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RE: vulnerability - 6/24/2008 6:07:26 AM

cuffncollar

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/21/2008
Status: offline

I feel that vulnerability is about strength and not weakness. It's a time when you finely tune your emotional sensitivity or enrich your feelings. Being able to be vulnerable reduces your chance of being caught off guard. The word "ability" contained within this word validates your ability to stop being the victim. To feel really alive we need to allow vulnerability. The way i look at it in relation to submission is.....Can I afford to take the chance? Can I afford not to?

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 21

RE: vulnerability - 6/24/2008 6:50:17 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

I use the word a lot, because years ago it hit me that that was The Thing that turns me on...having someone be totally open to me, totally vulnerable...knowing I can do anything to that person (even though there's plenty I would never do.) Yeah. That's where the attraction lies.
I hate "no". I hate closing down, withdrawing, pulling away...all those things are about keeping yourself safe, making yourself less vulnerable. While I don't think most people enjoy when a partner does that sort of thing, they generally accept it. I don't; that's a big part of what defines me as a dominant, I think.

(in reply to cuffncollar)

Post #: 22

RE: vulnerability - 6/24/2008 9:41:40 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

submission comes in lots of different ways but ultimately is it a feeling of vulnerability when we are tied, blind folded, hooded, held down or is it something else.

when one is binded etc like such, vulnerability is inevidable in almost any way (emotionally and physically knowing you are restrained).

Being vulnerable without ropes holding you is the hard part.

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 23

RE: vulnerability - 6/24/2008 9:48:03 AM

SaraZeal

Posts: 144
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

submission comes in lots of different ways but ultimately is it a feeling of vulnerability when we are tied, blind folded, hooded, held down or is it something else.

when one is binded etc like such, vulnerability is inevidable in almost any way (emotionally and physically knowing you are restrained).

Being vulnerable without ropes holding you is the hard part.

I could see a relationship itself making me vulnerable, in the absence of ropes or anything else. Of course I would need deep thrust to achieve that level of vulnerability. It is definitely not something anyone can achieve 'by accident'. If I am willing to put my safety in his hands, I am vulnerable yet feel safe at the same time. He could do a lot of things, he may or not do them, but I am at his mercy so to speak.

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 24

RE: vulnerability - 6/24/2008 10:30:39 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

I use the word a lot, because years ago it hit me that that was The Thing that turns me on...having someone be totally open to me, totally vulnerable...knowing I can do anything to that person (even though there's plenty I would never do.) Yeah. That's where the attraction lies.
I hate "no". I hate closing down, withdrawing, pulling away...all those things are about keeping yourself safe, making yourself less vulnerable. While I don't think most people enjoy when a partner does that sort of thing, they generally accept it. I don't; that's a big part of what defines me as a dominant, I think.

This bit of verbage nailed it. With, like, train track spikes.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 25

RE: vulnerability - 6/24/2008 10:48:10 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuffncollar

I feel that vulnerability is about strength and not weakness. It's a time when you finely tune your emotional sensitivity or enrich your feelings. Being able to be vulnerable reduces your chance of being caught off guard. The word "ability" contained within this word validates your ability to stop being the victim. To feel really alive we need to allow vulnerability. The way i look at it in relation to submission is.....Can I afford to take the chance? Can I afford not to?

i love this! -

i think maybe we have all been made vulnerable by someone else. my Master doesnt make me vulnerable, i just am, with him. it isnt a concious thing, it just happens.

ive had my share of abuse, - i will never be abused again, i have abuse antennae a mile high - it aint gonna happen let me tell you! just the barest sniff of abuse and im gone. i am not vulnerable to attack or cruelty of any kind.

i am vulnerable to care, affection, intuition and warmth - but only for as long as its there - and absolutely because it makes me come alive

(in reply to cuffncollar)

Post #: 26

RE: vulnerability - 6/24/2008 11:31:03 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

For me it is being able to be safe and letting myself be completely and utterly vulnerable. Knowing that no matter what, I am actually safe with him. It is the most amazing feeling.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 27

RE: vulnerability - 6/24/2008 3:21:41 PM

SaraZeal

Posts: 144
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline

I didn't see I put 'deep thrust', I meant 'trust', but I guess that works too :P

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 28

RE: vulnerability - 6/24/2008 3:57:26 PM

HieroV

Posts: 39
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

Vulnerability works on both side of the fence – being fully open is what has attracted me the most to dominant women in the past.

The first time I surrendered to a woman she was so open to me (after a while) – that although I didn’t fully realize it at the time – it was a big part of the attraction to her for me and I fell to my knees pretty quickly emotionally. She would share things with me casually that would melt my heart such as:

Upon tying me up:

Her: I would never let someone tie me up.

Me: Because you’re not submissive?

Her: Because I could never be that brave, that vulnerable. (Grabbing my face in her hands.) You’re reckless, putting yourself in such a situation so soon after we met. You’re fortunate that I am not going to hurt you….much.

Or:

Her: I will never intentionally harm you. I was in an abusive relationship and he didn’t take care of me. Who knows? It may be part of why I am the way I am.

Or:

Sometimes I want to hurt you so much…just a little…that it drives me crazy.

In a way, she was so brave to be so open to me that it set the example for me to be an open book to her.

HieroV

< Message edited by HieroV -- 6/24/2008 3:59:24 PM >

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 29

RE: vulnerability - 6/24/2008 4:02:44 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HieroV

Vulnerability works on both side of the fence – being fully open is what has attracted me the most to dominant women in the past.

The first time I surrendered to a woman she was so open to me (after a while) – that although I didn’t fully realize it at the time – it was a big part of the attraction to her for me and I fell to my knees pretty quickly emotionally. She would share things with me casually that would melt my heart such as:

Upon tying me up:

Her: I would never let someone up.

Me: Because you’re not submissive?

Her: Because I could never be that brave, that vulnerable. (Grabbing my face in her hands.) You’re reckless, putting yourself in such a situation so soon after we met. You’re fortunate that I am not going to hurt you….much.

*snip for brevity*

In a way, she was so brave to be so open to me that it set the example for me to be an open book to her.

HieroV

*smile* Personally, I don't accept anything other than total openness from either myself or my partner(s); I don't see much value in holding back or keeping secrets (aside from surprises, of course.) To me, that prevents full intimacy, and that's what I want (and have.)
Others mileage may vary, of course.

(in reply to HieroV)

Post #: 30

RE: vulnerability - 6/24/2008 6:16:44 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

I see vulnerability to be completely different that helplessness. Being vulnerable means I've opened myself up to Him for him to see me as I am. Meaning all my securities and insecurities. My emotions in their raw form. Being able to see my expression and know exactly what I'm feeling and thinking. Being vulnerable means giving of myself emotionally, mentally, and physically (completely) to Him. It's a good thing to me. It means there's a connection that no one else has with me.

(in reply to lanie38)

Post #: 31

RE: vulnerability - 6/24/2008 7:32:40 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I don't feel vulnerable when blindfolded and tied. True vulnerability comes when I cry in his arms, when I confess to him the things about myself that I find unlovable.

Ropes and clamps are about fun here.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to lanie38)

Post #: 32

RE: vulnerability - 6/26/2008 5:30:12 PM

tinkerbelle3

Posts: 55
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline

Making myself emotionally vulnerable to him is a large part of our relationship. Sometimes I feel most comfortable opening up and feeling him in every cell of my body, I love that glorious feeling. But no matter how glorious it is ~ Sometimes, it's darn difficult!

It's interesting, you ask about vulnerability and refer to being tied down, hooded, hand-cuffed etc. For me, that's relatively easy compared to bearing my soul.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. -tinkerbelle

(in reply to lanie38)

Post #: 33

RE: vulnerability - 6/26/2008 6:14:09 PM

charlie63

Posts: 36
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

I fall on the side of empowered rather than vulnerable. Submitting to Him brings me great freedom from my ego, from my self doubt, from my fears. And realizing that my surrender is necessary for his pleasure gives me a feeling of strength and of pride. And it creates a sense of intimacy far greater than in any of my vanilla relationships.

(in reply to lanie38)

Post #: 34

RE: vulnerability - 6/27/2008 1:54:24 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tinkerbelle3

It's interesting, you ask about vulnerability and refer to being tied down, hooded, hand-cuffed etc. For me, that's relatively easy compared to bearing my soul.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. -tinkerbelle

hmm, good point. when i first posted this my thoughts were on the vulnerability i felt from being hooded and handcuffed - and not knowing what was coming. i love it! but the physical vulnerability is enhanced for me by the emotional vulnerability to fill the spaces my master creates by his silences, underpinned by my physical inability to reach and touch him, move in the way i most need to move to signal everything i want to signal - not being able to see to get some idea of what he might be feeling or thinking.

my emotional vulnerability is 'worked on' if you like, by the fact that my physical vulnerability is peaked also. i dont separate emotional from physical probabaly because to be vulnerable physically creates emotional vulnerability for me also.

actually i think the whole thing hinges on wanting to please physically and emotionally (on a submissive level) - by opening everything up and handing everything over i can swing out there and feel everything He wants me to feel and not hold anything back from him. im finding this hard to explain properly.

the emotional and physical coexist - even when we're just walking down a street the rule is that i hold his hand -

(in reply to tinkerbelle3)

Post #: 35

RE: vulnerability - 6/28/2008 6:40:03 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

I use the word a lot, because years ago it hit me that that was The Thing that turns me on...having someone be totally open to me, totally vulnerable...knowing I can do anything to that person (even though there's plenty I would never do.) Yeah. That's where the attraction lies.
I hate "no". I hate closing down, withdrawing, pulling away...all those things are about keeping yourself safe, making yourself less vulnerable. While I don't think most people enjoy when a partner does that sort of thing, they generally accept it. I don't; that's a big part of what defines me as a dominant, I think.

This bit of verbage nailed it. With, like, train track spikes.

Yep, not much left to add ... it's about exactly what I was going to say, but better written.

The ropes and chains ... I don;t give a shit about any of that. I expect my partner to be open to me emotionally.

I don't push it; if she's not ready, I respect that. But I make it clear it's a condistion of submitting to me.

_____________________________

_______________________________________________
"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
_______________________________________________

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Post #: 36

RE: vulnerability - 6/29/2008 5:29:51 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

My emotional vulnerability is what has gotten me in trouble before. Too many times have I been taken advantage of, my very soul raped and heart torn to shreds... Guess thats what happens when you trust someone....

No, my darlin, that is not what happens when you trust someone. It is what happens when you allow yourself to be taken advantage of and allowed yourself to trust the wrong person or people. Trust isn't your enemy. Vulnerability isn't either. They both make you human. Nothing wrong with that. I have no doubt in my mind that you will find the one who will bring back your trust and allow you to be vulnerable without using it as a tool to hurt you with.

MoGa

_____________________________

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 37

RE: vulnerability - 6/30/2008 11:36:36 PM

Arastella

Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

I think for the most part, it seems a lot of this vulnerability comes in play. When it comes to the mental and emotional side of things, you should not feel vulnerable or that would, in my opinion, mean that there is a possibility in your mind that something bad COULD happen to you. Yes, when you're tied up, restrained, blindfolded, gagged, etc, you are in a vulnerable position, but that should be the only time you feel vulnerable. I just think if you feel vulnerable mentally, something is wrong.

Once again, as always, my personal opinion.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 38

RE: vulnerability - 6/30/2008 11:42:44 PM

shadowcd

Posts: 88
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline

I have been told that because of my very honest and open approch it leaves me very vulnerable. It is a blessing and a curse as many find it one of my most endearing traits. however I have been hurt before but more because of my naive trust of the wrong people. I will always have an open and honest attitude and it will leave me very vulnerable, but that's just who I am. It takes me a little longer sometimes but eventually I get there cause it's where I want to be, at the mercy of a Dom or a switch in the hopes that they use that power to benifit the connection between us and not abuse it.

As a side not most of the time I don't "feel" like I'm vulnrable, I just know that is how I am. The true bliss comes when I completly forget how much damage someone can do to me emotionally and focus entirely on how much I enjoy the connection with them.

< Message edited by shadowcd -- 6/30/2008 11:45:19 PM >

(in reply to Arastella)

Post #: 39

RE: vulnerability - 7/1/2008 5:39:01 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

you should not feel vulnerable or that would, in my opinion, mean that there is a possibility in your mind that something bad COULD happen to you

when youre with someone you trust completely the vulnerability isnt about fear its about letting everything go, every inhibition, every hangup every last corner of your physical and emotional self - its just about letting go - its giving every last bit of control and personal responsiblity to your D.

my feeling of vulnerability isnt out there on its own its nurtured and cared for and surrounded by His Mastering of me and it isnt isolated to just that moment - the whole relationship wraps around this which gives me the safe place i need.

ok, how about this. its like the vulnerability of a child with a parent or guardian. the child is safe, cared for, surrounded - it hides nothing of itself, gives everything of itself because it can - this makes a child vulnerable, emotionally, physically, but with its parent or guardian that vulnerability is safely protected.

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to shadowcd)

Post #: 40

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