BitaTruble
Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Okay, this is just my brain twisting some thoughts around and I'm wondering what others think. I do not want this to be a thread about safewords...but about one of the reasons some people say that they want to have or use safewords...particularly "yellow" or its equivalent. For the purpose of this thread I will just refer to it as "yellow" but you can feel free to insert whatever word you personally use.
If you are in a scene and the sensations you are feeling are too intense or too painful...and you use your "yellow" word to get the dominant to back down a bit, are you not controlling the scene? Are you really submitting FULLY to the will of the dominant? Now I am NOT talking about communicating what you believe will be impending damage. Just when it feels too intense for your comfort.
I have often seen people post about not being able to "take" as much as the dominant wishes to give. I've felt that way myself at times. But if you use the word....isn't that taking (or attempting to take) control of the scene? I'm not talking about begging or pleading in hopes that he will have mercy. I'm not talking about crying or screaming if you have to in order to deal with it. I'm specifically referring to the submissive setting the parameters of the scene by the use of such words.
Thoughts?
Interesting question.
You've used a 'scene' as a parameter, but really taking control could cover any aspect of a relationship, not just those which are pain related. The pain may be a catalyst in that moment but is it any different from trying to control in another area? Is the fact that pain is intimate and personal an excuse to take the reins back when you've agreed to give them up? Probably not, but it would be relationship dependent.
Reneging in a short term scene with a play partner just isn't the same and trying to seize back control in a long-term, established relationship. In the short term the consequence may be that person won't scene with you again but since there's not a shared, personal relationship it probably won't affect you in other areas while if you continue without stopping it, the consequences may be greater up to and including physical damage. It's a cost vs benefit decision.
Costs are greater and benefits are higher in long-term relationships. I don't see very much difference in calling out yellow because you're in some intense pain and calling out yellow because you don't watch another espisode of Squidbillies. ::chuckles:: They're at different levels, to be sure, but they are still the same arena. I think the question here is; is this trying to take control or is this communicating and is communicating to your dominant that you're in the middle of a television show you like somehow better or worse than communicating to your dominant that you're in the middle of some pain that you don't like? In the end whether it's called communication or coup attempt, it's how the dominant reacts which will determine the consequences, so, it's best, as usual, to be on the same page in the same book with whomever it is you walk or crawl beside.
_____________________________
"Oh, so it's just like Rock, paper, scissors." He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."
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RE: Stop it or back off....that's too intense... - 
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