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Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 3:47:02 PM   
Jupiterfalling


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/22/2008
Status: offline 		thoughts?

< Message edited by Jupiterfalling -- 7/9/2008 4:17:12 PM >
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 4:20:34 PM   
greenearth21


Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		I feel more comfortable with an experienced dom....most who tend to be older than me...which works out perfectly.  I have experienced a relationship with an inexperienced dom and it was just awkward.  For me its more personal because I prefer a dominant man and if someone is inexperienced...I fear that I'd be dominant as well which is something i'm not interested in at all, thus eventually making the relationship awkward and not so fun for me.

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 4:23:19 PM   
clodivs


Posts: 29
Joined: 7/29/2004
Status: offline 		I have yet to see anyone who actually prefers an inexperienced dom.  A lot of subs that I've seen, whether they're experienced or not, explicitly want an experienced dom, and some don't specify, but it seems that everyone wants an experienced one.

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 5:20:26 PM   
Jupiterfalling


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/22/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you both for your responses. That's my feeling exactly. Here's the thing. I have a very hot male friend who is an experienced Dom. I recently told him about my desires (which I have hid for years) and he has offered to have me sub. I've never done this before and I know he is of the harsher nature. I don't want to miss this opportunity, nor do I want to ruin it. I'm quite afraid of jumping in, without knowing how much I can handle or how much will be given to me. I need the right transition into reality. Do I verify myself with others first or risk annoying him by communicating it?

(in reply to clodivs)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 5:22:36 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: clodivs

I have yet to see anyone who actually prefers an inexperienced dom.  A lot of subs that I've seen, whether they're experienced or not, explicitly want an experienced dom, and some don't specify, but it seems that everyone wants an experienced one.


I don't actually care. I prefer a dom who meshes with me outside of kink and BDSM, whom I can build a life and a family with. If he's experienced, ok great - he can teach me. If not, ok great - we get to learn together.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to clodivs)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 5:24:49 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

I don't want to miss this opportunity, nor do I want to ruin it. I'm quite afraid of jumping in, without knowing how much I can handle or how much will be given to me. I need the right transition into reality. Do I verify myself with others first or risk annoying him by communicating it?


Why would it annoy him? If you are nervous, wouldn't he want to know so that he can set you straight regarding what he intends to do? If he is experienced and good with novices (two completely different things) then I'm sure he understands that you don't know what you can handle yet.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 5:27:44 PM   
Jupiterfalling


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/22/2008
Status: offline 		good point. i don't know whether or not he is. it could be his way or no way.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 5:30:54 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

good point. i don't know whether or not he is. it could be his way or no way.


Could be. Or he could be completely willing to work with you and help you figure out what you want to know. The problem is that we can't tell you. Only he knows.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 5:38:52 PM   
Jupiterfalling


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/22/2008
Status: offline 		better ask and inform or avoid proposal? (best proposal ever)..sigh

thank you for your answers, aquatic:)

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 5:48:01 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		I find it best to take the analytical approach to this constant question. Experience in what?

Maybe if we are talking about needles, knives, and whips, but that falls into the category of "Top".

I find that the amount of experience that the Dominant has in power based relationships is irrelevant in light of character, common sense, and a good head.

My personal experiences is that submissive women generally find older men with more life experience attractive and thus the infatuation with experience is born.

Dominant men know this and increase the infatuation by flaunting their "experience" as if something of extraordinary value.

Edited to Add : For the sake of fairness, I find that the one benefit of experience is more understanding of what a person wants and therefore more constinstency. However, self awareness and that kind of understanding takes a lot of experience and time and people are constantly growing and changing, regardless.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 7/9/2008 5:58:13 PM >

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Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 5:48:40 PM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		Like peanut butter and jelly, my friend.

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Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 5:52:44 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: clodivs

I have yet to see anyone who actually prefers an inexperienced dom.  A lot of subs that I've seen, whether they're experienced or not, explicitly want an experienced dom, and some don't specify, but it seems that everyone wants an experienced one.


Well, when all the experienced Doms die, were all fucked, huh?



Nah, seriously...I am sure all the inexperienced ones will poster themselves as experienced and the cycle will continue much like it does now.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to clodivs)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 6:02:34 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am ok with novice sub novice dom.  Novice sub experienced dom.  Novice dom experienced sub.  And experienced sub, experienced dom.
As long as everyone knows where they stand and are willing to jump in the belief that no one is right all the time, and people are human and will make mistakes, then things tend to sort themselves out.
People may have years of experience.. making the same mistakes.
I prefer an adjustable attitude..
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 6:09:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Everyone is new to everyone at the beginning.  Don't let your assumptions prevent you from new experiences.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 6:09:25 PM   
Jupiterfalling


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/22/2008
Status: offline 		ahhhh...assumptions and too many expectations are a downfall

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 6:46:41 PM   
QuietPeppermint


Posts: 19
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		Hmmm.

I'm a new sub [as in, I've never been owned], but I don't know if I want someone TOO experienced. What if they rush me ... ?

I would actually love someone who could explore it with me as much as I would love someone who would guide me. But that's just me.



Good luck with your hot friend :]

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 8:11:27 PM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		alot of subs prefer more experienced doms. personally when i started, my first dom had more kink experience than me, but no more Ds than i did. she was as green as i was on that front. personally on the kink side i prefer more experience, or someone that is very open minded and willing to learn. mainly because of my own personal kinks..hehe.

Ms side, a good portion of that comes with time, but the inclinations, and the chemistry.. if it is there, it is there. dominance is natural. the draw to the person will come or it wont.

lee

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I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 9:21:51 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QuietPeppermint

Hmmm.

I'm a new sub [as in, I've never been owned], but I don't know if I want someone TOO experienced. What if they rush me ... ?

I would actually love someone who could explore it with me as much as I would love someone who would guide me. But that's just me.



Good luck with your hot friend :]



If the D rushes you.. then he is taking you out of your "comfort zone" and probably NOT experianced. :)

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to QuietPeppermint)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/9/2008 11:30:02 PM   
masterforRT


Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline 		IMHO, A great combination!

I prefer to train my subs my way (and I assume that others feel this way too). A newbie allows this. I have met many subs that were trained in a way incompatible with my methods and would have made poor sub candidates for me.

(in reply to CruelDesires)
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RE: Novice submissive + experienced Dom =?? - 7/10/2008 5:15:24 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Jupiterfalling, you seem yo have some fear that more experienced somehow equates to more hardcore activities.  It shouldn't.

You also think that communicating with him will annoy him.  It shouldn;t.  Any real Dom will want communication from his or her sub.  It's a bad thing to traumatize someone.

Ask him what the first session might be like.  If a proposed activity frightens you, ask him to not do it.

Enjoy.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to masterforRT)
Profile   Post #: 20
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