship.

(in reply to ProfoundDarkness)

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RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 7/9/2008 12:56:21 AM

opposingtwilight

Posts: 684
Joined: 6/13/2008
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FR ~

I had a similar experience (with a dominant I've been getting to know) today. He didn't get angry at me; he actually didn't know I was being disrespectful until I came back and told him how sorry I was for what I'd done wrong and explained myself and told him all the things I'd been doing wrong.

He's pretty new himself and I have to say, I feel like he handled things REALLY well, all things considered. I expected him to be angry at me once he realized what I'd been doing. He didn't get upset at all. He -did- tell me he was disappointed in me and he -did- spend time communicating with me and getting me to understand not only what I'd done but what the consequences of those choices had been.

When I cried, he reassured me. At one point I felt so low that I commented, "I've done everything wrong!" To which he replied, "You've done -some- things wrong." And yes, he did punish me ... After all, I had been dishonest and disrespectful. But he also stuck around to make sure I was ok and smiling when it was all said and done.

---

Walking away when you were angry was better than punishing her out of anger but frankly, I don't think "putting your foot down" and making demands is a very effective way to handle that situation. If you knew she was stressed and not sleeping well, you probably should have done as Michael suggested and taken her in your arms.

One of the most wonderful things a dominant can do for me (and I'm sure I'm not alone in this) is to simply be strong when I'm not ... Let me fall apart and don't freak out about it. Sometimes everything has to fall apart before the pieces will fit together properly.

I think you should give her a hug and try to get her to communicate what she's feeling in a productive manner. Maybe she'll find a solution and even get some sleep.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

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