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Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/1/2008 9:23:54 PM   
pagankinktress


Posts: 80
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		I'm in a contemplative mood at the moment and am hoping some will share their insights. :)

In your opinion and/or experience, is there a difference between a desire to please and a desire to obey your dominant?  Have either of these desires ever become problematic for you?  If so, how did you manage? 

Thanks for your thoughts!

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/1/2008 9:28:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Except in cases where you are ordered to please, yes definitely.

Sometimes I managed by just doing it, sometimes I melted down, sometimes I screamed, sometimes I froze, sometimes I explained, sometimes I held strong, sometimes I ascended.

I think perhaps this becomes a problem when a subs inner desire to please in a particular way supercedes their authority (ie "I know he TOLD me to shut up and leave him alone, but I KNOW he likes it when I give him a massage and crawl on the floor around him")- so rather than work it out another way, they rationalize it and end up a bit singed on the other side.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 7/1/2008 9:29:35 PM >

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/1/2008 10:18:56 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		This comes to fruition with me when we're talking about immediate desires. Sure, me giving him a backrub would be nice, but it's gonna take a chunk of time that was devoted to dinner. Or, it can be the other way around...I really want to please him in the now, and he's got ambitions for the future. In the end, I just let him decide what would be more pleasurable in the long run.

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~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/1/2008 11:40:45 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		Obeying, to me, has always been about doing what has been asked of me. Nothing more and nothing less. The short comings i have found in just obeying is that was the time he really wanted me to just read his mind. Not only did he want me to obey, but go beyond that and please him. So in just obeying and not being observant of his needs and situation, I miss out on times i could have been there for him.

Pleasing is my favorite! :) I am always wanting to please, but not just in obeying what he wanted from me. I love the feeling of knowing that I not only did what was asked, but exceeded those expectations. (That might also that I never just want to do something "good enough.") The one part that get me in trouble, is when i don't get recognized for this extra effort, or I am having a hard day and just need a confermation that everything is ok. Then when I ask for this confermation, I am seen as needy.

I think another thing that has been an issue for me. Is when I give to the point that I forget what I need to keep myself happy and healthy. I am still working on this though.

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 1:21:58 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Obedience is pleasing to my Master. And even within obedience, there is always the opportunity to go above and beyond in order to please.

Using the massage example, if I am ordered to leave him alone, then that's what I do - even knowing he likes a massage. What I WILL do however, is set things up so that IF he wants a massage, everything is prepared so that there's no wait time between when he decides he wants a massage and when I can provide that for him. If in the end, he chooses not to have the massage, I simply pack things back up and wait for the next time.

And above all, I don't waste time getting all pissy because I KNEW he likes backrubs but he never asked for one. That's a prime example of me making the excuse that "he likes it" when in actuality, it's a case of what *I* want to do.

juliet

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 1:51:53 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		i was taught a lesson some years ago about the difference between doing things to please and simply BEing pleasing.  The difference is focus.  Whether it's obeying an order or giving a massage, where is my focus?  If my focus is on doing what *I* want, giving what *I* want to give, then my focus is on me.  BEing pleasing, my focus is on HIM. 

When i feel a conflict between obedience and my desire to please, i check my focus.  When i adjust my focus to Him, the conflict is resolved.

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Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 3:13:58 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		If I give an instruction and she grudgingly complies then whilst she may have obayed Me she will not have pleased Me. That is not submission and her attitude would be corrected in short order.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 3:57:38 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Pleasing is about approval. Obedience is about fulfillment. They often are seen as going togther, but there is nothing about true obedience that says it also MUST be about approval.

Master Fire


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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 4:08:28 AM   
MistressMetelli


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Obedient is a requirement

pleasing is what comes next

< Message edited by MistressMetelli -- 7/2/2008 4:09:27 AM >

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 5:28:20 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Pleasing comes from obeying.
Obeying comes from communication where as pleasing on it's own sometimes comes from second guessing.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 5:46:36 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		Sir requires me to be obedient at all times... He requires me to be pleasing also ... but at the least obedience will do.
I can be obedient without being pleasing, but I cannot be pleasing without being obedient.

It is a house rule that Sir is woken with a fresh cup of coffee and a blow job. So if I stamp into the bedroom ... slam the coffee down on the bedside table, rip the covers back .. and give the most sullen, grumpy and perfunctory head in history ... I am still being obedient.... hardly pleasing though is it? Creeping in ... putting the cup gently down next to Him ... kissing Him tenderly ... whispering something loving in His ear ... and lovingly .. devotedly administering a class A blow job .... thats more pleasing right? Especially if Inga, Olga and Helga follow me in carrying the morning papers, fresh baked biscuits, and bacon

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 6:20:29 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

Pleasing is about approval. Obedience is about fulfillment. They often are seen as going togther, but there is nothing about true obedience that says it also MUST be about approval.


This rings true for me and really lays out clearly something I've been puzzling over.

I'm oriented more towards obedience than 'pleasing' and have gotten less concerned with approval over time.  Perhaps its because of this that the difference between 'obedience' and 'pleasing' have become magnified in my mind.  I find my satisfaction in being able to obey rather than the outcome of my obedience.  I don't need a lot of 'rewards' and don't really like being rewarded overmuch and approval seems to be a sort of reward--it feels a little manipulative to tie my obedience to approval, like some kind of suble emotional blackmail (as in, she's a good girl so long as you shower her with praise). Acknowledgement is important because it helps me know if I was in fact obedient to the order as it was intended to be followed and its good to know whether or not I'm doing a good job.

I don't do much by way of anticipating needs.  Over time, as I settle into a routine with someone, if they're consistant, some 'orders' become standing orders but I don't do a lot of guessing.   I may recognize a need, or even a preference, but that fact alone doesn't give me any insight into how the person wants that need/preference filled.  It may well be that its something they prefer to do themselves or I may be mistaken in my assessment of the need.  


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“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 6:36:12 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pagankinktress

I'm in a contemplative mood at the moment and am hoping some will share their insights. :)

In your opinion and/or experience, is there a difference between a desire to please and a desire to obey your dominant?  Have either of these desires ever become problematic for you?  If so, how did you manage? 

Thanks for your thoughts!


You could probably argue that there is a difference, though I wouldn't say that they have become problematic. I'm obeying when I remind him that he needs to get off the computer at a certain time and I'm obeying when I do what I have to do to to make sure that we are ready for trips. However, these are not always pleasing as it's not much fun to get off the computer to go to the doctor - unless you want to argue that because I am obeying and everything is done, I am ultimately being pleasing.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 6:55:25 AM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings all,

To be pleasing requires two things: absolute obedience and exquisite beauty.

Absolute Obedience is the to follow the letter of whatever directive has been given and exquisite beauty is to do so in the right spirit. 

Aptitude and attitude go hand in hand to be pleasing.  Even when a girl doesn't have proficiency to accomplish something her Master tasks her with, she can be pleasing by doing her best and with the right demeanor.  Nothing is more aggravating to SJ than when I am downhearted about not doing something perfectly for him.  Its something we have worked on this year and it certainly has gotten better. 

well wishes ~ fairer than she

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Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 7:22:38 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I'm in a contemplative mood at the moment and am hoping some will share their insights. :)
In your opinion and/or experience, is there a difference between a desire to please and a desire to obey your dominant? Have either of these desires ever become problematic for you? If so, how did you manage?
Thanks for your thoughts!


There are things He has me do, that I would simply rather not. (Like maintenancing my quad. He does this to teach me to be self sufficient; I would rather sit around and let him get all gunky, but He doesn't operate that way ) I do these things sometimes grudgingly, sometimes not, but I do them. I may learn to get over myself and I may learn to embrace the task, but never the less, I do it, and sometimes kicking and screaming. That is the nature of obedience.

A good amount of the tasks he has me do, I do with the mind set of pleasing Him, which would include doing the task 'His' way, or having remembered a remark he made about it months ago and incorporating that remark into the task. Sometimes, it's just remembering to treat the collars and cuffs on white dress shirts. I know that these things will not only complete the task, but bring him a modicum of pleasure.

The differance between obedience and pleasure for me is whether I'm on Auto-pilot or whether I think a task through. Obedience doesn't really require me to do anything but 'the task'. In order to go the extra mile and enhance my obedience by the addition of a pleasure outcome for him, it requires some thought from me.

PL


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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 7:23:21 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		The two go hand and hand  when i obey it pleases Master.  However one does not need an order to be pleasing.  I will do things that i know Master will like.  he does not have to give me an order to do these things i do it to be pleasing.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 7:55:48 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

In your opinion and/or experience, is there a difference between a desire to please and a desire to obey your dominant? 


obedience IS pleasing to Him, so the desire to obey, IS ALSO a desire to please...and vice versa.
 
quote:

 Have either of these desires ever become problematic for you?


no.  His pleasure is paramount, so this slave strives to please Him by obeying.  it has worked out beautifully so far.

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 9:55:49 AM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

If I give an instruction and she grudgingly complies then whilst she may have obayed Me she will not have pleased Me. That is not submission and her attitude would be corrected in short order.

I have grudgingly complied to quite a few orders/instructions in the past.  I doubt that the people who gave them would have called my actions anything other than submission.  Perhaps it is not "your" definition of submission, but it can still be called submission none the less.

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 10:48:09 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I really liked some of the other comments on this thread.  Unless ordered to please, yes, I see a difference between the desire to please and the desire to obey.  I do not see the desire to please as being a submissive trait.  He has the desire to please Alandra and I and yet he is not the one who submits in our relationship.

To me, the desire to please is often about doing your own will.  The desire to obey is about doing the will of someone else.  As eyesopened mention, it is about where I am focused.  If my focus is on doing what he wants, then I don't really have to worry about whether he is pleased or not. 

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Pleasing Vs. Obeying - 7/2/2008 1:13:30 PM   
BBWnNC72


Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline 		For me, obeying Him pleases both of us.
Though not everything He has me do is pleasing, my pleasure comes from seeing Him pleased with me.

< Message edited by BBWnNC72 -- 7/2/2008 1:14:47 PM >

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.


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