quote:

ORIGINAL: Marquisd
secondly......if I where a sub and look at someone that has been "on-line" for three years and now he is loosing his manual during say something harmless to YOU "waxing" - I'd run as fast as I can......

quote:

ORIGINAL: Marquisd
see in real LIFE unless you have a reputation as a SSC player with a respect for limits and passwords and someone actually knows that you know what you are doing .................guess what......NO ONE WILL PLAY WITH YOU..............

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Well, I believe in building trust and deserving it but frankly I think safewords are for idiots. If you need a safeword you aren't safe or knowledgable or an aware player to begin with. Plus I find the idea of safewords offensive as if the Dom/top were just a facilitator of some kind. Don't set the bar too high unappealingly high please.

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unless you have a reputation as a SSC player with a respect for limits and passwords and someone actually knows that you know what you are doing .................guess what......NO ONE WILL PLAY WITH YOU..............

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

Well, I believe in building trust and deserving it but frankly I think safewords are for idiots. If you need a safeword you aren't safe or knowledgable or an aware player to begin with. Plus I find the idea of safewords offensive as if the Dom/top were just a facilitator of some kind. Don't set the bar too high unappealingly high please.

Theory is one thing, practice is another.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang
Safewords are a shortcut for you to be able to play with strangers. It's okay. I get it. Some people think condoms are "safe sex" when it's a known fact that people get pregnant using condoms. And hey, if someone can get pregnant, what else might they get? HIV? Herpes? The clap? But I guess if safewording is mentioned in a book that makes it okay - that makes safewording a smart way to do things instead of just being better than absolutely nothing at all between strangers.

That's crap, of course. What's better than a safeword? Intimacy.

You might be doing too much "loving" there, John - if you need my advice: try a little actual knowledge of who you are playing with instead of those "great" traffic signals.

YMMV...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I'm not sure why John is a target just because he wrote a book---or why you seem to have an issue with Dossie---but I advise you to choose your words more carefully in future. When you call someone an idiot, no one is listening for any qualifiers.

Ms Francine

quote:

This thread is about one guy's disappointment in looking for partners here on CollarMe.

Then it became a pissing contest to see who could say more or less the meanest things to the OP. Mostly variations of "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

quote:

Then it became, subtly, the usual sub love-fest with some of the Doms throwing in with the all of their supposed "skills." In my view that message usually takes the form of some whacked viewpoint that subs are somehow ultimately in charge via consent and safewording. They aren't in charge in many, many cases.

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Many of us Doms aren't looking for much from the word "consensual" except an initial agreement - then it's "My way or the highway" the rest of the time for most of us. Safe, sane, but consensual? - not so much, and not unless you want to constantly look back to some one initial agreement as the ultimate statement in a relationship (which is kind of absurd as relationship evolve over time by their nature). Frankly, the only reason I like the initial agreement is that it does assure me to some degree that the sub in question is not a brat or a SAM - that she gives of herself freely in a very final and ultimate sense. I also happen to know people who are traded, bought, and sold as if they were literally slaves in the olde timey sense of it. Sure, at some point one assumes they must have initially agreed to their condition - but who knows?

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Anyway, I thought the entry path for this newb Dom was being set rather high by some who just wanted to score points with the subs reading this thread. I was one of the few Doms that posted something encouraging instead of just trying to shit on the OP's head.

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In any case, I am entitled to my own fucking opinion - you are entitled to yours.

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I don't know this particular Dom's politics and I am not sure anyone else does either. So bullshit about wax play and SSC seemed over the top and intrusive to me - a little beyond the scope of the OP's stated problem. That word "consensual" is a sticking point for many of us Doms, so is the idea of "safewording." But it's all beyond the scope of this thread - a digression by the usual suspects and for the usual reasons (scoring babes).

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Enter John Warren, intellectually dishonest enough to attempt an appeal to his own authority simply because he's a published author. Hell, Rush Limbaugh and John Gray are also published - so what

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I hardly consider either one of those morons capable of intelligent thought. Warren seems very satisfied that he has found some set of criteria that please his various play partners - I guess they have him well trained at this point. That's cool for John, I don't care what he does or doesn't do - Go John! But his attempt to defend the idea of safewording by appealing to his own authority was laughable at best.

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I did like one thing from MarquisD, his signature line: "Relationships develop at the speed of trust." I agree with that. That would seem to be true to me. Sounds like good advice even. Doesn't sound like something you can achieve in one night - sorry.

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Again, you are an adult capable of making your own decisions - so, YMMV. I don't have to agree with "what it is that you do" any more than I am asking anyone else to agree with my own lifestyle.

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BTW, I make much of the idea of "lifestyles" - with an "S" as in plural - because there is hardly one way of going at this successfully - and it doesn't matter whether the issue is consent, safewording, poly, one-night stand type play, or whatever. It is literally "different strokes" for almost everyone. That's why it is better to know who you are dealing with than to rely on the false sense of security provided by some supposed safeword.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

This thread is about one guy's disappointment in looking for partners here on CollarMe.

Then it became a pissing contest to see who could say more or less the meanest things to the OP. Mostly variations of "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

And you expected what? Cookies and milk?

quote:

I don't know this particular Dom's politics and I am not sure anyone else does either. So bullshit about wax play and SSC seemed over the top and intrusive to me - a little beyond the scope of the OP's stated problem. That word "consensual" is a sticking point for many of us Doms, so is the idea of "safewording." But it's all beyond the scope of this thread - a digression by the usual suspects and for the usual reasons (scoring babes).

A sticking point, huh? Where did you learn that? Dom summer camp?

quote:

ORIGINAL: KCMOLucky

Wait a sec while I print up my "I gripe for the cookies and milk" and "I got my S&M gear at summer camp" shirts...lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily
And many of us subs run as fast as we can from guys like you, regardless of whether you call yourself a Dom or not. You sound like an abuser in SM clothing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily
You talk like you are a member of an "Old Guard" house and then you call yourself a 'newb'. Make up your mind Domly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily
And your attempt to discredit the idea of safewording makes you look like the uneducated, unskilled mini-Dom that you clearly are.

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ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
I don't play "ssc" I never have and I never will, it doesn't jive with me. That said, I would be worried by someone for whom consensuality is a sticking point.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

This thread is about one guy's disappointment in looking for partners here on CollarMe.

Yep. Happens more than infrequently.

Then it became a pissing contest to see who could say more or less the meanest things to the OP. Mostly variations of "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Opinions and entitlements.


Then it became, subtly, the usual sub love-fest with some of the Doms throwing in with the all of their supposed "skills." In my view that message usually takes the form of some whacked viewpoint that subs are somehow ultimately in charge via consent and safewording. They aren't in charge in many, many cases.

There are bound to be a few. Opinions and entitlements.

Many of us Doms aren't looking for much from the word "consensual" except an initial agreement - then it's "My way or the highway" the rest of the time for most of us.

I within reason agree with that. You are 40 years old, been there and done that. Me, same-same.
But sorry, the fuckin kid is 24 years old.....tryin to make it. Needs his ass bucked up.

Safe, sane, but consensual? - not so much, and not unless you want to constantly look back to some one initial agreement as the ultimate statement in a relationship (which is kind of absurd as relationship evolve over time by their nature). Frankly, the only reason I like the initial agreement is that it does assure me to some degree that the sub in question is not a brat or a SAM

I am with you there, Chaingang.

- that she gives of herself freely in a very final and ultimate sense.
Aye, there's the rub.........
you (the sub/slave/whatever the fuck.......do you realize, or are your fantasies bigger than your piss flaps?

I also happen to know people who are traded, bought, and sold as if they were literally slaves in the olde timey sense of it. Sure, at some point one assumes they must have initially agreed to their condition - but who knows?

Who cares? not endemic but worth putting in the chips.

Anyway, I thought the entry path for this newb Dom was being set rather high by some who just wanted to score points with the subs reading this thread.

Probably, wanted a I feel sorry for you fuck, gets him one maybe but don't get the long term.

I was one of the few Doms that posted something encouraging instead of just trying to shit on the OP's head.

I posted every flavor of it. and talked to him personally about some shit besides. Neither here nor there.

In any case, I am entitled to my own fucking opinion - you are entitled to yours.
And I am whipping through a few of mine and so are you. So far we are pretty much in agreement.

I don't know this particular Dom's politics and I am not sure anyone else does either. So bullshit about wax play and SSC seemed over the top and intrusive to me - a little beyond the scope of the OP's stated problem.

Yes I can feel that. But everyone wants to contribute.

That word "consensual" is a sticking point for many of us Doms, so is the idea of "safewording."

I may or may not get back to safewording........consensual in the strict sense don't get it for me........"rack" .........eh, somewhat.

But it's all beyond the scope of this thread - a digression by the usual suspects and for the usual reasons (scoring babes).

What the fuck is wrong with scoring babes? Fill me in on this, goddammit!

Starting to part ways now in what I hope will be a reasonable disagreement (but could't give a fuck if it was or wasn't.)

Enter John Warren, intellectually dishonest enough to attempt an appeal to his own authority simply because he's a published author.

I do not know John personally, and I own a couple of his books, not that I am on his christmas list for it.....he don't know me from adam.......

We have at most passed a couple pleasant e-mails 'cause he was in Boston when I was and we never met there, but he's his own fucking guy. He can handle his own shit. I been around the town along time (not Boston if you lost me) and never read or gave a fuck about anybodies opinion before......Read a book of his, and said.............

Yep, fucked up just like that.........
Yep, Yep, fucked up just like that.........
and so on......
so we have had some experiences along the same lines and I buy a pretty good line of his shit.

and your diatribe concerning, lifestyles, safewords, ssc, and all the shit is an illegetimate apeal to yourself based on your?????????????

what the fuck, he's intellectually dishonest then, but what does that make you in that circumstance......he writes a book and gives demos all over and will tell you that he will fuck with your mind in an instant.....proudly and first thing........and middle thing and last thing
you are doing the same and not published.

So, he's getting babes by being intellectually dishonest.....
I am sorry, but try me out.......
You are doing it by what method?

Hell, Rush Limbaugh and John Gray are also published - so what?

Those fuckwads!!!!! (please MOD give me one more chance on the fuckwads thing)

I hardly consider either one of those morons capable of intelligent thought.
We are beyond complete agreement here.

Warren seems very satisfied that he has found some set of criteria that please his various play partners - I guess they have him well trained at this point.

Well, he's getting babes, by god.

That's cool for John, I don't care what he does or doesn't do - Go John! But his attempt to defend the idea of safewording by appealing to his own authority was laughable at best.

As your appeal to your own is to begin with.

I am a goddam me. Who the fuck should I look to for authority.....
Ain't one asshole out here gonna tell me who what when why or how. I am the final judge of that as is any one else.

In this het slice of life.....
Some women find this agreeable.

I did like one thing from MarquisD, his signature line: "Relationships develop at the speed of trust." I agree with that. That would seem to be true to me. Sounds like good advice even. Doesn't sound like something you can achieve in one night - sorry.

Now, we are in total agreement again.
Having been around the horn on this, i reiterate. most of these really trivial posts come from the younger ones. But by god, how they gonna be saved one ounce of despair if we don't say it all based on where we live today?

Again, you are an adult capable of making your own decisions - so, YMMV.
YMMV (don't have a glimmer of a fuck what that means, must be lifestyle or net or some asswipe.)

I don't have to agree with "what it is that you do" any more than I am asking anyone else to agree with my own lifestyle.

With you here.

BTW, I make much of the idea of "lifestyles" - with an "S" as in plural - because there is hardly one way of going at this successfully - and it doesn't matter whether the issue is consent, safewording, poly, one-night stand type play, or whatever. It is literally "different strokes" for almost everyone.
Absolutely.

That's why it is better to know who you are dealing with than to rely on the false sense of security provided by some supposed safeword.

So you just meet some 24 year old who loves the way you talk and she is so enamoured with the Harlequin romances and the "Jesse, in the full and sweltering moonlight tied her up to the 2000 year old live oak in the front yard of the dilapitated mansion, she was stripped of her very being, never had she felt so vulnerable....... she cried without, and truth be told, within; she melted into one with the universe........ Jesse, growling; sent the first wave of shock thru her firm yet quivvering vagina with the bullwhip he layed upon her from Australia, where he had been in business with her father, Oh God; no she sighed......she wasn't even aware that it had escaped her lips....... Jesse said, menacingly, I will teach you that you will take out the garbage when you are told, bitch...."

You are online, and alotta these people are learning. They need opinions, to ground reality.......

Enough,
Ron

YMMV.

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ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: rubberservitude

Oh really?

Then how come every other profile starts like this.....?

NO MEN.

NO LOSERS AND WANNA-BES

MEN ARE ONLY AFTER SEX and MEN are "this " and MEN are "that"?

It really doesnt matter what you write in your introductory letter because
the female dominant is going to decide in about 2 seconds if she thinks
she can get what she wants out of you. Thats just the way it is.

Most of the time its ignored anyway.

Oh! Really? Then prey tell, why I have a large number of ladies contact me on my messanger and more than half of the friendly posts relating to my posts are from the females of CM? Sure there a pile of people who state what they are looking for and if they dont want men to contact them regarding a possible hook up, that is their perogative. I still contact a few of them complementing them on their profile or about something they have posted on a friendly basis. CM is no different to any other community with a large number of people and a good gender and ethnic mix. Go read more profiles and better still read the forums and even get involved.