WinsomeDefiance
Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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I will be the last person to demean or undervalue the intensity of an emotional and mental bond. Words can hold powerful sway, and when two people connect on that level it can be quite a breathtaking experience. Neither will I say it isn't 'real'. There is no doubt in my mind that for the two of you, the intensity of your emotions, the hunger you feel for each other, is genuine. Because I'm this hopeless romantic who hates to hear of two people in love NOT finding happiness, I'm not going to advise you to do the obvious and logical thing Instead, I'm going to offer a little advice and a possible option that may or may not be helpful.
Fear is as crippling as romance is inspiring. Insecurities, fear, trust issues - they can be painfully debilitating. But, they aren't insurmountable either. People have and do overcome fear and insecurities. The question remains, whether or not you are willing to put forth the effort from your end, with no guarantee of breaking through her barriers.
There is the chance that you can patiently inspire her to trust you. However, the comfort zone she feels probably isn't going to change with you doing this. If after a year she is no closer to feeling secure in meeting you, it is unlikely another year or two or three are going to improve her sense of worth.
There is always the chance that fear of losing you, if she doesn't meet you, may outweigh her fear of losing you if she does. That is a VERY risky ultimatum to work toward. Chances are, her comfort zone will win out over any ultimatums.
You could start with a webcam...If you don't have one, get one and keep it on so she can view you going about your daily life. There is an old saying that you never throw a frog into boiling water. It will just hop right out. If you really want to cook a frog, you place it in water that is a comfortable temp for it, and slowly turn up the heat. Introducing your face, voice and daily activities to her from a safe environment, may widen her comfort zone. If she can picture your daily activities and more to the point picture HERSELF as part of them- she could begin to work past preconditioned thought patterns and fears.
Once she is accustomed to seeing you, convince her to get a webcam...
You can see the progression here....
It is time consuming, it isn't ideal, but it is one option available to you if you are certain you want to continue to invest time and emotions in a LDR with someone who is crippled by fear and insecurity.
My heart goes out to you both. Best wishes.
< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 7/8/2008 8:21:13 PM >
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RE: fear in moving from O/L to R/L - 
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