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Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 3:56:13 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		A conversation I was having with a friend earlier, combined with what just happened to me, has made me really wonder. Do female dominants have to be a bitch? I don't mean that in a hateful way, I'm just saying that it seems like the more demanding, the more degrading, the more pushy we are the better the response from male submissives (yeah, I say that like they really exist... ha ha). Yeah, I'm ranting a little but mainly I really want to know! I am at a complete loss here, I don't understand. Ok, I'm poly, and I know that narrows the feild, but I don't hide it and honestly, it hasn't been the problem. It just seems that the nicer you are the less response you get. Do men really want to be treated like crap? Come on... some honest answers here, ok?
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.
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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 4:04:53 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		You aren't alone hun.

Doms are excused for wanna be's when we don't care about certain things. I have been cast aside as being a Cyber Douche-Bag because I didn't care what she wore when she left the house. Apparently she thought dressing her was supposed to be a Hobby of mine when in reality I figured if she couldn't dress herself by now then she would be too retarded to serve me anyway.

simple truth is no matter what you do you can't please eveyone all the time and there are some people who can't accept the idea that things that don't match thier imagination can end up being better than the fantasy.

Steel

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(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 4:10:35 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you Steel, sometimes we all just need to be reminded of that. I swore to myself that I wasn't going to let it get to me this time. But the world is still gonna be spinning in the morning. Lessons learned are generally the hard ones, right?
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 4:11:49 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Not in my book.. Nobody irrespective of their role or identity to me has to be anyone more than who they truly are.

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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 4:13:25 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Do I want to be treated like crap? No.

Does my Owner act like the sterotypical bitch Domme archetype?  No.

We were nothing but nice with each other when we first started talking, when we first got into our relationship, and when I helped her get ready for work this morning.  Does she gets tons and tons of stupid mail from men who -want- her to be that role?  Oh yes, quite a few on a daily basis.  50% of those emails have no idea what they're looking for or how to relate their feelings and fantasies in a realistic way...I'd almost say they're just poor vicitms of their own confusion and unrealistic porn-driven expectations.  The other 50% know -exactly- what they want, and my Owner never gives them the wank material they desire.  100% of them can't read her profile and see she's not looking for anything relationship wise.

There are people who know what they want, the right way to obtain, and how to be a human being while seeking it out...and then there's everybody else.  That's the nature of this site, in my opinion.

DV's Fox

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 4:15:51 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am not a bitch.  I can be cranky, sarcastic, and yes, bitchy, but I am not like that all the time.  I am sweet and kind and nice.  I am also a vsadist and mad giggler....oh well.  If you want a bitch goddess, look elsewhere. 

It's all good, there are plenty of unpleasant people out there to fill the void, Jewel!  :)

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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 4:17:54 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		I think some of it might be from watching too much porn. It sounds bad.. but if you poke through some of the fem domme porn, it seems to be a lot of "You stupid pig, You worthless pile" etc.

A friend of mine has a domme profile on this site- her responses to most guys are horrible.. and they eat it up and come back for more.


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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 4:23:03 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		See, that's what I don't understand! They come back for more?
 
Thank you Shawn, I've apparently met too many that think they know what they want but have no desire to do anything to get there.
 
And thank you LadyH... been a rough day, I wanna cry and stomp my feet and yell about how unfair life is... and be all childish like that. This thread was the other alternative.
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 4:37:31 PM   
bashfulhuck


Posts: 119
Joined: 5/26/2008
Status: offline 		It'll be ok Miss Jewel, don't worry. There are submissives out there, I happen to be one of them, that respond far better to being treated with kindness and love than someone treating me like shit.
If it's within a scene, my Domina being a total BitchGoddess towards me is a serious turn on and can be a hell of alot of fun, but in my day to day dealings, I would rather she treat me with kindness and love. I want to feel as if I am a cherished pet to her, my friend, my teacher, my shelter from a world that isn't always neccessarily nice (I work as a bouncer part time, so I get treated like crap at work more than enough).
It seems to me, at least with those "submissives" that are online, they are just here to get their rocks off, and will use a Dominant to get that rush if they are allowed to. Those are the type that really should just go to a pro and get it over with.
Don't worry though, things have a way of working themselves out. I've been most fortunate since joining CM in that every single person that has messaged me has been so nice to me, and I hope I've been equally nice and respectful in return.

Peace and serenity to you,
bashful

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 4:39:39 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		You have bashful, you've always been so very sweet. Thank you.

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 4:46:43 PM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		In regard to males who email looking for that, they are usually looking for fantasy/wank fodder.  And/or they have this image stuck in their heads of what a Dominant Lady should be.  Actually got an email today, someone said, you seem to nice in your profile. Your supposed to be bitchy!  I told them, it amuses me more to have a smile on my face when I am about to do something evil to them. *snickers*  Besides, I just don't have that bitchy, evil look. lol

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 4:51:02 PM   
Stusmobile


Posts: 145
Joined: 5/26/2008
From: No fixed abode
Status: offline 		Maybe we could dress some of the demanding dimdoms in dresses and skirts and hook them up with the male subs who expect to be commanded from the word go. Seems like we'd get rid of half the bloody junk emails everyone around here gets 

_____________________________

Goethe: "Whatever you do, or dream you can do, begin it - boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."

EmlyKate is mine and I wouldn't wish for anything else.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 5:13:24 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		unfortunately, I know what you are talking about.  The way I do things is, we are just two individuals, until I physically put a collar around your neck.   So I'm not into all this calling me Goddess, etc.  I also , don't start barking orders online, or start to berate or humiliate them.

Because I talk to them like they are fellow humanbeings I have been told I'm not real, I'm a fake, I don't know anything about being dominant, etc.

Those are the ones that I am not interested in any way...they are ususally the ones into the "hollywood" version of the lifestyle...and they can move on....lol

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 9:10:17 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I prefer to see it as a weeding tool. Most men who are looking for the Bitch Goddess are looking for fantasy. When a man approaches me as a real person, I'm much more apt to notice and to give him a chance. I see it as an indicator that he might have some degree of reality in him and some skills that might be applied to a real relationship.

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/17/2008 9:57:33 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		This is the female version of "Can I be a dom and a gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1205164/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#1205660
mistaking kindness for weakness

http://www.collarchat.com/m_856653/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#857014
too nice

http://www.collarchat.com/m_848523/mpage_2/key_gentleman/tm.htm#848969
Mr. Nice guy is not Mr. Nice Dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_825792/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#825829
Can a dom be a gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_799563/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#799760
what makes a 'real' dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_775753/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#775760
dominants who show emotions, weakness or vulnerability

http://www.collarchat.com/m_771270/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#771630
Does gentle master mean weak?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_668725/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#668733
Too polite?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_505491/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#505668
Seeking consensus: dominant as gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_433779/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#433966
Master...in slaves' eyes!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_380311/mpage_2/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#384513
dom vs gentleman

http://www.collarchat.com/m_266268/mpage_1/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#266288
the gentleman dom with feelings

Is the term gentleman dom an oxymoron?

Gentlemen vs nice guy

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/18/2008 4:55:38 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Can we agree that everyones kink is different. OP there are men and women who feel the need to be abused. What attracts you to the bitchy ones. Im a Switch. I can be bitchy or nice. Depends on the person Im with and what their needs are.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/18/2008 5:27:21 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I appreciate all of the input from everyone and admittedly due to my mood yesterday I was extremely vague and maybe even a little misleading in my question. I know that some men prefer a woman to treat them like dirt, payment for previous sins maybe? I don't know. But what I was trying unsuccessfully to ask was why does it seem like the only way you can get answers is by literally throwing down the gauntlet? An individual I've been talking to for months now, have had visit for a week at a time on three occasions I had to damn near brow beat into giving me some kind of answer. One time it would be "I'll be there this week, I'm all packed", another time it would be "Things have been hecktic around here, I won't be there till next week". As it turns out I can't compete with the weekly play parties and pro-dommes in Chicago. But at least I got an answer. I had to issue an ultimatum to get it though. It was an "I'm sorry I wasted your time" kind of thing. I guess this is just venting and I thank you all for your patience.
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/18/2008 5:37:50 AM   
hsspode


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		For some reason I usually associate Bitchy acting with Money Dommes and that totally turns me off.  As someone said above, its okay to put on the act in a scene, however outside of the scene we are all normal people.  A lot of Dommes seem to think their shit doesn't stink when in reality it does and so does their attitude.  Although they are in somewhat high demand, there is always another Domme that can be found to take her place.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/18/2008 5:55:40 AM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

A conversation I was having with a friend earlier, combined with what just happened to me, has made me really wonder. Do female dominants have to be a bitch? I don't mean that in a hateful way, I'm just saying that it seems like the more demanding, the more degrading, the more pushy we are the better the response from male submissives (yeah, I say that like they really exist... ha ha). Yeah, I'm ranting a little but mainly I really want to know! I am at a complete loss here, I don't understand. Ok, I'm poly, and I know that narrows the feild, but I don't hide it and honestly, it hasn't been the problem. It just seems that the nicer you are the less response you get. Do men really want to be treated like crap? Come on... some honest answers here, ok?
 
Jewel


I know what attracted me to Mistress was the fact She is very sweet, caring, and tender hearted.  She is very kind, nurturing, and considerate.  While I enjoy the "self-centered bitch goddess" during play time on occasion, what makes me want to bend over backwards serving Her is the fact She is so sweet and thoughtful.  She treats me with such respect.  If She treated me like crap, I wouldn't be with Her...simple as that.
 
Jewel, think of it like this.  Would you like lots of groveling doormats begging to be treated like crap for the satisfaction of their own fantasies, or would you prefer fewer responses, but much higher quality ones from eager, knowledgeable submissives with realistic views and expectations?   More responses is not always better, in my opinion.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


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RE: Seriously... Do you have to be a bitch? - 6/18/2008 6:27:21 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Jewel, think of it like this.  Would you like lots of groveling doormats begging to be treated like crap for the satisfaction of their own fantasies, or would you prefer fewer responses, but much higher quality ones from eager, knowledgeable submissives with realistic views and expectations?   More responses is not always better, in my opinion.


I prefer honest, realistic responses, even if that's only one or two.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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Profile   Post #: 20
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