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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 7:45:37 AM   
sirsholly


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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I don't think that that was at all what dark was saying. It's not about ending friendship...it's about being strong enough to say "I can not support you in "this". I have done it myself, both with a friend who is an alcoholic and with a friend that was having an affair. "I love you dearly but I can not support you in this". I am still very good friends with both of them. My alcoholic girlfriend used to come by in the middle of the night, shit faced drunk and being a total ass, pounding on the door waking up my husband and children...usually crying her eyes out. I finally had to tell her that she could NOT come to my house drinking...period. My cheating girlfriend wanted to use me as a cover story for her trysts. Sorry but I'm not going to lie for anyone.


i absolutly agree with this. My point..which i hope we all share..is you do not have to support the behavior...but you still support the person.


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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:03:20 AM   
RavenMuse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

i absolutly agree with this. My point..which i hope we all share..is you do not have to support the behavior...but you still support the person.



If what the person is doing is self destructive then what are you going to do? Stand by and 'support' them ripping their life to pieces? You can't help someone who won't help themselves in such cases I don't walk away because I don't care, I walk away because I do... if I didn't case then it wouldn't bother Me watching them systematicaly destroy themself!

I have to agree with dark on this one!


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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:16:27 AM   
wandersalone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Yes, I know -- some of the people reading this believe they have the support of many people, female and male, in D/s.  Some actually may have this support in real life.
 
Sometimes I think many women in D/s -- especially s-types -- have reverted to some high school in the 1950's where we all try and belong to the 'popular crowd'.  There also seems to be a heightened fear than another s-type will 'run off with your Dom'.
 
I haven't seen this attitude among my vanilla girlfriends, gay or straight, ever.  Most vanilla women I'm close to would never harm another woman -- even one they did not know -- just to get a man.
 
candystripper 


fast reply....I haven't read the other posts on this thread yet.

I am choosy about whom I become friends with vanilla and kink...and yes, I am only referring to my real life friendships here.  I haven't noticed any difference in the behaviour of the women or fears that someone will 'run off with their dom'.   I have had  a vanilla woman friend of mine  sleep with  a boyfriend of mine many years ago...I don't think women (or males for that matter) involved in bdsm are any more or less likely to do that.  If a person is going to do that when vanilla they are just as likely to do it when kinky, and vice versa.


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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:30:05 AM   
fluffyswitch


Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

 
I haven't seen this attitude among my vanilla girlfriends, gay or straight, ever.  Most vanilla women I'm close to would never harm another woman -- even one they did not know -- just to get a man.



fallls down laughing. hysterically.

i'm glad that your friends are like that, but the rest of the world isn't like that.

it's a mean mean world out there.

furthermore-- what's up with alleged and supposedly and belief business again? there are people without support. there are people who think they have support and don't- i will grant you that. but there are plenty of people who have a sound base in the community. the vast majority of my true friends are involved in kink or are at the very least kink friendly. with all the respect in the world i think that it's time to examine where this belief that we're all out to get everyon e and faker than plastic fruit comes from.


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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:31:45 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
 
I haven't seen this attitude among my vanilla girlfriends, gay or straight, ever.  Most vanilla women I'm close to would never harm another woman -- even one they did not know -- just to get a man.
 

you should hang out with me at the clubs/venues one night.

it's a fierce tigress jungle out there in which women will do almost anything to another woman to get her handsome man. from evil looks as you walk in to buying him drinks - better have your claws ready.



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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:39:21 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		<files her nails and eyes sambamanslil girl and says...


MrrroOOooowwww

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:43:16 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
i do not...now or ever...feel that a friendship can end (as per your example: secondary to excessive drinking) then resume once the subject corrects the issue that offends you (goes into rehab/therapy).

Friendship is not something that can be taken and then given back with a change in behavior.

If i were the one struggling with an alcohol issue, refusing therapy/rehab, and you dropped out of my life i would say that is your right. But...try to resume the friendship once i recovered and you would be greeted with two words...and they would not be Merry Christmas.


I would not be friends with a person who did something for me and not themselves.  So in which case, your christmas would not arrive.
You're attempts to manipulate what I have written has been noted.  However, people in general do see past such - this thread is a pretty good example as there have already been those that understand what I was saying despite your attempts to mess them up.
 
Friendship is totally negotiated and evolves constantly.  It's not a simplecase of 'now I am your friend you can do whatever and I will always be'.  All relationships are negotiable.  If they aren't then either you get taken advantage of and are abused or you take advantage of others and are abusive.
 
If you were struggling with alcoholism and refused therapy and rehab and I did not support your habit - I would not suddenly reappear when and if you ever did recover - unless you specifically requested support - for example - a lift to the sessions or someone to sit through your drying out.
But I wouldn't support you going through bouts of drunkeness. It would not be within my wellbeing to do so, nor your own.  just as I do not support people singling out another for some kind of jeering mob mentality.  If your idea of friendship is that - then it's great we aren't friends which I am sure suits you just as well as I.

the.dark.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:43:48 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		There is no doubt in my mind that there's a lot of competition between women within the "community." But (by way of being a small comfort) I see the same kind of nasty behavior in other "straight" social groups as well. Human beings are really no different that animals, in this regaurd. (See: Discovery Channel's "Meerkat Manor" for examples.)

But, there are still good reasons to join a larger group. Mainly, to keep yourself from feeling isolated and alone. But also to gain support from those around you, and to learn more about how to practice our shared passions safely.

Like all things human, it's filled with paradox, and complexity...context is very important.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:44:01 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

i absolutly agree with this. My point..which i hope we all share..is you do not have to support the behavior...but you still support the person.



If what the person is doing is self destructive then what are you going to do? Stand by and 'support' them ripping their life to pieces? You can't help someone who won't help themselves in such cases I don't walk away because I don't care, I walk away because I do... if I didn't case then it wouldn't bother Me watching them systematicaly destroy themself!

I have to agree with dark on this one!



lemme give you an example...sorta personal tho.

I never drank...i just do not like it. After my first husband died i refused to listen to my taste buds and used alcohol as a crutch....and i used it daily. I simply could not deal with the loss on my own. This was not a short term thing...it went on for almost 8 months.
During that time i had friends checking on me all the time. Of course they would catch me drunk...as sobering up hurt too much. Never once did one of them turn their back to me. What i did hear was "Go to bed, Holly...I'll talk to you in the morning."

Now...i was very very lucky, once i accepted his loss and the pain started to ease,
I was able to put down the bottle and begin to rebuild. Many can't.

In the way these friends stood by me, i would stand by them. You, and others may not agree and that is fine. I choose to support my friends as they supported me.


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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:46:49 AM   
RedMagic1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
I choose to support my friends as they supported me.

That is lovely.

Post less funny more often.


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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:48:36 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

I see the same kind of nasty behavior in other "straight" social groups as well. Human beings are really no different that animals, in this regaurd. (See: Discovery Channel's "Meerkat Manor" for examples.)



Oh god it was heartbreaking.  I cried when 'flower' died and I have NO idea why.
Worse than Bambi, I swear.
 
the.dark.

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:49:08 AM   
sirsholly


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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
I choose to support my friends as they supported me.

That is lovely.

Post less funny more often.



thank you!


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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:49:12 AM   
Mercnbeth


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quote:

Sometimes I think many women in D/s -- especially s-types -- have reverted to some high school in the 1950's where we all try and belong to the 'popular crowd'.  There also seems to be a heightened fear than another s-type will 'run off with your Dom'.

 
just out of curiosity...how many "women in D/s -- especially s-types--" do you REALLY know, that behave like the insecure, immature bitch you describe above, that would cause you to conclude that they are "harder" on each other than the number of insecure vanilla bitches out there?
 
or is this something that you have surmised from your online interactions?
 
this slave is NOT talking about whatever is represented online, because many of the "female s-types" that exist online are neither female, nor s-types, regardless of what they represent.
 
to answer your question, it has been this slave's experience that there are way too many insecure, immature, neurotic, jealous vanilla women out there...and it is no different in any sub-culture this slave has ever been a part of.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 7/4/2008 8:54:21 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:51:26 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark




If someone is doing something I cannot support - say for examples - drinking to excess .... and they show no sign of wishing to alter their drinking for example - then I won't associate with them whilst they are in that state - it supports and is nothing more than a crutch.  Would I be there should they need to get through therapy or drying out? Absolutely.  But be with them whilst they destroy themselves or be a part of a cackling crowd because of bias? - no.
 
the.dark.


i do not...now or ever...feel that a friendship can end (as per your example: secondary to excessive drinking) then resume once the subject corrects the issue that offends you (goes into rehab/therapy).

Friendship is not something that can be taken and then given back with a change in behavior.

If i were the one struggling with an alcohol issue, refusing therapy/rehab, and you dropped out of my life i would say that is your right. But...try to resume the friendship once i recovered and you would be greeted with two words...and they would not be Merry Christmas.



How interesting.

My father is an alchoholic. I love him dearly. Yet, I will not be around him when he is drunk. That means I am not around him much. Often for months at a time even though he only lives 10 miles away. He knows and every day he chooses to drink, he chooses to live a more solitary life. He knows I love him and I know he loves me. Occasionally he might call, ask "You mad at me?" ....Me: "No dad, just busy. I love you" Him: "Okay, just checking. I love you too sweetheart. Stop by some time." Me: "Okay dad. Don't forget, I love you."

I occasionally stop in, early some Saturday or Sunday morning before he is too pissed to have a decent conversation. He shows me his projects. We shoot the shit a bit. Lots of hugs. It's all good.

He knows what he has to do to be a bigger part of my life. He has made his choice. We still love each other and that's what really matters.

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 8:52:29 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		From the few submissives I've met in real time and forged relationships with, there has been no catty behavior or man stealing.  It's been the opposite - open, honest communication and support if/when needed.  

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 9:15:14 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

<files her nails and eyes sambamanslil girl and says...


MrrroOOooowwww

oh it's on

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 9:28:47 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

But I wouldn't support you going through bouts of drunkeness. It would not be within my wellbeing to do so


i thank God my friends were not selfish


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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 9:34:08 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Not deep into what Darcy and sirsholly are on about, but the jist is, you are both right.

That is what AA and Alanon are for..professionally. Both are two different ideals from two different sides and outcomes.

If one's friends decide to stick out a 'binging' activity with you and it has NOT become burdensome, tiring or distressing then that is fine.  They are responsible for how much they tolerate.

On the other hand, if they have had enough because it is unhealthy for them to watch helplessly, that is fine too, their decision.


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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 9:41:55 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

But I wouldn't support you going through bouts of drunkeness. It would not be within my wellbeing to do so

i thank God my friends were not selfish


I don't think it's selfish to remove yourself from the sphere of dysfunctional people, especially those with addiction issues.  If it is selfish, perhaps only in a self-serving way, and one that is to your benefit.  Who needs friends that drag them down when they can enjoy upbeat, positive people in their life?

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 7/4/2008 9:42:48 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 9:44:57 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Yes, that is what I meant.

now back to scratching out sambasmanslilgirl's eyes and ripping her clothes off as men watch hoping for some hot lesbian action.


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Profile   Post #: 60
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