Do you ever get tired of being understanding?

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Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 2:54:29 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

For the most part, I have a really great relationship. Lately, though, vanilla things have come up that have separated my Master and me. Every time he is going to meet me he is late (toughest when I am cooking a dinner for him), there are times he's said he would call or email and hasn't, and now a family issue has come up that means that there will be no contact between us for days.

Right now I just feel sad and discouraged. I was married (vanilla) to a man who always had excuses, or else I found myself making them for him. I know that my Master has real and valid reasons - he's not lying to me. I just wondered if any other subs/slaves get to a point where they start to feel exhausted while trying their best to be understanding and sometimes feeling like there are too many "important" things in life that come before them.

(Don't worry; I don't always feel this way. It's just been a rough week.)

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RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 3:03:14 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings chamberqueen,

first of all, i'm sorry both of you are going through all this - i know what it feels like to have life dump on you (don't we all) so you both definitely have my thoughts and well wishes.

secondly...hell yes. currently master is working a second job, which technically he COULD do without working, and it's been really stressful for him, which in turn makes it really stressful for me. there have also been plenty of other things that have happened since we got together - mostly health-wise - that have caused similar problems.

i just try to remember that he's also put up with a lot of things in my life that have similarly cut into our time together or made things stressful - including copious amounts of health problems and me having no time or not being any fun to be around because of being stressed with school, work, or money. so...i think it really just comes in waves and it's something you'll both experience at some point or another, and that's okay. it won't be like this forever - eventually you'll have more time together and less stress. usually that makes me feel better. it doesn't fix everything, but it helps for me to think about it that way.

respectfully,
a'ishah.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 3:10:25 PM

tricia

Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I went through the same thing with my own Master. Often times, feeling like the sacrificial lamb in our relationship.

I had some dark times but eventually I learned patience. I channeled my energy into other things because it seemed the less I saw him, the more obsessed I became with spending time with him -- to the point of being unhealthy. And I got over myself.

Happily, it all worked out. Not to say I don't ever feel that way anymore. He is who he is -- often spreading himself too thin. As I often say, "I love him because of - not in spite of."

Good luck!

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 3:37:46 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

yes. and the hardest part is to be the happy person they need at the end of it all, not to ask or push or take up their emotional time being needy or insecure, even if you are.. or in your case tired and fed up.

i know that my D is up to his neck in stuff right now and that he isnt always in the mood to do much more than call to say 'hello', check that im ok and tell me he'll call again tomorrow.

ive bored luciouslips with neurotic emails on and off for two weeks - god love her! - so, yes, i understand what your saying.

im not finding it tireing, but it makes me miss him an awful lot - and not being able to pour out my anxt, cos that is so not what he needs from me right now - i do find it hard sometimes.

< Message edited by lally3 -- 7/3/2008 3:42:49 PM >

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RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 4:40:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Those aren't vanilla things, those are life things.

I'm confused- will one of you be in a no cellphone allowed or serviceable area? While it's certainly fine if a master wants to continue to make commitments of timeliness and then break them, that's up to them, but there are consequences.

Why would your masters family issue mean no contact? I can understand if you can't leave your job to be with them in their time of need, but I can't imagine why that would prevent phone calls and emails on a regular basis.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 4:59:09 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I really appreciate the supportive words. I figured that others probably felt this way from time to time. There are a lot of outside things that can creep in; from jobs to family to health issues and any number of things. I know things will get better. I was just feeling a bit blue.

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RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 5:06:58 PM

tinkerbelle3

Posts: 55
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline

Hi - It sounds like talking about it has made you feel a bit better. That's good! Let me share my experience...

I was with a Dom for 4 years. During that time, he had family issues, work issues, he sat on Boards etc etc etc. And heck yes, I felt like enough understanding was enough ~ It didn't seem to flow both ways. Mind you it took me FOUR YEARS to figure this out : )

I realized that that was how he ran his life and I was not nor was I ever going to be one of the top 3 of his priority list. For me that didn't feel good. I've now been living with the love of my life for over a year and I do understand how things come up. However, it's not every time I turn around. He doesn't consistently disappoint me. So for me, it was an intentional choice to be with someone who regards me as a top priority in his life.

Good luck to you. tinkerbelle

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 5:08:26 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

No...because I learned a fabulous little secret about 3 years ago;

I don't give a fuck.

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RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 5:25:40 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Griswold said it best.

Nope...cause...I just don't give a flying fuck.

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RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 5:31:20 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I had the same problem with Angel for long long time. It got very frusterating but he was worth it and so I sighed and waited. It was worth the wait, especially when they appreciate you being there for them through all the shit.

DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 5:33:23 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

I figure a lot of submissives/slaves on here have those moments of

or

but they don't really want to air their personal business or personal anguish on the board...... so they suffer in silence.

I have had to be ultra understanding for the last 6 weeks because of outside issues that have limited our intimate time together. I get frustrated and aggravated, and it's made worse because I'm not working right now, so I have more time to dwell on those frustrations and aggravations.

Then I feel guilty for feeling this way!

So yes, I do get tired of being understanding.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 5:50:59 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

Oh, I remember telling one of my dear friends those EXACT same words a few months ago when Daddy had a bunch of life things dumped on him at once. I did my best to deal with the feelings and wait it out because I knew it really was just how life works at times, and as someone else said, I know that he would do the same if the situation were reversed. One other thing that really helps is to remember that this isn't about me, and sometimes the best way I can serve him is to stay out of the way.

Interestingly enough, he's been swamped with work this last week, to the point where I've had little more than a couple text messages from him for a couple days when I am used to having and hour or two of his time and attention every day (we don't live together). Remembering that this is a temporary situation, and turning to my friends and keeping occupied and busy has helped me deal with it much better this time.

And I know that once he's got this project out of the way, we'll be back to "normal" again (at least until the next major project).

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 6:02:40 PM

sujuguete

Posts: 263
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: DC metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

i know that my D is up to his neck in stuff right now and that he isnt always in the mood to do much more than call to say 'hello', check that im ok and tell me he'll call again tomorrow.

Sounds like your D and my D are one and the same! I get this for weeks on end sometimes.

quote:

im not finding it tireing, but it makes me miss him an awful lot - and not being able to pour out my anxt, cos that is so not what he needs from me right now - i do find it hard sometimes.

But at what point do we get to say, "Look, I need some of your time. I know you have stuff going on, but so do I, and as my Master/Dom/Lover/Friend/whatever I need to turn to you for support."

We both work, I have kids at home (he doesn't), and I'm in school. As a sub, I make time for him whenever he wants me to. Why wouldn't I be able to ask him to set aside time for me? I get tired of being way down the list of his priorities.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 6:21:15 PM

againstthewind

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline

thank you for this thread...sometimes i think i am going crazy.....and of course i beat myself up over these issues, i'm the one that isn't being understanding, he must not be that into me anymore etc.... It's like a ping pong ball going back and forth in the mind....
i would love to have the attitude i don't give a fuck...any life lessons on this?? lol
but when do we say enough is enough??? How do we make such a decision?? I know there are no real answers

(in reply to sujuguete)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 6:54:06 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: againstthewind

thank you for this thread...sometimes i think i am going crazy.....and of course i beat myself up over these issues, i'm the one that isn't being understanding, he must not be that into me anymore etc.... It's like a ping pong ball going back and forth in the mind....
i would love to have the attitude i don't give a fuck...any life lessons on this?? lol
but when do we say enough is enough??? How do we make such a decision?? I know there are no real answers

Yes!!!! I was just thinking this very thing this morning. What do you do when you are the one that serves and submits, whether it be to your Dom or your family or your employer, you feel as though you are not anyone's priority, and you want to wave a white flag for a bit?

I've tried to have the mindset of "not giving a fuck", but I just don't have it in me. So I bite my lip, get out the list of things that need to be done around the house and keep my mind occupied while still being me.

The feelings pass and I realize what a dumbass I was being and life is grand all over again.

(in reply to againstthewind)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/3/2008 7:01:15 PM

againstthewind

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline

OMG...LOL..thanks that is me to a T.....

thanks

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Post #: 16

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/4/2008 2:42:06 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

Yes, of course.

Real life intrudes, and someone you love becomes emotionally unavailable for a time.

All you can do is wait till it passes or walk away.

candystripper

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/4/2008 3:34:20 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

Being understanding and patient can be exhausting ... I find it really hard sometimes ... being so far away means I *only* have phonecalls to depend on ... when for whatever totally legitimate reason they can't happen .. I am sad, I do struggle sometimes to understand and be patient, some days its much easier than others. I don't punish Him for it with passive aggressive behaviour or with sulking ... or at least I do my best not toWe are humans not robots, but we are also there as property and things like making claims of unfairness just can't work for us.

Bloody well done sweetheart ... its hard and you are doing it (from what you say) with grace and dignity.

I hold onto the fact that .. and I am sure this is the same for your Master ... the fact that you are being patient and understanding .. and not throwing a hissy or stamping your feet, being there with a smile when He finally does arrive ... that will mean the world to him. A wife or a girlfirned would hurl those things in his face ... and you are differnt and pleasing and special because you are not.

There will be times when my patience will come to an end ... but before I get there I know me and Sir will have communicated my frustrations .. and we will have anticipated the problem and manaaged it .. rather than cope with the explosion when it comes.

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proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 18

RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/4/2008 7:20:52 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness
the fact that you are being patient and understanding .. and not throwing a hissy or stamping your feet, being there with a smile when He finally does arrive ... that will mean the world to him. A wife or a girlfirned would hurl those things in his face ... and you are differnt and pleasing and special because you are not.

With all due respect, softness, I'm going to have to speak up here. SOME wives or girlfriends MIGHT "hurl those things in his face." Not all wives and girlfriends throw "hissy" fits and "stamp" their feet when they don't get to be boss. Some of us are even...gasp...slaves and wives at the same time.

I enjoy reading your posts and I know that you are not DV's girlfriend or wife and don't seem to want to be. That's cool. But from someone who is a slave, wife, friend, etc. all rolled into one for her Master, I can proudly say that before or since becoming His slave, I have never thrown even one "hissy." I never did this in any of my previous "vanilla" relationships either. One doesn't have to be a slave and a slave only to know how to act and properly defer to her man

.

As I said, no disrespect intended. But I note a serious stereotype when you discuss women who aren't solely "slaves" and their behavior. I've always been "different" and "pleasing" and "special" in all my relationships, not some hissy throwing spoiled brat. NEVER!!!!!!!

...............luci

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RE: Do you ever get tired of being understanding? - 7/4/2008 10:20:44 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm frequently not his top priority time wise, except for severe illness and hospitalization I am never not his top priority emotionally. For me, that's the difference.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 20

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