Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

THe one and letting them go with a smile.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> THe one and letting them go with a smile. Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 3:59:23 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Was thinking about my 'relationship' with Sir today. As most of you probably already know from me posting here Sir and i don't really have a 'relationship'. He doesn't own me, doesn't want to, never will, i'm not his girlfriend, he doesn't want one, we don't even have a friendship.
What we do have is a wonderful dynamic of we arrange for me to go down to visit him and for 24 hours i am his complete slave. It is emotionally and physically exhausting but it is also the most fulfilling 'relationship' i have ever had. When we are apart we converse irregularly but he is always in my head. He is cruel, sadistic, evil, everything i desire at this point.
One day though and i think that time is drawing near i will meet someone / may have already that i wish to build a lasting relationship with which will includes love, friendship and all the trimmings. Sir will never give me this and if i'm honest i don't want him to either. Sir and i could not do what we do 24/7, the intensity would kill us and if we did not have the intensity we do have when together it would not work.
I actually found thinking about this earlier quite sad. Knowing that the relationship with Sir is not sustainable in the long term is a great shame. However when we got into this we both always said it would not last and that eventually i would want to move on to something long term, more committed, more stable. So i decided that instead of being sad that my time with Sir was quite possibly running out i would celebrate it. We have had a fantastic 13 / 14 months and i'm pretty sure, no actually positive that i will never have a 'relationship' like it again.
If Sir and i could sustain the intensity and dynamic 24/7 i really would not hesitate to give up my all to him but its not going to happen. For me up until right now Sir is 'the one'. Not going to do my usual sad poor me act though this time
Just wanted to share, maybe hear from anyone else who has had / or is with 'their one' but has had / will have to let it go for whatever reason.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 4:41:07 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		hmm good question as always Miss, yummy thought prevoking...a little scary.

i have never had a reltionship with out an expiration date....otherwise i would still be in it right?

this thing i have with sir is super yummy and we are super sated in it, and have talked as though it is forever, but knowing me the way i do, i will will likely out grow him...this is a pattern for me, i dont break up because of fights, lies, jelousy, infedelity...that has never been an issue....i simply out grow people.

i hate the idea of a life with out lee in it, i dont like thinking those thoughts, and this time i may have navigated around this flaw in my personality: we dont live togeather. we see each other every 2 months for an emersive experiance, all the fun and excitment of being with him, being somewhere new, and he himself is the most exciting person i have ever met...a brain the size of a planet, a body with an ever changing landscape to learn and relearn, and a very complex spirituality that i am in awe of....we are both sagitarious, not the settling down type to be honest, we need excitment and new adventures in our relationships to make them work.....so maybe this could work, and maybe we will be togeather forever...

but i am just not as bought in as most to the idea of "the one" ....i dont seem to be that type, ....if i do grow in a differnt direction, then of course it will be with a smile and boy will i have some amazing memories to cherish the rest of my life.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 4:45:28 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I don't believe in a "one." I find it foolish to think there is just one person for everyone.

I never go into anything believing it will last but there is always that little hope it could. I already know how I handle things ending, any relationship of any sort. If I liked the relationships (be it friend or lover) I don't handle it well. That's just me.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 4:48:47 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I've done this quite a few times, because I knew that the girl did not have the qualifications I was looking for long term. And I knew that things would not mesh and work with them, and she wasn't into learning-or changing careers.
 
 And it was unfair to expect otherwise. We were friends, and we had fun together-but there were no other expectations. I am still friends with some of them. Others, not so much.
 
 My only real expectations of someone are to be honest-and not to push me to places I would rather not go-and I try to do the same.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 6/26/2008 4:50:26 PM >

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 4:50:11 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Just wanted to share, maybe hear from anyone else who has had / or is with 'their one' but has had / will have to let it go for whatever reason.

Yes and I smiled in public and cried in private.....mind you Miss T, I'm fucked as I love crying........
I figured it had everything to do with my one's unsustainable level of sadistic, cruel and evil authority. Too intense and actually in retrospect actually quite one dimensional.
You're sounding stronger, much stronger and I am glad to hear it. You are a young and beautiful girl and there will be no problems, trust me, in you finding a sustainable relationshyp.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/26/2008 4:51:50 PM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 5:02:45 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		As i have said in other threads, i was married to a woman. We were together for 7 years and i had a child in that relationship. Letting her go was the single hardest thing i have ever had to do aside from raising my son on my own....
Its easier now to remember the good times we had because im happier now than i was before.
But the hole will still be there....the absence of her.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 5:12:40 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Just wanted to share, maybe hear from anyone else who has had / or is with 'their one' but has had / will have to let it go for whatever reason.


I don't really think there's only one "the one".  I think there can be several "the ones" in a lifetime.  There was one for me several years ago that I really became bonded to, and because of who he was, eventually I had to run away from him.  Unfortunately we could not remain friends as he was rather pissed off at me for my change of heart.  I still think about him and wish sometimes that I could talk to him, but I know he'd never have it.  There have been a few others along the way, who I was sure were the "ones"---a couple of them I remain friends with, and only one or two that I can't feel anything positive for.

I think in the long run, although it may be hard, you are better off letting go if you know he's not for you.  The more time spent trying to hang on for sentimental reasons, the more time wasted in finding someone who better suits your needs. I've also found that the longer I keep seeing someone who isn't going to fulfill me, the more it hurts when I see him, then go home feeling empty because I know he will never be what I need him to be.  It's like re-opening a wound over and over again.  There's no sense in prolonging the inevitable.  You may find that your Sir makes for an invaluable friend, and that you can have him in that capacity for the "long term". 

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 6:58:25 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have had a couple of "ones" in my life.  Both were wonderful men who made a huge impact on my life and even though it ended I would still choose to retain the memory and the pain.
I am still friends with both of them.  Parting was difficult and always my choice, even though both times was more for their benefit than my own.  It was agonizing making that decision but it was necessary.
Some times I wish I was the cut, run, and develop bad feelings for them, but that isn't me.  It might have made the aftermath easier though.
Leave with a smile, save the tears for private times to grieve, and friendship can thrive.
kyst

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 7:20:20 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Yes, have had 'the one' who was using me or I him for occasional weekends for years.  The sex was amazing, he was safe and sane and a gentleman (when not being downright yummy cruel).

We both knew (as you also know) that there was just 'something' lacking, not sure what it was but it hung over us. There was no potential for any 24/7 dynamic, we weren't suited that way.

You are right to not let it sadden you and to try to live for the moment(s) you have together. 

If trying not to think of it never ending helps, I would suggest that.  Seize the day and enjoy what immense satisfaction out of what little time you do have with him.




(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 7:27:46 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		If you know someone isn't quite right for you and will never be able to meet your wants and needs, it can be good to let go.  It's a freeing experience and once you let go you become fully open to other possibilties.  It's like closing the door completely instead of always leaving it partially open.  Nothing wrong with appreciating the good things and celebrating them, but there is also a lot of good in moving on.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 7:45:01 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

If you know someone isn't quite right for you and will never be able to meet your wants and needs, it can be good to let go.  It's a freeing experience and once you let go you become fully open to other possibilties.  It's like closing the door completely instead of always leaving it partially open.  Nothing wrong with appreciating the good things and celebrating them, but there is also a lot of good in moving on.


“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”

Hellen Keller.

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 9:41:50 PM   
pagankinktress


Posts: 80
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		I can't believe I am going to quote a radio talk-show psychologist, but I believe there was/is a radio show hosted by a Dr. Joy Browne and she had this saying, "People come into our lives for a season or a reason". 

That always resonated within me.  Relationships are really never completely static.  People should evolve and change over the course of their life and sometimes its inevitable that we outgrow some of our relationships in the process.  But letting go is definitely easier said than done.  Perhaps its not so much that we ever totally "let go" of people, but rather we let go of who we once were when we were with them. 

_____________________________

~ Ivy

My Blog: http://www.bohemianrhapsodize.com/
http://twitter.com/pagankinktress

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 9:56:01 PM   
naturalsin


Posts: 92
Joined: 6/24/2008
Status: offline 		Hello missturbation,
i just wanted to say thank you for writing this, i have been swimming around in my head for the past week about where im going with my own 'relationship' - its been a wonderful 21 months, but so many things get in the way, distance, kids, yada yada....
anyway, thanks again, its comforting in a way to know that im not alone...

Stay strong.
{hugs}


_____________________________

sinful

(in reply to pagankinktress)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 10:05:30 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pagankinktress

I can't believe I am going to quote a radio talk-show psychologist, but I believe there was/is a radio show hosted by a Dr. Joy Browne and she had this saying, "People come into our lives for a season or a reason". 



I like that, very much. Sometimes it's hard to ascertain the reason or the length of the season though.
And I also think there are lots of "ones" ... and they might be quite different from each other due to the reason or the season. And that's just fine.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to pagankinktress)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/26/2008 10:23:41 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Just wanted to share, maybe hear from anyone else who has had / or is with 'their one' but has had / will have to let it go for whatever reason.

Well, don't you have great timing with this subject?

Yes, I have.  In fact, it was this very day.

Today was graduation day for My submissive.  For the past year, he had been here with Me to attend school.  This is the day that I had to say good-bye to him. 
I knew from the beginning that this was a finite relationship, at least in the physical sense.  Still, it was probably one of the most satisfying D/s dynamics of My life.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/27/2008 2:46:08 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline 		"The one" is the person that you meet and just click on all these intangible things, plus the tangibles like values, plus this extraordinary thing where when you two just talk or do normal things together (that are productive and not destructive, mind you), that you just feel this extra thing that is beyond explaination and makes you see life in a whole different way.

I think for two souls to match is very rare.  Some are more lucky than others.  Those that use the term "The One" and say "Oh, I ran into several of those." are just describing those they get along with and can have a cool sexual relationship with.  This is NOT "The One" which is a Soulmate.  I would avoid those people that use the words "The One" loosely.  They are often using it just to get laid.  (Because they are lacking in other things such as maturity).


_____________________________

Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/27/2008 2:55:42 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		Oh wait, i DO have another "one". my best friend in the universe is marrying her dom in July. We have been best friends since the very day we met at work back in 1993 and there have been only 3 or 4 times that we have not spoken 3 times a day since then. She has been at my side through weddings and funerals, births and breakups, grocery shopping and gossip for just ever.
Shes in my life for a reason and through every season. Loveyouscarlett......
Pretty peppy day over here in persephonee's world.
Thanks for the thread and the thoughts it produced.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to chickpea)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/27/2008 3:00:28 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I've done this quite a few times, because I knew that the girl did not have the qualifications I was looking for long term.


She was never your soulmate.  Just a convenient fuck for the short term.  Though I'm sure you justify it by living in a fantasy world and imagining her as something that she wasn't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
 And I knew that things would not mesh and work with them, and she wasn't into learning-or changing careers.


Again, if she actually were your soulmate, she would not need to change careers to be with you and make you happy.  This is just liking the person either for a convenient fuck, just like the person, or just like the fantasy person.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
 And it was unfair to expect otherwise. We were friends, and we had fun together-but there were no other expectations. I am still friends with some of them. Others, not so much.


I'm sure... in case one needed to fuck the other.  Friends support each other, ya know. (that's "friends" and not "The One")

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
 My only real expectations of someone are to be honest-and not to push me to places I would rather not go-and I try to do the same.


Then you're just looking for a pleasant fuck, rather than a bitchy fuck.

"The One" changes your life in ways you can't have ever imagined, and makes you want to change and be a better person. You can't go through "the ones" like baseball cards, and wave good-bye every few months... and brag I said good-bye to the One with a smile.  I had a really hard time letting go of a past relationship about a year ago, WE BOTH (well, him more than me...hehe. I'm a spoiled daddy's lil girl what can I say lol) put in what was necessary to make it so much better and it was a great relationship (though imperfect).  We were both relatively new to the Master Slave thing.  And it was more, right place, right time.  He was NOT the one...as we were not naturally compatible in who we are as individuals with some critical things, and had to work on smooth those parts out in order to be with each other...though I respect him on many things, what he's done with his life, how he conducts himself, his maturity, and his appreciation for all the little things/blessings he has around him. 
Though he wasn't "The One" my soulmate, he made me much happier than a soulmate I had in the past before him, because he was mature in his approach to the relationship and in dealing with me and the relationship.  I admire those with great qualities with patience and maturity to create something greater, rather than wanting everything to happen at once / everyone to act the right way at the right time / and being unable to deal with sticky situations.  I appreciate mature adults, rather than a "frat boy".

< Message edited by chickpea -- 6/27/2008 3:09:38 PM >

_____________________________

Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/27/2008 3:01:32 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		You weren't there-so why the bitch routine?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to chickpea)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: THe one and letting them go with a smile. - 6/27/2008 3:24:17 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

You weren't there-so why the bitch routine?


You're right, I wasn't there, so I don't know what sort of career she had.  Just blows my mind, how someone can call a girl "The One" and then tell her to change careers or else...that's rude.  If she were really your soulmate you'd respect who she was and where she was in life, and be around to help her change if the career was destructive to her.

Plus you said you went through several of "The One"s .  ...I hardly believe someone can meet 10 or 20 soulmates in a lifetime, let alone more than three.  This is just about the one and not believing you could let go of someone who was truely "The One" with a smile.  Unless someone's just fucked in the head and haphazardly handing out "the one" labels just so the person thinks he's wonderful and he'll get laid.  I live in L.A., shallow horny men abound.  Good for you up in Washington, if that's not the case.  But from what you say, it defies any common sense.


_____________________________

Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> THe one and letting them go with a smile. Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094