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Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 2:10:46 PM   
Plezurdom1


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		We entered into the relationship 5 years ago. After 2 years we talked and decided to purchase a home together. But due to her credit situation only I could get the mortgage. Prior to moving in together we spent every weekend together. I was her Master and she was my submissive want a be slave. Our play was extreme. Flogging, needles, electric etc... We were known for our public play sessions.

The first night in our knew home we began to play as usual. She used her safe word and a very light level of play as we were only into about the first 10 minutes.

Since that time the submissiveness stopped. The collar she took off. And now I am in a home with a person who really isn't submissive who wants someone to marry so health insurance and life insurance is somegthing she can count on. Its as if she is holding the previous submissive persona hostage and will no0t release her unless she gets her needs met.

So I am currently responsible for the entire mortgage on a home we have paid 50% 50% on. We cannot sell at a tome when the market is down as this will mean a loss.

I will not go further at this time unless it seems of interest to others here. Has anyone shared such an experience and if so how did you end it equiitably?
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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 2:24:43 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
Are you in love with each other?  Have you talked about this? Did she recently have a baby, is there something physically that has changed that could impact her sexual desires?

The entire "bait and switch" thing seems too unlikely in this scenario, to me.  I can't imagine a woman faking being a submissive for FIVE years only to say "sorry I'm not really kinky" in order to have a house and insurance.  That boggles my mind - do you guys have good vanilla sex, cuddle, laugh together, etc?

Akasha


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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 2:34:52 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I'm with Akasha.  There's a little too much WTF??? here.

Shoe on the other foot from the way she took things.  Are you somehow less attractive in her eyes?  Did you sleep around?  Did your personality change once you became a homeowner?  Some men morph from butterfly to caterpillar once responsibility is involved.  A lot of domestic violence starts once the lady's pregnant, for example.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:08:44 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		You have been in a relationship for five years, and have recently purchased
a home together. What popped into my head here, was the absence of the
word marriage. Not sure if it exists here.

Could be nothing.

Could be everything.

chia* (the pet)

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Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:21:13 PM   
Plezurdom1


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		The change occurred the first night we moved into the new house. That was two years into the relationship and three years ago from today. No pregnancy in fact she moved in with her 3 adult childeren and I have an adult son going to college who lives with us.

Not only did the submissive behavior change. She also went from working as a nurse to pursuing a workmans comp suit and hasn't been employed since. She sleeps till 2PM and spends most days watching reality shows and playing games on the internet.

She told me this week that she needs to get married in order to get health insurance. She has told me I do not respect her because I wont marry her. This has been a discussion over the years. Does she really think a dominant man would marry someone who is so demanding and wants to be married only for his life insurance, property and health coverage? This is not me and never has been. If I were to marry it would be for many reasons not just that.

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:28:18 PM   
Plezurdom1


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		chiathepet Not being married was understood. Also, Knowing she wanted to be married I always thought it could happen but in my timing not hers. BTW where does that Vanilla cone come from next to my screen name. I am certainly not vanilla although currently having to live as one.

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:28:20 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		And you haven't kicked her to the curb because...?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:29:18 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		  What does your gut tell you?? The submissiveness ended when you moved in together?? How long has she been unemployed?
Also, has the way you relate to her changed in anyway that would explain the way she has changed towards you?? 
You have not said anything about an emotional connection, (Love, wanting to marry one another) but maybe in this you are being discreet and not sharing with the board about that.

Again, what does your gut tell you?

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:29:44 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Plezurdom1
BTW where does that Vanilla cone come from next to my screen name. I am certainly not vanilla although currently having to live as one.

The CollarChat server maps back to your ISP and constructs an icon that represents your current sex life.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Plezurdom1)
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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:32:07 PM   
Alimentazione


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Plezurdom1

The change occurred the first night we moved into the new house. That was two years into the relationship and three years ago from today. No pregnancy in fact she moved in with her 3 adult childeren and I have an adult son going to college who lives with us.



you spent every weekend together prior playing...where? and where were the adult children on thos eweekends, could it be that having the children in the same home has blocked her ability to be who she was with you?

i know i am a totally different pewrson away for a weekend than i am when i am in any close proximity to my children.

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:32:09 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'd be a lot more concerned about her becoming lazy and unmotivated than rejecting her submissiveness.

Something has changed.  Maybe she felt that the home was a first step towards getting married and then felt rejected when it wasn't.  She's withdrawing from you, withdrawing from life.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:33:47 PM   
Plezurdom1


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline




And you haven't kicked her to the curb because...?
Because  we understand that we share interest in the property 50%/50%. I can not have her leave without being able to buy out her half of the equity. I do not have the funds for that. And the other option is to sell the property. But with the current market we would take a lose and my credit would be affected, not hers as she is not on the mortgage. Although we do not have a formal written agreement of this I do have this obligation and informal agreement with her.

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:37:59 PM   
Plezurdom1


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		you spent every weekend together prior playing...where? and where were the adult children on thos eweekends, could it be that having the children in the same home has blocked her ability to be who she was with you?


Response; We always palyed at a local club or in private. And by the way although we refer to them as our childeren they are all adults in their 20's

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:39:33 PM   
firstslaveca


Posts: 46
Joined: 4/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Plezurdom1






And you haven't kicked her to the curb because...?
Because  we understand that we share interest in the property 50%/50%. I can not have her leave without being able to buy out her half of the equity. I do not have the funds for that. And the other option is to sell the property. But with the current market we would take a lose and my credit would be affected, not hers as she is not on the mortgage. Although we do not have a formal written agreement of this I do have this obligation and informal agreement with her.


did you have an informal agreement she was your sub also, cause seems to me shes not holding up her side of the bargain

in fact looks as if shes holding you hostage

she is very lucky you take your "informal" agreement with her so seriously, some other may put her on the street


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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:41:09 PM   
VoicesInTheDark


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline 		SO you have a house full of adult children...hmmm. So you have another adult who doesn't contribute..hmmm.  This can only go from bad to worse...based on your perspective and data shared here. Predators have great patience. Was it you who was being seduced and  ended up swallowing the hook too deeply?  So was it the fisherman who got landed in his own boat? (oh honey Master lets get us a nice boat where we can have all kinds of fun and never have to worry again...)
You present yourself like a flopping fish on a line. This is one of the dangers of focusing on the intensity of play without creating a larger foundation to live within. You may be great at playtime...your role and identity are at great risk if you don't cut the crap quick.

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:44:08 PM   
Plezurdom1


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline 		heln5

Your right I am trying to respect her  by not going into alot of detail. We both know the relationship is not going anywhere and each of us feel trapped by not being able to end the relationship and move on due to our involvement with the property.

How can either of us ask another into our life without bringing this to an end? I would not want to have her bringing possible husbands home and I am sure she would not feel grreat about me bringing a new submissive home. Which at this point I have not pursued.

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:47:23 PM   
firstslaveca


Posts: 46
Joined: 4/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VoicesInTheDark

SO you have a house full of adult children...hmmm. So you have another adult who doesn't contribute..hmmm.  This can only go from bad to worse...based on your perspective and data shared here. Predators have great patience. Was it you who was being seduced and  ended up swallowing the hook too deeply?  So was it the fisherman who got landed in his own boat? (oh honey Master lets get us a nice boat where we can have all kinds of fun and never have to worry again...)
You present yourself like a flopping fish on a line. This is one of the dangers of focusing on the intensity of play without creating a larger foundation to live within. You may be great at playtime...your role and identity are at great risk if you don't cut the crap quick.



i totally agree

talk about topping from the bottom, marry me or else? can you spell extortion

i know based on what i have heard of this, and i know there must be so much more, but just on face value, by now i would have lost total respect for you as my Dominant, time to step up and be the one in control

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:49:35 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'll just drop the note that there are many submissives who do not have submissive personalities, and there are many slaves who are not submissive.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:50:00 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

And you haven't kicked her to the curb because...?
Because  we understand that we share interest in the property 50%/50%.


Can't you have a legal agreement drawn up that will split the equity in proportion to what was paid in when the house is sold in the future.  She doesn't have to be living there for that to happen.

Also does she show any signs of depression?  That can change someone in a hurry.

My daughter and her b/f just bought a house together and don't pay equally because his income is much higher than hers, but both their names are on the title.  They are planning to have a legal agreement drawn up very soon.  I can see all kinds of problems if one of them loses their job or leaves the relationship.

As for health insurance, some companies will cover a SO if they have lived together for a given period of time, so you might check with your human resource person.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:50:28 PM   
Aynne


Posts: 740
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline 		OMG I love you Red! *Snap*

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Plezurdom1
BTW where does that Vanilla cone come from next to my screen name. I am certainly not vanilla although currently having to live as one.

The CollarChat server maps back to your ISP and constructs an icon that represents your current sex life.



_____________________________

*Yes I know I have no profile at this time...

I looked in your eyes
Without saying a word
I told you what I am
And I hoped that you heard

~Owned and Loved by Master Sifu~

*founder of I Love Lushy Inc.*

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