ImpGrrl
Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SirSix72 To call oneself TPE and the way you come across within the context of a sentence leaves alot of us wondering just what you are thinking(not talking about you personally)and where you are coming from. Looking at a relationship from outside gives one *no* ability or right to define that relationship. quote:
Like limits take for instance Every human being has limits - and I define limits as those things which will *not* be pushed. I don't do hard and soft limits - in my life, all limits are hard limits. Since you've defined "limits" as "things which affect play", I'll stick to that - there are some forms of play which are damaging to some people, for whatever reason. No matter if that form of play *itself* is "SSC" (or whatever scale you use) - it's *not* sane for that person to engage in it. Thus - it should be a limit. quote:
...those taht say " I will not engage" this sentence gives shifts the power dynamic in thier favor which in turn makes the Dominant a facilitator in the scene. Relationships all have some form of compromise in them - if the d-type accepts the limit as part of their dynamic, where is the power shift? Both (all) patners can stop negotiation/relations at any time, if it isn't acceptable to them. quote:
If you were to state that " I would like to request that I not be included or participate in a certain scene" then this leaves the Dominant in control of the situation. I'd like some clarification - are you talking about an ongoing relationship, or a scene negotiation? For the former - anything that I don't like/am afraid of/whatever (what some might consider "soft limits" do indeed get this treatment in my relationship. "This is how I feel about this, Sir - do what you will, but understand the potential fallout." My actual limits (what others might call "hard limits"), however, are absolutely - "I will not do X, under any circumstances - if you can accept me with that limit, great. If not, let's understand that this is a mis-match, and keep looking." Sir is still "in control" of the situation - he just knows within what parameters he must operate if he accepts. The key words? *If he accepts*. See - it's all about both (all) partners understanding and accepting the parameters. Sir and I are aligned on our "absolutely not"s. If he were concerned with "full control without limits", and we were a mis-match - we wouldn't be in this relationship. So - our parameters are the same, and we fit. quote:
THen there are those that say if you cross this then this is the breaking point of the relationship. *Everyone* has that line - the lucky/happy/well-matched ones never hit it. No matter what they call themselves - slaves, submissive, dominant, master - everyone has a "line in the sand". I agree that some lines don't mix with some types of relationships. But everyone has them. quote:
How can you submit and lay down the law? See above, where I talk about both partners having and accepting parameters. Every s-type basically says "I will submit within these parameters." Each person's parameters are different. It's not all or nothing. quote:
If you talk about achieving a power exchange relationship then someone has to be in control without the fear of the other leaving because of an emotional boundry being broken. There are different types of control - it's not all or nothing. I agree - relationships should never be lived in fear of the other leaving, for any reason. That's why it's best for both (all) partners to operate within the parameters agreed upon. quote:
There should always be a good line of communication but to lay the law stops this progress of communication. I wonder if you think a d-type "laying down the law" stops the progress of communication? Yet it happens all the time. Parameters, and agreements. [qoute]Again different strokes for different folks. You *say* that, but you don't seem to *mean* it. quote:
There are alot of weekend warriors and nothing wrong with that either. You seem to be implying that everyone who does not live as you believe is "right" are "weekend warriors". It's *not* all or nothing.
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