Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill?

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Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/17/2008 3:41:19 PM

AtlantisKing111

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A : You treat it like it's just a piece of meat.

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/17/2008 3:46:35 PM

SteelofUtah

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/17/2008 3:58:44 PM

BBWnNC72

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 12:22:20 AM

JulieorSarah

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oh dear ... did you hear that ... a joke just died!

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 8:56:30 AM

chamberqueen

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I fork it good!

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 9:35:00 AM

Saratov

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Maybe you still have time to turn over a new beef.

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 9:57:06 AM

subtee

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For every season(ing) turn, turn, turn

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 10:54:43 AM

GimpinDenial

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w u h ?

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 11:41:04 AM

spinninsweetness

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Har har har

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 1:14:57 PM

HypnoticDan

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Q:
How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill?

A:
1) Remove from saran wrap binding (boo hoo, I know)
2) Lovingly tenderize with a hammer.
3) Slowly sharpen the biggest knife you have right next to the meat, then "trim the fat". Caution: Extreme edge play!
4) Cover the wide, flat surface with kosher salt. Let sting for 15 minutes. Flip over and repeat.
5) Water torture: rinse off the salt
6) Order the stake to shut up and hold still. Feel free to give it another tender whack, just to be sure.
7) Get out your sparker and give the meat The Look. Light the barbeque while practicing your best menacing laugh.
8) Make a big show of preheating the grill to ~350 while taunting, debasing, and humiliating the meat. See if you can get it to say the safeword.
9) Find the largest, sharpest motherfucker of a devil pitchfork that you can. Gently pierce the meat, suspend it, and then lower it over the hot coals.
10) luxuriate in the sizzling sound for about 30s, then flip it over and repeat. Both sides should be nicely carmelized.
11) Close the lid for 2 minutes. Have a drink. Tap on the lid and ask if it's dark enough in there. Ask "are you my tasty little treat?"
12) Open the lid. Stab the meat violently. Flip it suddenly. Slam the lid back down for 2 minutes. Taunt the meat about how you are a great big ogre who's going to snap the meat right up and EAT IT. Feel free to belly laugh.
13) Open the lid, stab the meat one more time, and hoist it onto a plate or tray.
14) Look at it's limp form! See how unresponsive it is? Don't you just feel so connected? It's like the meat is off in a better place or something.
15) Garnish, present to family, friends, catholic priest, your spouse, etc.

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 2:18:51 PM

GimpinDenial

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ya see, now THAT was funny...
especially

quote:

6) Order the stake to shut up and hold still. Feel free to give it another tender whack, just to be sure.

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 2:24:00 PM

babygirlangel

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omg... im roflmao here.... thanks.. i needed that

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 2:26:13 PM

BlackPhx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HypnoticDan

Q:
How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill?

A:
11) Close the lid for 2 minutes. Have a drink. Tap on the lid and ask if it's dark enough in there. Ask "are you my tasty little treat

You Over Cooked It!!!! I want it screaming for it's Mommy and bleeding freely.

Sigh

Barbarian

Poenkitten (still trying to get the angus cattle to come closer so she can show them what a knife and fork are for)

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 2:28:19 PM

rubberpet

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I'm the kind of guy that likes his steak like he likes his women: pink and juicy on the inside!

***that's right, let the groaning begin***

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 3:48:23 PM

HypnoticDan

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A good steak is like a good woman: rare.

and no, it was not overcooked! Just keep it at 350 and it'll be fine. I pan-fry & oven-bake steaks like this all the time in winter and the recipe translates just as well to the grill. of course, I left out the healthy coating of BBQ sauce but I couldn't find a way to make that especially kinky.

< Message edited by HypnoticDan -- 6/18/2008 3:50:28 PM >

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 4:22:52 PM

tsatske

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Nope, I am with peon. I want the cooking to stop after the 30s on each side. But i do what you describe, a couple of minutes with the lid closed, for everyone ELSES steak. No one but me wants to eat still mooing cow, and i am aware of that.
Given the right circumstances:
The steak is highest quality
the steak has NEVER BEEN FROZEN
I am home alone (anyone i have ever lived with has sworn up and down that they don't mind if i do this in front of them, but i refuse, i think it is just RUDE)
and - there is good quality wasabi in the house
I will eat the staek raw. Raw as in, has never been exposed to any heat source. Actually, truly raw.
I slice it thin. I don't eat the fat - i want my fat charred, not rare. But, OMG, it is SO great that way.
Great, now there are sloppy joes on the table, and i'm sitting here wanting a big hunk of raw cow. damn.

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 4:41:44 PM

JulieorSarah

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Just about anything sliced, paperthin, raw, with some condiment, is delightful!

my favourite is potato and a little sprinkling of salt .. mmmm

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 4:52:14 PM

christine1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JulieorSarah

Just about anything sliced, paperthin, raw, with some condiment, is delightful!

my favourite is potato and a little sprinkling of salt .. mmmm

i couldn't agree more....any high quality beef and certain sea foods, cheeses, veggies...it's all good!

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RE: Q : How do you Dominate a steak you're about to grill? - 6/18/2008 5:22:04 PM

Saratov

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Sounds like some of you would get along just fine with my friend who says "wipe it's a** knock the horns off and walk it by, I'll cut off what I want."