How do you feel when S/He says no?.

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How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 8:28:26 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

ok, I expect this is a dumb question and I think I know the answer anyway but I wanted to ask how you feel if you ask your owner if you can get them anything, or do anything and They say no. Do you feel bored or frustrated or even angry because you aren't actively serving? If this happen frequently, would you question the stability of the relationship? would you want out? would you think your Owner wan't cut out to own you?.

*Braces himself for a right-royal flaming*.

Post #: 1

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 8:45:24 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

ok, I expect this is a dumb question and I think I know the answer anyway but I wanted to ask how you feel if you ask your owner if you can get them anything, or do anything and They say no. Do you feel bored or frustrated or even angry because you aren't actively serving? If this happen frequently, would you question the stability of the relationship? would you want out? would you think your Owner wan't cut out to own you?.

*Braces himself for a right-royal flaming*.

No I wouldn't feel that way but honestly I wouldn't ask my owner such a vague and open ended question. Thats the kind of question I'd expect from a waitress that didn't know me at all, not the sort of question I think is appropriate for someone I know pretty well and also through observation know many of his habits and preferences. Additionally I think asking someone if I can do anything isn't really proactive service at all and is rather passive (which isn't really my owners preferred style).

C~

< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 7/7/2008 8:46:42 AM >

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 2

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 9:00:15 AM

LadyRainfire

Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

ok, I expect this is a dumb question and I think I know the answer anyway but I wanted to ask how you feel if you ask your owner if you can get them anything, or do anything and They say no. Do you feel bored or frustrated or even angry because you aren't actively serving? If this happen frequently, would you question the stability of the relationship? would you want out? would you think your Owner wan't cut out to own you?.

*Braces himself for a right-royal flaming*.

First off, I would hope you don't get flamed for an honest question, HW. It sounds like to me that you're seriously asking, and not to be a smartass. So I'm going to answer you seriously. :)

Depending on my mood, I feel sad or frustrated at times. I wish I could do more, I want to do whatever I can to please and serve Him. Most of the time I just accept the fact that there's nothing I can do right then for Him and keep an eye and ear open for when I can do something.

Would I question the stability of our relationship or want out? Excuse the loudness but HELL NO!!!! Lumus is not the type that needs me waiting on him hand and foot and we knew this going into the relationship. I accept that there will be times I can do more and times I can do less for him. My serving him doesn't reflect the validity of our relationship or our love. Other issues would and those would be the ones that we would be talking about.

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 9:00:32 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Do you feel bored or frustrated or even angry because you aren't actively serving?

no.
this slave is on-call 24/7, has no other that she serves or is in the employ of, and has yet to feel bored, frustrated or angry when Master responds to a question of if He needs/wants anything with a "no".

quote:

If this happen frequently, would you question the stability of the relationship? would you want out? would you think your Owner wan't cut out to own you?.

it happens daily...He uses His slave daily, at HIS discretion. it is expected that this slave will offer her self for His use, however, there is no expectation on this slave's part as to what His response will be---that is up to Him.

HIS pleasure is paramount.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 4

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 10:38:29 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

Sometimes, when I'm really needing my slave warm fuzzies and He doesn't allow me to do something for Him, I feel let down.

If He never let me do for Him, then it wouldn't be a fulfilling relationship.

I'm sure there are times when dominants don't always realize that we need those warm fuzzies, and that's where we have to communicate that need to them.

However, being the dominant, they get to decide if we get to serve them or not, and we get to do it when they want us to, not when we want it to happen. Funny how that works, huh?

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 10:55:57 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

When he chooses to allow me to do something for him it is a particularly nice gift. He isn't used to having a service-oriented submissive around so it takes thought on his part not to jump in and do for himself. I know that if he doesn't allow me to provide that kind of service it's because that is what he prefers at that moment. It has nothing to do with whether or not our relationship is going well.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 11:00:29 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

quote:

how you feel if you ask your owner if you can get them anything, or do anything and They say no.

The only time I would ask this is if I was getting myself something, then I would ask if they wanted anything, or if I had finished doing something and didn't have anything else to do, I would check to see if there was anything they wanted before occupying myself. Its more a matter of consideration than anything else, so I don't feel let down or anything if they say no. After a scene, I'll generally offer to get them something (a drink or whatever) and its up to them to decide if they want something or not.

I would expect the service part of our relationship to either be outlined via routine tasks that I was responsible for, or direct order/instructions. When they need something, I trust they'll let me know.

If they don't need anything, ever, then, yes, I would begin to wonder if we were right for each other. My first D/s relationship was like that. We played and stuff but there was no where to take it beyond that.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 11:03:54 AM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

The only time I get frustrated or yes even angry is when I know I could be doing something to help him and he is refusing my help because of his pride.

But I know that is my problem, hard as it is to deal with from time to time. And I have to console myself with the thought of "well, I offered - and if I continue to push he'll get angry and the issue will escalate" and then let it go.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 11:06:23 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

nope, don't feel frustrated if he wants to do something for himself or to assist me with something.

it's fun sharing like that.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 11:14:13 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

Yes it does help, thanks.

(in reply to LadyRainfire)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 11:41:03 AM

greenearth21

Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

ok, I expect this is a dumb question and I think I know the answer anyway but I wanted to ask how you feel if you ask your owner if you can get them anything, or do anything and They say no. Do you feel bored or frustrated or even angry because you aren't actively serving? If this happen frequently, would you question the stability of the relationship? would you want out? would you think your Owner wan't cut out to own you?.

*Braces himself for a right-royal flaming*.

I'm not a flamer, just a lover. :) you can breathe.
I figure if they say no, they just dont want anything at that time and when they do they'll either get it themselves or they'll tell/ask me to do it and I will. Not bored, frustrated or angry. I dont feel like i have to be serving 24/7 to be content in my relationship. The idea and knowledge of being available to serve when needed is all I need.
I think i would think i want an out if they proved incapable of doing one single thing on their own. If i was a pure service sub, i could see how all that could be frustrating and make me feel shaky in the relationship. If my needs arent being met (and i know its not all about my needs, but sheesh i'm human and yes i have needs to) after discussion, then i'm sure i'd want out and maybe seek a dom who would work my tail till i couldnt see straight :)

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 11:43:56 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Nope i don't feel let down or anything if i ask and he says no. It just means that aht that particular moment he does not need or want anything . I know when he has need of me he will let me know.

Do i question the stability of out relationship? Of course not we have been together for while now if i questioned it eveytme he did not want anything at the moment we would not be together today.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 1:56:03 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

Someone wrote this last week on another thread, but it also fits very well in response ~~~

When i feel a conflict between obedience and my desire to please, i check my focus. When i adjust my focus to Him, the conflict is resolved.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 2:39:08 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

ok, I expect this is a dumb question and I think I know the answer anyway but I wanted to ask how you feel if you ask your owner if you can get them anything, or do anything and They say no. Do you feel bored or frustrated or even angry because you aren't actively serving? If this happen frequently, would you question the stability of the relationship? would you want out? would you think your Owner wan't cut out to own you?.

*Braces himself for a right-royal flaming*.

When Darcy needs nothing, or wishes me to do nothing - or if I ask if there is something he requires and he replies no - then I serve his desire.

I'm still serving, how can that be a let down?

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 7/7/2008 2:40:02 PM >

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 2:44:38 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

My Sir has no qualms about directing me, so i typically don't have to ask him if he wants anything.
In fact i think if he got annoyed at me for asking he would tell me to clean the toilet or fold the laundry ( i am not by any way, shape or means, a domestic goddess) *grins*. There is always something in the house that needs to be cleaned if i should get the unlikely urge to "serve".

and no - i would not question our relationship - our relationship is based on body service - not domestic service.

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 2:45:35 PM

malloves69

Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

dang and i always thought darcy was the woman

learn something new everyday i guess ..have fun mal

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 16

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 2:55:56 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: malloves69

dang and i always thought darcy was the woman learn something new everyday i guess ..have fun mal

Hi mal!
Maybe it might help to read peoples profiles. Mind you - sometimes that comes back to bite you too - someone, somewhere will wonder why someone read their profile and then will go on to complain...

the.verymuchfemale.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to malloves69)

Post #: 17

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 3:29:16 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

ok, I expect this is a dumb question and I think I know the answer anyway but I wanted to ask how you feel if you ask your owner if you can get them anything, or do anything and They say no. Do you feel bored or frustrated or even angry because you aren't actively serving? If this happen frequently, would you question the stability of the relationship? would you want out? would you think your Owner wan't cut out to own you?.

*Braces himself for a right-royal flaming*.

I really couldn't say I'd feel bored or frustrated because not being able to serve Sir all the time. Granted there are occasions where I wished I could be serving him more but I also know that it is not for me to force onto him what I want to do, Sir is still an individual with a mind of his own. At this point in our relationship, the d/s aspect strongly influences our interaction yet doesn't totally dictate it either. We both keep in mind that our relationship is based upon equality which we incorporated enough of the dominance and submission that works for us.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

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Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 3:53:53 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
When Darcy needs nothing, or wishes me to do nothing - or if I ask if there is something he requires and he replies no - then I serve his desire.

I'm still serving, how can that be a let down?

the.dark.

What she said.

(I'm stalking you today)

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you feel when S/He says no?. - 7/7/2008 4:57:20 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I really enjoy being told 'no', but that is mostly in response to my asking permission to meet a want I have.

In our house, if we are in the same building (which usually means at home, but it could be hotel room or someone else's home) and 60 minutes goes by where we have not directly interacted with him, we are to go seek him out and ask if we can be of service. Because of this protocol, I am often told no and it isn't really a big deal.

I spend a significant amount of time actively serving him, so being told 'no' is not an issue. However, before I moved into the house, there were times that not being able to directly serve him was stressful. It was something that I had to work through and shift my focus to recognize all the ways that I am serving him even if there is no direct interaction involved.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 20

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