How much does physical appearance matter?

How much does physical appearance matter? (Full Version)

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Untouched1282 -> How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:13:14 PM)
I know that the PC answer is, "it's all about the character of the person and how they interact with me" -- but let's cut the bull. How much do looks really matter to you? What characteristics do you want, need? I know that I've received some particularly harsh criticism recently, both regarding my face and the fact I'm not a bigger/stronger guy (6-foot-1 150 pounds). On a personal note, I have mixed feelings about BBWs (I hate that term by the way; not every big person is beautiful, nor as every thin person). It's not that I can't respect the wishes of a bigger woman, nor that I don't find them attractive. It's just that I want, need my Domina to be able to control me, my will and body, and don't know how I'd feel allowing someone to control me who hasn't necessarily taken control over those elements in their own life. Do you know what I mean, or does this sound completely ridiculous? I know a couple people have called this line of thinking BS.

firstslaveca -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:21:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Untouched1282 On a personal note, I have mixed feelings about BBWs (I hate that term by the way; not every big person is beautiful, nor as every thin person). It's not that I can't respect the wishes of a bigger woman, nor that I don't find them attractive. It's just that I want, need my Domina to be able to control me, my will and body, and don't know how I'd feel allowing someone to control me who hasn't necessarily taken control over those elements in their own life. i think the problem with that statement is you are assuming they want to take control over that aspect of their lives and can't, it is quite possible they could if they wanted to. Dominants control what they WANT to control, perhaps they dont view thier weight in the same light you do, should i assume that a male Dominant with a beard doesn't have the control to shave? maybe he just likes beards, you are judging based on your core beliefs, which if raised in america post twiggy was thin is beautiful, that wasn't always the case, there are people that see large as appealing. i would be careful if i was you assuming anyones motives for anything.

coupleowl -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:22:43 PM)
Looks first, ask questions later. Though either can usurp the other. A dim-witted git can take a lovely little redhead and turn her into a troll. While a person of interest can break the snare current beauty standards are.

NeedingMore220 -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:28:14 PM)
I find I have to have a basic attraction to the one I am submitting to which provides that sexual chemistry and energy on which my relationships thrive. I don't have a list of characteristics, because they change from person to person. I don't see anything wrong with having a list of 'wants,' however, and it's a very individual thing. You shouldn't have to answer to anyone about what it is you find appealing.

Untouched1282 -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:28:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: firstslaveca i think the problem with that statement is you are assuming they want to take control over that aspect of their lives and can't i would be careful if i was you assuming anyones motives for anything. No, it's not that at all. It's more of a fact I think they need to reinforce the behavior, at least if they desire the most ideal results from me. It'd be like smoking, blowing smoke in my face, and telling me to quit. It's difficult for me, especially because I have BDD and "food issues" of my own.

SaraZeal -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:32:11 PM)
My standards are someone bigger and taller than me. Preferably a couple inches taller. Proportionally bigger than me (not just absolutely, cause even children qualify there). Being as small and skinny as I am, those criterias are easy to fulfill. Only 10% of men would be as short or shorter than me, and around 50+% would be tall enough for my tastes. In absolute terms, not even 1% of men would be smaller than me, but relatively, still 90% would be bigger proportionally. Of course personality primes over all this, though I think it helps me if they're significantly taller/bigger. I'm into ageplay and while I could be the older one, I like to be made to feel much smaller (not necessarily younger, by the looks anyways). Less women would qualify since only 25% of women are taller than me, maybe 10% would be as tall as I'd prefer them. Over 75% would be bigger proportionally, maybe more. I have an acquaintance of mine, 5'4", 95 lbs - that's proportionally the same as me (but shorter). 6'0" and 130 lbs would be proportionally the same too.

mlblaine -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:33:44 PM)
I don't know if you are ridiculous or not. Recently I was sharing with a couple of friends this same opinion as I am very new and I can't understand how they "play" with anyone / everyone with the same veracity and attention. They told me that it isn't about the looks as much as it is about the energy. OK, but since I am a novice, I start with the looks to get the energy going. Maybe this will change with experience, I don't know. But looks are important to me to. I am NOT super hot or super skinny and I am generally not attracted to super hot so my attractiveness (both giving and receiving) is another person's not. But it is still that attractiveness that pulls me first. I also agree with you about physicality and self care being part of what you look for in your Dom. I just know that I like to be Dom'd by tall men that are well groomed. It is what I respect and what I respond to. Am I wrong? not sure. My friends just laughed at me in the discussion and indicated I will learn. Maybe it will take you and I both having that one experience where we are completely and utterly dropped to our knees in tears begging for the person in front of us to help us overcome inhibitions and that person will look exactly opposite to what we think we respond to and we will be set free. Until then...you ARE HOT! Too bad we would bump into each other on the bottom! [:D]

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:39:39 PM)
Physical appearance definitely plays a part in our selection process here. One of my co-Femdom partner is interested in having some gentleman servants around who are in the 6 foot tall range and reasonably fit, because she wants someone who can take her dancing (ballroom, salsa, line, etc.) She is also very aesthetically inclined. Both of us have a tendency to dismiss a submissive (male or female) who arrives at the interview and whose hair, teeth, and nails show poor or non-existant care. We don't stay at interview meetings when the submissive individual is wearing a whole bottle of cologne or perfume -- SR is allergic to musk (anaphylactic reaction), and both of us dislike heavy perfumes, whether they're actual perfumes or heavily fragranced fabric softeners, soaps, conditioners, or deodorant/anti-perspirants . We are leery of potential servants who do not present a neat appearance (if they can't maintain their own wardrobe, how will they treat -mine-?) Some of these people may have wonderful characteristics somewhere else, and we'll accept them anyway, at least at an interim, because they have impressed us so much, but honestly, there are minimal physical standards that really -are- pretty big in the decision-making process.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:41:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Untouched1282 How much do looks really matter to you? What characteristics do you want, need? There are no aspects of attraction I NEED. Just preferences. I like delicate men. Tall and very lanky, shorter and thin... I definatey prefer them not to be muscular, and effeminate is perfect. My 2 boys are good fits to what I prefer, Angel is 6'4 and extremely thin, Fox is 5'7 and average weight. Both tend to be very effeminate in their motions, and their reactions. quote: It's just that I want, need my Domina to be able to control me, my will and body, and don't know how I'd feel allowing someone to control me who hasn't necessarily taken control over those elements in their own life. Do you know what I mean, or does this sound completely ridiculous? Completely ridicuolus, no, but very very clueless. Assuming that someone is not in control of themselves becasue they are overweight is very small minded. Assuming someone that is thin IS in control of themselves is just as misguided. My Angel cannot put on weight. He can go without eatting for days, or he can splurge and the most variation he has is 1-2 lbs. Because of body chemistry fluctuations and medications I am on, my weight varies up and down in a 20lb range. So, does that mean that becasue he is thin and driven by impulses in his eatting habits, he is in more control than I am, when I do all I can to control it but waiver because of medications? If you are attracted or not attracted to a certain physical trait, then come out and say it. Dont make silly excuses that rely on assumptions about a person to try and make it a more "acceptable" outlook. We dont all have to find every type of person attractive. We are entitled to our opinions. They only sound like you are embarassed to have preferences when you try and rationalize them. Having preferences is normal, but making youself look guilty for them is not. Just enjoy what you like, dont hold others to your standards unless they are someone you are considering. To each their own, after all. DV

SaraZeal -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:46:34 PM)
I have the same issue as Angel concerning weight. I can't put on weight and I fluctuate little. I vary between 100 and 108 maybe, going from one extreme to the other either very fast or very slow. I lose weight faster, and I have to dedicate myself to gain weight. I can lose 5 lbs in a week without a sweat, and will take effort to gain 2.

Untouched1282 -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:51:35 PM)
quote: ssuming that someone is not in control of themselves becasue they are overweight is very small minded. Assuming someone that is thin IS in control of themselves is just as misguided. My Angel cannot put on weight. He can go without eatting for days, or he can splurge and the most variation he has is 1-2 lbs. Miss DV -- I'm not trying to say that someone who is bigger is lesser or incapable of being a wonderful Dom. I'm simply saying that I know that I need certain habits reinforced. As I've stated in the thread, I've battled weight and self-image issues for the better part of my adult life so it's difficult for me to embrace certain things. I certainly did not intend to suggest anything negative about anyone else or the way they've decided to live their life[style]. To each their own, indeed.

TNstepsout -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:53:54 PM)
Are looks important? Well yes, and no. If I'm only marginally connecting to someone, he better be cute, but if there's a really intense unexpected bond well.... Also I have to agree that the idea of being overweight being connected to self control is just plain wrong. There are a lot of thin fit people who are out of control in their obsession with their looks/weight so that is really no measure. So I understand what you are attempting to say, but I think it's a bit more complex than you imagine.

Venatrix -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 7:57:05 PM)
FR - Intelligence counts for much more than looks with me, though that's not to say that sexual attraction isn't important. The problem is, the level of intelligence that I require is very hard to find. Pretty boys seem to be a dime a dozen.

Untouched1282 -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 8:02:20 PM)
quote: Also I have to agree that the idea of being overweight being connected to self control is just plain wrong. I didn't say it was a universal rule.

LPslittleclip -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 8:13:28 PM)
i find that the personality is the most important to me in any kind of Friend/partner. i do have a list of things i like and it would be nice if those whom i interact with enjoy some of them as well, but it is in the differences and diversity that i find some of the most surprising and rewarding results. i like you don't much care for labels its like trying to pigeon hole everyone that we meet categorizing them into neat little piles. i do try not to pre-judge those i meet as i am often times wrong. look into your self and find what it is you like/want and start looking.

LadyMyles -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 8:14:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Untouched1282 I know that the PC answer is, "it's all about the character of the person and how they interact with me" -- but let's cut the bull. How much do looks really matter to you? it's called a personal preference. everyone has them, whether it's height, weight, eye/skin/hair color, muscles or lack thereof. certainly you should look for a potential partner that has those qualities you feel most comfortable with, whether they are physical, or philosophical, or spiritual. compatibility is a huge part of lasting relationships. quote: On a personal note, I have mixed feelings about BBWs ... It's just that I want, need my Domina to be able to control me, my will and body, and don't know how I'd feel allowing someone to control me who hasn't necessarily taken control over those elements in their own life. a person's size does not equate to the richness of his/her life, or to whether or not they are capable of exerting control. I've met lots of people over the years, and thin/fit people have just as much personal, emotional, and relationship baggage, as well as control issues, as fat people. it's like comparing apples and oranges. the ability to be in healthy relationship with others, and to effectively exert control over various situations has to do with how your head works, not how much you exercise or how much you eat. ditto for keeping a clean house, a stable job, taking good care of kids, and sustaining friendships.

Untouched1282 -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 8:17:39 PM)
I'm not saying that it's the case for every bigger person, nor am I saying it's accurate. I'm relating it to my personal struggles with food and self-image. I'm not trying to put down bigger people. : /

shivermetimbers -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 8:48:19 PM)
I don't think you should have to be PC about what you find as attractive. It's one of those, "you know it when you see it" kind of issues. I personally find most people attractive, because most people are genuinely nice, and I guess I'm lucky that I find anyone who is fun, considerate, and pleasant attractive. It doesn't bother me though if someone I find attractive doesn't find me attractive. Even if it's said in a harsh manner, I at least appreciate the honesty. I once had a woman tell me she doesn't date trolls, gnomes, or hobbits. Now that sounds pretty crushing, but I walked away thinking, "cool, I just need to find women who think trolls, gnomes, and hobbits are cute." You'll just have to stay away from people who want more meat on a mans bones. As far as the thoughts that a larger person is that way because of a lack of self control (sorry if my paraphrasing isn't on the mark) I can only say, being someone who has struggled with weight issues my entire life, you really can't understand unless you've been there. Many find a weight range they are comfortable with, and that's the end of it. Some don't care where it goes, it isn't a concern as it is for others such as I. No matter what end of the spectrum they reside regarding their weight, it makes them no less in control of their lives. But you don't need to apologize if you find larger women unattractive. Thinking they are that way because they have no control is wrong though.

Untouched1282 -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 8:55:41 PM)
I've been there. I was 250 pounds two years ago, then dropped to 112. I'll allow you to put 2 and 2 together

WyldHrt -> RE: How much does physical appearance matter? (7/7/2008 9:08:36 PM)
quote: If you are attracted or not attracted to a certain physical trait, then come out and say it. Dont make silly excuses that rely on assumptions about a person to try and make it a more "acceptable" outlook. We dont all have to find every type of person attractive. We are entitled to our opinions. They only sound like you are embarassed to have preferences when you try and rationalize them. [sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif] VERY well said, DV! OP- Everyone has preferences, and there is no reason to make apologies for them. I prefer men who are bigger than I am (weight, yes; height, bonus points), which cuts the prospective pool down quite a bit for me. That said, I would encourage you to keep an open mind. Think of what you desire physically as a "wish list", but be open to that person who comes out of left field. They might not be a single thing that you thought you wanted, but just might be everything you need. Good luck!

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