RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given?

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darchChylde -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/8/2008 10:27:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slvemike4u This thread certainly felt like an ambush to me...seems there are some of us that don't like Sandy....go greased lightning go greased lightning!!!!!...(with apologies to Olivia Newton John....she really looked great inthat closing number didn't she?) i understand how it looks, and even why it appears so. But, what it was (as was explained in the OP) was my quoting (with permission) and reposting a comment from another thread (where she admitted it would derail that thread). When i asked permission, i did so under the stated wish that she would create the thread that she alluded to, because i believe that the strong statements that she made were worthy of a response. In asking permission, i made it clear that i did not agree with her and would be giving my own opinions. So, this is not an ambush; as it was made very clear that my response to her were not going to be flattering. This was less an ambush as it was an invite to a shootout of ideals.

slvemike4u -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/8/2008 10:35:57 PM)
AAKASHA I love your post's but this last one leaves me with a question,You refer to Yourself as FemDom to the core ,born that way is the way You put it and then You seem to infer that a man feeling the same way ie: sub to the core ,born that way? as somewhere on the bottom of this submissive scales of sorts...born of too much exsposure to BDSM porn...is it not possible to be a commited submissive and still retain the qualities of which You attribute to a higher functioning sub the almost ,if I understand Your description ,the "reluctant sub"...I don't see the Female as optional in any scenario I have for my submission and I am a very willing submissive...

petdave -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/8/2008 10:40:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slvemike4u AAKASHA I love your post's but this last one leaves me with a question,You refer to Yourself as FemDom to the core ,born that way is the way You put it and then You seem to infer that a man feeling the same way ie: sub to the core ,born that way? as somewhere on the bottom of this submissive scales of sorts... Y'ever hear "Life is a comedy to those who think; a tragedy to those who feel"? Well, there ya go! 'Tain't fair, but if you on de right side o' de game, 'tis a right fuckin' laugh! [:D][:D][:D]

LexiTempest -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/8/2008 10:46:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darchChylde quote: ORIGINAL: petdave quote: ORIGINAL: darchChylde Also... "One: Some men are incapable of hurting women. It's just not in there nature, they are good people and the respect women too much." Now, where is it even concievable that a man's ability to hurt a woman gives him power Um, in the real world where people don't want to be hurt? The ability to hurt people gives one nation power over another, gives the State the power over the individual.... do i have to keep breaking it down? on a national or worldwide basis, your argument might hold water... but in an individual basis, which is what we're talking about; the ability to hurt another is not where the power lies... the power lies in whether or not the victim choose to allow the abuse to continue Are you fucking kidding Me? How about the fact that I can't walk down the sidewalk at night (or day, really) without fear of being raped or murdered by a man? That sounds like a lot of power to Me. If that power did not exist, there would be no need for self-defense classes for women. I suppose it would also be the victims fault for "allowing" to be raped or murdered? Pure BS, and I could not be more offended by this.

slvemike4u -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/8/2008 10:52:13 PM)
DC a shootout of ideas ? and somehow I still have this nagging thought that this is more a continuation of an earlier thread and fallout over ill will from there.Since when did we start eating our young around here....What did the Lady post that was so questionable that she seems to have engendered such animosity from so many..She has a question about the use of the term power exchange,she gives her take on it and than she gets taken to the woodshed for somehow having a different version of all this than you do...she is entitled to do this thing we do any way she wants ...she is entitled to view it thru her own prism just like all the rest of us are

AAkasha -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/8/2008 10:56:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slvemike4u AAKASHA I love your post's but this last one leaves me with a question,You refer to Yourself as FemDom to the core ,born that way is the way You put it and then You seem to infer that a man feeling the same way ie: sub to the core ,born that way? as somewhere on the bottom of this submissive scales of sorts...born of too much exsposure to BDSM porn...is it not possible to be a commited submissive and still retain the qualities of which You attribute to a higher functioning sub the almost ,if I understand Your description ,the "reluctant sub"...I don't see the Female as optional in any scenario I have for my submission and I am a very willing submissive... A man is at the bottom of the 'food chain' in my opinion based on how he ACTS, not how he is submissive to the core. Many submissive men are very thoughtful about their submissive side and are not desperate to submit to any/all women at the drop of the hat. I don't think the attributes are at all related, it's more how a man deals with his urges and how realistic he is about them. A guy can be submissive to the core without being desperate in a sad an undesirable way. Akasha

slvemike4u -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/8/2008 11:02:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: slvemike4u AAKASHA I love your post's but this last one leaves me with a question,You refer to Yourself as FemDom to the core ,born that way is the way You put it and then You seem to infer that a man feeling the same way ie: sub to the core ,born that way? as somewhere on the bottom of this submissive scales of sorts...born of too much exsposure to BDSM porn...is it not possible to be a commited submissive and still retain the qualities of which You attribute to a higher functioning sub the almost ,if I understand Your description ,the "reluctant sub"...I don't see the Female as optional in any scenario I have for my submission and I am a very willing submissive... A man is at the bottom of the 'food chain' in my opinion based on how he ACTS, not how he is submissive to the core. Many submissive men are very thoughtful about their submissive side and are not desperate to submit to any/all women at the drop of the hat. I don't think the attributes are at all related, it's more how a man deals with his urges and how realistic he is about them. A guy can be submissive to the core without being desperate in a sad an undesirable way. Akasha Not quite as funny as PetDave's response,but than You actually answered the question and cleared up my confusion, he just made me laugh...thanks to both of You...

darchChylde -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/8/2008 11:02:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LexiTempest Are you fucking kidding Me? How about the fact that I can't walk down the sidewalk at night (or day, really) without fear of being raped or murdered by a man? That sounds like a lot of power to Me. If that power did not exist, there would be no need for self-defense classes for women. I suppose it would also be the victims fault for "allowing" to be raped or murdered? Pure BS, and I could not be more offended by this. Nope, not kidding .. Guess what, though being raped in the street is not nearly as great a possibility for me; i can get mugged, assaulted or murdered myself. And i still hold by my statement. i personally got mugged at gunpoint a few months ago; yes there was fear and yes i lost a few bucks; but does my attacker have power over me? No!!! Why does that attacker, along with other random criminals out there not have power over me? Because i choose not to get into such a high risk situation. Nobody is safe from random acts of violence, but by choosing not to live in fear and avoiding situations where the likelihood of such will happen. By doing that, i keep the power. You can do the same. The same is true for someone in an abusive relationship. The only way the abuser has the power, is if the victim stays in the relationship and allows them to keep it. Making intelligent decisions gives you power. Violence is not power, living in fear is giving up your own power; and if you live in fear you have made a choice to do so.

LexiTempest -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/8/2008 11:29:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darchChylde Nope, not kidding .. Guess what, though being raped in the street is not nearly as great a possibility for me; i can get mugged, assaulted or murdered myself. And i still hold by my statement. i personally got mugged at gunpoint a few months ago; yes there was fear and yes i lost a few bucks; but does my attacker have power over me? No!!! Why does that attacker, along with other random criminals out there not have power over me? Because i choose not to get into such a high risk situation. Nobody is safe from random acts of violence, but by choosing not to live in fear and avoiding situations where the likelihood of such will happen. By doing that, i keep the power. You can do the same. The same is true for someone in an abusive relationship. The only way the abuser has the power, is if the victim stays in the relationship and allows them to keep it. Making intelligent decisions gives you power. Violence is not power, living in fear is giving up your own power; and if you live in fear you have made a choice to do so. You contradict yourself. I shouldn't live in fear, but I should avoid risky situations. I could be attacked anytime, anywhere, so I'd have to become a recluse in order to avoid any dangerous situations. And don't you fucking try to compare getting raped to being robbed. That is the most ridiculous shit I have ever heard. I can't believe how ignorant people can be. By the way, if the mugger didn't have power over you, why did you GIVE him your money? I guess you just felt generous that day. I find it incredibly ironic that you originally asked "Now, where is it even concievable that a man's ability to hurt a woman gives him power?" The mugger's ability to hurt you not only gave him power, but also resulted in him walking away with your money. Hmm, funny how physical threats work. You're not going to convince Me that ANYONE could ever "choose" to be raped, and you're obviously too ignorant to even get the fact that you inherently have [some, not complete] power over women by being a white male. I would like to think you wouldn't abuse it by hurting women, but that doesn't negate its existance in the first place. I'm leaving this thread. Have fun.

cloudboy -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/8/2008 11:45:03 PM)
I would agree that some women do hold "all the power." In Seinfeldian terms, they have "the hand," being the gatekeepers of sex in M-F relationships. Of course there's the problem of overplaying one's hand or overusing one's power. In the long run its much better to have synergy than it is to have power exchange or a D/S based relationship. (Not to say that there isn't overlap.) Its also not a given that if a woman has sexual power that she will also have respect. Without respect a Domme will find her dominance short lived or bounded by a man's sexual interest.

Leatherist -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/8/2008 11:51:52 PM)
Ahem. Men can take thier power "in hand" very easily-and often do. Why do you think porno is a billion dollar business? [:)]

darchChylde -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/8/2008 11:52:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LexiTempest You contradict yourself. I shouldn't live in fear, but I should avoid risky situations. I could be attacked anytime, anywhere, so I'd have to become a recluse in order to avoid any dangerous situations. And don't you fucking try to compare getting raped to being robbed. That is the most ridiculous shit I have ever heard. I can't believe how ignorant people can be. By the way, if the mugger didn't have power over you, why did you GIVE him your money? I guess you just felt generous that day. I find it incredibly ironic that you originally asked "Now, where is it even concievable that a man's ability to hurt a woman gives him power?" The mugger's ability to hurt you not only gave him power, but also resulted in him walking away with your money. Hmm, funny how physical threats work. You're not going to convince Me that ANYONE could ever "choose" to be raped, and you're obviously too ignorant to even get the fact that you inherently have [some, not complete] power over women by being a white male. I would like to think you wouldn't abuse it by hurting women, but that doesn't negate its existance in the first place. I'm leaving this thread. Have fun. Making intelligent decisions and living your life accordingly is not living in fear, it's about having common sense. Nowhere did i claim to compare being raped to being mugged, But, since you bring it up; i have been raped by a woman because i chose to give her power over me and foolishly trusted someone who had not earned that trust. She had power over me for 5 years, as i stayed away from the lifestyle in fear of it happening again. i took that power back, by choosing not to live in fear and making the intelligent decision to not practice casual play with relative strangers; but also not allowing that fear to keep me from doing something that i love doing. My being a white male doesn't give me power over women, that's the belief of someone who chooses to be a victim. As far as my mugger having power over me, yes he had temporary power over me as i acted in a manner that effected my survival. Even if i had chose to fight back and gotten away uninjured and with all of my belongings intact, he would still have had power over me since he forced that reaction out of me. But i do not allow him to control me any further, ending what power he had over me. Yes, i still go out at night; but do i do so alone and unarmed? No, not for any distance on foot. i live in a relatively high crime neighborhood, and regularly walk outside on a regular basis; often going to the liquor store or bar on the corner; and back at late hours of the night. i have not greatly changed my habits and still continue to live my life, i have the power back that i lost.

cloudboy -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/9/2008 12:01:36 AM)
quote: The person who empowers themself with the ability to choose AND unwillingness to compromise is always the one in power. You sound like a trader in the commodities market. To me forming a connection to someone involves vulnerability, give-and-take, and intuitive, mindful guesswork.

StaceyTheBitch -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/9/2008 12:45:31 AM)
Since this thread is heating up I did want to make one thing clear. darchChylde did email and ask if it was ok to make a new thread using my accidental thread jack post. He also offered to credit me. I said fine. My reason for not posting it as a new topic myself was because I already had one thread that I started a few days ago get over heated and I wasn't in the mood to start another.

DelilahDeb -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/9/2008 1:49:36 AM)
Fast reply: I don't like the term power exchange and hence don't use it. It isn't power, and it is rarely an exchange, exactly. What is shared is energy, for want of a more apt term. What a few folks over in the metaphysical headspace call subtle energy. The energy of emotions and sensations and body chemstry and touch and control and acceptance and wonder and…. Transfer of energy happens, in both directions, during a scene, and thus I suppose it can be an exchange…during a scene. Like a heat exchanger, one sort of energy goes one direction, and another sort goes the other way. But "power" is a term far too inexact for BDSM purposes. There's lust, there's desire, there's control, there's sensation—they can be called "power"… and the craving for any of these, and more, may also be termed "power." Way too inexact.

mettadas -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/9/2008 3:32:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darchChylde So, all in all you are not dominant but domineering; i get it. You are the perfect "mistress" for the majority of male "submissives". You take your cues about D/s from the same place that they do, not from reality but from bdsm porn. There is obviously a market for such, so i'm sure you do very well; and will continue to do so until you mature and join reality. So she's doing it, and they are doing it, and sometimes they are doing it together, but it isn't real. Have I got that right?

Politesub53 -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/9/2008 3:46:19 AM)
Its ironic that a thread started because a comment was off topic, has itself got sidetracked. What happens outside BDSM has nothing to do with what happens inside. Its also to believe all victims put themselves in a high risk situation, quite often its the low risk situations that catch you out. As for the original concept of the thread, surely Dominas have a head start on the power exchange, due to the nature of Dominance and submission. i am always very aware when speaking to a Dominant woman, that She calls the shots. While i can decide if i want to get involved, i am dependent on Her saying yes or no, much like a vanilla relationship, being submissive though puts me at a disadvantage. What i mean by this is that She is expected to be in control and i am expected to do Her biding, so the initial approach isnt quite the same as going in as equals. TPE, in my opinion, just means me deciding to allow a Domina to make all the decisions. As for Godess Ava`s signature line, strong women have been using that ploy since time began. Its more to do with sexuality than BDSM but works just as well in either scenario.

hardbodysub -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/9/2008 4:58:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy I would agree that some women do hold "all the power." In Seinfeldian terms, they have "the hand," being the gatekeepers of sex in M-F relationships. Of course there's the problem of overplaying one's hand or overusing one's power. In the long run its much better to have synergy than it is to have power exchange or a D/S based relationship. (Not to say that there isn't overlap.) Its also not a given that if a woman has sexual power that she will also have respect. Without respect a Domme will find her dominance short lived or bounded by a man's sexual interest. I remember that episode; it was great! Thanks for reminding me. I think the proper phrase, though, would be they "have hand", not "have THE hand".

StaceyTheBitch -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/9/2008 5:04:44 AM)
Quote from AAKasha ...post number 20. Excuse me for not doing this the right way but I must be doing something wrong. The quote feature doesn't seem to work for me. Perhaps someone could email me the correct way to do it. ...........AAKasha said in post #20 to me. "I agree that the term "power exchange" is overused and in the examples you give, yes, it does make sense. But I'm assuming you are "wired" femdom to the core (ie, born that way, like me) as I get that sense from your posts; and while it's always exciting to have power over a man, do you not at all feel there is more of a rush, of satisfaction, or that you are taking control of something more powerful and intense when the man does not just roll over at the sight of you and grovel?" ........... My reply I can't answer that because I've never met a man with power over me, and believe me, I've met many men. I can't take something that they don't have. Oh to be sure, there are many men I have absolutely no power over. I meet them all the time but they don't do anything for me sexually or mentally. I don't desire them in any way. I might be friends with them and like them but they have absolutely no control over me, no matter how alpha male, or how smart, or how handsome they are or even how deep their voice is wink. I guess if I ever met a man that I was strongly attracted to and he wasn't interested in me then I might enjoy trying to take his power. It would be my first experience at a power exchange. I just don't think it will happen. If you are attracted to big strong tall men and a weak short guy hits on you. Does he have any power over you? NO. He might have temporary power if he has a gun but it's not real power. I am attracted to men who do what I tell them. They really make me roar. If a guy does not do as I tell him then he becomes a "small weak short" guy and thus I am not interested any longer. Having 100% control over men is my kink. It is what it is. It turns me on and it makes me happy. I don't need or even want to take a mans power from him. I just want men that are already powerless around me. I don't want to analyze why I feel this way and I don't care why or where these feelings come from. My kink ,and my skirt fetish, are of no harm to anyone and thus there's no reason for me to feel compelled to change who I am. I love men (and women) as long as they obey and thanks to sites like this I can find them. There you have it. And to the "experts" that will try to psychoanalyze me like they did in my sub OP thread, you don't know enough about the rest of my personality and you are probably not qualified to do that so your opinions about my psyche and state of mind are irrelevant to me.

StaceyTheBitch -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/9/2008 5:51:51 AM)
Quote from darchChylde in post 9 to me So, all in all you are not dominant but domineering; i get it. You are the perfect "mistress" for the majority of male "submissives". You take your cues about D/s from the same place that they do, not from reality but from bdsm porn. There is obviously a market for such, so i'm sure you do very well; and will continue to do so until you mature and join reality. ......My reply I don't watch bdsm porn or even regular porn. Although I did go see the chippendales live once. You seem to make up false facts ,about people you don't even know, to substantiate your preconceived notions of what Domme's are. "Mature and join reality you say?" Do you know me? No, you don't. What was the bases for that insult? Are you threatened by me? If I had known you were going to use my post to make up facts about myself and others and to insult myself and others, I would never have agreed. Personal insults and baseless accusations of others do not give you power darchChylde, they make you a little man. A little little man.

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