Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

-=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=-


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
-=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/22/2008 9:48:18 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		-=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=-

Even in the very beginnings of a power exchange relationship, when you don't “trust each other with your lives” yet, nothing in the emotional connection can be private.  Not one fear, lust, kink or emotion can be withheld in the beginning if you plan to succeed.  You may not have each other's banking information at that point but, nothing is secret when relevant to exposing who you are, what you want, how you feel or what you do. 

To exchange control, you both must expose yourselves in order to learn.  How can you start a power exchange if you don't know what makes the other person tic, what power to give or take?  There can be no secrets, especially if it conflicts with paying respect to the bond.  Neither Master nor slave can hold secrets or limit exposure if they are to succeed.  There must be complete exposure.  Treat the power exchange with respect, remain exposed and steadfast in your roles.

-Kalon Eric

Just saying…

(part of my random BDSM philosophy for the masses) 


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/22/2008 10:02:45 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Are you saying this is how everyone should be?  My Master exposes what he wishes, when he wishes.  While I appreciate that this works for you and for many, I would not agree with this as a universal law.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/22/2008 10:06:29 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Are you saying this is how everyone should be?  My Master exposes what he wishes, when he wishes.  While I appreciate that this works for you and for many, I would not agree with this as a universal law.

This is a very functional method of starting that works for most people.  I don’t think I could ever type up all he variants that also work. 


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/22/2008 10:07:22 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for clarifying.  :)

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/22/2008 10:14:16 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		When you speak in absolutes, you leave yourself wide open to criticism.  I don't believe there *can* be complete exposure, perhaps not ever. 

I've never thought of what the "formula" for power exchange would be, but I would say that a desire and willingness to be transparent for the submissive would be primary and being trustworthy and ethical has to be apparent in me.   What has worked for me before is that the submissive person has been willing to give very early on, in first conversations.  From there, I need to show that I am a person they feel sane handing themselves over to.

Mss

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/22/2008 10:14:33 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Thanks for clarifying.  :)

I don't have my usual disclaimer in my signature which states “My posts are from a TPE perspective.  They do not imply that my view is correct for you or better than own.”

As far as this method of exposure and learning, it bonds people quickly and successfully.  I post because so many newcomers do not know that exposure is NOT a lack of respect.  A lot a married and cheating or wannabees hide behind respect to keep the secrets that exposure reveals.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/22/2008 11:33:34 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		Maybe you should go for the record and fill CM with all the bullshit
you can.
 
I-yi-yi-yi-yi!!!!



_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/22/2008 11:41:06 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Is this "one twue way day"?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/22/2008 11:44:53 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

-=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=-
yet, nothing in the emotional connection can be private. 


I think it takrs trust to disclose. So am I right in thinking you are saying it is disclosure that creates trust?
It's a bit of a chicken and egg siituation............


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/23/2008 12:00:56 AM   
figment


Posts: 17
Joined: 4/12/2007
Status: offline 		I would not be trusting someone who had not shown worthiness of trust, just quietly.

Time is an important factor in developing trust.  I dont think this can be rushed.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/23/2008 12:30:43 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
A lot a married and cheating or wannabees hide behind respect to keep the secrets that exposure reveals.

Ok, maybe....always maybes, but TPE may take a lifetime to perfect. There are life changes which simply happen which mitigate against full disclosure because in many situations one  or both of the TPE participants is unaware of full implications of that life change. I am ralking stuff like illness, accident, birth, economic crashes, death of a family member and so on....all the Holmes and Rahe stuff from which none of us escape. Now those life changes might not have formed part of the TPE to begin with but sure as hell can shift the whole dynamic. No relationships vanilla or TPE are immune from stuff like that.
I mean, for example, how do you disclose split allegiances early on at the beginning? Things like I am sorry but I have a mother who is dying, or my ex needs my support or one of my kids is very sick etc? Shit happens.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/23/2008 2:59:21 AM   
MissEnchanted


Posts: 510
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: figment

I would not be trusting someone who had not shown worthiness of trust, just quietly.

Time is an important factor in developing trust.  I dont think this can be rushed.


Yep.....

(in reply to figment)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/23/2008 4:16:40 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Openess, as total as possible, is one of my highest goals. A good book to read on the subject is Radical Honesty, by Brad Blanton.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to MissEnchanted)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/23/2008 4:22:16 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Openess, as total as possible, is one of my highest goals. A good book to read on the subject is Radical Honesty, by Brad Blanton.


psst...Level...if she ever asks you "Does this make me look fat?" radical honesty will result in serious bodily injury.  Just sayin'


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/23/2008 4:26:07 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Openess, as total as possible, is one of my highest goals. A good book to read on the subject is Radical Honesty, by Brad Blanton.


psst...Level...if she ever asks you "Does this make me look fat?" radical honesty will result in serious bodily injury.  Just sayin'



Don't you just ask her "define 'fat'"?
 
But no, I wouldn't hurt her for asking me that,  holly.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/23/2008 4:29:59 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Openess, as total as possible, is one of my highest goals. A good book to read on the subject is Radical Honesty, by Brad Blanton.


psst...Level...if she ever asks you "Does this make me look fat?" radical honesty will result in serious bodily injury.  Just sayin'



Don't you just ask her "define 'fat'"?
 
But no, I wouldn't hurt her for asking me that,  holly.



*prays for strength*

No Level...you do NOT ask her to define fat...you DENY fat with your dying breath (and it just might be if you screw it up).

And it is YOU that will be on the injured list...not her..


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/23/2008 4:38:48 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe female submissives should be ball-gagged when dressing........

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/23/2008 4:43:35 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Maybe female submissives should be ball-gagged when dressing........


gee Level...since you never know when a sub might change her clothes perhaps you should just keep her gagged at all times

*i am being sarcastic but i KNOW he is going to agree...just KNOW it...*


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/23/2008 4:48:48 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		No. Few sounds are sweeter than a woman's voice..... *usually* So, maybe keep them naked all the time, instead.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- - 6/23/2008 5:02:07 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline 		{To exchange control, you both must expose yourselves in order to learn.  How can you start a power exchange if you don't know what makes the other person tic, what power to give or take?  There can be no secrets, especially if it conflicts with paying respect to the bond.  Neither Master nor slave can hold secrets or limit exposure if they are to succeed.  There must be complete exposure.  Treat the power exchange with respect, remain exposed and steadfast in your roles. }

  I believe in openness, honesty and complete exposure in a PE relationship. Although,  I think, much like trust, it comes in gradual stages and is built and nurtured.  They go hand in hand, imo.
As the trust builds the level of emotional exposure follows and is essential that it does.  Neither can be or should be forced.
Willingness to do both is a must from the get-go.
 
 
 
 spelling edit
 

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> -=How To Begin a Successful Power Exhcange=- Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094