Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: After care or no after care, what a stupid question.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: After care or no after care, what a stupid question. Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 4 [5]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: After care or no after care, what a stupid question. - 7/7/2008 8:55:38 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
The paradox of attempting to establish a generalization like this, that there are many people that don't fit nicely into it all the time. 

Regards to aftercare, it all depends upon the activitity you engaged in.  Not everything is all S&M.   Nice to see somebody that tosses out quick judgements without thing about other things such as Bondage, body worship and etc. 

Also some sub/slaves actually don't want or need aftercare for certain activities.

So this all depends WHAT and WHO you are doing these things with

(in reply to Draythos)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: After care or no after care, what a stupid question. - 7/7/2008 3:26:26 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
I bottomed to a local sadist for year who didn't do aftercare. We didn't have any kind of sexually intimate relationship, but I trusted him completely.

He would make sure I was alright, and go have a smoke. I was on my own to do my own aftercare, and I did. I didn't feel he wasn't doing his 'duty' by not offering aftercare. I knew it from the start he wasn't a big 'after care' guy so I didn't expect it.

I think aftercare is part of the communication that needs to exist in order to have a healthy relationship, regardless of level of intimacy.

PL


_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: After care or no after care, what a stupid question. - 7/8/2008 9:13:17 AM   
Draythos


Posts: 8
Status: offline
Ok, it would seem that I've ruffled some feathers with my post. I know some subs/slaves don't want or need after care but think about this Isn't putting someone in a cage and leaving them alone  also a form of after care? Anyway, I've really enjoyed response to my post, I've gotten alot of great feed-back and some different points of view. 

_____________________________


(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: After care or no after care, what a stupid question. - 7/8/2008 9:37:58 AM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
If you're defining aftercare as a way to conclude the scene which appeals to both the top and bottom ... then yup, putting them in a cage and leaving them alone if that's what they both want and need, is aftercare.  Which would mean that both sides need to communicate their needs/desires and go from there, putting the responsibility on both sides of the slash, which is where I believe it belongs.  

(in reply to Draythos)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: After care or no after care, what a stupid question. - 7/8/2008 10:05:20 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Amaros

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

i disagree and i'll even give an example of a dominant trying to give me after-care once that blew up in his face....

it was a normal day like any other day, and a normal flogging like any other flogging, however, during this particular flogging ,
unbeknownst to my dominant or to myself, i had gone into a very deep and very primal state, so when he proceeded to perform after-care i tore him apart like a wild animal; it took him about fourty minutes to wrestle me down; the results of which landed him and i at the emergency room with him being treated for deep bite wounds, severe, bloodied claw marks, and three stiches to his fore-head.  i had bruises all over me that were obviously made by his hands restraining me. we had to tell them that i had been drinking and trying to get in the car to drive myself home and that his injuries were a result of him trying to prevent that from happening...

needless to say, his attempt didn't strengthen our bond or our trust or some kind of grand poo ba intimacy or act of genuine domliness; it resulted in us not seeing or speaking to each other ever again.


I blame this on failure of disclosure on the bottom's part. If a bottom knows that he or she doesn't like to be touched after play, I want to hear about it. I will tell you that, as a dominant, I would want to know that my property exhibited these kinds of tendencies up front, when we negotiated a scene. I'd want to be told "Oh, btw, I tend to go deep during subspace, and am violently reactive if touched afterwards'. Dominants are often very good at reading body language, but there is a measure of disclosure that is common sense.

Not every bottoming situation requires aftercare, even with the same submissive individual involved -- but if aftercare is going to present a potential danger to either or both of us, I want to -know- about it, dammit.

Calla Firestorm

I'm not sure she knew this was going to be the outcome.


neither one of us knew this was going to be the outcome because
after being in a relationship for four years, it completely went against anything that either one of us had ever experienced together.  shit happens and it's not always going to be expected nor logical.

(in reply to Amaros)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: After care or no after care, what a stupid question. - 7/9/2008 6:11:27 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Draythos
I, myself, practice after care like it's a religion.


I avoid aftercare situations in the same way I avoid religion.

Aftercare is one of those 'different strokes' things. Some people like it. Some people hate it. Some people need it. The term "aftercare" isn't even a standard - it can take on many different permutations.

We don't like it so we don't do it. It detracts from the sensations that we are striving for in the first place. This is not to say that we go to separate corners after play and have no interaction. Usually we collapse together on the bed.

I loved the part about "our roles as doms". That was a knee slapper. Straight out of Domination for Dummies© or whatever we are calling the manual these days.





(in reply to Draythos)
Profile   Post #: 86
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 4 [5]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: After care or no after care, what a stupid question. Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 4 [5]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.047