RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla Women?

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 10:05:10 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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wanna mud or jell-o wrestle?

*weg*

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 10:07:14 AM

came4U

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MeeeyowwwWWww

no mud, no jello, ahh fuck it.

ya too sweet.

putting claws away and skips to just tearing off your clothes LOL.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 10:15:09 AM

DesFIP

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Again the complaints that you aren't in the popular crowd. Sigh!

You get what you deserve in this world. I don't get hassled by everyone, I have no experience similar to yours. Instead I've gotten nothing but helpful advice. Must be the fact that I take responsibility for myself and make that clear instead of throwing a pity party.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 10:19:54 AM

Leatherist

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FR...such drama!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXVkArmxZyo

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 10:26:23 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

But I wouldn't support you going through bouts of drunkeness. It would not be within my wellbeing to do so

i thank God my friends were not selfish

Absolutely one hundred percent selfish.

And I know a veiled passive aggressive stance when I see one. Which is exactly why you and I would not be friends. I do not tollerate veiled attacks. I do not tollerate racism or hatred and witch hunts. And I do not tollerate pretense of any kind. And there are plenty of people who can attest to that. People know what they get with me from the get go. So you can name call all you like holly, because I am that selfish.
And why?

Because I have family to consider. If I got mixed up in the drama of anothers life by supporting their addictions then I involve them - and Darcy for that matter - and that would not be fair. Yay for consent hey.
If I got involved caring for another, whos' actions were destroying their life and that in turn brings me down, destroying mine, or my integrity or my energy - then how on earth would I be able to submit in the way I do to Darcy?
Why would I support people abusing themselves in an unhealthy manner and stiffling their own lives, when I can support people who enjoy abuse and it stimulates their growth?
Supporting others addictions and self destructive behaviour leaves one open to abuse - and I am in no way willing to be abused myself - so why would I want to force that on others?
You might. I do not.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 7/4/2008 10:27:38 AM >

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 10:29:38 AM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
i thank God my friends were not selfish

But see it goes both ways...

I thank God that the few friends I have are not so selfish as to expect me to be something I am not and expect me to do something for them that would harm my well-being.

Do you expect your friends to do things for you that would harm their well-being or go against the core of who they are in order to be your friend?

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 11:39:06 AM

sirsholly

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I am one that considers my friends to be my family.

If one were in crisis, as i admitted i was, i would not give up on them without a massive battle...and the battle certainly would take alot of energy, but well worth it. If the issue was alcohol abuse I would try to get to the root of the problem. Attend Alanon meetings to find out the best way to deal with it...involving other friends/family...talking to doctors...obtaining a therapist for a crisis intervention (costly...but worth it). And to protect my emotional wellbeing i would not venture into the situation alone.

The last thing i would ever do is walk away.

I don't give up.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 12:09:07 PM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
The last thing i would ever do is walk away.
I don't give up.

Holly, have you ever tried to live through the abuse and destruction of a dysfunctional and addicted person? There comes a time to give up because the bottom line is that there is only just so much you can do for someone if they won't do anything for themself.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 12:10:24 PM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
The last thing i would ever do is walk away.
I don't give up.

Holly, have you ever tried to live through the abuse and destruction of a dysfunctional and addicted person? There comes a time to give up because the bottom line is that there is only just so much you can do for someone if they won't do anything for themself.

raised by one..

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 12:13:37 PM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
The last thing i would ever do is walk away.
I don't give up.

Holly, have you ever tried to live through the abuse and destruction of a dysfunctional and addicted person? There comes a time to give up because the bottom line is that there is only just so much you can do for someone if they won't do anything for themself.

raised by one..

There's a difference between being a child who has no choice and an adult who does.

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When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 12:19:04 PM

LaTigresse

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Sometimes that is what people need the most..... everyone to tell them "We give up! Go destroy yourself without us!"

Apparently it is the only thing that worked for my exhusband. Even the hospital turned him away. It was an "either you get sober or you die and you die alone". After 30+ years of drinking I think he finally chose to get sober. It's too bad that everyone that loved/s him had already had enough and walked away.

The reality is that for many of us, we have to turn our backs on people we love for our own wellbeing. It isn't selfish, it is self preservation. Maintaining our own well being so that we can be everything we need to be for the people we are in healthy relationships with. People that are on positive life paths, willing to grow and enjoy life with us. If I was an addict or self destructive in some way, I hope to god my kids and the people that love me would have the strength to push me away. I would hate to suck them down into the abbiss with me.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 12:20:34 PM

sirsholly

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you are correct Mist, and i apologize for the short answer. But i loved my dad to the end. As someone else said in this thread, you learn when the safest contact takes place (mid morning...catch him between the hangover and the first drink of the day). I did not allow myself to be damaged by his alcoholism as an adult, rather i learned to accept it and was there till he died. I did not support him as an alcoholic...i supported him as a human being and i loved him as my dad.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 12:24:28 PM

lronitulstahp

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quote:

this slave is NOT talking about whatever is represented online, because many of the "female s-types" that exist online are neither female, nor s-types, regardless of what they represent.

i chuckled, audibly...

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 12:51:20 PM

Missokyst

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I have rarely met a women, nilla or kinked, who wouldn't hesitate to do what ever it takes to get the guy. That includes friends, relatives, and people I only know superficially. Do you live among saints? Many women are ruthless! I have very few female friends. Those I can count on are some kinksters and some church going ladies. I don't think ds has anything to do with honor or lack thereof.

But I don't think that is what you are talking about. Here, where it seems like a high school popularity game to you things are a little different. Yes, people can be ruthless and dismissive of some other people. Mostly it is because we sit here and read post after post from people that you sort of get to know. And when it becomes obvious that no matter how much time passes they make the same errors again and again, people start to wonder why.

After a while someone like that gets pegged with a big O on their forehead.

It is not so much a popularity contest as it is observation. I am not popular. It does not bug me. But I think the foundation of having done this stuff in real life rather than relied on what online tells me it should be, has helped to bolster knowlege that no matter what, I am ok.
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 7/4/2008 1:05:25 PM >

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 1:26:44 PM

BitaTruble

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I liked the subject title so that's what I'm going to address rather than the opening post which I didn't quite get.

My nutshell answer is no. There are some individuals who will be harder on those of the same gender and some who won't regardless of orientation status.

Personally, I tend to be hardest on dominants holding them to certain standards because of my personal definitions and narrow perspective. A dominant who comes into this forum with a blanket blast of all submissives because they had a hard time with one or two is unacceptable to my perspective. A submissive or slave who comes in here with a blanket blast on dominants doesn't bother me quite as much because I tend to believe that dominants should be able to handle that sort of heat without my input.

It's a double standard for sure.

I freely admit that I do not hold a global view and further believe this is a flaw in my thinking process. I have not spent sufficient time in trying to analyze why I think that way because it's not that important to me and doesn't effect things in my life very much or very often.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 2:16:01 PM

ownedgirlie

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~ Fast Reply ~

I have friends who are submissive, friends who are dominant and friends who are neither. My choice of friends does not include the kind of women described in the OP. I don't let jealous, gossipy, back stabbing, immature people very far into my life. I'm sure they're out there; I don't pay much notice.

The thread took an interesting turn about supporting friends who are making poor decisions, or who need help. There are people I am close to who make dumb decisions. I still love them, I tell them what I think about their dumb decisions and where I think they are heading as a result, and I don't get involved in that part of their lives. I tell them I'll be here for them when they crash, but I won't be sucked into that crash.

Alcoholism ran in my family, and I married a very mentally sick sociopath. I learned I can not and will not attempt to "not give up" on helping them. I might not give up on loving them, but I spent most of my life being sucked into others emotional issues and, unless they are making a concerted effort to help themselves, I won't be a part of it. Further, I am not allowed to become a crutch to anyone (Master's orders). This is different than loving and advising someone, or hanging out with someone having a hard time. Lord knows my friends were right there by my side during horrible times. But they remained by my side because I was doing all I could to help myself, NOT because I was relying on them to be a part of my drama. I would have felt disrespectful of them had I done so.

Strong friendships work both ways, and don't cross each others' boundaries. Men, women, whatever orientation - those in my world respect themselves as well as each other, and are honest with themselves as well as with each other. No cattiness, pretense, insults, or excessive drama is invited.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 2:43:33 PM

Daes

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Women are women, D/s or nilla don't matter. The whole - don't say what you mean, talk behind your back, sugar coated bullshit.

I know that not All women are like that - but hell I sure havent found one yet.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 2:56:08 PM

came4U

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In regards to anyone being bitchy/backstabbing...

It is not where (vanilla or bdsm)you are...it is what you are.

OP, if you find you witness or are fodder to this so-called 'harmfull' attitude ....then consider the source.

I see no one else complaining.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 3:28:26 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Also I think it depends upon your D/s orientation as to how another woman treats you. I've noted that a few sub fems do not seem to care for Dominant females for whatever reason. My gut tells me that they feel threatened for some reason but whatever the reason I don't let it bother me as their view of me have no effect upon my life.

~Lashra

I don't care for most dominant women here because I think they are arrogant. Which is natural enough considering they get a hundred emails a day from men wanting to be used and abused. But that kind of adulation, in a certain percentage of dommes, appears to have gone to their heads.

Most doms know better than to grab a sub walking past them in a club. Yet dommes often enough seem to feel they can get away with it, and because a male dom would respond physically to protect his female sub from another male sexually harassing her, that isn't an appropriate response when the harasser is also female. A 6'2" 250 lb guy can punch out a 5'9' 180 lb guy for grabbing his girl's breasts but he can't do so to a 5'5' 120 lb woman. Unfortunately the ability to get away with it seems to translate in some dommes minds as having the right to do it.

You don't act like you are a goddess and above common politeness. DV certainly doesn't nor Mz Mia. But there are those here who do.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 3:44:38 PM

opposingtwilight

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I work with men all day long, I own a construction company and I don't have many female friends. The reason for this is I'm just not into the things that most women are. Talking about sewing, recipes and the latest most expensive handbag does nothing for me.

I've noted cattiness on both the vanilla and D/s side, also I've noted some real sweethearts. It depends upon the woman as we are all as unique as snowflakes.

Also I think it depends upon your D/s orientation as to how another woman treats you. I've noted that a few sub fems do not seem to care for Dominant females for whatever reason. My gut tells me that they feel threatened for some reason but whatever the reason I don't let it bother me as their view of me have no effect upon my life.

~Lashra

I've always felt it was the other way around, personally. I remember when I first developed an interest in BDSM, lamenting my orientation as a slave because I would look at the dominant women with such admiration. I felt like I was on the outside looking in and whatever they had, I wanted it. Unfortunately, the few times I worked up the nerve to reach out and try to develop a friendship with those women, I found myself firmly rebuffed as a 'mere' submissive.

Now, looking back, it could have been just that particular group of women. It could have been the fact that I was much younger than them. It could have been a lot of things. I still have that deep admiration for strong, dominant women but I almost never try to approach them. Not out of jealousy, really and I don't think its intimidation (though it might be!) but mostly just because I realize that there probably isn't much they need from me and therefore the best way for me to serve is to leave them alone.

As for celeste's observations about some dominant women who act as if they are above others; I've encountered this as well and I never know how to react. Needless to say, those are not generally the sort of dominant women I admire.

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