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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/7/2008 9:25:42 PM   
Ladylocks


Posts: 31
Joined: 3/16/2008
Status: offline 		Like DV, I also like my boy delicate and effeminate.I like him "dainty" and strongly encourage him to be pretty and graceful. I also like that he is shorter and smaller than me and I love the way he feels cradled in my arms. Some days I just want to hold him like this for hours.   He runs on the treadmill every day to stay healthy and in shape and has strong shapely legs (gorgeous in nylons and heels) but doesn't workout his upper body as I like thin arms and soft girlish shoulders. We both enjoy the fact that i can overpower him and tie him up. 

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/7/2008 10:03:37 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		The one thing I'll add to the discussion is that on many occasions I've discovered that upon having a conversation with a woman I may have barely noticed upon entering a room, they've became increasingly attractive to me the longer we talked.  I tend to believe that beauty basically comes from the inside.  The better I get to know a person, their inner beauty may eventually become all that I see.  If a woman with what I perceive as inner beauty also makes an effort to take good care of what's on the outside as well, then I tend to view that as an added bonus.
 
 - pixel
 



< Message edited by pixelslave -- 7/7/2008 10:32:27 PM >

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/7/2008 10:11:59 PM   
shivermetimbers


Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

I've been there. I was 250 pounds two years ago, then dropped to 112. I'll allow you to put 2 and 2 together


And that 250 pounds was on a 6-1 frame. I'm 5-6, and have been up to 276, and as low as 145.  I don't know what you mean without actually saying it, when you say "put 2 and 2 together".  Are you saying that because you have been up in weight, you are saying that you have been there done that, got the t-shirt? If you are trying to say that, you lost your empathy.  If I am wrong about what you are saying, you would have to clarify what your math is adding up to. Not flaming your reply, just asking for some clarification.

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/7/2008 10:24:30 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I know what I like in terms of fantasy, but my real life choices have been all over the map, from men a foot taller than me, to ones my own height that I could snap like a twig.  (of course in my mind, I can take 'em ALL down! )

I am going to look at how a person carries himself, whether he makes eye contact, does he smile or glare, rather than overall beauty.  I will freely admit that I don't want someone built like a beach ball, either!  I am not hating on fat, I just don't want to have to deal with health issues, bad joints, poor circulation, and all the rest.  The fat guys...well, they get to be my pals, but not my personal submissives.  The scruffy, rude, snarly ones...well, they get ignored.

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/7/2008 10:28:46 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I want it all.

That said, I like self confidence and good self image first and foremost, and most men who have that are also good looking.  But that's not a universal rule - I am sure everyone has met someone that was not 'traditionally' beautiful or "hot" but they had a swagger, a style, a charisma about them -- that's self confidence and security in their image.  I love that.  It comes in all packages though.

Another thing I won't compromise on is self respect - and that comes down to great hygeine and caring what one looks like when he/she walks out the door.  It also ties into self image and self confidence.  Sadly I have met a lot of sub men who just wrote themselves off as "unattractive" yet if they got a haircut, got some clothes that looked good on them, brushed their teeth and showered regularly, they'd be 10x "better looking." 

My preference has always been for waify types, skinny to underweight, pretty/femme features, dark hair/eyes, with absolutely, positively hair long enough to pull - mandatory.  I ended up falling in love with a man who was (is) athletic, often with a shaved head and/or always very short hair, tall and built, blonde and blue eyed - a man who would walk into a room and I'd find him entirely forgettable for not being "cute" and "fem" enough, yet my vanilla GFs would have gone nuts for his anglo-all-american-GC-David-Beckham good looks. NOT my type.  But he sure floats my boat now!

Akasha

< Message edited by AAkasha -- 7/7/2008 10:29:16 PM >

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/7/2008 10:36:09 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		I'm too lazy to read the entire thread but it really doesn't matter...

It matters.  You already knew that though. 

Have fun. 

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 2:28:25 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		One of My favorite expression is not every one is for everybody else.  It means that we all get to have preferences.  The motivations for those preferences aren't the issue here.  It's the fact that you're allowed to have them.

How much does it matter to Me?  Some.  I prefer an initial attraction, but I don't really have a "type".  If you saw My husband and My sub together, they are quite different in height and build.

However, I'm going to echo something that pixel phrased so beautifully.  The more I get to know someone, if I find them attractive on the inside, the more they become attractive on the outside.  The same thing goes if their personality is less than desirable.  They could be hot as hell physically, but I won't see them that way if they are ugly on the inside.

As a side note, 2 and 2 equal 4.  In My case, meaning about four years ago.  I keep a picture of Myself on My cell phone from back then when I was about a hundred pounds soaking wet.  It wasn't from the type of thing that you're saying, but I absolutely hear you loud and clear.  I keep that picture to remind Me that thin isn't always best.  I would much rather look, and feel, the way I do today.  And I'm no stick.


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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 4:24:42 AM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline 		My father used to tell me that looks shouldn't matter once you get to know someone, but it's helpful as hell if you're trying to get their attention.

For me, looks really don't matter as much as the personality behind them - I'm attracted to all kinds of different men.  If I tend to a specific "type" it's solid men - I do like a little meat on their bones.  (Not obese, mind you - just solid.)  But there are exceptions to any rule, except one.

If you can't hold my attention intellectually, we're not going to get along.

As far as BBW go - I find some women who are large very beautiful, while others I don't find attractive at all.  It has more to do with self image and self respect than anything else.  You really shouldn't have to be PC when figuring out the type of woman to which you're attracted, any more than you should be PC about which color is your favorite.  On the other hand, tact is usually preferred.

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 4:40:04 AM   
Nikolette


Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

I'm not saying that it's the case for every bigger person, nor am I saying it's accurate. I'm relating it to my personal struggles with food and self-image. I'm not trying to put down bigger people.

: /



Then I think you should read what they said slower... because they were talking about how there are plenty of Doms/Dommes who may be overweight and do not have struggles with food.

Are you saying, then, that while you aren't putting down "bigger people" that simply being around them will make you have body image issues or food issues if/when they themselves DO NOT?

That.... in my humble opinion.... IS ridiculous.

But, hey... if you can't manage your actions around people of certain body types, you don't have to justify it to us. You have every right to feel whatever way you do. (But, again, to me... it IS silly, considering what you've just been told here on this thread, to persist in that misconception.)

And to reflect my own opinion, physical appearance doesn't matter much. If I am, at a glance, not attracted to someone... I find that by getting to know their heart, mind, and soul more intimately, I sometimes manage to find them unspeakably beautiful. Having done that even ONE time caused me to press forward beyond the exterior in general. In the wise words of my grandmother: Pretty is, as pretty does.


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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 5:11:23 AM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Physical appearance is of paramount importance to me. It's not a value judgment, it's a simple fact. The way I'm wired, the only way a woman can achieve dominance over me is through some degree of seduction. If I don't find her attractive, it's virtually impossible for her to wield that kind of power over me. I'm not saying she has to be "perfect" in any way, or fit a specific type of physique, just that I have to feel attracted to her.

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 5:13:48 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

It's just that I want, need my Domina to be able to control me, my will and body, and don't know how I'd feel allowing someone to control me who hasn't necessarily taken control over those elements in their own life.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

quote:



Also I have to agree that the idea of being overweight being connected to self control is just plain wrong.


I didn't say it was a universal rule.



No, this is what you said  "It's just that I want, need my Domina to be able to control me, my will and body, and don't know how I'd feel allowing someone to control me who hasn't necessarily taken control over those elements in their own life."

You hemmed and hawed a bit, but still expressed your opinion that body weight and self control are connected.  You then used this connection to justify why you aren't interested in big women.

Now I'm not saying you have to be PC and like big women. A lot of people do, a lot of people don't. You have a right to your personal preferences. I'm just trying to point out that this connection in your head between self control and outward appearance is misguided.

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 6:16:56 AM   
StaceyTheBitch


Posts: 78
Joined: 7/4/2008
Status: offline 		Oh cool. I love the easy questions. You're asking for an opinion so I can't be wrong because it's my opinion. So how much do looks matter?

Well,

I am bisexual. With women looks matter a lot to me. Which is why I lean toward the younger women. I like the look of an attractive and sexy hot young thing in a mini skirt.

In men I want, I demand, confidence and maturity. This is why I prefer older men generally. Looks matter but not in the same way. I want my men to clearly look like men, not sissy boys. I like the rugged look and I like the intellectual look in an older man. Actually I like just about any look (except sissy) in a man provided he has confidence and maturity.

I'm curious, what answer are you looking for with your question? I'm sure you know the answers will run the gambit from "looks are all important" to "looks don't matter." If you have no confidence in your looks then it will show and you will turn many women off. Just you mentioning the criticism of your face got me scanning it for defects and scares. I saw nothing wrong with your facial look before you mentioned it. Now I look and think..."If he is that insecure about his looks how can I possibly think he looks good."

Next week make a post like this.... "Why do women only want me for my looks." ...You may sound cocky to some but I guarantee your looks , in many woman's eyes, will go up a couple of notches.

p.s. If that doesn't work do what I did. I got a professional photographer for my profile picture and he airbrushed that big zit right off my forehead like it was never there.

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 6:55:44 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

I know that the PC answer is, "it's all about the character of the person and how they interact with me" -- but let's cut the bull. How much do looks really matter to you? What characteristics do you want, need? I know that I've received some particularly harsh criticism recently, both regarding my face and the fact I'm not a bigger/stronger guy (6-foot-1 150 pounds). 

On a personal note, I have mixed feelings about BBWs (I hate that term by the way; not every big person is beautiful, nor as every thin person).  It's not that I can't respect the wishes of a bigger woman, nor that I don't find them attractive. It's just that I want, need my Domina to be able to control me, my will and body, and don't know how I'd feel allowing someone to control me who hasn't necessarily taken control over those elements in their own life.

Do you know what I mean, or does this sound completely ridiculous? I know a couple people have called this line of thinking BS.


I've been with more than one person that I found flat-out unattractive until we were involved. After we became romantically/sexually involved, I found that I was attracted to them, though I could objectively still assess their looks as "not my thing". Interestingly, my spouse is quite standardly good looking, which I always found aesthetically pleasant, but not at all arousing (I preferred bigger, hairier guys and faces with character), yet he and I had a freakish level of chemistry together and after 13 years are still very hot together.
I am a BBW (and was when my spouse and I started dating, and I wasn't his designated type, either), as they say, but I share your discomfort with the term. In my case, it feels like it's trying too hard. I am a good-looking, extremely sexy woman by my own standards; what someone else feels is what someone else feels. If you aren't attracted to me, that's fine. Attraction is what it is, although I admit to more greatly respecting people who don't judge immediately, but take time to know a person and see if attraction builds/develops.
As far as being in control, I assure you that I am extremely good at being in control and I very much deserve the respect I work hard to earn. Here's the thing; I AM in control of my weight. I wasn't in control when I was actively gaining (and the same is true of anyone else.) Losing weight is an active challenge, like remodeling a home, NOT a case of controlling something out of control (which would be more like fixing an actively leaking water heater, to continue the analogy) and is harder the heavier one is. If I choose to let other challenges take precedence over the challenge of losing weight (which does have a genetic component and I am limited in how much I could lose by that, as if it were impossible to totally destroy your house and rebuild from scratch), you may disagree with my priorities, but that's very different from not being able to respect me or believe that I am capable of exercising control not only over myself but over someone else.
Make sense?

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 7:34:34 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

I've been there. I was 250 pounds two years ago, then dropped to 112. I'll allow you to put 2 and 2 together



My only question to that is did you lose that much weight in a sencable, healthy way or have you developed an eating disorder?  At aproximently 6 pounds per month, that could have been a rather drastic drop rate.  I would be a touch worried about your health. 

As for your current look, I can't imagine why anyone would complain about your face.  That's just rather silly.  You're an adorable boy.  You kind of remind me of the old 'British Invation' pop rockers of the 60's and 70's.

For me, yeah - I admit to looking at the men I consider attractive first.  I've got a "thing" for blue eyed men - preferably with dark hair.  I just think that's hot.  And I like a muscular man with hair on his chest.  But it's not fashionable for men to let the chest hair remain anymore... so I learn to live with my husband's furry chest instead of insisting on it for my subs.

Now, since we've beaten the "Fat people have no self control" horse to death, I'll flip the coin.  I normally find the Extremely attractive people to be far to self centered and vane to be of any use to me.  When a man (or a woman for that matter) spends SO much time making sure that thier body, hair, clothes, shoes, or even thier home or car is absolutely perfect in every way... How are they supposed to have time (or funds) to make sure MY life is any better?  I have no desire to sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting on them to STOP Primping and get on their knees!

So yes, I enjoy flirting with handsome men.  But I find the really cute ones to the down right homely ones make WAY better subs.  They spend far more time being totally devoted to me, my needs, my wants, my desires.  Service makes for a much better sub than a handsome man or pretty boy who can't be bothered with getting creases in his designer slacks or scuff marks on his shoes.

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It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 8:05:08 AM   
youngsubgeoff


Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
Status: offline 		Im definetly not the "normal" male sub type (wich seems to be prefered here). Im 6 ft, 240lbs, 20 inch biceps, etc. I can look like a wild barbarian, or a well polished man. One thing that is fun is when someone underestimates my intelligence. I sooo love fucking with theyre pointy little heads  

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 8:27:10 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		Well, the harsh reality is that looks do matter, at least to some, including Me lol, just look at My profile-I'm rather specific about what I want.

That said, I've beaten you in the looks (or lack thereof) cos I'm 4'7 scrawny, in a wheelchair.....oh yeah, and I'm a Dom. Not a very good Dom. not yet anyway, and I know that My disability puts people off, this by the way is true for subs and slave as as vanilla. But that's life.

The bottom line for Me is T/those who question My ability now will not question it in the future should W/we even cross paths again because T/they'll see what I've achieved and created and they'll  know I'm capable.

Two more things, first, I'm betting that you have'nt wanted to be Dominated by a BBW yet simply because you have yet to meet the one who (despite what you might think when you meet her first) can and second, I promise you she's out there somewhere.

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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 9:11:18 AM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		It depends on the context. I've played with men that I didn't find physically attractive because they could take amazing amounts of pain.

As far as finding a submissive boyfriend, sure looks matter. If they're going to be the only person I am allowed to have sex with, they'd better be someone I think is hot.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 9:29:58 AM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Of course it plays...a part...
 
 
But i suppose I am...shallow...

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 9:35:46 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Attraction matters to me... my attractions are far from conventional... and hard to predict... initially, appearance (not looks), is what will attract me... like most, I consider it more about preference than being shallow... and the initial attraction is momentary and doesn't really mean a whole lot once I get to know someone...

my attractions to women are completely different than my attractions to men... (oh, duh.. of course they are) ... *grin*



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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 9:40:43 AM   
Vestonika


Posts: 95
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		well, a full and complete maybe 1% for character...(the most changeable thing about ppl is their character or lack of it), 30% interaction skills... 57% physical appearance... 2% style.

now as for being absolutely and undeniably in control.... welll... Try not to think about it, i won't Taze ya Bro :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

I know that the PC answer is, "it's all about the character of the person and how they interact with me" -- but let's cut the bull. How much do looks really matter to you? What characteristics do you want, need? I know that I've received some particularly harsh criticism recently, both regarding my face and the fact I'm not a bigger/stronger guy (6-foot-1 150 pounds). 

On a personal note, I have mixed feelings about BBWs (I hate that term by the way; not every big person is beautiful, nor as every thin person).  It's not that I can't respect the wishes of a bigger woman, nor that I don't find them attractive. It's just that I want, need my Domina to be able to control me, my will and body, and don't know how I'd feel allowing someone to control me who hasn't necessarily taken control over those elements in their own life.

Do you know what I mean, or does this sound completely ridiculous? I know a couple people have called this line of thinking BS.



< Message edited by Vestonika -- 7/8/2008 9:42:44 AM >

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