hisannabelle
Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline
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greetings jalo (and everyone),
wow, i don't think i've ever had so many instances of double you tee eff when first skimming a thread. i'm going to quickly quote and respond to a couple of things and then give my own views...
quote:
Safewords are utmost important to majority of the players, simply because most dominants are not capable, or interested, of reading their subjects. Subbies may not be intelligent enough to read their doms and understand how to give suttle instructions about her personal limits.
perhaps this is common for people who play with people they don't know well? i've never had this problem.
quote:
Should we divide the players into two different categories: Those with enough empathy and courage to play “I trust you game” and to those who should play it “safe, sane & consensual”.
as someone else has mentioned, i'm not a "player" and this isn't a "game" - and i think the very first lesson anyone needs to learn upon interacting with anyone else in wiitwd is that categorizing people doesn't work. in fact, maybe we should just make up cards and hand them out, or post it in blinking neon letters above every new poster's first input box.
quote:
You always play Safe, Sane & Consenual. Period.
no, you always play "ssc."
quote:
My hard limits don't change just cause I am flying, and when I fly I still retain common sense. Now maybe I don't go as hard an deep as others in that case, but just cause I am flying does not mean people will be able to talk me into stuff I wouldn't agree to when not flying.
yourhandmyass, this has to be one of the best (if not the best) posts i've ever seen you make...at least, it rang VERY true with me. yeah, the endorphins may be running - there have even been mind-altering substances involved - but even if i may not have thought of that scenario while not "flying," i've never done or said anything to Him while "flying" that i wouldn't have trusted him with otherwise.
quote:
You don't "allow" safewords because you think that giving someone the option of stopping the scene when it gets beyond their comfort zone turns it from real to play.
That is definitely your choice.
Realize the implications of what you are saying. You are removing the choice from your partner... there is no equality. There is you, decided what you will do with (and to) the person you are taking, and they get no say when it is too much, too painful, or they are experiencing a medical or emotional emergency. In other words, you don't care enough about their feelings to give them a voice. You see them as there to be used, and if this use causes permenant damage, than that is something they must accept.
This is between informed, consenting adults and you and your partner should have a right to engage in this if you both so choose. However, my thought, before you engage this way with a partner, is that you should be forced to have a session as a bottom with a top who shares your view- someone who doesn't allow safewords, and who will not stop when you say you have enough.
see, while i think the situation this post was referring to was laughable at best, i have to say i disagree...if a bottom/submissive is willing to be in a relationship with someone who does not allow safewords or does not stop, THEY are the ones consenting to it. at least the top in question is honest about what he's expecting; any bottom who walks into that willingly gives up that control. in terms of equality - perhaps it does for some, but for me, equality and submission don't fit in the same sentence.
quote:
Well. I guess that the real question is: why on earth anybody even dreams on not following the rules. Is not so that all reasonable submissives want to make sure that they are safe? Don’t all law-obedient and sane dominants want to ensure that they are not doing serious damage to the lovely creatures who gave them the authority?
If we exclude sickos from the equation (that is: the mentally disturbed individuals hitting pregnant women to the stomach with the belt) we are left with what I call “role-players” and “reality-seekers” Personally, I fall into latter category.
Role players want to experience the feelings, but in order to let loose they must have be sure that – in the end - they have the ultimate control. “Being spanked or abused is ok, as long as I can stop this if it goes beyond my limits”
Reality seekers experience this from opposite angle. In order to feel – anything- they must have an illusion not having a control at all / having a total control without any limits.
watch out or you're going to turn this into yet another no limits thread(tm). personally, i think the labels of "role player" and "reality seeker" are somewhat derogatory and completely not applicable; according to your categorization, i fall more into the "reality seeker" category but i know plenty of "reality seekers" who play with safewords, or whatever. it's a nice thought, but again, your method of putting people into boxes isn't actually going to fit anyone in reality (and you're probably going to piss a lot of people off and not get your point across in the process - that may or may not mean anything to you).
quote:
Exactly how do people make this magical transition from the first negotiation to this all inclusive trust? That's something that's years in the making, and I wouldn't want to cheapen it by expecting it from the onset. I'm very confused in the thinking that anything in-between would be considered "role-playing".
so well said.
onto the fun stuff...speaking from the perspective of someone in a long term relationship who prefers to "play" within that kind of setting, i don't do safewords. we knew each other a long time before we began dating, and at the start of bringing m/s into the relationship we had a "contract" and a safeword. i don't think i've ever used the safeword; He's literally forced me to use it twice when i was having a panic attack. nowadays we pretty much both know how things work and that's how it is - we don't worry too much about the things we wrote down early on. if i'm having difficulty He sometimes will stop of His own accord; i don't believe i've ever asked Him to stop, but if i were to, He would take it under consideration and...stop of His own accord. He knows my limitations and when it comes to things like my physical disabilities i let Him know if something goes numb and He makes the decision. it wasn't that i had any reason NOT to trust Him from the beginning...i just had to get a sense for His consistency as a master and i also had to learn, in many ways, to accept His authority - however accustomed i may have been to this dynamic before we got together.
that said, i don't think safewords mean someone is roleplaying or that there is a lack of trust. for some it may be a way to play when they don't know enough about a play partner to know whether to trust them without one; for others it can still be useful to indicate when something's wrong ten years into a relationship. it just doesn't work for us. on the other hand, i don't think a lack of safewords makes anyone more "real" or "twue" than anyone else. likewise, "rack" and "ssc" aren't codes for us - i consented to be His slave, period, end of story. i understand they're useful for some people but honestly i've never actually been in a situation or seen them explained in a way that would make them useful for us, although i'm sure most of what we do falls within them to in some way or another. it may be because i entered bdsm through a relationship rather than seeking out a relationship after getting involved in the "bdsm lifestyle" complete with a handy dandy book of jargon...i didn't know what "ssc" and "rack" WERE until i found them on a bdsm website somewhere. my real life experience just holds truer for me - and for some, those tenets mean more to them than they do to me. yet again, doesn't make them "roleplayers."
respectfully,
a'ishah.
p.s. prinsexx, i love the new photo :)
p.p.s. where are these rules i am hearing so much about? i missed the memo. :( just wanted to know how many i've broken so far to see how many lashes i can expect is all :)
< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 7/7/2008 3:54:50 PM >
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a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...
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RE: Should the rules of the game be followed? - 
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