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ORIGINAL: hissweetbella
That's when he kind of laughed, said I take things too seriously, and changed the subject. 

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ORIGINAL: simpleplan2

I think Nika is spot on with her answer.  If all he is going to do is bitch without attempting to do something about it, what's going to happen when YOU do something he doesn't like?  Screw that...life is way too short. 

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Does he take himself seriously?  Not in the "I'm-God's-gift" way, but in the personal accountability way?

That seems like a bigger deal to me than a bad communication habit.  Habits can be changed -- but only if the person takes himself seriously enough to accept responsibility for imperfections.

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ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

I have a brother-in-law who has a dominant personality.  He gets frustrated and impatient when he can't control his environment or those around him (his wife/kids), and will sometimes display rude or tempermental behavior because of his frustrations and impatience.  He is the nicest person and will help anyone, but lord, he can embarass you with his grumpiness and temper sometimes.

People can display bad behavior for a variety of reasons, including some sort of sense of entitlement. 

Maybe you should proceed cautiously and see what happens in the future, but I personally would not be able to handle being in a relationship with someone who is that impatient with those around him, and won't own his poor behavior.

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ORIGINAL: hissweetbella

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Does he take himself seriously?  Not in the "I'm-God's-gift" way, but in the personal accountability way?

That seems like a bigger deal to me than a bad communication habit.  Habits can be changed -- but only if the person takes himself seriously enough to accept responsibility for imperfections.

I'm really wondering about that.  Since this visit, I have been thinking back over everything he has told me, but I'm worried I'm looking at those conversations with jaded eyes right now.  He has said a few other things, too, here and there, but nothing that I felt required more than a "That wasn't a nice thing to say."  He would say he was sorry and didn't say anything like that again.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha



I'd be concerned about his behavior, but also be concerned about yours.

As for him, he sounds like a negative person.  Watch his behavior in the future and see if he tends to bitch and complain about anything and everything.  There are some people that simply enjoy complaining and being mad and having a reason to be irritated - they complain about traffic, about poor service (but don't take steps to change things), and about their own health.  They are the kind of people  you listen to complain and you offer them suggestions to improve, and they take no advice. Why? Because they enjoy being in a place or situation where they can bitch and complain.  If this is the way he is, get out of it.  Negative people are an emotional drain and a bummer to be around.   Another traits complains often have are being "victims" -- listen to see if he always talks about why things are unfair to him. Why didn't he get that raise?  Why can't he catch a break? Why did someone cut in front of him in line? Why did Joe get that last pack of gum? It's like - who the F cares? Stop whining and do something about your life.

As for your behavior, don't feel that you are the person that has to fix or be to blame for HIS issues.  That's not a submissive thing per se, it's a people thing; many of us tend to want to FIX things if other people around us are upset.  You can't fix everything, and more importantly, he'll just find something else to bitch about.  Do not listen to his bitching; rather, make one suggestion regarding a solution, then when he blows it off, change the subject if he continues to complain.

As for the "big talk" about this, my suggestion is to eventually tell him that you don't find negativity in any fashion to be something you want to surround yourself with.  Tell him you are more about solution and positive thinking and negativity - whether it's toward waitstaff, traffic, hotel rooms, whatever - is a waste of emotion.

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: MrSpectacular
I don't think you can try to change him nor should you try.

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ORIGINAL: hissweetbella

Situation:  Dom wants to come visit his sub.  He has sub search for a hotel in her area which meets his specific requirements.  Sub calls around and finds three which meet his needs.  Dom chooses one, but upon checking in finds the non-smoking room filled with the smell of cigarette smoke.  Instead of changing rooms or hotels, he chooses to stay.  He complains to sub several times during the visit and multiple times afterward about the smell.

During the same visit, Dom wants to go out to dinner, but doesn't get ready until after 10pm.  Sub lives in a town that basically shuts down at 10pm, but suggests a nice little restaurant/bar that she has enjoyed many times.  Unfortunately, they are busy that night and a bit short staffed.  The waitress brought a pitcher of their beverage so they wouldn't have to wait for refills, but it took a little while to get their food.  The server apologized many times about the wait and was otherwise smiling and doing her best to take care of everyone.  Dom complained about the service and said he was sure he could have found some place nicer.

Now, I'm not sure if it was just the way I was raised, but I would never complain to someone I had come to visit like this.  If I found the problem with the room, I would have handled it with the front desk or changed hotels but would have done my best not to make the person I was visiting feel badly about it.  

Is it just a Dom thing to act this way or is it just that I am meeting one who use the title of Dom to cover their bad manners? 

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ORIGINAL: Maxwell67
I see this "I can fix him." mentality in women (not so much with men).

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ORIGINAL: hissweetbella

Situation:  Dom wants to come visit his sub.  He has sub search for a hotel in her area which meets his specific requirements.  Sub calls around and finds three which meet his needs.  Dom chooses one, but upon checking in finds the non-smoking room filled with the smell of cigarette smoke.  Instead of changing rooms or hotels, he chooses to stay.  He complains to sub several times during the visit and multiple times afterward about the smell.

During the same visit, Dom wants to go out to dinner, but doesn't get ready until after 10pm.  Sub lives in a town that basically shuts down at 10pm, but suggests a nice little restaurant/bar that she has enjoyed many times.  Unfortunately, they are busy that night and a bit short staffed.  The waitress brought a pitcher of their beverage so they wouldn't have to wait for refills, but it took a little while to get their food.  The server apologized many times about the wait and was otherwise smiling and doing her best to take care of everyone.  Dom complained about the service and said he was sure he could have found some place nicer.

Now, I'm not sure if it was just the way I was raised, but I would never complain to someone I had come to visit like this.  If I found the problem with the room, I would have handled it with the front desk or changed hotels but would have done my best not to make the person I was visiting feel badly about it.  

Is it just a Dom thing to act this way or is it just that I am meeting one who use the title of Dom to cover their bad manners? 

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ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I think again its a function of how much he was complaining
C~

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He complains to sub several times

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ORIGINAL: hissweetbella

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ORIGINAL: SweetNika

Have you spoken to him about the things that bothered you?

I did.  He says I take things too seriously.