RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 7/28/2004 5:11:18 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lawrence111
The *acts* of BDSM are rarely sexual to me […] But under general circumstances, I do not at all mind the lack of a sexual response because that focus (that pushes the sexual response away) is itself one of the turnons for me, along with the non-verbal communications going on. […] I guess it's as if I am thinking surgically (especially with the single-tail).

That is so well put Lawrence. I understand exactly what you mean about that surgical precision and it’s all about control.

Often, for me, there is no sex during an actual S&M moment. I would say that the sexual moments always have a D/s component to them (bondage, control, etc) but are not requisite for D/s to happen. As you said so eloquently, the D/s aspect underlies the whole relationship and you can’t spend your whole relationship fucking. Well at least, I can’t.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lawrence111
- The statement "just curious how many here make it a 24/7 part of their life."

When my partner was living with me 24/7, the D/s dynamic was underneath everything. That doesn't mean that she was "Always nake/cuffs and collar only" (which is noted as an option in the "Interests" section of our profiles - oh please...), just that the understanding of who-was-who was always there. We still talked, listened to music, walked the dog, watched DVDs while eating popcorn ... all those little vanilla things that normal people do.

I’m also in agreement with you regarding the fact that the idea of having a submissive/slave "always naked/cuffs and collar only" is a bit unrealistic. Ok, maybe some people pull it off. Whatever floats your boat!

Often, when in talks with submissives, I am asked what it would be like on a regular day with me. I tell them that we would wake up, have breakfast, figure out what we wanted to do with our day, do it, then come home, relax and probably curl up and talk, watch a film, read, etc. Most likely in there a lot of affection, communication, some play, some sexual moments…

That shocks a lot of them, especially the newbies. So I ask... What? You want me to walk around in 4 inch heels all day and you be on your hands and knees all day and ask me for permission to use the bathroom every time you need to go? In such a dynamic, I believe I would be turned into just as much of a slave.

Now I’m not saying that wouldn’t work for an intense day or weekend mind you… *sadistic grin*

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Lawrence111)

Post #: 21

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 7/28/2004 8:53:17 AM

theroebabe

Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline

I will try and add a logical bit of my 2 cents, (although i have ben accused of being the opposite) in regards to this topic. I tend to segregate things in my life and put them into some sort of filing cabinet in my mind as to where something belongs.

I have tried to be a slave and under that dom's way, it was not possible. So I know for me that i cannot give up control of all aspects of my life. I can and do submit when i have found the dynamic that is right for me, but i cannot give up total control, so 24/7 in a d/s way would always have some limitations. For example i have a dog, it will always be my dog and my dog is my child, the dog sleeps with me and i would always choose my dog over ANY man. A dog cannot understand the ds dynamic, so for me it has always been easier to say hi to the dog first then my dom if both were home when i got home only because the dog will knock me over if i dont. He doesnt understand or care about the d/s dynamic and never will. So these types of day to day issues need to be addressed and handled in a 24/7 way and agreed to by both parties.

the play, bondage, etc cannot be 24/7 for me i have a job responsibilities, so thats not a realistic goal. But the d/s side can be on for most of the day, the fact that my dom is usually the most important person in my life, that he/she is always in my mind, that i do take the time to think before i act in some situations.

When we are together i think of it as being d/s 24/7 but with some automation to function out in the real world. Depending on the dom, the protocols or rituals might enforce that dynamic in a way that means something to us.

The d/s may not be sexual in the activity, but some things may give me the subbie squishies and make me cream whatever i am wearing. While almost every single play activity for me is sexual (that being i am physcially wet and excited) even though i may not like it (mentally). It doesnt mean that i have sexual penetration of any kind with a play parter, or that anyone gets to orgasm, but to me it is sexual and since most of my play has been private it did always include some sexual aspect such as touching or toys.

Roe.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 22

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 7/28/2004 9:06:13 AM

cheeba0228

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline

it isnt right now but it has been in the past and I would like to get back to that in a milder sense than it was. I would like to find a sub and discuss what some rules would be for in the home, in public, and in private. To each their own let them take it to whatever limit they want.

(in reply to dmc68)

Post #: 23

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 7/31/2004 9:44:48 PM

Five10andLeggy

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

Submissiveness (for me) is about being open, sexually, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Control is very penetrating. To be "entered" mentally can feel very sexual. So, in a sense, the answer is yes. But it's about more than physical sex.

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 24

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/1/2004 6:41:10 AM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Is licking another person's genitals sex? I'm serious. Someone I respect claims to have not had sex when oral service was involved. I've heard that "eatin' ain't cheatin'" is serious political discourse.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to dmc68)

Post #: 25

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/1/2004 11:27:25 AM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I would consider it cheating. And it is "oral" sex obviously. Now if you lick your own genitals, that isn't sex. That is just strange.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 26

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/2/2004 2:59:41 AM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

yes
fantastically
strange
and exciting
to watch!

would watching
such be deemed
to be having sex?
after all one is in
a sexual act of self
licking? Is sex physical
or mental? hmmmmm
things to ponder.....

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 27

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/2/2004 4:44:36 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD
after all one is in
a sexual act of self
licking? Is sex physical
or mental? hmmmmm
things to ponder.....

"Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love". - Woody Allen
I guess that can be applied to self-licking too... ;)

On another note, sometimes a look is so intense that I deem it a sexual act. I'm not saying you've had sex because of a look. Rather, I'm saying that, in my opinion, the boundaries of sex are vast and exciting to explore.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 28

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/2/2004 8:59:11 AM

Sundew02

Posts: 457
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline

I can think of very few situations where BDSM could be a 24/7 situation. We all must at some point in the day or week go out and about to do mundane vanilla things.
As to is it more than sexual to me? Of course. Before I state my detailed opinion, I must give my definition of sexual. Since I stand firmly of the opinion that people are sensual/sexual beings with all its wonderful spectrum of varities I cannot pluck out the small portion that would be simply innocuous enjoyment. What is missing from my definition of sexual is a blunt down and dirty intercourse. That of course is a PIECE of sexual. Eating an apple can be sexual. So for me, it is always sexual. I am stimulated and enjoying it or why the heck do it? That doesn't mean I have intercourse everytime I touch a male, far from it. Most of the time during active d/s encouters it does not end in the ultimate dance. This includes watching a sub clean a floor or do the dishes, clothed or unclothed, a sweet available body is doing my bidding and I ENJOY watching. My rant for the day, smile. Sundew

_____________________________

~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to dmc68)

Post #: 29

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/2/2004 2:11:54 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

agreed LA
the search is
half the fun.

Sundew I
disagree
wholly being
One whom
lives BDSM
24/7. I am a
Dominant at
all times in My
life and I hold
Dominanton over
that which I Own
at alltimes 24/7 as
well and apply My
Dominance in general
towards the public in
general. We live Our
Lifes and do things
that are in common
or whats concidered
normal in different
ways and because One
says has to go out grocery
shopping doesent mean
that they are not doing such
in a BDSM way. Which I
would say that I do as such
because such a job is not done
in the way that the vanilla
society does it but it is done
none the less. a Vanilla person
might go to the grocery store
to buy a steak for dinner I on
the other hand not only being
Dominant and a penny pincher
and a Sadist would buy a cow
or goat and slaughter it for My
meat. Can you see the differances?
And this is just one of many
samples of just one thing. Its
how We do things in Our lifes
that follow the lines of Our Living
and kinks. A Man might be a Cross
dresser and wear female underwear
under His clothing 8 hours a day while
at work only to come home and then
dress out full Lafemme, Does this not
make Him a CD 24/7 ?But the public
eye does not see there for does not
count its application but it is none the
less there and practiced and enjoyed
24/7 JMO

(in reply to Sundew02)

Post #: 30

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/3/2004 12:26:55 AM

Sundew02

Posts: 457
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline

Well, since I would never want to slaughter an animal for a steak, but I know that famers and slaughter houses do, I see no D/s activity here, just a big mess. I imagine I could think of going to the dentist as experiencing my non-existent subside,but I don't. Life is full of interesting people, d/s and otherwise, I would NEVER limit myself to only viewing it through tunnel vision. Sundew

_____________________________

~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 31

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/3/2004 9:58:54 AM

ThorsHammer

Posts: 49
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

First response to a posting here. I have been a reader for some time.

To me, as a Dominant, the primary responsibility and "fun" of a D/s replationship is seeing my submissive lady grow. To create the enviroment where she can fully develop her need to serve, need to learn, need to excell, and become the complete woman that lives within her. In order for this to happen she must feel safe and protected and know beyond any doubt that I am committed to her as she is to me.

When the term 24/7 is used, we normally assume that we mean living together and interacting each and every day. To me, it can mean that but can also mean that the enviiroment I have created causes her to live our BDSM relationship completely even though we may not be living together or even see each other on a daily basis. Permit me to explain,

I stated that I want my submissive to be the complete woman that lives within her. Therefore a BDSM relationship for me envolves ensuring that her hair style and color is perfect for her face shape and skin color, clothing fits her body structure, etc. Additionally, she also needs to become the educated and well rounded woman/submissive via exposure to all aspects of life, e.g. art, music, current events, etc. Educated so that she can feel comfortable in any setting. The enviroment where all of these "things" are accomplished on a daily basis helps her become the complete submissive/slave/woman/lady that lives within her.

Having said that, the "play time" is an extension of the above, part of the enviroment that meets her needs and helps her to grow. Also, very honestly, the play time also meets the needs I have to be able to enjoy the "activities" that turn my crank.

I do not believe that we can seperate our physical, sexual, and emotional needs into nice compartments.

I guess what I am simply saying is that, for me, it is not possible to seperate the sexual life from any other part of the BDSM. To me they are mutually inclusive.

Just my thoughts.

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 32

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/3/2004 10:24:11 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I would consider it cheating. And it is "oral" sex obviously. Now if you lick your own genitals, that isn't sex. That is just strange

Rather good demonstration of a person's flexibility as well.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to ThorsHammer)

Post #: 33

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/3/2004 1:18:54 PM

subbiejenn

Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

i probably think about BDSM 24/7 ..lol but i don't think i could ever live it 24/7 to any extreme....

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

It's 24/7 for me in the sense that i serve my Dom (hubby) like a 50's wife. Even before learning about bdsm i did all the household chores inside and out. Now i see it all in a different light and get much more pleasure from it. However i do not consider myself a slave as i have a lot of freedom and independence.

i think there are things when in a serious D/s relationship that are 24/7 like always showing respect or serving ... i believe the D/s relationship is far more respectful and loving then most Vanilla relationships with a deeper understanding of each other but most of the lifestyle is private and shouldnt be tossed around in public....

i have small childern and a lot of things would be very hard to explain

i think i could live it 24/7 just not to the extremes.... but certain parts of the lifestyle should always be there if in a serious relationship.....but that dosen't mean if has to show as a BDSM relationship to the Vanilla world just as a respectful, loving one. i guess each relationship in BDSM is different and founded on different beliefs, dreams, limits .... so would change for each one.

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to dmc68)

Post #: 34

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/4/2004 12:59:55 AM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Youve never seen Me slaughter sundew

It is truly a Sadistic action and much gratification gained from it.

And I used this as only a sample of the many things that might not
of been at first thought of as Lifestyle but how You apply it is and can
be. Just as you look at actions you take in life to be vanilla. What
would you change for it to become lifestyle related and still get done
as a normal every day life living action. JMO?

(in reply to subbiejenn)

Post #: 35

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/4/2004 5:52:48 AM

kiki blue

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD
Youve never seen Me slaughter sundew

It is truly a Sadistic action and much gratification gained from it.

I can't say I find someone viewing slaughtering an animal as sadistic pleasure is a good thing.

Ethical sadism one sees in kink relationships is a very different beast to unethical sadism.

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 36

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/4/2004 7:02:40 AM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

who said anything about unethical??
Unethical would of been slaughtering it simply for the satisfaction.
I slaughter for meat but gain satisfaction from it.
{ Birds of a different feather }
Nothing unethical about slaughtering Your Own meat to eat. LOL
You must not know about all of the different kinks of a Sadist kiki.

(in reply to kiki blue)

Post #: 37

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/4/2004 7:07:56 AM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Sadists are not just Sadists in relationships kiki
Sadists are such 24/7 and are so in every part
of their life and living. How ever that does not
mean that a person cannot practice a sadistic
action and not be a Sadist. There is a differance
in those whom are Sadists and those whom
simply practice sadistic acts. And yes Sadists
are VERY much a part of BDSM.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 38

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/4/2004 7:16:31 AM

kiki blue

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD

who said anything about unethical??
Unethical would of been slaughtering it simply for the satisfaction.
I slaughter for meat but gain satisfaction from it.
{ Birds of a different feather }
Nothing unethical about slaughtering Your Own meat to eat. LOL
You must not know about all of the different kinks of a Sadist kiki.

When it comes to sadism, there's ethical and unethical. An unethical sadist tends to be an abuser, maybe a psychopath. An ethical sadist wants to hurt and torture their partner, but won't harm them, and have their good in mind.

Living off the land and taking satisfaction in the process is different from killing an animal and finding sadistic satisfaction in it.

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 39

RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/4/2004 7:18:52 AM

kiki blue

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD

Sadists are not just Sadists in relationships kiki
Sadists are such 24/7 and are so in every part
of their life and living. How ever that does not
mean that a person cannot practice a sadistic
action and not be a Sadist. There is a differance
in those whom are Sadists and those whom
simply practice sadistic acts. And yes Sadists
are VERY much a part of BDSM.

Yes, I'm quite aware that sadists are a part of BDSM and that they don't engage in sadistic acts 24/7.

I wouldn't socialise or play with someone who gains their sadistic satisfaction from killing animals. That isn't the sort of outlook I'd find comfortable to be around. I do play with sadists, though I hate pain. Of course, they're ethical sadists who won't harm me, even though they're hurting me.

< Message edited by kiki blue -- 8/4/2004 7:20:03 AM >

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078