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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 10:00:17 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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attraction is a must....why bother being with someone if your not attracted to them in the first place? as that would be out right lying to their face.

i prefer smaller (height/weight prop) over larger. i have been with both and of both sexes. i always found i was more happier with the smaller person.

i am small. but i was big once(196 at 5'7) and i hated that very much so to the point where it nearly killed me(because you cant be large with a serious heart condition which i have). if im with (dating) someone larger that trauma returns and causes problems. i will get stressed which is quite bad for me.

this preferance of mine will likely keep me out of the dating loop for life. there are not that many smaller people around within this lifestyle.

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Post #: 41

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 12:09:24 PM

RedMagic1

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Beauty is only a lightswitch away.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 42

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 12:20:01 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
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I find that I'm harsher when analyzing the physical appearance of other women than I am when I'm looking at a guy. For me, a physically less-than-perfect guy is somehow forgivable -- I don't mind if he's not super-skinny or jacked and instead maybe has a little bit of a tummy.

Although that's a recent development. For the longest time I would only date tall and skinny emo/goth boys. Then I met my boy, who's got the tall part down but is in fact jacked and was on his high-school football team, and I realized that there was more to life than having a guy who could borrow my clothes and make me mix-tapes featuring Death Cab For Cutie and The Smiths. Now I just get pissed off if a guy is prettier than me.

When it comes to women I'll admit that I am a downright judgemental bitch. I'm very picky as far as what catches my eye. I might giggle and think a nerdy boy is cute, but if a nerdy plain girl wanders into the picture I have no interest whatsoever. It's a double-standard, and likely makes me a horrible person, but I think it has to do with my own insecurities about my appearance. It's bitten me in the ass before, too, since it seems a lot of women I've encountered in my life are gorgeous on the outside and rotten to the core. Prime example is my ex who looked exactly like Aaliyah (before the plane crash) and had the personality of a garbage can. Bleh.

While looks are definitely not everything and can for both men and women be a way to cover up internal flaws... a person has to physically attract me before I actually decide to pursue them.

_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to Untouched1282)

Post #: 43

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 12:38:47 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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Oh my goodness.. its so good to read your words here... you've been missed...

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Post #: 44

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 12:44:16 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

Oh my goodness.. its so good to read your words here... you've been missed...

Awwww!

Thank you!

I've actually been in the process of a move to the Almost Great White North and things are still a bit higgledy-piggledy right now but I expect to be back and posting regularly very soon. With exciting news to boot! (cryptic, cryptic...)

Sorry for the derail, back to the posting of nudes!

Oh... wait.

_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 45

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 12:51:22 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Physical appearance is important to me but not as important as personailty.
If he can't help me laugh at myself sometimes he isn't right for me as I take myself far too seriously most of the time.
So attraction is about the whole package but it isn't going to work for me without it.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 46

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 1:03:39 PM

tornaway

Posts: 174
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

I've found that for me , attraction often has little to do with attractive . Remember we are animals , and often we may react to things on an instinctual level that we may not even be aware of , much less clearly define . It's all good !

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 47

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 2:54:35 PM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Im definetly not the "normal" male sub type (wich seems to be prefered here). Im 6 ft, 240lbs, 20 inch biceps, etc. I can look like a wild barbarian, or a well polished man. One thing that is fun is when someone underestimates my intelligence. I sooo love fucking with theyre pointy little heads

Sorry sweetpea I could not help myself.. its actually THEIR pointly little so forth and so on...

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

Post #: 48

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 2:59:16 PM

Sylverdawn

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Hmm... I will say this.. I like what I like and sometimes that depends on the person rather than their face..however, I am shallow enough to admit.. give me a smooth tall blonde well defined submissive male type and my pluse starts to beat just that much more.. however if he has an ugly spirit, is slow witted or graceless ..nope not interested.. take short hairy and chunky instead thank you.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Post #: 49

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 6:34:04 PM

LexiTempest

Posts: 59
Joined: 5/20/2008
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

Haha, MsStarlett, I thought he looked like a Brit too.

To OP: I am a Pro Domme, so not only is physical appearance less important to Me (in regard to pro sessions), but I would be uncomfortable playing with someone I am really attracted to because I don't cross that boundary with My clients. I mean if he was a total hottie, I couldn't do it. I'd definitely WANT to though. lol.

I have turned others down more for their "vibe" than their looks. Some people just look creepy though, lol. (Case in point - http://www.chapelhillcomics.com/content/?p=57 )

Personal relationships are a different matter, of course. And you shouldn't be embarrassed by having preferences.. I like guys with dark features. That doesn't mean I hate blondes.

Only dumb blondes.

_____________________________

~ Mistress Lexi Tempest ~

I'm Magically Sadistic! ;)

http://www.mistresslexitempest.com

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 50

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 7:03:18 PM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

Looks will always be important... at least on a basic, initial level. Say you're in a crowded room and you see a gorgeous person across the room making eyes at you. You're much more likely to go and talk to them than you would the unattractive person making eyes at you.

Very rarely will a person initiate contact with someone they find unattractive. Of course, sometimes you get to know a person as a friend before intimate or romantic feelings start to develop, and then looks aren't always important, or even relevant. That's generally not the case for most people, though.

Personally, looks are usually quite high on my list of priorities when looking for a potential partner, as I would guess they are for most people?

< Message edited by sodsta -- 7/8/2008 7:04:40 PM >

(in reply to Untouched1282)

Post #: 51

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 7:11:16 PM

Untouched1282

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shivermetimbers
And that 250 pounds was on a 6-1 frame. I'm 5-6, and have been up to 276, and as low as 145. I don't know what you mean without actually saying it, when you say "put 2 and 2 together". Are you saying that because you have been up in weight, you are saying that you have been there done that, got the t-shirt? If you are trying to say that, you lost your empathy. If I am wrong about what you are saying, you would have to clarify what your math is adding up to. Not flaming your reply, just asking for some clarification.

I was trying to allude to the fact that I have an eating disorder and body image issues : /

(in reply to shivermetimbers)

Post #: 52

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 7:13:21 PM

Untouched1282

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

No, this is what you said "It's just that I want, need my Domina to be able to control me, my will and body, and don't know how I'd feel allowing someone to control me who hasn't necessarily taken control over those elements in their own life."

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

quote:

It's just that I want, need my Domina to be able to control me, my will and body, and don't know how I'd feel allowing someone to control me who hasn't necessarily taken control over those elements in their own life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

quote:

Please show me where this says EVERY bigger person?

Also I have to agree that the idea of being overweight being connected to self control is just plain wrong.

I didn't say it was a universal rule.

No, this is what you said "It's just that I want, need my Domina to be able to control me, my will and body, and don't know how I'd feel allowing someone to control me who hasn't necessarily taken control over those elements in their own life."

You hemmed and hawed a bit, but still expressed your opinion that body weight and self control are connected. You then used this connection to justify why you aren't interested in big women.

Now I'm not saying you have to be PC and like big women. A lot of people do, a lot of people don't. You have a right to your personal preferences. I'm just trying to point out that this connection in your head between self control and outward appearance is misguided.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 53

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 7:15:16 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

quote:

ORIGINAL: shivermetimbers
And that 250 pounds was on a 6-1 frame. I'm 5-6, and have been up to 276, and as low as 145. I don't know what you mean without actually saying it, when you say "put 2 and 2 together". Are you saying that because you have been up in weight, you are saying that you have been there done that, got the t-shirt? If you are trying to say that, you lost your empathy. If I am wrong about what you are saying, you would have to clarify what your math is adding up to. Not flaming your reply, just asking for some clarification.

I was trying to allude to the fact that I have an eating disorder and body image issues : /

I wanted to reply earlier; I can tell you're really upset at the idea that you've been misunderstood. For the record, someone who is overweight, imo, is at least as likely if not more likely to be able to help you than someone who isn't, simply because many non-overweight people have never actually had to deal with/seriously think about weight and weight issues whereas it's pretty much inherent in being overweight (or underweight) that one learns about such things.

(in reply to Untouched1282)

Post #: 54

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 7:24:44 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

As my dear grandfather said "I have always been smart, I havent always been pretty."
Looks, weight and other aspects change. Having a body image problem isnt something that your Dom/Domme should have to be a certain way to help you with. If you want someone who understands that and CAN help, dont you think youd do better with someoen who might have had something similiar? Now, something else to keep in mind... not everyone who is normal proportional weight and size is free from body image issues... and not everyone who is over or underweight has them.
No matter what my weight, I have never had image issues. I am confident I will look good at 220 as easily as I will at 180. Just a matter of learning which outfits do that at what weights. I have friends, many of them, that have been yourtypical centerfold beauties as long as I have known them and they are always convinced that they look hideous.

Weight and mindset arent always linked...

DV

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VampiresLair

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 55

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 7:26:42 PM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282
I was trying to allude to the fact that I have an eating disorder and body image issues : /

OK. That's what I was asking about. You may need more than just a health conscious Domme to help you with your issues.

Personally, I was lucky enough to have a sub who was a personal trainer. Even though he was the one that made me the most crazy with his uppity New Yorker attitude AND his constant lies... He did a world of good for me by encouraging me to join a gym and stick with it.

You may not need a Domme to tell you what to do, you may just need a really good friend who knows enough to keep you on the Safe and Sane path. Leave the 'consensual' part out of your health plan.

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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
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(in reply to Untouched1282)

Post #: 56

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 7:57:50 PM

DelilahDeb

Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

OP:
Your relationship to food is something to be considered when establishing a relationship beyond initial contact, certainly.
As you work to improve and maintain your own self-image and self-esteem, if you find that Willendorf shaped women do not attract you, there's nothing wrong with that. It may, perhaps, limit your selection of femdoms if that is a pairing you seek.

I do suggest that you find opportunity to socialize with kinky community at munches and the like. It is my experience that physical attraction increases or decreases as you become familiar with the mind and spirit housed in a particular body.

As always, your mileage *will* vary.

Lady Delilah Deb

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--from the Charge of the Goddess, a Wiccan teaching

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Post #: 57

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/8/2008 9:08:51 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

Looks will always be important... at least on a basic, initial level. Say you're in a crowded room and you see a gorgeous person across the room making eyes at you. You're much more likely to go and talk to them than you would the unattractive person making eyes at you. . . .

That may be true for a lot of people, but I learnt fairly early on that the good-looking guys often didn't have much else to offer. So, if I knew in advance that the gorgeous guy was an idiot and the unattractive guy was a Nobel Prize winner, I'd go straight for the unattractive guy. If the gorgeous guy was the Nobel Prize winner, I'd go straight for him. Purely in the interests of good conversation, of course.

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 58

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/9/2008 7:52:55 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

i find that the personality is the most important to me in any kind of Friend/partner. i do have a list of things i like and it would be nice if those whom i interact with enjoy some of them as well, but it is in the differences and diversity that i find some of the most surprising and rewarding results. i like you don't much care for labels its like trying to pigeon hole everyone that we meet categorizing them into neat little piles. i do try not to pre-judge those i meet as i am often times wrong. look into your self and find what it is you like/want and start looking.

I wanted to pull particular attention to this. Not once, in this entire comment did he ever say that he found Me physically, or sexually attractive. If he saw someone walking down the street with the same physical attributes, I doubt he would pay any attention.

Yet, this same boy is drawn to Me. W/we have built a wonderful, lovely D/s dynamic between the two of us that distance can not separate.

It isn't often that I look upon pictures of Myself, and have favorable opinions. Still, when I look here and see the shot he has chosen, I smile. It is rare that a moment of inner beauty is captured. Yet here it is for all to see.

It is things such as this, where it is not My outward appearance, that I am beautiful.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Post #: 59

RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/9/2008 9:30:54 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

A lot. But that is not the only factor. An intuitive, skilled, seductive domme who is a 7 physically is way more attractive to me than a Playmate Of The Year who is totally vanilla and boring.

(in reply to Untouched1282)

Post #: 60

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