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Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 12:49:31 AM

Dusty15

Posts: 50
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

Just a thought and if you want to respond feel free.
Going through some of the Mistress's profiles and reading them to find out what they are looking for I wonder realy what they are looking for. See I know I am not the most good looking slave out there but do believe I have something going for me.
What are some of these Mistress looking for. I know I am not going to find the ideal one but one that comes close to what I am looking for. Last I know they get a lot of male sub responding to them but would it be nice if they would at least say thank you for sending me your message or something like that.

< Message edited by Dusty15 -- 7/3/2008 12:51:47 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 1:11:26 AM

BelleMorte1969

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/10/2008
Status: offline

I try very hard to respond to every email I receive. Even the rude, nasty and stupid ones.

I believe it is polite to at least acknowledge the person, even if it is to say 'no thank you'.

Not everyone feels the same way. I know there are some Dominants that feel because they are dominant, that they owe you no reply. I believe this to be misguided, but, everyone has their own ideals of what a Dominant or Submissive should do.

The people who don't even acknowledge you, were not worth your time in the first place.

I do hope you find what you seek.

Women get sex whenever they want it. What do men get in return? We let you.

(in reply to Dusty15)

Post #: 2

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 7:33:46 AM

dragon2760

Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline

I agree that it is dishearten sometimes when you have taken the time to really put an effort into creating a fairly detailed profile and to send a sincere e-mail to not receive any response at all. Just a "thanks for the e-mail but I am not interested" would be better than nothing at all. I guess for the most part I have to agree with what BelleMorte1969 says about it. I also see that as a male submissive the numbers game is against us as well. The old supply and demand dynamics. As for the vagueness in some of the profiles all you can do is ask and hope that they are not looking for a mind reader.

_____________________________

"When two people are alone together, and one of them is naked and tied up, and the other is standing over them holding whips and other torture implements, this is not the time to have a serious mismatch of expectations." Jay Wiseman

(in reply to BelleMorte1969)

Post #: 3

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 7:49:27 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dusty15

Just a thought and if you want to respond feel free.
Going through some of the Mistress's profiles and reading them to find out what they are looking for I wonder realy what they are looking for. See I know I am not the most good looking slave out there but do believe I have something going for me.

What are some of these Mistress looking for. I know I am not going to find the ideal one but one that comes close to what I am looking for. Last I know they get a lot of male sub responding to them but would it be nice if they would at least say thank you for sending me your message or something like that.

Dusty,
I've bolded & italicized the part of your message I'm responding to, which I think is the crux of the issue. Many people here on CM don't really know who they are and what they're really looking for. They can't tell you what their "Must haves", vs. their "Wants" are, their "Needs" vs. their "Nice to haves" or what they might view as "Bonuses" in someone. That applies to subs as well as Dommes. Many also can't (or aren't willing) to tell you what their Hard limits are in terms of what they couldn't accept in a partner, whether it be smoking, drinking, drug use, poly, obesity, race, height, STD's, disabilities, educational requirements, income level, local-only, etc. While some of the things I just listed may sound superficial to you, they exist for others and people need to be honest with themselves if they're important to them. If they are, at times it would certainly be helpful if they stated them.

Heck, it would help a lot if many dommes just stated some of their vanilla interests! I'm often at a loss as to how to approach a woman who tells me nothing about herself other than the mandatory stats! Perhaps that's why I don't approach ones with empty profiles very often if at all.

You're perfectly correct to feel you have something to offer the right Mistress for you just as I know I have something to offer the right one for me. Finding the right one and making that connection seems to me to be some kind of a random process that's often a matter of putting yourself in the right place at the right time, then having fun while allowing yourself to be open to the possibility that something could happen at any moment and seizing the opportunity when it does. As I see it, you never have anything to lose when those potential opportunties arise. Even if it's not a connection, I always view it as at least an opportunity to meet someone who may turn out to be a good friend. I feel fortunate to have made many of those here on CM.

BTW, you also never know when one of those good friends might turn out to either know someone or meet someone from your area they'd be happy to introduce you to as a "good guy" to meet that might make a compatible sub for them.

So, are you having fun here on CM? If not, IMO you need to be someplace where you are that you can also meet the kind of woman you're looking for!

- pixel

Edited for clarity

< Message edited by pixelslave -- 7/3/2008 7:53:45 AM >

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Dusty15)

Post #: 4

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 7:52:07 AM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I tried very hard to repsonse to most all my inquiries. I will not however respond to things that are specifically detailed as hard limits on my profile. If your going to write me..

quote:

Hey Biotch..how about some diapers and a lil k9 action..

your not likely to get anything back from me other than a block notice. Now

quote:

Hello Miss Im so and so and I read your profile or your post on whatever. May we discuss so and so.

Is probably going to get a .. Well Im flattered and a view of your profile. If Im not interested I will respond with

quote:

thank you for you inquiry, however I am not interested. Good Luck with your search. Sincerely. SD

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to dragon2760)

Post #: 5

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 8:12:09 AM

mztresn0w

Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

I will respond to most e-mails I receive. There are some that I won't respond to. The one liners are annoying at best. The one that say I have read your profile and then tell me they want to serve me. They haven't read my profile and are just sending mass e-mails hoping to caught someones attention. The people that have read my profile and send an e-mail I do respond back. Most I never hear from again. { shrugging shoulders I think because I am looking for friendship only} So there are different reason for everyone. If someone is judging you by your looks then would you really want to be with them any way? That seem really shallow to me.

_____________________________

Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Post #: 6

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 9:20:07 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Oh.. I was so once like you.. *grin* I couldn't imagine not responding, even to the stupidest ones...

I finally stopped.. not sure when... but seriously, I applaud you.. I did try for the longest time to do that and its a great thing to do.. its just plain nice. In terms of people who don't write back not being worth someone's time... sometimes people who write me are not worth the response.. trust me.. and you'll find that eventually. When I was first here, I had great mail -- the longer I was here, the worse it got -- then I used filters and I still responded to the filtered mail, nicely I might add.. and then the stupid stuff, then the nasty... but honestly, it ended up that a lot of it is not worth my time.

anyway... to the OP, there are several threads in this forum alone on why people don't answer, on what dominant women want and several other related topics that might help you. I'm not doing the work for you, but a little searching and you'll find enough stuff to keep you reading for 24 hours, I'm sure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BelleMorte1969

I try very hard to respond to every email I receive. Even the rude, nasty and stupid ones.

I believe it is polite to at least acknowledge the person, even if it is to say 'no thank you'.

Not everyone feels the same way. I know there are some Dominants that feel because they are dominant, that they owe you no reply. I believe this to be misguided, but, everyone has their own ideals of what a Dominant or Submissive should do.

The people who don't even acknowledge you, were not worth your time in the first place.

I do hope you find what you seek.

Women get sex whenever they want it. What do men get in return? We let you.

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 7/3/2008 9:32:47 AM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to BelleMorte1969)

Post #: 7

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 10:09:58 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Dusty15,

Rather than single out mistresses, ask yourself this question: are there many kinds or people in life? The answer, of course, is "yes". Therefore there are busy people, courteous people, rude people, people who can't be bothered, happy people, people in mourning, people who reply to everyone, people who reply to almost nobody, people who have already found a partner and are no longer checking their mail, etc. Therefore, when you write to someone, they may or may not reply.

Of those who will reply to your message, you're much more likely to get a response if you write a personalized letter that addresses the things you found interesting about their profile and that shares some interesting things about yourself. Unless a mistress specifically asks you to talk about your kinks in her profile, it's my opinion that this is better left out of an introduction letter. Keep the BDSM stuff to a minimum and save it for when a conversation has been established and mutual chemistry calls for it. If a mistress doesn't reply and the two of you seem especially compatible, you might try a polite follow-up letter a few weeks later. For the most part though, if someone doesn't reply, it's time to move on. Establishing a conversation with someone who is interested, available, and attentive is far better than chasing someone who (for whatever reason) isn't motivated or able to reply.

Elan.

(in reply to Dusty15)

Post #: 8

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 10:28:15 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Heck, i don't even respond to all emails; not even those that are simply innocent and complimentary on my profile, picture, posts or whatever. i have plenty of spare time and i'm certain that i don't get anywhere near the amount of mail that some of the women find on here. If i can't find the time to respond to all of my emails, i can't imagine how difficult it would be for someone deluged with mails.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 9

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 10:31:18 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Whoa! Way flattered that you write back to me!

Of course I don't bother complimenting you on your hotness until the end of the letter...just so I can get some Cougar Points!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 10

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 10:40:12 AM

MsLemon

Posts: 47
Joined: 1/3/2004
Status: offline

To the OP my profile is written in a way which clearly indicates who I am, what I seek and what I'm not seeking. Does my having taken the time to put clarity in my profile stop me from getting emails from those who simply do not fit, are clearly wanting what I don't seek, and of course the rude ones who somehow think their writing me to say "lose some weight" actually was worth their effort to tap those keys (that is of course another story/thread)? It does not. For those who write me that are clearly not in the ballpark of what I state I'm seeking or are from so far away its impossible to see that they'd become real life anytime in the relative near future, I will either delete and not respond to the ones who are clearly sending out the same email to several or for those who took time to write me directly I'll wish them luck. What is leading me towards not responding at all are the ones who I say "thanks but not thanks and good luck" to that continue writing trying to "convince" me I'm wrong in my decision. If being polite means I'll get 5 more emails beyond my no thank you response why should I bother replying in a polite way saying no at all?

Regards,
Ms Lemon

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 11

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 10:40:49 AM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

{Fast Reply}

There are also some people who's collarme email doesn't work. It either never sends their emails or it only does occasionally. It shows them that the emails were sent, and even shows them it's been read, but it was, in fact, never sent.

I have this problem on occasion. I know, I've tested it with messages to people whom I know in real life.

It could be that the OP has this problem and the Dominas he writes to are not actually getting his emails. Or it could be that at least some of them ARE getting them AND responding, but he's not getting the response.

My recommendation is to include offsite contact information, either email address or perhaps YM name, in all correspondence you send. Of course, if you're one of those whose emails are never actually sent, you're SOL.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 12

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 10:46:30 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Whoa! Way flattered that you write back to me! Of course I don't bother complimenting you on your hotness until the end of the letter...just so I can get some Cougar Points!

Hehe, if you save your CMail like i do (though i do an occasional weeding); you'll notice that i didn't reply to your last two emails to me. It's nothing personal, sometimes i do and sometimes i do not. Some emails i recieve leave little room to respond beyond a simple "Thank you", and generally i can't find the motivation to reply with anything of so little substance.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 13

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 10:47:56 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Well, I have never been one of those who keeps track!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 14

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 11:34:10 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

Sometimes, it isn't all about the sub...

I don't respond to every email that I get. I don't do it in my other areas of life, and I don't do it on CM.

If you write me, and you've clearly read my profile, and you are in the immediate vicinity (since I specify that we don't do cyber or "online training"), I'll most certainly respond.

If you send a nice note, offer a complement, or even a comment (nice or not) that is concise and well thought out, I will most likely respond.

Sometimes, if I'm bored, and you don't fit any of my criteria, but you were polite and pleasant, I might send a personal "sorry, but I think you made a mistake" note.

Most of the time, if you write once, I indicate that I'm interested, and you write back, I won't leave you hanging... but sometimes it takes me more than 1 day to write a return message. If I have a lot of deadlines, I may not even get on CM that evening (that happened yesterday evening, as a matter of fact -- during the day I can access the boards, but not the site, and if I'm busy, I won't make it home in time to have site access for the evening). Once I get room to breathe, I'll start thinking about the boy I'm supposed to be looking for, and get back on CM and see what's going on. If a boy is impatient and drops me because I didn't respond in 55 minutes, that's his loss.

Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 15

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 12:36:15 PM

SinSoap

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/28/2008
Status: offline

---oops wrong one!

< Message edited by SinSoap -- 7/3/2008 12:37:02 PM >

(in reply to Dusty15)

Post #: 16

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 12:40:12 PM

Nikolette

Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline

Well a lot of Dommes DO send out mail to almost everyone. I do.

But if you are having a hard time managing your feelings about some strangers and their lack of what you and maybe, I, think of a good email etiquette... I think you may want to turn inward for some self motivated resolutions to this matter. Its everyone's choice on how to behave. Just because we think something is good manners to us, doesn't mean those Dommes give a rats rear-end. And honestly- we don't have to. I don't consider myself to be ridiculously gorgeous and prime dating material (not that that I have self esteem issues, but I'm poly and that isn't ideal for tons of people) ---- however I get thousands of emails a year from submissives if I visit the site regularly. So despite how I treat people, I am going to continue to get a lot of emails. Thus there is little incentive not to just do what is convenient for me... However, what a happy circumstance that I am on the Top and those I'm looking for are ideally going to be of the mentality that that is EXACTLY what I should do, and ought to be thrilled I am following my true desires on how to act, RATHER than letting manners, the wishes of others, or other fairly meaningless things deter me from my desires.

And honestly, it could be quite simple to get into the mentality of: "Oh, no reply yet from Suchnsuch? That's disappointing, but oh well. She must not have felt we were compatible or had something else going on in her life that didn't involve me personally at all, and thus isn't responding to mail right now." etc etc. In this way you are managing your reaction, rather than getting pissy she isn't reacting the way YOU want her to.

I'm just always amused at the deep sense of entitlement that men have toward women, their time, and their manners. You don't own a chunk of her, or an expected reaction from her just because she put herself up on a personals site on the freaking internet.... and you probably need to start getting into that mentality right now. Because it going to be much more intense on a daily basis whilst in the midst of servitude. You are a stranger, who is reaching out electronically. Don't take it personally when they don't respond to you. They haven't met you. And if you want someone who is going to take your feelings, or socially constructed rules of interactions into account ABOVE their natural desires: be glad they are acting like that from the get-go so you can find someone who doesn't mind letting subs' expectations pre-determining how things will go.

Top 3 Reasons I don't reply to idiots who write me:
1--- They obviously copy and pasted some nonsensical crap that barely is relevant to me or my profile at all, if even that much
2--- They are outside of the range of person I have clearly stated I'm looking for which says to me that they aren't courteous enough to invest that time in reading my profile to figure out if we are compatible on a basic level (gender/age/location/etc)
3--- They sent me something vulgar/lewd in their primary email to me that was inappropriate

And even in those three circumstances MOST of the time I respond with a no thank you or a detailed explaination of why and how what they sent was unacceptable.

This isn't because I feel like they'll cry themselves asleep if I don't or get on CM message boards and tattle... this is because I was raised to be thoughtful of others despite their behavior toward me. But not everyone remotely cares about that, so as I said, accept that you can't determine someone else's behavior and that they don't owe you anything and move along with your day.

Best of luck in this matter.

_____________________________

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

(in reply to Dusty15)

Post #: 17

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 7:23:39 PM

BelleMorte1969

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/10/2008
Status: offline

I am sorry to hear that Madame4a. I am hoping that won't be the case. Just trying to shed a little light, for a sub that seemed confused. Here's to you finding a sub worth replying too.

Women get sex whenever they want it. What do men get in return? We let you.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 18

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 7:27:06 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

*grin*

thanks.. gorgeous picture, by the way...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to BelleMorte1969)

Post #: 19

RE: Why won't some Mistress respond back to you - 7/3/2008 7:28:19 PM

BelleMorte1969

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikolette

Well a lot of Dommes DO send out mail to almost everyone. I do.

But if you are having a hard time managing your feelings about some strangers and their lack of what you and maybe, I, think of a good email etiquette... I think you may want to turn inward for some self motivated resolutions to this matter. Its everyone's choice on how to behave. Just because we think something is good manners to us, doesn't mean those Dommes give a rats rear-end. And honestly- we don't have to. I don't consider myself to be ridiculously gorgeous and prime dating material (not that that I have self esteem issues, but I'm poly and that isn't ideal for tons of people) ---- however I get thousands of emails a year from submissives if I visit the site regularly. So despite how I treat people, I am going to continue to get a lot of emails. Thus there is little incentive not to just do what is convenient for me... However, what a happy circumstance that I am on the Top and those I'm looking for are ideally going to be of the mentality that that is EXACTLY what I should do, and ought to be thrilled I am following my true desires on how to act, RATHER than letting manners, the wishes of others, or other fairly meaningless things deter me from my desires.

And honestly, it could be quite simple to get into the mentality of: "Oh, no reply yet from Suchnsuch? That's disappointing, but oh well. She must not have felt we were compatible or had something else going on in her life that didn't involve me personally at all, and thus isn't responding to mail right now." etc etc. In this way you are managing your reaction, rather than getting pissy she isn't reacting the way YOU want her to.

I'm just always amused at the deep sense of entitlement that men have toward women, their time, and their manners. You don't own a chunk of her, or an expected reaction from her just because she put herself up on a personals site on the freaking internet.... and you probably need to start getting into that mentality right now. Because it going to be much more intense on a daily basis whilst in the midst of servitude. You are a stranger, who is reaching out electronically. Don't take it personally when they don't respond to you. They haven't met you. And if you want someone who is going to take your feelings, or socially constructed rules of interactions into account ABOVE their natural desires: be glad they are acting like that from the get-go so you can find someone who doesn't mind letting subs' expectations pre-determining how things will go.

Top 3 Reasons I don't reply to idiots who write me:
1--- They obviously copy and pasted some nonsensical crap that barely is relevant to me or my profile at all, if even that much
2--- They are outside of the range of person I have clearly stated I'm looking for which says to me that they aren't courteous enough to invest that time in reading my profile to figure out if we are compatible on a basic level (gender/age/location/etc)
3--- They sent me something vulgar/lewd in their primary email to me that was inappropriate

And even in those three circumstances MOST of the time I respond with a no thank you or a detailed explaination of why and how what they sent was unacceptable.

This isn't because I feel like they'll cry themselves asleep if I don't or get on CM message boards and tattle... this is because I was raised to be thoughtful of others despite their behavior toward me. But not everyone remotely cares about that, so as I said, accept that you can't determine someone else's behavior and that they don't owe you anything and move along with your day.

Best of luck in this matter.

Hi Nikolette,

I was starting to think that I had it all wrong! I enjoy your thoughts. B

(in reply to Nikolette)

Post #: 20

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