RE: No More Horror Stories

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Wildfleurs -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 7:56:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justheather The first time I met my Daddy in person, after about four weeks of online and telephone communication, I showed up alone with a three day suitcase. I guess it's possible he could still be plotting to murder me and bury me in the crawlspace, especially since we are married (and insured), but somehow I doubt it. You never know.... "If you haven't contemplated murder, you ain't been in love. If you haven't seriously thought about killing a motherfucker, you ain't been in love. If you haven't had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for forty-five minutes straight, you ain't been in love. If you haven't bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll their ass up in, you ain't been in love. If you haven't practiced your alibi in front of the mirror, you ain't been in love. And the only thing that's stopped you from killin' this motherfucker was a episode of CSI: "Oh man, they thorough. I better make up. They might catch my ass." - Chris Rock

justheather -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 7:58:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TNstepsout This thread is scaring the crap out of me. I really hope that newbies don't read this thread and throw caution to the wind because of all these lovely stories of bad decisions not gone wrong. Honestly regardless of how many good experiences anyone has had, to meet and play with a stranger on a first meet is asking for trouble of the worst kind. T I disagree completely. I think that there is something to be said for intelligent people taking measured, calculated risks. The more people send messages to "newbies" that they have no power of intuition, or that their own instincts can not be trusted, the more you set them up for the kind of catastrophe of which you write. The safety police are not going to escort you to your vehicle every time you go out to get a pizza or meet someone new. Part of being a grown up human being is using your intelligence and other senses to determine when a situation is or is not dangerous and to what degree. Another part of being a grown up human is deciding what risks you are willing to take and what risks you are not. Unless you intend to personally hold the hand of every new person who explores BDSM (a bad idea, IMO), you have to give people credit for being smart and being able to make choices. Some people are obviously better at doing this than others, but let's not deny those who are out of practice from honing their sense of intuition and decision-making skills by taking little, brave steps toward making some potentially life-changing and most assuredly thrilling RISKY choices.

justheather -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 8:00:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs And the only thing that's stopped you from killin' this motherfucker was a episode of CSI: "Oh man, they thorough. I better make up. They might catch my ass." - Chris Rock Thanks for the out-loud laughing brought on by that one! H

TreasureKY -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 8:12:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark I am an advocate of being responsible for your actions. This is the key. [;)] By the time Firm and I had a chance to meet... nearly two months after we'd began talking... wild horses couldn't have kept me away from him. [:D]

Roselaure -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 8:13:31 AM)
In BDSM as in the general population there are people who have good sense and judgement and people who do not. The ones who don't sometimes skate through without much difficulty and sometimes don't, the ones who have good sense sometimes misjudge and find themselves in a pickle. Life's risky and there are too many variables to allow for everything. I haven't had any traumatic experiences (thankfully), so for me, so far, it's been worth the risk.

MaamJay -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 9:11:33 AM)
I had more horror stories with vanilla dating than I have with bdsm! The guy with the 12" dick who was the biggest dickhead (and worst bang!) ever ... the totally boring prick who didn't want to take no for an answer until I knee'ed him ... yeah, there were some doozies! I think that's because I ask lots more pointy questions of someone I am going to Dominate (or from the other side, someone i might sub to) than I ever would have asked of a vanilla guy. So I know much more about them before meeting them, which improves My judgement. I have always met in some public space first ... airport, coffee shop etc ... though it has progressed to play on some occasions. And I've not regretted that. Perhaps the riskiest was Master way back in July 2003 ... though the first time we met, I was Domming him! Not really any safer for a woman who is meeting a man who is 6'4" and robust! We met in a city that was foreign to both of us (yeah safety plus there!) ... I was there for a conference (could have been outed) and had a hotel room (paid for by My boss LOL ... could have been dangerous), picked him up at the airport. He had the flu! (Therein lay the REAL danger!). So the planned sightseeing of fetish shops (and a chance for a chat to feel comfortable) went by the wayside and I took him straight back to the hotel so he could crash and revive for dinner and a bdsm club that night! Fortunately he did. We played whenever we could over the next 5 days, had safe sex (lots of!) ... and fell in love (now that was a bit unexpected). And I got the flu the following week LOL! A couple of months later we switched by mutual agreement ... and He has remained Master ever since. i wouldn't really have it any other way, though there are times when Jay recalls the gentle sub who fell out of his sick bed onto his knees whenever She returned from the conference! Now if I could just clone him so I have a Dominant and a submissive version ... [:D] I'm enjoying this thread. While I urge newbies act with appropriate caution and responsibility for their actions, I don't think there's a lot to be gained by terrifying them all. And quite a few of these stories have brought a smile to My face. Congrats Lumus and Rain for one! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

ownedgirlie -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 9:48:30 AM)
You bring up a great point. I have had far more horror stories with "vanilla" dating, including being raped. I never knew what I was doing in "vanilla" situations because I was forcing myself into a role where I didn't belong. I was a "newbie" when I met my Master. And yet everything felt so natural, as though this is where I had belonged all my life.

hejira92 -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 9:54:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justheather quote: ORIGINAL: TNstepsout This thread is scaring the crap out of me. I really hope that newbies don't read this thread and throw caution to the wind because of all these lovely stories of bad decisions not gone wrong. Honestly regardless of how many good experiences anyone has had, to meet and play with a stranger on a first meet is asking for trouble of the worst kind. T I disagree completely. I think that there is something to be said for intelligent people taking measured, calculated risks. The more people send messages to "newbies" that they have no power of intuition, or that their own instincts can not be trusted, the more you set them up for the kind of catastrophe of which you write. The safety police are not going to escort you to your vehicle every time you go out to get a pizza or meet someone new. Part of being a grown up human being is using your intelligence and other senses to determine when a situation is or is not dangerous and to what degree. Another part of being a grown up human is deciding what risks you are willing to take and what risks you are not. Unless you intend to personally hold the hand of every new person who explores BDSM (a bad idea, IMO), you have to give people credit for being smart and being able to make choices. Some people are obviously better at doing this than others, but let's not deny those who are out of practice from honing their sense of intuition and decision-making skills by taking little, brave steps toward making some potentially life-changing and most assuredly thrilling RISKY choices. Thanks, Heather. This is the point. Life is risky. Certainly exploring your newly discovered BDSM interests seems risky to those who have denied themselves. Cautions are important, but living in bubbles will not expand your universe.

Missokyst -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 9:56:00 AM)
I completely agree with you Heather. Most of the horror stories I have read are from those newbies who still buy the fantasy. They have no clue that this is all people stuff and you should pay attention to the situation just the same as you would on a nilla date. They drop their brains at the door simply because they made a safe call. Bad decisions are made because people forget that not all humans behave decently. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: justheather quote: ORIGINAL: TNstepsout This thread is scaring the crap out of me. I really hope that newbies don't read this thread and throw caution to the wind because of all these lovely stories of bad decisions not gone wrong. Honestly regardless of how many good experiences anyone has had, to meet and play with a stranger on a first meet is asking for trouble of the worst kind. T I disagree completely. I think that there is something to be said for intelligent people taking measured, calculated risks. The more people send messages to "newbies" that they have no power of intuition, or that their own instincts can not be trusted, the more you set them up for the kind of catastrophe of which you write.

ELUSIVE1 -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 11:38:54 AM)
My first ever Dominant was so very cool, and our first meet was over the top...and years ago...but we were on and off for 3 years after this day... -One night I am chatting away in a singles room-and the next thing I know I am having phone sex with a Master that is instructing me to rub my clit- or put my favorite toy-- a vibrating egg-in my ass while I use B.O.B. ( battery operated buddy) elsewhere...and this was without ever seeing him--he's a professional person- no online photos--but he had total control of my thoughts and actions..three or four phone calls a day-- usually chit chat the seedy stuff only went on at night--until finally-- 3 weeks of some hot steamy sessions later we agree to meet...I drive the 3 hrs up the interstate to the exit we are too meet at--he calls me and tells me he is held up==head to the hotel..I get out of my car full of anticipation-- this has been only 21 days but it feels like a lifetime--my cell phone rings again-- he tells me to go to room 203 and hangs up--the room key is on the floor in front of the room, so I know he is here somewhere-- I looked at everyone here--trying to hear or feel something, trying to see the master that has consumed me, and yet I still cant pick him out-- I open the door to the room- there is a "toy bag" on the foot of the bed--surprise- my cell phone rings again he instructs me to remove my skirt and top and use the toys to get warmed up...all the while he is on the phone telling me what to do and listening to my breathing change as I get more excited--and tortured all the same- to be so close and still have to wait--finally the most beautiful man wearing just boxers comes into the room- pulls my breasts out of my bustier and clamps them, and takes over the toys--and takes me over and again--mouth, ass and all......what a great first meet.....

hejira92 -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 2:17:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1 My first ever Dominant was so very cool, and our first meet was over the top...and years ago...but we were on and off for 3 years after this day... -One night I am chatting away in a singles room-and the next thing I know I am having phone sex with a Master that is instructing me to rub my clit- or put my favorite toy-- a vibrating egg-in my ass while I use B.O.B. ( battery operated buddy) elsewhere...and this was without ever seeing him--he's a professional person- no online photos--but he had total control of my thoughts and actions..three or four phone calls a day-- usually chit chat the seedy stuff only went on at night--until finally-- 3 weeks of some hot steamy sessions later we agree to meet...I drive the 3 hrs up the interstate to the exit we are too meet at--he calls me and tells me he is held up==head to the hotel..I get out of my car full of anticipation-- this has been only 21 days but it feels like a lifetime--my cell phone rings again-- he tells me to go to room 203 and hangs up--the room key is on the floor in front of the room, so I know he is here somewhere-- I looked at everyone here--trying to hear or feel something, trying to see the master that has consumed me, and yet I still cant pick him out-- I open the door to the room- there is a "toy bag" on the foot of the bed--surprise- my cell phone rings again he instructs me to remove my skirt and top and use the toys to get warmed up...all the while he is on the phone telling me what to do and listening to my breathing change as I get more excited--and tortured all the same- to be so close and still have to wait--finally the most beautiful man wearing just boxers comes into the room- pulls my breasts out of my bustier and clamps them, and takes over the toys--and takes me over and again--mouth, ass and all......what a great first meet..... Yikes! Did it just get warm in here, or is it just me?

ThundersCry -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 2:20:18 PM)
When the chemistry is there.... Theres nothing like a meet and...beat.

OsideGirl -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 5:21:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst Most of the horror stories I have read are from those newbies who still buy the fantasy. In the LA area 8 years ago, I guess. A man posing as Dom, raped and beat 6 submissive women in a period of 8 months. (it's possible there were more.) The majority of whom were experienced submissives (I knew two of them personally). The man was a sociopathic serial rapist, when charges were finally leveled at him, it was his third strike. He was very good at being charming. So, if you think you're above being conned, that may not be the case. Personally, I'd rather err on the side of caution than have to live with the life long problems that those 6 women now have to face every day.

TNstepsout -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 5:39:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justheather quote: ORIGINAL: TNstepsout This thread is scaring the crap out of me. I really hope that newbies don't read this thread and throw caution to the wind because of all these lovely stories of bad decisions not gone wrong. Honestly regardless of how many good experiences anyone has had, to meet and play with a stranger on a first meet is asking for trouble of the worst kind. T I disagree completely. I think that there is something to be said for intelligent people taking measured, calculated risks. T What is measured and calculated about allowing a complete stranger to restrain and beat you in a private settting?

Missokyst -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 5:50:14 PM)
Which is why I always assess the situation. It is not enough to get to know someone before going off with them. People should always look for ways out. Not that doing that is a sure fire safe. NOTHING is a sure fire safe, and that includes meeting with men you have fucked, married, dated, lived with, ect. I have been in situations where my life and limb was in danger. I have had to do battle a few times, and talk my way out of others. This is life in the big city. Thinking of fluffy bunnies, honor, integrity, ect, simply because you met for coffee four times before you strip, is not enough. Thinking on your feet, planning for eventualities, that makes sense to me. Anyone who has been in a bad situation can attest to the fact that, you never know what sets someone off. Be prepared. Whether you meet once, or ten times, the best thing you can do is rely on your own ability. I probably would have tossed that "dom" over a motel railing given the opening. No one is dom to me until I give them that right. And that is what many newbies do not get and should. I stand by my statement. Kyst ~a former bouncer quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst Most of the horror stories I have read are from those newbies who still buy the fantasy. In the LA area 8 years ago, I guess. A man posing as Dom, raped and beat 6 submissive women in a period of 8 months. (it's possible there were more.) The majority of whom were experienced submissives (I knew two of them personally). The man was a sociopathic serial rapist, when charges were finally leveled at him, it was his third strike. He was very good at being charming. So, if you think you're above being conned, that may not be the case. Personally, I'd rather err on the side of caution than have to live with the life long problems that those 6 women now have to face every day.

angelslave77 -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 6:15:28 PM)
I have a couple of good stories too and quite honestly even in nilla situations i was lucky enough to have no horror stories (and yeah sometimes it was purely dumb luck) I did some crazy shit and never came to any harm, I was a bit of a wild child who would go out, drink, party hard and if someone was cute and sweet well..... So when it came to my first play meet, he had travelled 4 hours to my own and we met in a carpark first, then back to his motel. It was a very interesting couple of days and he and i still chat to this day. Then there was another Dom who came to my house, we played he left... all good (maybe lulled into a sense of security by the fact he was a policeman hehe) And then my Wonderful Sir which was probably the craziest thing of all, he drove 16 hours to come see me, he came straight to my house, it was a friday afternoon when he arrived, we pretty much spent the entire evening (about 5 hours) just kissing, then we went to bed and cuddled and then the next morning he had me handcuffued to the bed and the rest of the weekend was spent in the most intense amazing play, that earned me my nickname "squirt". That was nearly 11 months ago, he has since moved here and life is amazing. I am by no means advocating stupidity or saying what i did was smart, I have repeatedly been very lucky and looking back on my life I think it amazing that i never came to any harm. But probably a key thing everytime in both nilla and BDSM meets is that someone knew where I was and who I was with. oh and Congrats Lumus and Rain

LadyRainfire -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 6:25:28 PM)
[;)] Thanks, MaamJay and angelslave. It's been wonderful, an incredible risk some might feel I took moving here but I would do it again. We knew what we had together, we had the commitment to each other and knew this was right for us. There is such a sense of rightness and completeness with Lumus that I know this was meant to be. How, I have no clue, I wasn't looking for anyone and neither was he.....

LadyHibiscus -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 6:34:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1 My first ever Dominant was so very cool, and our first meet was over the top...and years ago...but we were on and off for 3 years after this day... what a great first meet..... Okay, THIS is the kind of thing that makes me wish I were submissive!! [:D]

LadyRainfire -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 7:02:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Okay, THIS is the kind of thing that makes me wish I were submissive!! [:D] Why do I hear "Come over to the subbie side, we have Dom/mes..." going through my head? [:D]

LadyHibiscus -> RE: No More Horror Stories (7/5/2008 7:25:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyRainfire quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Okay, THIS is the kind of thing that makes me wish I were submissive!! [:D] Why do I hear "Come over to the subbie side, we have Dom/mes..." going through my head? [:D] LOL! yeah, but they get all cranky when I start laughing! Dang, it's not like I don't follow directions... [8\|]

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