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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Focus,

Tell me, does attacking the questioner serve in your circle the same as answering them? You can really get away with that?

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It is truly a shame you can't back up you position with substance in your answers. I asked questions, you call them pompous. If there was any 'bait' it was contained in your words representing a sometime is punishment, sometimes its not philosophy. I'm sure in actuality, if you've ever experienced anything outside cyber-world, it is just as confusing to the sub as it is to me, and apparently you. Since obviously you are just confused, I understand.

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Having your respect is important? I replied to an open forum. I challenge you to provide any example of mine representing only one true way. You have yours - good for you. I honestly wondered how they hell that could work; sometimes its play other times serious punishment? I still wonder how it works. Maybe if you knew you'd say so and not quote the exchange just to attempt insult and quote Frasier reruns. BTW - I never watched it; try Seinfeld if you need me to relate to a situation comedy reference.

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Next time if you are having a personal conversation in it, go to private chat, where you'll have your private answers. If not - expect comment and questions regarding your inconsistencies. Not that it matters, but if there is anyone whose words served to back into a corner it would be you. Sometimes fun brat-play; others strict punishment regarding the same or similar act. I sincerely wanted to know how you kept track of that; better yet, how does any partner? That's it. Stipulating to all the insults, pomposity, empty puffery, arrogance, and Frasier references; how does that work?

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ORIGINAL: lally3

- a submissive is programmed to please, this means, she/he will do whatever it takes to be there for you - if that gets boring then possibly there is a lack of creativity/imagination or appreciation coming from the other half of the relationship.

all and any relationship can suffer from complacency, but i would argue the case that a submissive can get too submissive - a submissive is required to be obedient, of service and sensitive to their Masters requirements and needs, if their Master needs some spice thrown in then it is perfectly within their remit to do so.

to put the onus on the submissive partner for creating a boring dynamic when all that they are doing is what is expected of them suggests complacent dominance to be honest.  i mean, come on - you have someone there who will fill your darkest and deepest fantasies and its boring?????!!!!!

what about something new on the menu, push a couple of limits somewhere, challenge their comfort zones a little - might be the subs getting bored too.

 

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ORIGINAL: softness

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ORIGINAL: Focus50

She was my definition of a doormat; passive and compliant to the 'enth' degree.  Exactly how does one assert one's dominance and authority when there is no reluctance, attitude, challenge and occasional brattiness and defiance etc?  Answer is that you don't; you're reduced to passive dominance, which is about as fulfilling as commanding a trained but mindless puppy dog.

ummm ... well ... what is the point of all the "discipline" if it isn't to like ... get to a place where she is trained and follows your instructions?

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ORIGINAL: Focus50
But for me, that's not enough....  So I guess by your standard, I'm insecure because I also enjoy the occasional opportunity to correct something I disapprove of.  For me, grasping a pinch of pubic fur and hauling her up on her toes so I can get right in her face and suggest she adjust her attitude a tad doesn't exactly constitute play, either, but I live for those microscopic moments to assert my authority nonetheless....  

here you say you are looking to correct behaviour ... now this was because, even in some tiny way, she was wrong yes? ... If there is a wrong .. then surely there is a right way to behave yes? .. that follows logic yes?

Well what happens when she is getting it right all the time? .... Is the D's part of the relationship dead? ...Is she no longer submissive? .... Are there no other ways to exert Dominance?

I would respctfully state that being an obediant submissive is very different from being a doormat. If you have set up your relationship so that the only way for her to be totally obedient to your requirements is for her to be passive and drone like ... then don't you need to perhaps examine how you the Dominant are setting up the relationship? .. perhaps find a way for her to be obedient, and proactive, submissive and spirited?

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Focus,
Sorry I backed you into a corner and you took disagreement for attack. What's weird is, I quoted you to generated the inquiries. If you are upset it may be because, as you say, "I didn't explain myself well". Perhaps we are separated by a common language.

Really would have liked to know about, what appears to me, to be a setting up psychotic episodes with your partner. Asked you, because I don't think your concept is unique, and considered you capable of fleshing them out through a rational discussion. It may have been as easy as saying, "I can't explain it, you have to witness it because it is subtle." But we'll never know.

Now you won't respond because you are insulted by being asked. You attempt at bringing in such irrelevance as TV show preference is yet another evasive distraction. Should I have taken that opportunity to point out the psychosis and insecurity of the Frasier brothers is consistent with the conflict of requiring your partner to know when the same activity can be playful sometimes generate great disappoint other times?

Don't know why this disagreement should prevent us from having a "friendly rapport". I'm happy you didn't "squirm in humiliation. To do so from an internet exchange is not healthy. If questions asked rub anyone the wrong way, again, it comes from the the other side of the '?'. They are just questions. Usually, as in this case, generated by directly quoting the position of the individual being questioned. It isn't a challenge, and shouldn't make you consider changing anything about you and/or your style of dominance. 

Here's the thing, with all the quoting, and all the the rhetoric it boils down to one question still unanswered.

Sometimes fun brat-play; others strict punishment regarding the same or similar act. I sincerely wanted to know how you kept track of that; better yet, how does any partner? That's it. Stipulating to all the insults, pomposity, empty puffery, arrogance, and Frasier references; how does that work?

Why is that? That is what you represented. You could be anyone and I would have asked for a similar explanation. Not being able to give one more complicated than - "I like fucking with people" would have been appreciated, and responded to similiarly...

.... HAVE FUN!

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ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Not going to interupt your 'sparing' with Merc and for once not looking to engauge in Our usualy quite playful sparing/banter.

Wimp! 

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I can understand MOST of where you are coming from... You, Merc and Myself are not far apart on this issue really... the only gap I see and the one I think which places Marc and Myself on the opposite side of it from yourself is one Quote from You which MAYBE simple bad wording leading to a mountain being made of a molehill.

"but I live for those microscopic moments to assert my authority" It is the context of that, that You 'live for' those moments which seems to place a large gulf between Merc's (and My Own) position and Yours.

It smacks of such things as 'setting up to fail' and 'being insecure and NEEDING to prove Your Authority to stop feeling insecure"... etc.

My girl is every bit human... but I don't "live for" the moments where she slips up, when she does I deal with them, smoothly, efficiently and We move on.

From what I have seen of You over the years her I don't actualy think You to be the pettyminded dim that would set a girl upto fail because You need to 'prove' You authority... so I have to (In all seriousness) question Your wording there, it seems contrary to Your nature.

Enough of the serious stuff now - making you look bad is also a favourite....

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Well I should say I could not find them. She offered me a 24/7 no limits contract and we had, from my perspective, just started. She said she did not need to know me better, she was certain. She would have let me do absolutely anything to her and we had not known each other long enough for me to believe, she should be putting that much trust in me.

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ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

The irony here is that, judging from what you've written, I would bet (in a metaphorical sense, of course) that you'd be worthy of that trust.  That you turned down the offer speaks volumes.