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Servitude of others - 11/8/2005 9:54:09 PM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
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In my search for a Dom, i have encountered several who have told me it would be my place to procure other women for them to have sex with, or that i would be required to serve sexually anyone else they chose, male or female, without question.
it now has become one of the things i list right off the bat when asked about my hard limits. i will not do that.
I am very much a newcomer to the lifestyle, and always seeking to learn.
So my question is... Is this a common expectation/practice in this lifestyle?
And why might some require this?
it would seem that that would put the sub, me in particular, at risk -- from sexually transmitted diseases, from the danger of serving strangers, etc. And it seems to me most subs are at least a bit insecure. So why would a Dom or Master require his sub to supply him with other women, particularly if that sub is the insecure type?

Post #: 1

RE: Servitude of others - 11/8/2005 10:05:00 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

It is also one of my limits, as well. I was lucky and found someone that has almost no urge to share me. There are about 3 people that have permanent permission to play with me (which does not include sex)all of whom I know very well.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 2

RE: Servitude of others - 11/8/2005 10:09:27 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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It sounds like you have been talking to what we refer to as HNG's (horney net guys). They believe that women are solely for sexual service and as such should be procuring for them the youngest & best. The reality is that these guys generally make poor masters for you and even worse for the girls that you are told to find to add to the household. While polyamory by it's definition is a household of more than 2 many contort the fact that the core relationship must be established before adding members...a fact they usually leave out when talking to newbies.
It sounds like you realize something is wrong and that this situation should be a limit for you...this is a VERY good start. In the beginning as a sub there is nothing wrong with being a little bit selfish...hold out for one that accepts your limits or can explain to you situations where hard limits might get stretched. In my subs case it was that initally he didn't want to be given to another Dom/me ever for any reason...after pointing out to him that this might limit his opportunities to experience things that I am not skilled at like fire play he tabled this as a case by case limit instead of a hard no way not ever limit. Discuss, negotiate, talk, learn about the person, talk and negotiate some more. There is nothing wrong with taking your time. I would also suggest educating yourself while you search. There are lots of good books and websites with TONS of helpful information and local munches can help you meet real people to discuss thhings with. In my mind the more you know and understand the more valuable you are.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 3

RE: Servitude of others - 11/8/2005 10:39:40 PM

wipmebeetme100

Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

And why might some require this?
it would seem that that would put the sub, me in particular, at risk -- from sexually transmitted diseases, from the danger of serving strangers, etc. And it seems to me most subs are at least a bit insecure. So why would a Dom or Master require his sub to supply him with other women, particularly if that sub is the insecure type?

I don't know why some Doms do this....i am just glad that some do. I find it to be a big turn on for me to be required to serve others, sexually and otherwise. When i serve another sexually it fulfills my need to feel used. I also find it to be a big turn on to watch my Dom with another, sexually...even if all i am allowed to do is watch. Of course, it is much better when i am allowed to participate.

cathy

_____________________________

Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~Unknown

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 4

RE: Servitude of others - 11/8/2005 11:41:04 PM

girl4you2

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Joined: 8/4/2005
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removed by poster

< Message edited by girl4you2 -- 11/14/2005 1:00:51 PM >

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maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to wipmebeetme100)

Post #: 5

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 12:07:26 AM

Chaingang

Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
While polyamory by it's definition is a household of more than 2 many contort the fact that the core relationship must be established before adding members...a fact...

Just as a point of clarification - Poly is not really defined that way, you are overlaying your own preferences onto a simpler definition. Try: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

Poly is whatever the participants want it to be.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 6

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 3:22:22 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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Its not an uncommon practice... but neither is it universal. No fetish in this lifestyle is universal. This is why couples have to "negotiate" the terms of their relationship. I don't care for the word negotiate because that makes it sound like you're saying well... I'll clean the bathrooms, but only if you agree to do all the vacuuming.... that's not how it should work. Each person should sit down with an understanding of what they need from the relationship and present those needs. You should each understand what you will not do and present that. Then there's that long list of things you're willing to compromise about, not in trade for something, but to make the other person happy. If your needs and limits match up and you can agree on whatever things need a compromise, congrats, you have a match.... otherwise... Next.

Why would someone require a slave to find other sexual partners... control. For some its a kick to have a slave that will do this. Its a fetish like any other... its not for everyone, if its not for you write that down on your list of limits.

Why would someone require a slave to be shared... again, control, power, prestige, showing off... its another fetish.

Keep in mind, its not just some dominants that want those fetishes, there are also submissives that desire them. What you desire or are your limits is personal to you, and that's alright. Put it in your profile if you feel the need or write about it in the journal CM provides.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 7

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 4:41:04 AM

SoulBelow

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline

My master often says to me when he's playing with me that he'd like to put me in a circle of people and have me go around each one and pleasure them as he tells me to. However it's just an idea that turns us both on to think about. I don't believe he would really expect me to do it and I don't think he'd want me to either. There are things that are good to talk about during a master/slave session but with us it always stays as just talk. It's just an image in our heads that we find kinda horny however in reality he knows I wouldn't be so comfortable doing it. We share a women who is also submissive to him and he expects me to play with her also but that I don't have a problem with. I'm bisexual, she's cute, it's all fun. It's difficult though. I always know in my heart that I can't say no to him but I trust him not to put me where I don't wanna be.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 8

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 5:05:19 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

In my search for a Dom, i have encountered several who have told me it would be my place to procure other women for them to have sex with, or that i would be required to serve sexually anyone else they chose, male or female, without question.
it now has become one of the things i list right off the bat when asked about my hard limits. i will not do that.

I don't know how common it is now. From my experiences looking 5 years ago, it isn't that common. Most of the men I met/spoke with told me they would not share me and were not poly. I do get tons of e-mail from men here asking if my owner shares me..so maybe it is more common now.

quote:

I am very much a newcomer to the lifestyle, and always seeking to learn.
So my question is... Is this a common expectation/practice in this lifestyle?
And why might some require this?

I think it comes down to the fact that it lights their fuse. It is just something they are into.

You are sure (right now anyway) that you are not. Stick with that. There are plenty of people out there who are not into sharing their property and are monogamous.

quote:

it would seem that that would put the sub, me in particular, at risk -- from sexually transmitted diseases, from the danger of serving strangers, etc. And it seems to me most subs are at least a bit insecure. So why would a Dom or Master require his sub to supply him with other women, particularly if that sub is the insecure type?

The more important question to me is why would someone who did not want to supply their owner with sex partners or be shared get involved with someone who wanted that?

This is where the often bandied about word communication comes in handy.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 9

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 5:18:09 AM

Jacques1000

Posts: 273
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline

I would have hoped that this might have been discussed before you your servitude began. Nevertheless, the responses you've got sum up the range of opinion quite well.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 10

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 5:21:44 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

In my search for a Dom, i have encountered several who have told me it would be my place to procure other women for them to have sex with, or that i would be required to serve sexually anyone else they chose, male or female, without question.

I don't see it much in the face to face world, but it does seem a staple of the online one. I suspect it's sort of a fantasy thing, particularly of guys who have never had a poly relationship and have no ideas of the complexitity.

Libby and I are poly, but it's not a casual thing with us and our core relationship had time to mature and work out the kinks before we even thought about bringing in others. I don't know whether to laugh or cry when someone seems to be seeking a partner with the primary intent that she be a lure to collect others for him. It certainly doesn't show the kind of focus and respect that a dom needs to direct toward a submissive in order to make the relationship a success.

I think you are right making it an up-front limit. Frankly, even though I'm poly, that sort of requirement would be a big red flag for me.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 11

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 5:25:05 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: girl4you2

some expereienced dominants also wish a submissive/slave to be with what/whomever they choose, to exert their power i guess. it's not just a HNG syndrome, at least from what i've seen.

[laugh] are you sure they are "experienced?" One of the clues for detecting a HNG is the claim of expertise, usually earn at some secret school or society.

There's an old newspaperman's motto. "If your mother tells you she loves you, check it out with an independent source." People claim lots of things. Reality is often quite different.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to girl4you2)

Post #: 12

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 6:15:22 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

There is a party, here in Southern California, that happens every few months. At this party, the Doms (all male) go into a room and each lists limits he is placing on his submissive. The submissives are expected to serve any Dominant at the party in any manner he wishes, as long as it does not violate the limits that were listed. Submissives may be held out of service by their Dominant, but those people generally are not asked back to the party again.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 13

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 6:24:02 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin
So my question is... Is this a common expectation/practice in this lifestyle?

I'd have to say yes, it's fairly common for doms/tops to want their slaves to find other partners for them.

quote:

And why might some require this?

Mostly for sex and fun, some for ego, and a few actually want to try polyamory.

quote:

it would seem that that would put the sub, me in particular, at risk -- from sexually transmitted diseases, from the danger of serving strangers, etc.

Well that's why you take precautions like condoms and testing. And serving others is only a danger if the person you are asked to serve is a dangerous person. The theory is that whoever you or your dom chose would be a good person to be with.

quote:

And it seems to me most subs are at least a bit insecure.

OK all people are insecure to some extent...and not all subs are insecure in THIS way.

quote:

So why would a Dom or Master require his sub to supply him with other women, particularly if that sub is the insecure type?

An experienced understanding dom or master would not get involved with someone who was not able to go to this extent and who was not fulfilled in serving this way. An mature dom who really wants a relationship to work long term will help you work out your issues, take things at a reasonable pace and bring you along.

Do a lot of doms/tops want this sort of thing? Yes. Do many get it? Some. Do those relationships last? Rarely.

Remember, this is about being yourself. It doesn't matter if 99% of other people do something out there. If you're that 1% who doesn't...then you just find yourself someone else in that 1%.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 14

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 9:23:18 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

Y'know, it seems that this is becoming fairly common in the non-fetish community as well.

That is, the idea of partner sharing or including multiple partners.

When my partner and I first got together, he had no background in bdsm at all, however one of the first fantasies we explored was that of adding other people for play. Of all the people we've played with, only 3 have had a bdsm background, the others were either vanilla friends or found through vanilla channels.

This is neither here nor there, just something I've noticed.

(Incedentally, I don't know what to call it, but I think there's a class that falls below true polyamoury and below open relationships. Below in the sense that there is less emotional invovlement from parties outside the relationship. Something to the effect of three-some one-night-stands, if that makes sense. Playing with others, as a couple, with zero commitment implied or asked of the individual theya re playing with.)

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 9:48:27 AM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
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i have no problems if my future Dom and i decide to pursue a poly or even a swinging lifestyle.
The issue here, however, is different.
It is being REQUIRED to serve other people sexually, at the whim of these "doms", without any questions or hesitation... or being required to line other women up for them to have sex with.
Sorry. i'm no pimp. Any Dom that wants to have sex with other women can line them up his own self.
Of course... this is not my thing, and so i tell any Dom who expects this that i am not for Him.
It's just gotten me curious as to whether its commonplace and why.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 16

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 9:48:44 AM

Jacques1000

Posts: 273
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

There is a party, here in Southern California, that happens every few months. At this party, the Doms (all male) go into a room and each lists limits he is placing on his submissive. The submissives are expected to serve any Dominant at the party in any manner he wishes, as long as it does not violate the limits that were listed. Submissives may be held out of service by their Dominant, but those people generally are not asked back to the party again.

And in practice, how does that work in terms of limits respected, adherence to rules etc

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 17

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 9:52:48 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin
Any Dom that wants to have sex with other women can line them up his own self.
Of course... this is not my thing, and so i tell any Dom who expects this that i am not for Him.
It's just gotten me curious as to whether its commonplace and why.

That's fine, that's what finding limits is all about.

I, for one, enjoy finding new partners for myself and an owner to enjoy, either together or separately. It's just part of my service.

As noted before, for most people it's just a nice fantasy to play out, it's ego, and for some it really is just who they are and how they work in relationships.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 18

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 10:22:23 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

yes it's called swinging I belive

Something to the effect of three-some one-night-stands, if that makes sense. Playing with others, as a couple, with zero commitment implied or asked of the individual theya re playing with.)

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 19

RE: Servitude of others - 11/9/2005 10:23:37 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

i have no problems if my future Dom and i decide to pursue a poly or even a swinging lifestyle.
The issue here, however, is different.
It is being REQUIRED to serve other people sexually, at the whim of these "doms", without any questions or hesitation... or being required to line other women up for them to have sex with.
Sorry. i'm no pimp. Any Dom that wants to have sex with other women can line them up his own self.
Of course... this is not my thing, and so i tell any Dom who expects this that i am not for Him.
It's just gotten me curious as to whether its commonplace and why.

The way I see it, you agree to those conditions, you discuss those conditions, before you pursue a relationship with that person.

The dominant person in question can REQUIRE anything he/she darn well wants, you don't have to accept those requirments.

I figure there's nothing wrong with the expectation that your property will serve anyone you say they will serve whenever and however. I think that the prior negotiation that goes into that is that the dominant person will make sure he gets assurances of disease-freenes, etc. I do know several individuals for whom this is the way they opperate.

As for lining up parnters, often it falls to the woman (in a m/f relationship) because the female is the less threatening one. I tend to line up partners b/c I can approach somene in a "hey, if you wanna this might be fun, if not cool" way, but my partner gets dismissed as horny man.

Like Emerald said, it's all about what works for you and what y'all agree on.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 20

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