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Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 2:24:16 PM   
sweet4now


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		Okay so don't know if it was a battle of wills or me testing him or him testing me... but i had met someone on here, who was someone that i really thought i could be interested in.  Kinda long, partly venting, so if you wanna skip to the ******
i understand, hahaha.

Same age, wanted a D/s relationship, but things got off to a very rocky start.  And i didn't help matters by testing him.  Rocky because well he was extremely indecisive, couldn't even decide on where to have dinner for the first date.  He said give me options, i did... Italian, Mexican, Japanese... he didn't want those, wanted more options... long story short we had italian (my decision because he couldn't decide).  All i wanted to do was get out of the date.

But we actually had a great time.  I was really surprised that i enjoyed his company so much.  He was handsome and it was nice.

Couple of weeks went by and seemed like everytime we talked he would get half of what i said, then when i would say "that isn't what i said" he would get very defensive.  But when he told me about his day i would always ask questions and want to know everything, genuinually interested.  But his lack of being able to communicate back was at times hurtful, or i was always wrong.  At times i admit i did test him to see if he was Dominant enough to "call me out" on things.

He asked me out again, and again during dinner things were great.  Went home and i emailed him and let him know that i was sincerely sorry for arguing and testing him, but that in this life style you never know what kinda "strange" folk you are going to meet.  Meeting someone on line you had to be careful and that i was sorry for being distant.  Over the past 2 weeks i have been nice, kind, submissive, didn't say anything even when i didn't agree, but the nicer i was the more distant he became.

This past weekend i had invited him over for dinner, but plans got changed.  Saturday he said he didn't feel like chatting.... i said ok np i will leave you alone.  It didn't hurt my feelings, we all feel like that at times... so i left him alone.  Sunday i tried to get ahold of him before i made plans with someone else for dinner.  Finally i spoke with him said he had a long day, conversation was nice but short.

Last night......... i was at Sonic, i said hold on i want to order a drink... i pushed the button and the lady was IMMEDIATELY there.  He was flipping out then hung up the phone, after i got my order and paid i called him back and he said that i treated him like a 12 year old and that i was rude.  I didn't have a chance to ask him if he wanted me to call him back cause the lady was on so fast, i apologized and said that i didn't know it bothered him so much, and that it wouldn't happen again.

Which brings me to today, where i get an email that says we just don't get along, ect.  I was like "huh??"  you want to stop talking to me cause i ordered a drink with you on the phone?  REALLY??
***********************************************************

Okay this does have an actually question... but why do some guys seem to revel when you act like a Bitch, but don't know what to do with themselves when you are actually nice to them?  Thought i was over that when i stopped dating vanilla men. 

And why do some guys think women are wrong NO MATTER what a woman says? 

Is this an insecurity thing?

Have they been so beaten up by vanilla women that they don't know how to react when treated nicely? 

Is this a lack of Dom experience?  Because i have been in long term submissive relationships.  I am not an expert but i do try.  I love serving someone, i also enjoy intellegent conversation where ..... no we don't have to agree on everything, but that is kind of the fun of getting to know someone.  Accepting the other person's differances.

If ya'll disagree with me pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee say so, i am really wanting ya'll's opinion on this matter.



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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 2:30:58 PM   
fluffyswitch


Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline 		i think it may just be that you're not compatible, at least in terms of your current communication styles. you have to decide if you want to change your current style or cut him loose.

personally for the cell phone thing i would have thought it was rude as well. i hate when people are on the phone in line, both when i'm working the register and when you're talking to me. but that's just me and hey at least you told him...


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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 2:39:35 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		sounds like you two can't communicate.. probably want different things.. and frankly, testing someone is a form a game playing.. and I wouldn't put up with myself..

I also find the whole cell thing rude.. call when you're not at the drive thru... please...

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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 3:27:48 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I would have blown off either one of you...

(in reply to Madame4a)
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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 3:28:10 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		passive/aggressive/ indecisive and whiney to boot...

is he the bottom/submissive or an adolecent girl in drag?  if he claims to be a top/dominant, then i'll go stark raving crazy with laughter!

as far as calling someone and putting them on hold for anything besides an emergency, i'd be pissed!  i think it's extremely rude for someone to be in line at the bank(for example) and being served, yet neglecting giving attention to their teller because they're too busy yip-yapping on their cell phone.  common courtesy seems to fly by the wayside when it comes to cell phones these days!

(in reply to sweet4now)
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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 3:29:07 PM   
sweet4now


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		I agree the ordering at Sonic was rude.... i did attempt to ask first.  I apologized IMMEDIATELY for that.


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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 3:57:57 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Someone puts me on hold because they're thirsty? Doesn't bother me a bit.
You do realize he did you a favor don't you?
Did you really want to even ATTEMPT to please this one?
(I mean over a long period of time...not a fling or two in bed...)

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 4:17:03 PM   
sweet4now


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you blushes :) i guess i should of gone with my first instinct.  I am not one to "test" or anything of the sort.  I am not as submissive with someone i just met as i am once i trust them.  Like i said before once i did trust him, and i was submissive (with a brain) he hated that. 

Like you said ATTEMPT... would there be any pleasing him...

At the same time yes i did want to attempt, perhaps i am naive and feel that if there is someone that i don't get along with, that is because i don't know them well enough.  So i made every attempt to get to know him...

But thank you Christina :) i see now that he did do me a favor.

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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 4:33:40 PM   
Sabella


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		Next attempt try it without all the "testing". Being the person you are will hopefully encourage him to be the person HE is and you can get to the point of deciding whether or not you're compatable without it blowing up over a drink in a Sonic. Y'know?

I don't think his problem was an inexperienced dom thing - he wasn't YOUR dom yet though you were trying to manipulate him into being "more domly" when you were in the discovery phase.

Just my take on it.


_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to sweet4now)
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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 4:53:51 PM   
MasterHermes


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline 		I will not be soo supportive . He didn't do anything bad, he just said he thinks you are not compatible. If he is not happy with you, this is the nice way of saying it. Testing him? I dont know who is into it, but I wouldn't like it. Testing somebody is like challenging them. What good do you expect from it? Even if you figure out how dominant he is, you are doing it in expense of your future together. Testing somebody gives out the message "I am not on your side, I am challenging you" . Is this really the game you want to play? Then where you end up is expected.

I dont think he ended it because of that last incident. I think he was not getting positive vibes from the beginning. No matter how much you think you were getting along, he probably find no joy in mind games. Testing people and putting them on hold may not be the best way of doing these things.

Good Luck
Hermes

< Message edited by MasterHermes -- 6/25/2008 4:57:08 PM >

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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 4:56:46 PM   
Skully7000


Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I would have blown off either one of you...


I agree with...


my reasons:
1) he is crazy. he sounds just like my ex. crazy to the core.

2)YOu could quite possibly be crazier...you pick up on the red flags still give it a try...realize it wasn't going well...keep trying...forgive the problems and keep trying again...rationalize the problems....keep trying yet again..

enjoy the fact that you got off easy and didn't loose 8 months of your life. I will accept the fact that I learned a hell of a lot in my 8 months...

and yes I fully admit to my own level of craziness;)

going forward: "its better to call her my Ex then my Current"

Cheers
Skully



< Message edited by Skully7000 -- 6/25/2008 4:57:33 PM >

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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 5:22:25 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweet4now
At times i admit i did test him to see if he was Dominant enough to "call me out" on things.

As long as that is your definition of "Dominant" you will get what you deserve.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to sweet4now)
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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 5:39:29 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		From the perspective of my relationship, which is one where he has complete authority and I am not allowed to end any interaction with him without his permission or argue with him....

If I said "hold on I have to order a drink" and then proceeded to talk to someone else, I would get my ass chewed and depending on my tone, his reaction could go from highly annoyed to fucking pissed off.  If I argued with him, he would get pissed off.  I am completely capable of expressing an opposing opinion to him without arguing.

That is from the context of being in a relationship and already agreeing to abide by his will.  Before I made the commitment to follow his will, it was acceptable for me to politely let him know I needed to speak with someone else. 

The caveat to that is, he was watching for behavior from me that indicated that I wanted to do his will and that I sought to do things I knew pleased him.  I can imagine my life would be significantly different if I behaved in a way that he perceived as rude or inappropriate.  He probably would have said much the same as this person, "we are just not right for each other" and move on.

It just doesn't seem that either of you are right for each other and that doesn't mean that either of you are wrong, insecure, not real or whatever negative lable people might want to use.  Of course, I just don't get the mind set of trying to prove yourself right or the other person wrong in an interpersonal relationship.  In our relationship we are all on the same side and any issues are not about being right or wrong.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 5:47:58 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		IMO it is indeed rude to interrupt a conversation with someone on the phone just to order something for yourself.  I only do this with a few friends and family and only AFTER telling them before I even get in line that I plan to do that and ask if it's ok. 

So I think you're both rude, selfish, disorganized and not ready to face the reality of having another person really matter in your life.

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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 5:56:51 PM   
sweet4now


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		LA, i did ask... he knew i had been sitting at Sonic (not a drive though, more like a drive in) for a while.   i said "Hold on i am going to get me something to drink", (i pushed the botton) normally have 30-60 secs before she came on,  so i was about to ask him if he wanted me to call him back but if you look at what i wrote i didn't have time for that because she immediately came on...

Usuallly i have time to push the button, ask the person if they mind if i call them back before i get someone.   The timing was just really bad.  So was my wording, i do admit that.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 5:58:27 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Deleted, because I read your profile.

I thought you were like 19 and not 31.

So nevermind....your both pretty fucked.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 6/25/2008 6:02:59 PM >

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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 6:05:11 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweet4now
Last night......... i was at Sonic, i said hold on i want to order a drink... i pushed the button and the lady was IMMEDIATELY there.  He was flipping out then hung up the phone, after i got my order and paid i called him back and he said that i treated him like a 12 year old and that i was rude.  I didn't have a chance to ask him if he wanted me to call him back cause the lady was on so fast, i apologized and said that i didn't know it bothered him so much, and that it wouldn't happen again


The first half of your post.. I wouldn't continue to deal with someone pulling that stuff. Actually it sounds like my ex husband, unable to make a decision or take a stand but still fun to be with at times. In the long run, it never got better. Only much worse.

The phone thing I don't think I fully understand.
Did you call or had he called you? It sounds like you called then said hold on. I can't grasp the timeline most likely because I don't know what 'Sonic' is lol.

I find it inconsiderate for someone to be in line and on their cellphone especially when their turn arrives. Inconsiderate to the cashier and the people held up by the cell user needing time to hang up and shove their phone somewhere.

If he had called me while I was in line I would have said "I'm am sorry but I'm in line at X-place, would you prefer me calling back or you hanging on a moment?" before interacting with the cashier or server.
If I had been at a counter I would have ignored the phone and returned the call when done with the transaction.

Flipping back to the beginning though I think you need to figure out if you want to dance this way with someone?
Defensiveness, inability to make decisions, problems with basic communications to the point where you feel hurt are some things you are looking at with him unless you want to invest the time and effort to see if it all changes.

So it is on both of you. That to me, says neither of you are on the same level concerning a few issues.


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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 6:05:52 PM   
pissdoll


Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweet4now

seemed like everytime we talked he would get half of what i said, then when i would say "that isn't what i said" he would get very defensive. 



If this was the dynamic after ONE date......why would you even bother to continue?????
And for that matter, why would you even bother to post about it?

As for the whole testing thing... a good friend of mine said to me recently regarding his relationship that just ended, "I go to work all day and have to fight the world, why the hell do I want to go home and have to fight her ass?!?"

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RE: Battle of wills - 6/25/2008 6:09:45 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweet4now
LA, i did ask... he knew i had been sitting at Sonic (not a drive though, more like a drive in) for a while.   i said "Hold on i am going to get me something to drink",

Asking involves a question.  Questions include question marks.  You "asked" by making a statement/cutting an order.

I'd be ok with the statement thing, to be honest.  I'm not as concerned about multitasking as others seem to be.  But for you to misrepresent what you do as requesting permission, when you're really telling someone the way it's gonna be -- big red flag for me, whether the lady calls herself Domme, switch or sub.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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A bit of clarification... - 6/25/2008 6:10:22 PM   
sweet4now


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		Okay wait, couple of things...

"testing" i feel is the wrong word.

"Getting a feel for" what kind of person he is... as a single sub, i can't count how many times i have met "Doms" that weren't "Doms" at all.  So no i am not going to be as submissive to someone i just met... the more i get to know them and trust them the more submissive i will be.

Yes the issue at Sonic i handled terribly... i admit that now and admitted it then.  No matter what the reasons or whatevers are.

This isn't a right/wrong issue........ this is what  can i learn from this, and to be honest thank you for your responses because i do see how i could of done several things differently.




(in reply to MadRabbit)
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