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Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Emotional S&M? (6/21/2008 7:34:42 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
You are making the mistake of confusing behavior with motivation. Sleeping around to get love is dysfunctional, sleeping around because you are horny and want to get laid can be wonderful. Same action coming from a different place. Same goes with emotional masochism, it can be done from a healthy place and from a very dysfunctional one.
The ACT of DOING emotional masochism is the same ACT as being abusive, the difference is the motivation. I know because I used to BE emotionally abusive. I used to use anger to cow my partners into being fearful about confronting me over certain issues. I used to emotionally hurt them for the same sort of reasons. It is the difference between being domineering and being dominant.
Motivation is a bit of slippery tiger to get by the tail at times. Once you understand motivation can you only achieve understanding, from understanding be able to master some form of control. Takes being honest with yourself first, and getting other people to be honest with themselves.
Sleeping around to get or seek out love, mind you, is still a valid motivation for people. Regardless of how dysfunctional it may be seen, viewed or actually is. It's still a valid reason why some people do it. If not to live life in the fantasy of being felt loved by another for a passing moment in time. It beats sitting around being lonely watching late night TV in a deep state of depression for some people. Some people will sleep around with other people in the hopes of finding love, because it gives them a sense of hope. Take away that hope, and it just might drive them to the brink of suicide or into a state of deep depression. In some regards dysfunctional behavior is simply a learn coping mechanism people do to survive. Take away these coping mechanisms and their life might spiral out of control. It can become an even greater scarey ride.
Some people do cut themselves to feel alive, it's when they cut themselves to the point that they risk taking their own life, this is a clear crossing line. Like anything else, suicide generally is the result of no longer having any means to cope with shit. It's not the goal of most cutters to take their own life. But rather to feel the pain, and experience the sensation of bleeding. In many regards the blood is symbolic of emotional bleeding inside. There are some deep spiritual aspects to blood, water and etc to begin with. This why blood often is part of my religions or religious practices throughout much of history. It's when you understand the deep meaning of blood itself and the spiritual engery can you have a deeper understanding of the mindset of what blood can be (not always) in the eyes of a cutter.
In many regards, I believe some aspects of so called modern psychiatric medicine misses the mark that some primative cultures knew and understood without question. Basically, shoving somebody on a shit load of meds, switching out therapist and lots of group sessions does not always work. There is a high relapse rate in many treatments. Because they do not address in the inner core or true Psyche of the individual. Psychiatric medicine has become somewhat McDonaldized, I hate to express such negative thoughts, in part it works to a limited degree. Band Aids applied to wounds to get a person alive and going. It's a whole different animal to get down and work at inner healing inside.
I'm certain you are well aware of the fact, it takes individual desire to change and want to be healed. If you don't want to be healed, no amount of psychiatric medicine in the world will totally cure you.
The root causes of dysfunctional behavior can be very deep inside a persons soul or spirit. Also in some cases it be the result of physical problems. I tend to believe, that modern medicine will not evol to where it needs to be, until all perspectives can become incorperated into one ball of wax. The mind, body and soul type of thing. Treat the whole person, not just their body or their mind alone. If medicine truely evols people will be looking back to our time in history, thinking about how barbaric we all must as been in these times. If you think about medical practices that were done 40 or a 100 years ago, many of those things well simply were barbaric and primative.
I still think we have a long way to go. I also think that morality based Dogmas driven by fear need to be shit canned out of treatments as well. If I want to pick up a steak knife and cut myself without the intent of killing myself, should I not have the freedom to do so? Regardless of my motivation? Sure, some people might think I'm crazier then batshit. But it's my body, my life... and as Ozzy's daughter said to her father. My life, My Vagina, My Business.
Don't get me wrong, I think anybody who gets in touch with their true motivation behind shit, well simply grows. That they can finally find the freedom to take control of their down darksides.
Personally, I have more respect for somebody sleeping around with 101 people looking for love, compared to somebody who's into it for just the sex and sex alone. Tends to make me believe they are not as shallow in their character or nature. Nothing wrong with looking for something more beside sex when sleeping around. No more then people that exchange hugs and kisses and simply hold hands. When did sex mean having to be void of emotions? It can be either way, with or without. Just because one is looking for love with sexual encounters does not mean everybody is looking for the same thing. This is the deadly mistake that some people make. They don't realize some people are just looking to fuck and that's it, nothing more.
Our self centric worlds collide with other peoples self centric worlds. Moral Debates explode. About right and wrong.
A cutter needs to become aware of the pain, they cause loved ones. In many regards problems occur because of human selfish behavior. OH, please don't cut yourself because it inflicts upon me too much emotional pain. You know that type of stuff. All of this is a trick balance that requires mutual understanding to deal with. Just because one is cutting themselves does not mean they have the desire to kill themselves, however it does not mean they do not either. Best to ask the cutter what their personal motivations are, and don't come off all judgemental, this way the cutter is Free to express themselves freely. The Cutter can find Freedom is being to connect with their own motivations.
Think all this applies to mental or emotional pain. In many ways, these things are somewhat spiritual in nature too. But what the hell do I know, I'm just another pervy kinky Dom, that loves to use kinky girls to get me off and make me cum all over the place.
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