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Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 5:58:23 PM

MalevolentLyset

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I am a sub that has found a local Dom to train me. This is a problem that I have stumbled across and wonder if it is a common thing. Most other Doms I have spoken to about it say that it is unusual and sounds like a bad deal. The Dom who is training me told me that he would like to keep his intrest in bdsm quiet. And I agree, I dont want every stranger in town knowing my business as I am a private person. What bothered me was the fact that he doesn't even want to be in public with me, not even in a vanilla way. He actually said, "If we come across each other in public just pretend you dont know me. That way no one finds out." This sort of shocked me because I was under the impression that a Dom, training or not, would cherish his charge/sub. And I dont know abou everyone else but when he speaks of maybe me becoming his someday I wonder if I will see the light of day if that were to happen... How can someone not enjoy catching a movie or eating out with another person? He said he is intent on being single for the rest of his life. I know for a fact he is not married. (Have seen the apartment.) His reasoning was that his mother harasses him about getting married whenever she catches him out and he never wants to do that again. I'm not pressing for something that big. I just want to have a nice dinner with the guy. He is sweet and completely freaked out and coddled me for hours when he thought he hurt me. Could I get some more opinions on this issue? So far I have chosen to not bring it up around him because he mentioned it as being a "deal breaker". So tell me, whats up with this Dom?

Post #: 1

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 6:30:48 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalevolentLyset

He actually said, "If we come across each other in public just pretend you dont know me. That way no one finds out."

This is the behavior of a person with something to hide. If I was in your position, I would run away from him as fast as my legs would carry me.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 2

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 6:33:09 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

you are nineteen and he is how old. Public being together? Something better may come along you will cut into other hunting time. Worried about his mothers nagging........

I will give him the benefit of the doubt cause I only heard your side....

He may be a Dom but he must be a very young one......

Ron

read a little more, perhaps.
Good you seek advice.
Good Luck.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 3

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 6:37:35 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

He actually said, "If we come across each other in public just pretend you dont know me. That way no one finds out." This sort of shocked me because I was under the impression that a Dom, training or not, would cherish his charge/sub. And I dont know abou everyone else but when he speaks of maybe me becoming his someday I wonder if I will see the light of day if that were to happen... How can someone not enjoy catching a movie or eating out with another person? He said he is intent on being single for the rest of his life. I know for a fact he is not married. (Have seen the apartment.)

He sounds attached. Why else would someone fear seeing another person by chance?
Everyone wants someone to be with in life. Whether it be a committed relationship or just a friendship. Just because you saw an apartment where the other partner was not home does not mean he is single.
I'm with Stef, it is a huge red flag...I'd be gone.
Finding dominants are a dime a dozen you certainly can pick and choose one that is more suited to what you are seeking.

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 4

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 6:39:23 PM

MalevolentLyset

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

you are nineteen and he is how old.

He is 29.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 5

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 6:40:21 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Just because you saw AN apartment doesn't mean that is where he lives. Think 80's nooner get away. I know that there are people out there that for whatever reason don't want to marry or be in a relationship. Perhaps is this person in some kind of job where they could lose everything if outted? Military, security clearance, high level position?

I know that I have friends from here that are in positions where they could lose their jobs and even careers if outted. I have people in my own life that would freak if they put 2 & 2 together and could cause MAJOR damage to my reputation.

The big question is can you accept someone as a Dom that has these conditions? Also do you feel secure that this person is being completely honest with you about who they are? I know that in this situation I'd be VERY worried scening/ being tied up by someone that I have questions about. You've checked/ confirmed ID, have phone numbers you can reach him any time of day & not just a cell right? Just another .02 what is his plan for follow up care for you?

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 6

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 6:47:27 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

If it is as you say it is and-- I read your post about embarrassment and posted it, that's part of this....

Drop that fucker like last night's newspaper.

End of joke.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 7

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 6:49:17 PM

MalevolentLyset

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

He blocks his cell number every single time he calls. I dont know any way to reach him except by his sn online. The apartment I have been two 3 to 4 times has a gate code that changes every single day so there is no getting in without and invite. I'm so worried about this... I guess people are right when they say not to settle. I have sort of settled cause he is the only Dom in my area that is under 45 and bald by his own choice....When I sit at night and think about this it makes me so sad. I need someone who wants vanilla outings, I've just started in this lifestyle and it is hard for me to give up those things. But I have searched this site and bondage so far...no BG Doms that aren't my fathers age or older..

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 8

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 6:52:35 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Drop him like a hot turd and take a long hot scented bath then dont be in a hurry to find a dom. go to local munches etc and meet people

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 9

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 6:54:34 PM

MalevolentLyset

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'm new to the lingo....whats "munches" ?

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 10

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 6:58:55 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

To add to that which IronBear has said.....we are your fathers. When you go to munches or groups, talk to the "BG fathers and mothers" and so forth, it wouldn't hurt you to get some decent learnin. Don't mean you gotta make the beast with 'em if it is not your fancy.

www.drkdesyres.com is the site I believe to start searching groups and munches in your area.

Write me if you want to know something, I can't hurt you bodily from here, but as most people will tell you, I probably ain't good for your mind.

Perhaps some nice lady on this site will give you some schoolin' to keep you outta my clutches........

(You are supposed to laugh and not be horrified young soul)
Ron

edited to fix the 404

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 11/7/2005 7:26:38 PM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 11

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 7:00:33 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

munch, munchies... to attend a gathering where food is served.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 12

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 7:05:01 PM

MalevolentLyset

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Thank you all for your advice. It has helped so much. I now feel confident in my decision to decline the signing of the training contract. Btw, I got a 404 error on that darkdesyres site. Broken link?

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 13

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 7:07:17 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

it is in what i sent you and if it isn't let me know. I will send it to you again. The MODs would fairly freak if I posted all those sites out here.

LOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 14

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 7:13:04 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

While it is somewhat comforting you have actually been to an apartment and not snuck into a hotel room, that would not be enough to ease my mind.

Extreme secrecy. No public contact at all. No "references" from other people who may have been involved with him. No way to reach him. No phone number, even a cell. Am I correct in understanding you only know his screen name? No last name, no place of employment, etc?

I can think of several scenarios that may explain this behavior. None of them are good.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 15

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 7:13:09 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalevolentLyset

He is 29.
...

He blocks his cell number every single time he calls. I dont know any way to reach him except by his sn online. The apartment I have been two 3 to 4 times has a gate code that changes every single day so there is no getting in without and invite. I'm so worried about this...

You should be. You are being used/played/deceived by someone who clearly has experience stringing people along.

quote:

I have sort of settled cause he is the only Dom in my area that is under 45 and bald by his own choice....

You're 19 years old, why are you settling for anything? I know that waiting sucks and you want this *now*, but you have all the time in the world to find someone who doesn't play games and who deserves you. It sure isn't him.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 16

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 7:21:57 PM

MalevolentLyset

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I know his full name (excluding the middle) and where he works. He is also catholic. Not that that makes a difference. lol. He is double majoring in psychology and US History. Going to become a lawyer.

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 17

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 7:41:02 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

A lawyer and Catholic? That is IT - get away fast!! :)

I am kidding, of course. It sounds as if you had your own hesitations based on what you want and seem to have come to a conclusion that you feel good about. It is always easier to give advice along the lines of "just move on" than to actually DO it yourself.

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 18

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 7:41:45 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

He blocks his cell number every single time he calls. I dont know any way to reach him except by his sn online. The apartment I have been two 3 to 4 times has a gate code that changes every single day so there is no getting in without and invite. I'm so worried about this... I guess people are right when they say not to settle. I have sort of settled cause he is the only Dom in my area that is under 45 and bald by his own choice....When I sit at night and think about this it makes me so sad. I need someone who wants vanilla outings, I've just started in this lifestyle and it is hard for me to give up those things. But I have searched this site and bondage so far...no BG Doms that aren't my fathers age or older..

This guy is SO married he reeks of it! Stop wasting your time on him, dump his ass, and find someone legitimate. I can just about guarantee you he is NOT the ONLY dom in your area who is under 45. You've just not found them yet. Give yourself some time.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 19

RE: Ritualistic Style - 11/7/2005 7:44:43 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Maybe you should step back for a bit and get your head together. Make sure you want to be in this type of relationship at this point in your life. It seems, based on a few of the threads that you've started, that you are panicking a little. Take your time. Don't base your choice on desperation.

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 20

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