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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 2:06:20 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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counting peas......great name for a new band....

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 2:08:49 PM

crouchingtigress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lumus

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

i think you are missing the point, what i am saying is that not all d/s relationships are the same, and its kind of insulting when someone assumes that because you are making big changes in your life, you are doing it for someone else not yourself.

this was not a post about who gets the credit, it was about narrow definitions of service based relationships and how not every one fits into the same molds.

Bold part sums up the cause and why you're not likely to do anything about it. I get the same thing at work - I double the company's revenue and other people get patted on the back.

It sucks, but by and large, you did this for yourself. It's your opinion that matters. The rest is fluff.

Want some popcorn? *friendly poke-poke*

*eats the fat free salt free pop corn out of your hand....grinning*...thank you Lumus....and that is verrrrry nice poking....

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 2:12:39 PM

crouchingtigress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes

Maybe it's that in some relationships, it IS the dom who makes the effort, and that colors people's perceptions of your relationship as well? If so, it wouldn't hurt to hear that it doesn't work that way for everyone. Every time I hear that others do it differently from the way I do it, it expands my horizons just that little bit.
Oh and, good for you! You deserve a big ol' pat on the back, I hope you get many.

Yes it is true, and to be honest my first master slave relationship was like that....i know it works....but i guess my miff-ed-ness comes from the fact that i feel marginalised...as though i could not do it on my own...its that whole 1950s you need a man thing...that has my hackles raised...

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 2:19:54 PM

crouchingtigress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

if i perv you will you call me sexy too??...pant pant....
btw...i can think of nothing id rather do in Hawaii than attend an event you had orchestrated.

you have not perved me yet? i have perved you like a million times already...

also be careful what you say to me, cause ill hold you to it, and i am creating an event here that is going to be amazing....

if anyone else wants to come to hawaii for a bdsm event, please see me on the other side....

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 6/28/2008 2:23:27 PM >

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 2:33:45 PM

wwwkevinww

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

well said whatUrseeking...may you find the exact fit for you.

You know, I had a friends, and they liked to pigeon-hole me into a box.

Almost like they don't want you to grow as a person because they weren't super interested in growing themselves.......

I'd joke around with them and let them think they could pigeon-hole me and I fit their stereotype of who I was, but I knew it was a fake role.....

They never wanted to compete with me on things that were obviously I'd beat them, but only on things that they thought they were very strong in......I didn't mind, it made me better at what they were strong in, and occassionally I'd beat them, or learn from them......

It wasn't that they were bad people, its just normal interaction type of stuff......

The final straw with those so-called friends was when they tested me innapropriately in my opinion, and of course I passed their stupid test, but I couldn't deal with moronic tests of that caliber......

So yea, you want credit for accomplishing stuff, but what was your motivation? Besides what motivated you, it was you who decided/was talked into when to get motivated.....so in the end, it was you who did it.....you paid for the self-help, you followed the advice, you deserve to be where your at in life atm......

You know, I don't spend alot on self-help stuff, I use to buy books on the subject......You get to a point where you don't need the help.....you rather try to help others. I offer my advice on here freely, maybe I should start charging for it. ;0

I went on vacation to Hawaii. There was a beach that was supposed to be black from volcanic ash....always drink bottled water there, the pesticides from the rain water isn't good drinking.....peope put their buckets down a the bottom of hills, where its a tropical island, and the rain-water is also filled with pesticides they sprayed to keep the bugs off the crops on the hills....at least on one of the islands we visited.

I actually shouldn't be resentful of past friends, since some people can only acheive so much in life. If a person isn't interested in growing, and becoming a better person, that is not all bad....

Just because you have accomplished a few of your goals, doesn't mean you cannot accomplish more......Aim for the moon, hit the fence.....aim for the fence, hit the ground....

acknowledge people are trying to pigeon-hole you, but don't be resentful about it.....Its normal for people to like to pidgeon-hole other people....

You wanting due credit shows a certain amount of chidishness.....If you want to credit me with your further successes, hell, you took what little advice I gave, then good for you, your successes are your own....and your failures.... ;0 I think you have a partnership, both business and personal, and you wanting some credit shows your going thru some personal issues atm......

You know when I was working at this one company, and I wanted to dwell on how great of a job I was doing, it was because I was going thru personal issues.....

Its called overcompensating......you know, if Bill Gates sat around talking about all the things he has acheived in his life, I'd think the same things, he must be going thru a tough time in his life, why he needs to tout his own horn.....

Your better off not trying to impress anyone, let them be impressed that you're not about touting your own horn....

If I was super rich and super successful, I'd be spending alot of energy appearing to not be.....being famous blows.....luckily I'm on the correct path to being unknown. ;0 I want to walk into a store without people caring that I just did walked into that said store..... ;0
My version of a nightmare is people caring too much.... ;0

-Kevin

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 2:43:11 PM

DesFIP

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If however you didn't start working on your diet, exercise, business, self actualization until after you had gotten into this relationship then I do believe he deserves some credit. Because you could have done all this before you met him. And yet you didn't. Why?

What do you get from this relationship that allows you to take chances and grow, to give you the energy needed to accomplish all these things? Support and belief in you. So although you deserve the credit for having done all this, he deserves some credit too for backing you up, for telling you he believes in you, for not cutting you down, for not trying to make you be more 'realistic'.

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 2:45:11 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

Because you could have done all this before you met him. And yet you didn't. Why?

self esteem usually causes this problem....

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 2:47:06 PM

crouchingtigress

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started before way before....which is sort of why i was annoyed.

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 2:57:19 PM

MistressSybella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

counting peas......great name for a new band....

I thought it was a reference to The Secretary! LOL!

Miss 'Bella

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 3:08:11 PM

Kalista07

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Amy,
i can relate to this, but perhaps from a different point of view...... About 5 months ago i passed a licensing exam for my profession. He was sooo excited for me!! We were talking and i thanked Him for all of His support, and told Him i couldn't have done it without Him and the support and encouragement He gave me. At that point, He stopped me and informed me that while it was nice that i believed stuff like that and he appreciates my gratitude, the reality was i was the one who had studied and done all the work. And by attempting to give Him credit i was in fact, minimizing all of the time, effort, energy, and thought that went into achieving what i had achieved.
For me part of it i suppose had been that somewhere along the way i had been taught that humility is the most important quality a person can have, and therefore i should never be proud...............................................
................although, damn it all to hell, it just occured to me that most of what i wrote in no way relates to what You posted...Damn it!!!
Kali

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 3:09:58 PM

kiwisub12

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thats what i thought too.

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 3:33:25 PM

crouchingtigress

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it was a referance to the secratary..... well spotted folks!

kalista: god you are cute...i think it is along the same lines as my post because my post is about celibrating all differing types of PE relationships, your relationship sounds awfully yummy.

kevin: it was just a rant, and honestly now that i got it out i feel a lot better, it had bugged me for a long time, and it was good to hear it bugs other folks too.

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 3:38:50 PM

lally3

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this sort of thing bugs the hell out of me too - i get it from my mother all the time -

but also.. even if a subs Dominant is the driving force behind shaping and moulding them, in many cases it is the sub that makes those changes ultimately - the struggle, effort and personal growth is still theirs and should never be taken away from them.

giving a Dominant credit for their effort, care, thought, time, energy is all good - but a sub should get the credit for making those changes happen - change is a very hard thing to do, sometimes painful, always a learning curve and on the whole not for the faint hearted - the Dominant can support, tutor, encourage - but the process itself can only be done by the sub and that takes personal strength.

ive achieved alot on my own, i have a successful business and i run my own life with a child and an assortment of furry dependents - my mother and my ex try to take the credit, but im dammed if ill let them - what ive done is mine, i had no help or financial security behind me and noone will ever take that away from me because it took my guts, sweat and tears and noone elses... so im with you totally on this one.

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 3:42:53 PM

Missokyst

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Yeah, that would annoy the heck out of me. Not everyone needs a mate to spur them on to make life changes. It is as if we are thought to be children who need to be molded and guided into some one of value to society. Yes, it is nice to have some one in your court to cheer you on and be proud in your accomplishments. But you should take pride because you did it without having some one pressuring you to fit into a pattern they find acceptable.
YAY you!
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

started before way before....which is sort of why i was annoyed.

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 4:03:39 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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The fact is if most people disliked that concept and reward system, it wouldn't be in place. Most people find it fuzzy and yummy when the dom gets the credit and the sub sits glowing in the background.

It's yet another in the vast system of behaviors we have in this sub culture to continue the myth that sub = passive, lack of responsibility, lack of initiative while dom = active, leader, all responsiblity and all leadership.

If this myth, among so many others, died, it would be a very happy day.

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 6:08:11 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

But I just find it really annoying that folks want to credit all the hard work I have done to him…Again if that is your dynamic, great, but that is not ours, never will be.

Ok il get off my soap box now…

Yes ok get off your soap box but save it for another day. You might need to get up on it and wave at me and I will wave back.
Where was Mrs Blake when Blake was having visions?
Where was Mrs Turner when hubby is credited for having strapped himself to the stern of a ship to paint the sea?
Where was Mrs Marx when Marx and Engels were shaping world history from a shared desk in Highgate London?
Where indeed was Mrs Freud when that man who bred from ger was shaping human thinking and inventing the id?
Where was Elisabeth Perls when Freddie grabbed her idea about Gestalt?
Where was poor Sylvia Plath when lover boy published Wuthering Heights the poem? Well she was writing:
~The horizons ring me like faggots,
Tilted and disparate, and always unstable.
Touched by a match, they might warm me,
And their fine lines singe
The air to orange
Before the distances they pin evaporate,
Weighting the pale sky with a soldier color.
But they only dissolve and dissolve
Like a series of promises, as I step forward.~.....and going crazy.
There's usually some D type telling me I have no authority on anything (wow what an accolade) here on Collarme.
Well all those good women were serving their masters probably, losing weight whilst running up and down stairs emptying the piss pot and either getting no credit, getting a good spanking (so Frederick let's us believe about Elisabeth) or committing suicide in a mad moment.
OK: I waved at you from my soap box and I'm getting down off it for the moment. (Someone might even want to stuff me into it and label me a doiminat submissive wtf?)
Lovely to wave at you by the way.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/28/2008 6:13:23 PM >

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 7:05:49 PM

crouchingtigress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

counting peas......great name for a new band....

oooh i like it....or the black eyed crows?

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 7:09:29 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

started before way before....which is sort of why i was annoyed.

The way your op was written, it sounded otherwise.

In this case, assuming these people saw you getting your life together beforehand, they're just stupid. Because they had the proof in front of their eyes and ignored it.

Oh and belatedly, congrats on all the hard work and deserved successes.

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 7:13:49 PM

crouchingtigress

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go lally3! exactly.

kyst: thank you and yay you too....

prin: wow that was cool....poetic and super litterit....not easy to do ...mad props.

*waves back with a smile*

Lucky: a happy day indeed....not just because the stereotypes would fall by the way side, but because we could then explore what is behind those stereotypes, what held them in place, and what other relationships can we create if we look at power exchange in relationships as a tool, and not a template

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RE: no one is counting my peas. - 6/28/2008 7:21:51 PM

PsyVamp

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

He is great, I love him with my whole heart, but our relationship is not one of managing or micromanaging, I am in service to him, this means I am his sounding board, friend, business consultant, rope slut, ponypenquincatdogpig, shoulder to lean on, and cock sucker…I am his always and in all ways, I am in service to him…I will drop everything to serve him.

But I just find it really annoying that folks want to credit all the hard work I have done to him…Again if that is your dynamic, great, but that is not ours, never will be.

Ok il get off my soap box now…

My pet has grown a lot in the past year... but it is not something I could have "forced" out of him, no matter what I did.
His growth and accomplishments are his..I only gave him a soft place to land (ok, sometimes it was not so soft, lol).
I don't micromanage either... I will suggest, I will give examples... I will direct and there are some things I will require (we are 24/7, he lives here)..but he always has a choice, and the choice is his alone.

Kudos to you Crouchingtigress, for your accomplishments and successes.

Lady Jag

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