RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (Full Version)

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thetammyjo -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:04:08 PM)

When I'm asked if I live a "leather or BDSM lifestyle" I always pause.

No, I don't live a lifestyle I simply live.

I am the head of a poly kiny household but at the end of the day it is really nothing more than a family of like minded people.

Which is what all families of choice should be in my very strong opinion.

Attempts to try and make what I live every day into some stereotype of leather fantasy? That's the BS.




LadyPact -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:09:54 PM)

Dang.  And I thought My last few days were bad.

Sorry, but this whole thing comes down to the fact that we really aren't any different from the rest of the world except for our kinks.  We're no better, or worse for that matter, than our vanilla counterparts.  There are good people, as well as bad people among us.  If you think any differently, you're probably in for a rude awakening.

Still, some of the best people I have ever met are "in the lifestyle".




quinta -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:10:44 PM)

Awsome-- one of the best articles I've read so far.  I agree fully.




Griswold -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:11:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Dang.  And I thought My last few days were bad.

Sorry, but this whole thing comes down to the fact that we really aren't any different from the rest of the world except for our kinks.  We're no better, or worse for that matter, than our vanilla counterparts.  There are good people, as well as bad people among us.  If you think any differently, you're probably in for a rude awakening.

Still, some of the best people I have ever met are "in the lifestyle".



Agreed :)




kiwisub12 -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:11:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

fr

We call it a lifestyle because it's something that we live, day in and day out.  This is not something we do, it's something that we are.  If you don't like that we call it our lifestyle, then ... oh well.



What she said.[sm=goodpost.gif]




dreamerdreaming -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:13:46 PM)

WOW. There are few nice bit of insight at the end of your post but other than that, you're spewing venom.

I call it a lifestyle because I'm controlling and orchestrating my slave's everyday life. Every moment of every day, he is in submission to me. We love it- its really sweet and yummy for us both.




outlier -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:14:09 PM)

I vote with gypsygrl, great OP!

I say in my profile that I am not a part of any lifestyle.

I don't know if I totally endorse this OP, and I have no investment
in any lifestyle so I will not comment except to say that
I really admire the creativity and wit.  Thank you Stella.

Outlier




ToysAndTies -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:14:26 PM)

I think this rant from the OP is simply a manifesto of unfortunate personal events.  While I don't carefully watch my capital letters and address "the lifestyle" with the awe and rapture that many on the site do, I do believe it exists.  However, there are tons of lifestyles that are valid as a general framework to understanding some aspects of a person's views.  Any generalization is wrong, including this one.  To spend the time ripping apart any given simplification or model, posited primarily for the purpose of quickly achieving common ground to then continue a dialogue, is really a kind of tautology.  Of course it's wrong, we simplified it in the first place, and know that.  People are multifaceted, but if we tried to make any statement 100% politically, theoretically, and rationally correct, a few years later, we may get to the point.  When I say surfer, environmentalist, politico, artist, yuppie...certain simplified images come to mind.  BDSM lifestyle(r) is no different.




Alumbrado -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:15:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Get your hands ready.. How many of you out there - hands up please - have come into this section, and coming into this section you come across a title of a thread which makes you groan? You sit there thinking 'Oh no, not again..' Then, and I guess some more hands up here, you click on the title of a thread, and you're working your way down, and you reach somewhere like the 15th or 17th posting on a thread and you think 'This person is talking out of their ass.'



In the case of some OPs, that thought occurs somewhere in reading the first post.




quote:


This is not to mention what goes on on the other side. Yet many here claim that they are 'into' the 'lifestyle'. Really? Online too? So what are you doing? Running an agony aunt or uncle service? Collecting West African penfriends? You have a new hobby trying to decipher what dysfunctional illiterates are trying to communicate with you?


But I won't go further into what happens here online, because we are advised to 'go out into the community' to 'get to know the lifestyle'. Meet people. Meet people out there in real time. Out there in the real world.

Let's see how many of you are really into the BDSM lifestyle, and I mean REALLY into the lifestyle. Hands ready?

Okay, so now we're real time. Female submissives, this one's for you. How many of you really enjoy having some Dom's rough, grimy hands all over your beautifully scented, apricot scrubbed 'Body Shopped' to perfection skin? Do you really enjoy that drunken cock shoved unceremoniously up your ass at 2.30am in the morning, after returning from the latest kinky club or play party with him still trying to 'cum' three hours later? How many of you have met the domly Dom who's kneading the backs of your thighs with his knobbly knees and constantly pleading 'Almost there..'? You're sore, he's fallen asleep, and so once he's started snoring you sneak out of bed to finish yourself off in the bathroom, looking down on his pissed carcass and wondering how the hell you managed to get yourself into bed next to someone like that?

How many lonely dates have you spent in bars? Clubs? Cafes? MacDonalds? You've been there almost half an hour and you decide that they're not really going to turn up. You dial her or his number in your cellphone, it rings, and you get 'Hi this is [insert name] I'm not by the phone right now....'? Fulfilling?

Welcome to the BDSM 'lifestyle' - old codgers sticking their todgers up young assholes.. Young subless Doms trying every trick in their rather spartan toolbox of ideas hooking, landing and fucking anything remotely female.

How many times have you shoved a mask over her face? Blindfolded her?

Just so you don't have to look at her.. besides, she's got tits on her like a Freisian cow. I'm actually married anyway with a woman of flawless beauty and grace who can never be sullied by the arcane lusting of the captive mind. I shall find other women to abuse. I don't care of they're as ugly as a boxer licking piss off a dock leaf. I don't care if they're covered in tattoos and look as if they've been a butch queen in the local women's jail right up until the previous morning, anything to get my rocks off.... oh pleeaaassseee!!!

Young wet behind the ears and cheesy under the foreskin men, dweaming of some overweight middle-aged woman with various health and mental issues to spank her ass and do unmentionable things to them, telling all and sundry they can take everything despite never trying anything and yet they still wonder why they're waiting in the emergency department of the city hospital with a testicular accident.

Hard core?

Wait until they tie you down and ream you with the base of the flag pole you silly bugger.

You want to be abused?

So okay, enjoy the new fracture to your skull because some ex mental patient turned up by accident at a munch and quickly picked up on the fact that if she calls herself a Domme men will coming running. Just don't forget the change the bandages.

'Let's try an enema, shall we?,' she announces after she's tied you down.

'Yes Mistress,' you say, thinking she's putting music on.

Out pops the bargain hosepipe with the steely bit at the end and wummpphhh!! Up your butthole it goes.

Fighting back tears and in a somewhat more squeaky voice you try to tell her you thought she said Enya or Enigma.

'Don't have any of those..' she says, popping another pill from her meds in her mouth which prevent her from becoming too psychotic. 'How about Red Hot Chilli Peppers?' she offers with a sadistic smile.

'Oh no thanks Mistress. Can I just have a blow job? I mean, erm I really must get going. You see I got college in the morning, I can't miss my lecture, and Mum will be wondering where I am.'

She coughs.

'No you can't have a blow job. In fact you can't have any form of sexual contact. I'm just going to hurt you as much as I've been hurt in my past' she says as she gets out a short blood-stained piece of three by two from her toy bag.

Is this the BDSM 'lifestyle' that you're into? You really enjoy all this? No?

Then what are you doing getting involved with all the nutjobs, idiots, psychos, liars and other loonies who have all bought into this BDSM lifestyle bullshit? Have you gone mad? Taken leave of your senses?

There is no "lifestyle". There's just you, your kinks, your interests, other people, their kinks, their interests, and the real world. It's a bit like cooking, singing, amateur dramatics, you come to sites such as this one to get to know people, you attend munches and local fetish fairs to get to know people. It's just like out in the real world, what some people call the vanilla world - there's good people, there's bad people, and there's other people who aren't sure.

Oh yes there's lectures, seminars, festivals, books, and so on - you see some of you like to be hurt, some of you like to hurt others, some like to tie up others, some like to be tied up, humiliated, and you know, if you really stop and think about it you must admit that you need to know what you're doing and so does the other person. Not only that, it really does need to be someone you know, understand, and you can trust.

But not the 'lifestylers'.. Oh no. They steam right in there, don't listen to advice, believing that they're going to be just fine, and sooner or later - CRASH!! They come a cropper. Then when it doesn't work out they come back to the boards with some sort of drama or crisis. Or they lock themselves away, hardly daring to come out of their homes, suffering angst over whether they're submissives or slaves, or dominant or submissive.

The only lifestyle here is the one you yourself are living. When you do eventually find yourself in a successful relationship with someone who accepts you for you and you accept them for them and you both share combined kinks and interests harmoniously then you also share your own lifestyle.

The BDSM 'lifestyle' is nothing more than your need for validation, social approval, acceptance. There is no BDSM 'lifestyle'. It's bull.


And it just occured to me.




camille65 -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:17:55 PM)

I sure don't live in the world described in the OP.
As to it being 'a' lifestyle? Well what I live is obviously my life, and I live it in my style. The anger, abuse and humiliation in the OP is foreign to me thankfully. I instead live with love, correction, accountability.

Lately there have been a lot of threads that have left me bewildered, so much emphasis on awful stuff. I don't get it. Yes there is a lot of awful awful stuff in the world but choice plays a huge part in it.
"Okay, so now we're real time. Female submissives, this one's for you. How many of you really enjoy having some Dom's rough, grimy hands all over your beautifully scented, apricot scrubbed 'Body Shopped' to perfection skin? Do you really enjoy that drunken cock shoved unceremoniously up your ass at 2.30am in the morning, after returning from the latest kinky club or play party with him still trying to 'cum' three hours later? How many of you have met the domly Dom who's kneading the backs of your thighs with his knobbly knees and constantly pleading 'Almost there..'? You're sore, he's fallen asleep, and so once he's started snoring you sneak out of bed to finish yourself off in the bathroom, looking down on his pissed carcass and wondering how the hell you managed to get yourself into bed next to someone like that?"

I don't get put in those situations, or put myself in them.

"How many lonely dates have you spent in bars? Clubs? Cafes? MacDonalds? You've been there almost half an hour and you decide that they're not really going to turn up. You dial her or his number in your cellphone, it rings, and you get 'Hi this is [insert name] I'm not by the phone right now....'? Fulfilling?"
Doesn't that happen to people no matter what kind of sex or power play they're into? Meeting people with the focus of a connection is a risk and it can be lonely.
Loneliness and disappointment is not solely the possession of the BDSM world or yes... lifestyle.

I find life exciting. I love being alive even when things go to shit, and yup they do go there because it is part and parcel of life.
I think people are more on the side of good than bad and so far that belief has been borne out.




Level -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:22:04 PM)

FR
 
One thing about Stella's posts, they're seldome boring.
 
And, often, they're not always 100% what they seem. [;)]




joyinslavery -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:28:10 PM)

Now THAT is fun! 

Certainly better than most of the jingle-jangle snooze on here (yawn). 

Have fun. 




MissMagnolia -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:45:03 PM)

[sm=applause.gif]Stella, you are one unbelievable chickie babe. As you often do, you put into words what I have swirling around in my head.

I am not a "lifestyler", I am me. That's all, no more, no less. I don't identify with people who live a BDSM life or a vanilla life. I identify with people who live a life.

Thank you.

ps. Fab new photo!!




LaTigresse -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:47:22 PM)

Perhaps a balance for all the "sweetness and light, we are all just one big happy family, every sub/slave wants to serve and submit, every dominant is, or at least should be, a moral responsible human being" posts..........?

Or just to underline that common sense is a rare commodity indeed.

(now back to my old Pink Panther movie........)




WhatUrSeeking -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:56:23 PM)

I think their is a spectrum. On ones side of the spectrum are people that occasionally fool around with kinky or BDSM sex. They occasionally tie up or spank their partner. For these people BDSM is an irregular for of entertaining themselves. At the other end of the spectrum are people who live in a 24/7 D/s relationship. BDSM is a part of the lifestyle they live every day. Somewhere in the middle are the people that spend so much time with others interested in BDSM that they associate themselves as BDSM lifestylers similar to classifying someone as a hippie, punk, or yuppie based on a few beliefs, clothes, and associates.

As to the bitter rant of the O.P. All I can say is that has not ben my experience at all. It seems she has personified some of the worst stories, experiences, and rumors that she could think of, but you could do this with any type of romantic relationship. Sometimes people get hurt, but other times people find true bliss.




fluffyswitch -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 6:58:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhatUrSeeking

I think their is a spectrum. On ones side of the spectrum are people that occasionally fool around with kinky or BDSM sex. They occasionally tie up or spank their partner. For these people BDSM is an irregular for of entertaining themselves. At the other end of the spectrum are people who live in a 24/7 D/s relationship. BDSM is a part of the lifestyle they live every day. Somewhere in the middle are the people that spend so much time with others interested in BDSM that they associate themselves as BDSM lifestylers similar to classifying someone as a hippie, punk, or yuppie based on a few beliefs, clothes, and associates.



agreed. i think that i identify more with a subculture than a lifestyle as well, the same way that i'm in a feminist, academic, bisexual, polyamorous, blah blah blah subculture. it's part of who i am, i like to interact with other people with similar interests, but it's not entirely what i am.




Leatherist -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 7:02:04 PM)

In my experience of around ten years in a "real life community" it was about like *high school with whips and chains*
 
 I'd never suggest anyone be masochistic enough to subject themselves to it. [:D]




MzMia -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 7:03:16 PM)

Stella, stella, stella.
You know I adore reading anything you write!
I think of you as a breath of fresh air, regardless of
whether I agree with you or not.

I like the fact, that you are not worried about being
"politically correct".
You certainly are not here to "play" to the masses.

Thank you for being YOU!
[:D]




TheGaggingWh0re -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 7:11:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DichotomyPhoenix

Using your definition of lifestyle, then yes, I'd have to agree that being 'in the lifestyle' is crazy and 'lifestylers' are scary people.  However, I always used the term 'lifestyle' to mean what I think the word implies -- a style of living your life, as opposed to just a type of sexual play. 



Quoted to agree! When people tell me, "It's not a lifestyle", I'm just like, "Sure it is. This is the style in which I choose to live my life." So I get what you're saying there! In the end, it just boils down to semantics.




Aswad -> RE: The BDSM lifestyle is just a pile of bullshit.. (6/29/2008 7:15:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I don't get to have sex, greasy, grimy "I've been working outside for hours"  sex.


You need a vacation, and I know a few manual laborers that need to get laid. Shall I hook you up? [;)]

(Obviously just my way of saying "Hi, Aqua!")

quote:

It began because I requested it and continues because it's much easier for me to lose myself in the scene when I don't see the laundry basket and because it's easier to surprise me this way.


Yanno, that may turn out to be good advice. Thanks.

In the new apartment, the best spot for a scene happens to have the tub, the washer and the dryer, so naturally it also has the laundry basket and stuff. It probably irks her to no end to have it around, and it makes the home movies seem that much less tidy (I mean, it's all good when it's a memento, but when making private porn, I actually like dressing up the reality a bit, especially if I'm going to share it with anyone).

Unlike the reality, my fantasies never feature the laundry basket...

... at least not as a background element. [:D]

quote:

I'm starting to understand why people may not show up for your meetings...


You mean to say she was serious?

I pegged it for a moderately funny comedy piece that just needed editing.

quote:

Sounds hot actually...


What size are flagpoles over there?

I may be missing some cultural thing, 'cuz around here, the only way to ream anyone with a flagpole would be with a crane to get them on it, and cement boots to break the iliac open and pull them down on it. Which would obviously lead to an embarassing visit to the ER, at the very least.

If that is your idea of hot... I love it. [:D]

Health,
al-Aswad.




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