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Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 6/30/2008 12:13:01 PM   
AAkasha


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I'm wondering if any kinked women have cycles or desires that fluctuate quite like mine, because I'm really trying to figure out the chicken-and-egg nature of it.  I used to keep journals in college trying to analyze the same thing, and thought I kind of had it figured out, but now I am not so sure any more.  The question is this: Does lack of sleep, your level of stress (good or bad) or feeling run down make you more "femdom horny"?

I'll define "femdom horny" as the urge to dominate.  Dominating a man, to me, is like eating. I can do it any time, I can enjoy it any time, and I like regular doses of it. However, there are times I get "starving" and very distracted and it's a VERY different feeling.  I feel emotionally different and physically different.  I feel different in my own skin.  I kind of get body aches, almost flu-like symptoms.  You know how you felt in college when you pulled an all-nighter studying for exams and kind of feel out-of-body almost? 

But more importantly, I see everything through a "femdom lens" - I can't help but have inappropriate thoughts about men I may see on the street or sit across the room from in a boardroom.  I find myself searching for images and videos of men tied up.  Visuals that may have gotten a small "perk" of interest from me instead get a long, pondering examination.  It's all I can think about.  This is when I fixate on someone or some thing and work toward a much more intense "release" that generally involves either more preparation or something different, and at the very least must have a higher level of intensity than usual. Once I get past that point, I go through an unusual drop in interest for kink that lasts about 3 days.  I also sleep a ton.

Now, here's the chicken and egg part. Is the lack of sleep and intense stress (good or bad, ie, a very big work project peaking) the cause of it - or is the lack of sleep and the way I view/handle stress a RESPONSE to it?   I don't sleep as much when I am "distracted" because I am more likely to read, watch things, or fantasize or "play."  The body aches and kind of surreal feelings physically are probably a physical reaction to not getting enough rest, nothing more - as I get older I think I am more in touch with my body as it relates to what I eat and how I treat it, and now I see that being run down creates a low-level fever/illness almost, as sometimes the body aches are accompanied by a slight sniffle but never an outright cold.

That said, maybe the timing of the urges are just fairly random, nothing more. I used to think the lack of sleep/stress CAUSED them, now I am thinking it's really just the opposite.

Regardless, I'm curious if other femdoms have a heightened sense of desire related to stress or sleep levels.

Akasha


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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 6/30/2008 1:25:39 PM   
DominantJenny


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Not that I've ever noticed. I do have that sort of thing happen, but it seems random to me, and I don't sleep excessively after getting it out of my system.

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 6/30/2008 2:43:30 PM   
DragonLady5


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I haven't noticed that myself. My "femdominity" (yes, I made that up) is more related to my state of aggressiveness at that time. The more irritated I am (and that can come from being tired or stressed, yes), the more dominant I get.

Interesting thought. I'll have to pay more attention and see if there's a link.

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 6/30/2008 2:57:33 PM   
Steponme73


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Hmmm... I can't answer from the dominant side, but I can from the submissive side.  There are times when I feel the exact same way only in a submissive way.  I look at women everywhere and wonder what it would be like to be dominated by them...what would they want to do, what would turn them on, etc.  I try to figure out in my mind what they would like to do if they had the opportunity.  And like you I spend more time doing other things when I should be resting or sleeping.   And also like you, once I get past the urges, I am more tired than usual (I don't sleep as much as you do),  but I also don't have the strong submissive urges like I had previously.
As far as the stress thing...I don't think stress is ever good for you.  In my opinion, the lack of sleep is your response to it.  You are searching for that cure-all.  I know in my situation that is my response.  I am looking for that "fix" that will cure my ills.  When the urge does pass then I sleep better, I feel better and I am more at ease.  Stress affects your body in so many ways and I have never heard anyone say that it is good.  Now the question is how to combat that, for which I don't have an answer. 

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 6/30/2008 3:08:52 PM   
LolaBabalon


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DragonLady5

I haven't noticed that myself. My "femdominity" (yes, I made that up) is more related to my state of aggressiveness at that time. The more irritated I am (and that can come from being tired or stressed, yes), the more dominant I get.


That's precisely what I was going to say. My style of domination tends to vary with my mood and stress factors, but I'm not sure that there are any other links.


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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 6/30/2008 5:45:59 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


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I figure that everything is connected. I've noticed cycles in myself, and have noticed that the ebb and flow seems to follow the level of intensity in my current environment. If things are intense enough, I am dominant but don't let it leak into my vanilla world... if intensity is lacking, my entire world (vanilla included) becomes a source of stimuli, leaving me inclined to be what my co-workers call "bossy and demanding". *chuckles* Deprived of all outlets, I am cranky, irascible, and difficult to get along with.

If my life is -too- intense, I tend to relax as a domina, even in my kink world... and I become less "public", preferring to have a quiet, uneventful, low-intensity period of 'homebodiness' to constant social interaction which might aggravate my sense of overstimulation.

I've found that how I eat, how much rest I get, and whether I get to do things that are beneficial to my physical body, as well as whether or not I am sick or under pressure have a definite, statistically significant impact on my dominance style.

Firestorm

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 6/30/2008 7:25:28 PM   
Reigna


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For me, there is a clear, direct link between stress (both negative and positive) and the desire to dominate. I also experience a mild degree of sleep disturbance when stressed, but I  attribute this purely to stress; I don't believe it's directly linked to my sadomasochistic impulses. 

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 6/30/2008 7:36:11 PM   
MsD


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LolaBabalon

quote:

ORIGINAL: DragonLady5

I haven't noticed that myself. My "femdominity" (yes, I made that up) is more related to my state of aggressiveness at that time. The more irritated I am (and that can come from being tired or stressed, yes), the more dominant I get.


That's precisely what I was going to say. My style of domination tends to vary with my mood and stress factors, but I'm not sure that there are any other links.


I'll add another factor to these (perhaps part of LB's reference to mood?) ... especially as I get older, I've noticed that as I progress through the stages of my monthly cycle, my mode of dominance changes ... along with patience, irritability factor, etc, etc ... in some regards, menopause can be an asset

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 6/30/2008 8:05:01 PM   
DominaSusan


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I have to agree with you MsD. I have definite swings that can be correlated to my monthly cycle. I can still get in a mood to dominate-but my attention to it and my abilities are not as good as right afterward when I am really hot to dominate. I also find my stress level will decrease my domination because I just can’t focus.   AAkasha, I love your visual on tying up male co-workers. I’ve been tempted to bring my whip to work and I think a few of them would like it if I did.   -DS

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 7/1/2008 7:54:09 AM   
MissSCD


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Stress effects all aspects of your life.   Yes, I go through periods where I do not want to scene with my slave.  We just  hang out and watch movies.
Then I will recharge eventually.
This month has been very stressful.  I have had to take leave from work due to my health and family related matters.  I go back to work tomorrow, and not to mention my car blew up.  Stress like that will effect your mood.  Don't worry about it.  It will come back when the time is right.
 
Regards, MissSCD

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 7/1/2008 10:50:24 PM   
Morsigil


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When I'm either severely sleep deprived or highly stressed and midly sleep deprived I tend to focus on one thing as more complex issues take energy I simply don't have/don't want to put out. Often I'll think about what takes the least effort, the least energy, and for me that is sex and submission.

I believe, and I think many folk would agree, that when a person's mind is tired they are going to think about that which is easiest to focus on. This might be a sign of you brain blowing a whistle and screaming "BREAK TIME".

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 7/2/2008 12:10:49 PM   
ChrisP2175


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While not a FemDom (I'm a submissive), I can relate very readily to what you describe.

First, hypersexuality is well described in the medical literature in association with sleep deprivation. I used to experience that myself quite abit while in my specialty training after medical school, and I still get it nowadays when I've been awake for 24 hours or more due to emergencies.

Like You, I also get periods where there is a tremendous up-tick in my desires (and they always remain those of a submissive), to the point that it can be destracting to my work and regular routine. I haven't found a common thread with those cycles (other than the aforementioned sleep deprivation), but if they become bothersome, meditation helps me a great deal....granted not like a Domme would help!....but on the other hand, I can meditate in my office during lunch break, whereas the staff becomes alarmed if they hear me whimpering after the sound of a whip cracking. 

I suspect some of what You are experiencing is related to fluctuating testosterone levels, and something in Your internal mileau which effects that. You might do what we tell patients to do when trying to find a connection between environmental triggers and headache: keep a journal....not of your thoughts, but of foods, beverages, activities and Your libido at the time. You might find that there is indeed some connection between the environment and Your desires that You hadn't noticed before.

As a trained professional, I'm here to help. Unfortunately, that would mean me identifying the triggers, and making sure that they are applied at all times....

chris

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 7/2/2008 12:30:50 PM   
DiurnalVampire


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For me, Stress and exhaustion make me LESS interested in being actively Dominant. Actively dominant, as in actually taking out the flogger or crop, tying him up or anything like that. Our dynamic and power exchange never seems to suffer from my stress or exhaustion, but my penchant to play does. I'd rather relax when I am in those states and then wait until I can actually enjoy it to play hard.

DV


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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 7/2/2008 7:45:33 PM   
vampchick88


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 Yes just like every other cycle Domination seems to take its as well. At times my urge to dominate can become very intense, almost like a vampire that needs to feed. It gets bad, at times it does distract from everyday life as my mind wanders to all the dirty, immoral, fun, kinky things I can do to pet and different ways to make him suffer for me. During this time the fantasies and thoughts begin to invade my dreams. Usually I'll go a good week to two weeks constantly having at least one good dream a night of new ideas, situations, or play techniques that I'm aching to try out. Unfortunately pet lives nearly 900 miles away from me so throughout the past nearly four months I've been keeping a mental journal of all the things I want to try and experiement. Sometimes I share the dreams and thoughts with him, other times I keep the naughties ones to myself secretly hiding them until we meet again and I can finially unleash myself and all of my unquenched demons upon him.   ~Lorelei

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 7/3/2008 5:53:38 AM   
thetammyjo


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The thing that affects my dominant tendencies most is my health. Being ill for long stretches of time coupled with my very busy life is a sure way to kill a lot of dominant feelings because I feel so damn out of control and unable to figure out what the heck is wrong.

Let's just hope those 8 vials of blood the clinic took yesterday contain some answers cause I've been ill now for 8 months and I'm so tired it's affecting my writing and I need to get book seven finished!

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 7/3/2008 9:05:52 PM   
SensualTouch1001


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I seem to be having an even funnier type of cycle. It seems to be going in about three-months-phases. In the high ones, I'd be into anything, dominating, submitting (to only one person), having sex, writing about sex...daydreaming...everything. In the lows, I certainly don't even want to hear about BDSM. Sex and cuddling, yes, but not that extreme urge.

I am convinced we are undergoing some transformation of energy on earth. Things change a lot, and people feel slightly sick pretty often. It is kind of a spiritual thing. The opposite of doom and gloom. Anyway, what I really experienced, is that I caught extreme sexual energy from one man. I had it continuously no matter how rarely we met. Now I am with another one, and we have both that energy blast feeling. One touch and his or my body changes, brainwaves change and we get totally relaxed. This took me into a dimension of totally soft sex. At the end of it, I usually feel the desire for something hard core, like dominating or submitting, but usually dominating. This ongoing soft sex experience has had some long term effect. It made me calm down when I can't have it sex and I am horny or domination hungry.

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 7/3/2008 9:07:12 PM   
SensualTouch1001


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No, I am not VANILLA. No!! 

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 7/3/2008 9:20:15 PM   
BelleMorte1969


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I find that when I am most sleep deprived, is when I can have the most 'intense' highs from my Dominating others. 

I too will be distracted by the most mundane things, because my mind is twisting everything into my own little dungeon day dream!  

I will crave the most depraved, deranged and sadistic acts of cruelty when sleep deprived and stressed out.  So, those factors seem to feed my sadism, more so than my need to Dominate.

I gave up trying to decipher it.  And just try to make sure that I am within beating distance of my most masochistic painslut.


Women get sex whenever they want it.  What do men get in return?  We let you.

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 7/4/2008 9:37:04 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


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I know exactly what your talking about. I live it, breathe it, and see it in my sleep. I can't get enough of dominating men. When I'm out in the world and I see men I'm always trying to dominate them and when they do something submissive for me I only want more and more. When I watch a movie I'm always hoping for and waiting for a femdom scene. It's my life thru and thru. Give me more slaves!!

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RE: Exhaustion, stress and femdom urges - 7/5/2008 12:10:52 AM   
HarryVanWinkle


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Are you sure that's not PMS?

(Ducks and runs for cover)

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