chickpea
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Joined: 8/3/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Leatherist
quote:
ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
quote:
ORIGINAL: Leatherist
The biggest lack of self control I see in people is emotional. That they react-rather than *act* in response stimuli. If you spend your entire life having your buttons pushed-and only reacting as intended-you are not a self controlled person-you are a meat puppet
I think that is because there are many people (and not just submissives) with the mistaken belief that emotions are uncontrollable; that they are what they are.
I had a therapist once who asked me if I wanted to be "pushed by pain or pulled by purpose".... did I want my emotions to control me or did I want to control my emotions. Learning that I could control what I was feeling was an extremely freeing experience for me.
Knight's Kyra
You can be a victim of what you are-or you can choose to take charge. I've never understood people who go through life suffering-when all they had to do was think instead.
Sounds like you have your head screwed on straight. Unfortunately, many make bad choices due to lack of proper guidance that seriously affects paths in life and have to suffer the consequences for their actions and often blame themselves for it. Due to lack of knowledge of other options, they would feel at fault and then due to pride focus on something else they have a handle on, rather than risk a more diminished sense of self (when they actually need a greater sense of self to really figure out if they were at fault) and really think what they did wrong.... Thus starting a vicious cycle that often can only be stopped by outside intervention, or actually running into someone that stops "enabling" this sort of destructive behavior....for example, in the form of a caring Master [a blessing] or a Master that calls on the sub's shit and doesn't put up with it. This lack of vision for something better, and lack of guidance from those around them, is the cause for most emotionally reacting.
Some have brains, but lack the vision, experience, or heart (that they would get from good influences from other people in their lives or a secondary but not as effective is reading material [such as this]) to rise above the emotions and think/envision something greater, better, and a way to a better outcome for them. So we're not all a bunch of logical machines that often have the luxury of taking a moment to step back from a situation, and thinking through everything. But yes I agree that it's important to take quiet time every now and then and center yourself blah blah.
I just don't appreciate the holier-than-though declaring that logic prevails over all, and thinking of those that don't do it as lesser beings or souls. I don't think thinking solves everything. Just having the resolve to fix what's broken, having a vision to work towards, and really believing you can accomplish it also plays a role. Definitely, not crying victim here, but if you're going to scream at some poor soul about why they aren't acting they way they should, that's often counter-productive. Victims, often think that they might be the ones to blame, may have tried very hard to fix it, but due to lack of proper guidance end up in failure, either get frustrated and act out violently or just withdraw into a hole etc...
Often emotional wounds (since they can't be seen) are often ignored and people who need to recuperate from serious life events are often not allowed to time to heal these intangibles as much as they need to. Like tiger wood's knee injury, if he kept ignoring it and never gave himself time to heal until he felt ready, his injury would continue to criple his golfing game, and make him go through golf painfully and half-assedly. Fortunately x-rays show that tiger's not faking it, and he's validated to take 8 months off so he can get back in the game full steam. With emotional things, people are often accussed of faking these things, and wonder why they don't act 100% well and normal.
So, I appreciate your focus on something true and correct which is to step back from a situation and think things through, but the emotional human element shouldn't be shoved down, tossed aside, or ignored.... that's a large part of playing the relationships game with other people, being 100% emotionally well. I was a volunteer psychological counselor back in college, and guiding students through to better ways of doing things or seeing things was the key to helping them. We didn't offer logical advice, we gave them some guidance, let them absort it and go at their own pace. Logic in controlling emotions is the deal, but sometimes you just need a fucking break not to fucking game dam @#$%# think of stupid dam !@#$@!% situations @# to heal... ya know?
So, having an emotional outburst may just be a symptom that one needs to take a break.... not just grin it, bear it, and keep at it...like tiger woods did during the nationals. I mean it can be done with minor *short-term* victories, ....but you'll do more damage in the long run. And eventually you'll just have to take that break (rather than just thinking logically and acting to conquer, and screaming at those that just don't do it ...like their playing "forever-victims"). Forever victims my ass, it's just part of the process of healing. End of rant.
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Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html
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