RE: Hard Limits of the Owned Ones

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Hard Limits of the Owned Ones

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Hard Limits of the Owned Ones

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Hard Limits of the Owned Ones - 7/5/2008 6:09:30 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: possessedone

When Master took me on as his slave, i did not have limits, and for 1 reason...i really did not understand the term. i had fears, anxieties, misunderstandings, and a lack of trust. Those things we dealt with through communication. By communicating with Master, i have learned to trust him, and in that trust i have no need for "hard limits". i know that above all else he will not break his toy, and even though he will bend me, even though he will push me, he will never break me.

Alright...I absolutly fucking LOVE how you said this.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to possessedone)

Profile

Post #: 61

RE: Hard Limits of the Owned Ones - 7/5/2008 8:09:20 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

An aspect that hasn't received much airplay on this otherwise thought-provoking thread, is the notion that Dominants may have limits too. And some of those may be fetishes for others eg scat is a hard limit of Mine so I wouldn't be a suitable Dominant for someone who loved that activity. For Me, a hard limit is one that I cannot conceive of ever wishing to explore no matter what the circumstances. That's one where even if the slave begged Me to allow them to do it, My answer would be no because it contravenes My concept of SSC or RACK. I am a pretty open-minded individual though with the general philosophy of "Never say never" so there are very few things I do say "never" about. For example, I am not much into body modification, piercings, brandings etc ... YET, in the right circumstances, with the right sub/slave ... I might be willing to push My own boundaries a bit and explore that. And that's another point ... it's not just the subs/slaves who might be willing to have boundaries pushed, ideally the Dominant is equally willing to open themselves up to such growth. Another eg, some years ago, My then sub and I went to a fire play workshop. I have a fascination with ... and a fear of fire. Given that the sub wasn't much into play in general, I was gob-smacked when he expressed an earnest desire to try fire play! I got the workshop demonstrator to do some on him which he loved ... then he said "You do it Maam! Please!" I had to be willing to release My fear of the fire to do so ... it wasn't so much the setting him on fire I was scared of ... it was using My hand to snuff it out! But I did it ... and it was tremendously exciting to Me as much as it was to him!

So for Me, hard limits in terms of an established M/s relationship, are all about "fit". The M and the s sharing most if not all, of the (hopefully relatively few) things they "won't" do, and being open-minded about things they "might" do. I agree with other posters that I would stay away from things which would cause deep harm or unacceptable consequences simply because I value My sub/slave and want them in good working order! And I also agree that as trust grows, it is eminently possible that activities that might have been edgy initially become something to be explored because the appropriate personal growth and intimate mutual understanding has occurred. And for some, bdsm may supply an opportunity to work through a past problem in a way that allows the person to take the sting out of the original memory and replace it with a more positive experience. However, using bdsm as "therapy" isn't for everyone and has its own set of dangers!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to snowslave)

Profile

Post #: 62

RE: Hard Limits of the Owned Ones - 7/5/2008 8:53:42 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I was just writing a similar thought to this on another thread.

One thing that I am noticing as a key element in this discussion is the fact that time is a factor in this. Whether that be the time that an *s* took to know their Owner in the first place, or how things evolved in long standing dynamics, where the time was put in to know each other, communicate with each other, and learn about each other. These aren't overnight things. I don't even especially think I would want them to be. I highly doubt that those who have contributed here would want them to be, either.

There are reasons that people start with hard limits. They come from a variety of sources, many of which were articulated much better than I could hope to. The process of those hard limits changing isn't something that will happen instantaneously. Neither is building the trust that it takes to do so.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MaamJay)

Profile

Post #: 63

RE: Hard Limits of the Owned Ones - 7/5/2008 9:53:23 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: possessedone

When Master took me on as his slave, i did not have limits, and for 1 reason...i really did not understand the term. i had fears, anxieties, misunderstandings, and a lack of trust. Those things we dealt with through communication. By communicating with Master, i have learned to trust him, and in that trust i have no need for "hard limits". i know that above all else he will not break his toy, and even though he will bend me, even though he will push me, he will never break me.

Alright...I absolutly fucking LOVE how you said this.

I loved it too. :)

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Profile

Post #: 64

RE: Hard Limits of the Owned Ones - 7/5/2008 1:33:11 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

An aspect that hasn't received much airplay on this otherwise thought-provoking thread, is the notion that Dominants may have limits too.
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

As I mentioned in my post, I also have what I consider to be "hard limits" -- things that I wouldn't do, no matter who did the asking. My big one is scat, golden showers is another, and add adult-baby to that list as well... absolutely NO interest, no matter how much the sub begged (n fact, if a sub begged that much, I might suggest that perhaps xhe belonged with a different dominant, since I'd already said no, and that wasn't sufficient to end the conversation.) I think most people have limits, either spoken or unspoken -- some of them are solid, others are malleable. I may not find out all of the things that a servant of mine is unable to wrap hir head around to do until we're doing them and we find that they just don't work. OTOH, there may be things that xhe can't imagine doing that, in time, we will be able to explore, and xhe'll find xhe loves. If it's something that is an absolute -no-, though, that's when we have to negotiate -before- we hook up, so those absolutes are in line. If, down the line, one of us develops an interest in one of those "absolute no's", sure, we can re-assess... the only thing that never changes is that change happens... but I will still accept a solid -no- (and expect my servant(s) to accept things that are a solid -no- for me) in relation to any activity and a particular servant (it doesn't hurt to mention here that if I really wanted to do something and a given servant had it as an absolute no, I wouldn't hesitate to recruit a servant who -was- interested, completely forthrightly and above-board.)

Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to MaamJay)

Profile

Post #: 65

RE: Hard Limits of the Owned Ones - 7/5/2008 1:56:35 PM

Roselaure

Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

nodsnods .. I dont have any limits protecting me .. so DarkVictory is *obviously* planning to saw off my leg with a spoon and have me roast it for His supper.

I would hope that DV would allow you some time to accomplish this, as sawing off one's leg with a spoon, even a sharpened one, would likely take several hours, not to mention the roasting time.

_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to softness)

Profile

Post #: 66

RE: Hard Limits of the Owned Ones - 7/10/2008 4:50:20 AM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay
And for some, bdsm may supply an opportunity to work through a past problem in a way that allows the person to take the sting out of the original memory and replace it with a more positive experience. However, using bdsm as "therapy" isn't for everyone and has its own set of dangers!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

Master has wonderful blades but this slave enjoys the single tails to "work out" or "break down" her problems..

_____________________________

pettingdragons
"may the moon bless you with her light.......so you dont pee on your feet"

(in reply to MaamJay)

Profile

Post #: 67

RE: Hard Limits of the Owned Ones - 7/10/2008 5:29:01 AM

Dari

Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline

Limits are so...limiting. And I work hard on not setting things in stone that I may want to chisel out later.

I won't do things that would damage my sub as a person (physically, mentally, emotionally).
I won't do things that would damage me as a person (again - physically, mentally, emotionally).
I won't do things that would weaken or destroy our relationship.

Those are my hard limits - more principles than rules. How they apply is something that is subject to constant re-evaluation. Rather than having a laundry list of specific actions that I won't do, I consider the three principles above. What would have damaged him as a person six months ago might not damage him as a person today, or what wouldn't have damaged our relationship six months ago would damage it today. People are constantly changing, and I don't want to have to re-evaluate what's a hard limit and what isn't, every time I think about a scene.

We don't have limits. We don't use safe words. All we really need is a commitment to each other, and those three principles. So far, it's working quite well for us. As always, YMMV.

(in reply to pettingdragons)

Profile

Post #: 68