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Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Emotional S&M? (6/22/2008 5:07:25 AM)
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I'm divided between a lot of things people are posting. Anyways, screw it, I'm following the Laws of experiences that don't always fit well into boxy behaviorlistic anything.
I've done mental S&M on different levels, from mild up to what can be considered outright fucking abusive at times.
The biggest factor involved was who I was doing this with. It's always nice to pop online and talk about the damn mechanics of what we all do. However, we tend to loose focus upon the human variable. Of WHO!
Not only should there be a focus upon what it is we all do, but also with who we do these things with. The WHO is perhaps the biggest factor over what at times. Face it what you do with one person and What you do with another might be radically fucking different.
True Mental Masochistic! You can take them damn near any fucking where, mentally be the most evil bastard of the universe, and it's long lasting effects upon them is like shooting somebody with a fucking Nerf Ball gun. In fact you don't have guide them back from the pits of mental darkness, you don't well even have to pamper or aftercare their ass. Hell, in fact you can be out in kitchen eating Pizza together, laughing and talking about shit, as if nothing had fucking happened at all.
My one piece of advice to any DOM or top out there where ends up dealing with a True Mental Masochist, be prepared to piss yourself. Why? Because you will be the one forced to deal with your own mental issues regarding how sadistic you can be. You will be faced with trying to figure out the lines of true abuse or not. It will fuck with your mind, to the point you might become a chain smoking idiot pacing outside thinking to yourself What the Fuck. Trust me, you will be trying to search your own concious looking for the bottom of your soul.
It will also boggle your mind as to how fucking resilent your mental Masochistic partner really is! There will be moments, when you swore to GOD you sent her over the Edge that she'd be begging for aftercare! LOL... fucking think again. WARNING WARNING...
I'm sitting here sipping on my morning coffee, having my morning smoke. I'm laughing at myself and laughing at other people too. This is a great topic honestly.
But seriously, People that are very Mental Masochistic will blow your mind, it won't make sense. Again, I will warn any DOM or Top, to be prepared for the mental mind fuck ride they are gonna get out of it.
I've been reading all this banter about how the sub/bottom is going to be in need of aftercare, and the whole bit about bringing them back safely and blah blah blah... No mention about the DOM/top at all here.
The things is this, how far is one to Sadistically Go in mental S&M. This is perhaps the biggest trip over the shoe lace thing that happens when engaging in this activitity. At least with a Mental Maso partner.
It's a bitch for Mental Masochists to find a willing DOM/top partner that actually will go past their own limits. This is why Maso will press buttons in their DOM or topping partners. Basically, they are seeking to invoke an geniune response to push their partner past their own limits. No Big fucking deal actually, if you get with the program and realize this for what it actually is. Mental Maso types push these button hoping to kick things up a few notches.
You can rip apart and debate the button pushing all damn day long in terms of Behavioristic models of anything. It still boils down to a simple fact. They are seeking pain, they crave it. Even if it means hitting a button. Cause face it! Many of us Domly types have spent a lot practice at Self Control. Many of us DOM types have limits. When things start to feel or seem to become too abusive in our mindset, We'll shut down quick.
If anything, I'm more concerned about the welfare and state of mind with DOMs or tops when it comes to dealing with a True Mental Masochistic sub/bottom.
I've been that chain smoking idiot pacing around, searching the depth of my soul before. Actually, on several occasions. I was the one that was being Squicked out at the extent things would go, or "get of out hand". Yet, she was totally as calm as day about it all.
I know how easy it is to throw up walls started to label this as being "true abuse" as well. Even to this day, when I think back to everything that went down. I'm tempted to say.. Well she was into "true abuse" and that just was not my thing. True abuse how? Because it felt like it to my own mind, not hers, but mine. Again, In terms of any damage or long lasting effects, I might as well shot her with a fucking Nerf ball gun.
Now, back to the more sane thoughts. There's a big difference between somebody who is a Mental Masochistic pain whore and somebody who is not.
I'm going back to WHO you do things with, and Staying away from the WHAT here. because frankly, I know damn well some of the things I did in one relationship.... would have totally mentally crushed another.
In fact one relationship, I could use mental S&M to trigger behavior modifications, or get her to work past certain or specific types of fears. There was a degree of aftercare, and nuturing followed by intense conversation by what she got out of the whole experience. She did not crave mental pain itself, however she enjoy the process and the growing experience that came out of it. She was NOT a Mental Masochist.
I think everybody is into mental S&M on some level. People play around with fears, threats, guilt trips and all kinds of fun things at times. Hell complete functionally disfunctional families even thrive upon it. On going Drama and such. Another word that's tossed around and is rather Subjective DRAMA.. just what is or is not that anyways. But I think my use of the word is pretty appropriate. There tends to be a lot of mental S&M attached with Drama at times. Notice I said at times.
I know that some DOM would dispise or hate having their buttons pushed by a Mental Masochist. If for some reason it seems like somebody is picking a meaningless fight over nothing! TRUST, you have to ask yourself why. The Answers might disturb you, when you probe and look into.
Back to WHO again. Difference in personality. Some people can mentally withstand the world coming to an end, others ones are totally freaking out because you just said "Suck my hot nasty cock like a dirty slut, Bitch".
I really don't think it's a big deal that somebody can handle or cope with Mental pain to the level, that they are functional in the event of True and Real Abuse. That Hell, well they can cope or deal with any mental or emotional pain, and that they enjoy it. Really can't see this a reason for them needing some form of Therapy! Actually, they have amazing coping skills. I'm going back to the whole Nerf Ball gun thing again.
I think I can tell that some people on here would be pissing themselves if they had a hardcore mental masochistic on their hands. They would be rather hesistent to play that rough. Which is why Mental Masochistic resort to button pushing anyways. Think the concept is very Simple for anybody to understand.
I know my world was radically turned upside down by a true mental masochistic girl. I'm still well, sort of blown away by it all. I crossed over lines that, well frankly... Abuse or not Abuse? Perhaps only in my mind. She was more then alright about what went down. She still emails me from time to time. Ummmmm// no complaints from her ever about any of it. If anybody was freaked out about shit and wanting to talk about it, it was me. So... Yeah.
I suppose I could be making up some bullshit about how it get's some girls off, and that it's all hot and wonderful as hell.
I decided to share with you guys a few things that directed impacted me as DOM. As a person. Share with you the mind fuck experience and growth I got out of it. Including a little added confusion. But that's life. Everything is not always black and white. At times it's really grey.
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