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ORIGINAL: Leatherist

But you also chose not to throw a hissy fit and walk away when he would not put up with your bs. You did the work-that's the difference between you and most.

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ORIGINAL: Leatherist

If it invokes reflection-it is good advice.
 
Even if it hurts to hear it. Including me.

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ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

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ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum

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ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Growing up and acting like a competent adult is usually a good start. Stopping with the habit of creating mountains out of mole hills is a good second.

Good thoughts.  However, I feel that I am a competent adult.  I work full time, and go to grad school.  I am completely financially independent, pay my bills on time, have good relationships with people, avoid drama and try to avoid stress.  i have my scars, but who doesn't.

Yet, I have no self-control when it comes to books, or dining out.  I know I shuldn't, know it would save me money (though i don't out spend my means), and know I am only hurting myself when i give into the temptation.

I don't believe this makes me incompetent, or someone who makes mountains out of molehills.  I have no self-control when it comes to some things, and am trying to work on that.

Actual advice would ahve been appreciated.

i agree with the above, and i also would question the assertion that 'most' do not have a level of self control. i think that self control is expressed in a wide range of behaviors, and that it is impossible, or almost impossible to determine that without knowing a person.

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ORIGINAL: Leatherist

The biggest lack of self control I see in people is emotional. That they react-rather than *act*  in response stimuli. If you spend your entire life having your buttons pushed-and only reacting as intended-you are not a self controlled person-you are a meat puppet

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

But yes, my point is a person without the tools and skills can still be willing to do the work, and can still get to that pot of gold.  The way the OP was structured, such a person isn't given that opportunitiy.  I am not convinced that a person needs to know him/herself first before submitting.  I believe a person can learn him/herself in the process of submitting, in the right circumstances, and given the determination to do the work.

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you are a meat puppet 

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ORIGINAL: Leatherist

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ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

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ORIGINAL: Leatherist


The biggest lack of self control I see in people is emotional. That they react-rather than *act*  in response stimuli. If you spend your entire life having your buttons pushed-and only reacting as intended-you are not a self controlled person-you are a meat puppet

i think that most people are like that some extent though whether they want to admit it or not. i agree though that there people who can't distance themselves---but i also think that people sometimes see what they want to see. sometimes people would rather claim 'emotionality' without attempting to determine the rational in the irrational, or even asking what's driving the behavior. it's a matter of interpretation, but then most of life is.



_____________________________


“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to Leatherist)

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The biggest lack of self control I see in people is emotional. That they react-rather than *act*  in response stimuli.

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ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum
So, RS, how do you suggest a person build up their self-control?

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

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ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum
So, RS, how do you suggest a person build up their self-control?

There are quite a few vanilla self help programs/books that are very effective.  I’m not focused right now and only 2 come to mind.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (book)
Personal Development for Smart People (Internet article)

I am not a Tony Robbins fan, but I read his Letter To a Friend booklet and it was mostly sane.

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You see more of the forest from ten thousand feet away than ten.

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detachment is a learned skill

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ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

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you are a meat puppet 

i'm assuming you don't mean the band....but wouldn't that be cool?(sorry people nothing to see here...ack to the thread!!!)

*watches tulip exhibit self-control*

Good thread, RS

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

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ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum
So, RS, how do you suggest a person build up their self-control?

There are quite a few vanilla self help programs/books that are very effective.  I’m not focused right now and only 2 come to mind.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (book)
Personal Development for Smart People (Internet article)

I am not a Tony Robbins fan, but I read his Letter To a Friend booklet and it was mostly sane.

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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

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ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum
So, RS, how do you suggest a person build up their self-control?

There are quite a few vanilla self help programs/books that are very effective.  I’m not focused right now and only 2 come to mind.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (book)
Personal Development for Smart People (Internet article)

I am not a Tony Robbins fan, but I read his Letter To a Friend booklet and it was mostly sane.

and what are you focusing on?? sheesh.. it's YOUR thread! 

*ducks, runs, and heads off to bed after sending a smooch to Tulip*

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ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

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detachment is a learned skill

True enough.  But, it also leaves ya lonely if you practice it as a way of life.  I say that coming from an academic background with a heavy emphasis on the social sciences. 

Self control=self alienation.  Basically, you're treating yourself as an object.  Once you've reached that point, its a small matter to hands the reigns of power over to someone else.  Though, the detachment tends to also undermine the ability to feel and capacity for empathy.  Which may be why lots of ethnographers go native despite the warnings.