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LadyLou -> RE: F/m Power Exchange - Is it a Given? (7/14/2008 7:32:56 AM)
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Woah! This is a clusterfuck of a thread, that went and imploded on itself.
Imo…
We are talking semantics here vs. many personal opinions, experiences, personal ‘realities’ and perspectives - a conclusion will never be reached. Those who indulge these semantic spurred debates will only end up feeling frustrated, but possibly self validated.
So, in the interest in self validation (lol) and to try and discuss the original concept from both viewpoints in less hostile terms, I offer my own opinion…
People come to this lifestyle from many different angles. I‘ve seen quite a few women (and men) who believe in their ‘dominance/power’ because of their generic sexual/BDSM appeal over someone. It is a ‘real’ form of ‘influence’, as many people genuinely fawn over it, and many men and women use it to their advantage. But it’s a superficial form of ‘influence’ that only lasts as long as ‘influencee’ is lustful for it, which in itself is highly fickle and subjective to many forces. I believe this is the kind of ‘power’ the OP referred to. It’s a fun and playful kind of influence, very lightweight.
But it’s symbiotic, so dubious as to it‘s title of “power“. The ‘influencer’ uses it as a kind of validation, they *need* to have that influence over someone, otherwise their pride/ego isn’t interested, and they actively go out of their way to only deal with people who fawn over a limited aspect of what they are (a.k.a their ‘hotness’) as it‘s the easiest form of attention they can get. It makes them feel good about being them, and becomes addictive. But this ‘influence’ doesn’t go much beyond the lustfulness of the ‘influencee‘.
The flip side of this, is that I have seen many ‘infleuncers’ who have turned into needy people with an addiction for this attention. When their influence doesn’t work beyond the lustfulness, they start fawning to that side of their ‘influencee’ and playing it up to get the validation they so desperately need to rub their ego. Sometimes it’s just a learning process, and one grows out of it. Sometimes people don’t learn from it.
Then there is another form of ‘influence’ which is much more substantial. That which develops only over time, communication, compatibility, trust, love, chemistry, a mutual understanding and volunteerism to give up/take up an exchange of energy on a more permanent basis - it transcends the lustful/sexual/kinky/ego etc. Someone hit the nail on the head when they said it was an exchange of ‘energy’. It’s still symbiotic, so I don’t see how it’s actual ‘power’ being given up by one party - two (or more) people are feeding into each other on very different, but ‘harmonic’ resonation. Quite often in this lifestyle, it gets romantically ‘dressed up’ as power exchange, D/s, etc, but it is symbiotic, both need it, but I digress some what.
This is the more substantial energy exchange/influence/P.E/D/s etc, that generally lasts a lot longer, is less objectifying and is less self-deluding than the alternative described above, and arguably more healthy. I believe this is the antithesis to which many have been ‘debating’ with ‘StacyTheBitch’ with here and in other threads, and what ‘StacyTheBitch’ doesn’t seem to understand with her quote the OP highlighted.
Both are very real forms of ‘energy exchange‘. A lot of people get rather elitist about what is ‘true’, particualrly if it offends their own thinking. The thing is, we ain’t going to be changing anyones personal opinions. Some people, both men and women, sub and dom/me seek superficial gratification. Sometimes, it isn’t just some subs that seek to be objectified, whether the domme realises she is being objectified or not by her actions, it doesn‘t make a difference - people who advertise themselves in such manner are doing so to get exactly what they want, and that is up to them.
Personally, for me, I’m not interested in my ‘power’ over a man coming from purely his and my own sexuality - I have no desire to deal with just that limited aspect - I have no desire to play up to someones kink, I have no desire to be objectified. Nor do I want someone who rolls over and submits randomly to anything, before I have proven myself compatible of that submission - I want someone to submit to me, because of me - I want someone who is selective with their submission, and doesn‘t just give it to anyone because it turns them on and they are desperate.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t respect the right of people who don’t have the same ideals as myself, and wish to indulge in the opposite of my ‘truth‘. I’m certainly not going to debate the rights, wrongs and ‘trueness’ of what they believe in - it’s a pointless exercise. Live and let live I say.
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