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sexualizing a submissive? - 7/13/2008 7:18:18 PM

urlittleprincess

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Joined: 12/18/2007
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hello...i have a weird question...'they' say that the brain is the biggest sexual organ we humans have...with that in mind, have you ever met a submissive/slave who would be perfect for you EXCEPT you dont have that sexual chemistry going on for each other...everything else is perfect. is it possible to 'sexualize' him/her by thinking of them in sexual terms and actually create a spark or desire where before there was none??? would it be worth it if their service, companionship and everything else was valued by you? just wondering...

Post #: 1

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/13/2008 7:24:06 PM

anguisette22

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I know you're asking a Master, but I think the basic rules of sex apply here too; you can't "make" sexual chemistry, but if you don't force it, it can develop over time.

(in reply to urlittleprincess)

Post #: 2

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/13/2008 7:28:37 PM

StrongSpirit

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I agree with anguisette22

I would however word it as follows:

The only way to make someone that is not attracted to you attracted to you is to become a different person.

To change that much would be insane.

(in reply to anguisette22)

Post #: 3

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/13/2008 7:46:32 PM

xxblushesxx

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From: Kentucky
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I disagree to a certain point.
When I first opened my profile, I became a different person. (in a way)
Instead of focusing on what had been important to me in the past, which was mostly superficial and physical (not saying AT ALL that's what you are doing...it's what *I* was doing) I purposely got to know people without (at first) them having my pic, and mostly me not knowing what they looked like.
I am still attracted to the ones I was attracted to emotionally and intellectually at first, even if I would not have 'asked them to dance' had I not known them before.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 4

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/13/2008 7:50:58 PM

anguisette22

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Joined: 7/9/2008
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SS: I respectully disagree.

Love, Ang

No, but in more detail, I'm not attracted to anyone until I know them very well. I can find someone attractive physically, but I just can't desire them unless I've known them for a bit. It's odd, but for me everyone is neutral until their personality one day presents itself as a turn-on or turn-off. That's why I suck at dating, I like to move slooowwwly and people seem to just want to jump all over their date if they even remotely like them.

Also, people who I've thought were unattractive gradually became attractive to me over time, once I gained an understanding of who they were.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 5

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/14/2008 10:27:09 AM

urlittleprincess

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Joined: 12/18/2007
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thank you to each of you for your replies! this was something that just popped into my head yesterday so thought i would ask. for instance, if a sub was not sexually attracted to her Dom, but was attached to Him in all other ways and sex was part of the relationship, could she become more attracted to Him by perhaps using Him in her fantasies...focusing on things about Him that she did find attractive? or if the Dom wasn't overly attracted to the sub but was very fond and attached to her, and still wanted some sexual services could He not enhance His own attraction for her by viewing her more as a sexual being?

im curious about the mind and its power...

(in reply to anguisette22)

Post #: 6

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/14/2008 12:23:20 PM

batshalom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: urlittleprincess

is it possible to 'sexualize' him/her by thinking of them in sexual terms and actually create a spark or desire where before there was none??? would it be worth it if their service, companionship and everything else was valued by you? just wondering...

Form follows function. It is probably possible to create some sexual chemistry by both parties thinking about each other in sexual terms, although the effect might be small. Try it and let us know how it goes. (Cool experiment!)

(in reply to urlittleprincess)

Post #: 7

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/14/2008 2:09:54 PM

anguisette22

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It is interesting. I wonder if you can program yourself a la Pavlov; every time someone says his name, do something small/unnoticeable that arouses you...

Though I gotta say, I think it's better to just be patient.

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 8

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/14/2008 10:30:10 PM

kinkypuppy2

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Conditioning/ training is possable but in doing so you run the risk of changing them into an "it" or more possable you will loose that which you most admire in them.

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to urlittleprincess)

Post #: 9

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/15/2008 1:34:22 AM

Maxwell67

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Why is it that at the end of the night some subs can only feel as if they are truly valued if they get 'action.' Does sexual attraction really have to matter? A dominant cannot just care about their sub? Love them but not have sexual attraction?

Look, I am an American male, raised in front of the television set.. what kind of perception of what is attractive do you think I have? I am not completely bound to or limited by that, however there are some people whom no matter how breathtaking the eyes are lovely the face and no matter how incredible they are on the inside, they are just not going to do it for me sexually, unless I am using emotional memory techniques (i.e. acting) but in addition to the fact that does not always work, it's just wrong.

Sorry all you lovers who have faked orgasms to spare someone elses feelings or just to get them to stop...If your partner cannot handle it that the earth did not move this time.. or any time even? Do you think you are protecting them by hiding it and making them think they are great? If this is an LTR don't you think that one day s/he will find out? Won't they feel betrayed? Won't they feel like they wasted your time expecting to fulfill a need in you that was not filled or in some cases was not even there? If you care about this person is that how you want them to feel? (ok, for those of you who answered 'yes' to this question, I suppose that is your thing, fine, but it is not MY thing)

But remove my sexual release from the equation, and if the other qualities that I found attractive are ...well.. attractive enough, then I have to say it might still be worthwhile, depending of course on what the limits are. I can get a lot more out of domination than sexual gratification. So perhaps it is wrong to love torture for it's own sake and not just as a kink, but I can't give you an excuse, that is just how I am. It does not mean I would not find my victim special, or that I couldn't care for and appreciate say, a service slave for a multitude of non-sexual reasons. It does not mean I would not respect their boundaries, or keep their best interests at heart. If you do not mind never getting introduced to my little soldier.. or never getting to touch it anyway, and we can develop a bond despite that, I doubt I would even care what gender you are, or what your gender preferences are, I could probably enjoy it anyway.

It is conceivable that over time some kind of sexual attraction might come out of it (hell, I suppose it's possible the rush of power alone could do the trick), but I could not make promises. I am not sure I need to. There is something great about complete transparent honesty and trust in a relationship. And if there is no pretense, no pity, and no expectations to be thwarted, then it might be enough. Building a relationship that way probably requires a very long screening process, but it still sounds like something worth trying.

< Message edited by Maxwell67 -- 7/15/2008 1:35:19 AM >

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)

Post #: 10

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/15/2008 5:28:36 AM

HeavansKeeper

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This all reminds me of theories of love:

Eros - (usually the one that involves sex) is passion
Philia - is friendship
Agape - is protection

This is an extremely brisk breakdown of very complicated theories, and the words themselves change drastically depending on the context (particularly philia). There are breakdowns by many scholars, but they all serve to show there are "types of love".

A submissive can be loved in any and all of these ways. Some of the most intimate relationships we have do not have sex, namely close friends and family.

So lets assume sex is present, and the unattracted party wants to "make" themselves attracted to their partner. I would not suggest forcing them into fantasy. For me, doing that makes me resentful. I would suggest focusing on how much they are loved in other capacities, and how much they want the sexual aspect to work. At worst, it's an attempt to guilt yourself into saying "9/10... 10/10... what's the difference?" and at best it will blend the love spread (..... O.o ......) more evenly.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to urlittleprincess)

Post #: 11

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/15/2008 8:56:18 AM

anguisette22

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Joined: 7/9/2008
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Yes, but can you be in love with someone you're not sexually attracted to? I don't think so; when I'm in love with someone, sexual attraction follows automatically. Isn't it the same for others? So if you're not in love with someone and you're not having sex, what could he be to you? A mentor? A provider? A friend? None of these require sexual attraction.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 12

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/15/2008 9:03:50 AM

HeavansKeeper

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I've never been in love with someone I didn't find sexually attractive. I have been sexually attracted to someone because I loved them.

A lack of love coupled with the lack of sexual attraction takes away from the intimacy. That is the way I would describe teachers, police officers, doctors... If you can dream it, it exists. If there's a problem, it can be changed or shifted.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to anguisette22)

Post #: 13

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/15/2008 9:13:19 AM

anguisette22

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Joined: 7/9/2008
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Wait, what? I was with you until the teacher/police officer analogy.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 14

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/15/2008 9:21:28 AM

HeavansKeeper

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When there's no desire for sex and no love, what do you have? Trust? Respect? Appreciation of skillsets?

There's nothing wrong with any of this, but I am saying that when you're missing some attributes, you have less, right? So the perfect counterpart becomes more and more of a stranger, the less you have to share.

I guess it was common sense hidden and convoluted.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to anguisette22)

Post #: 15

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/15/2008 3:32:31 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Wouldn't it be better to have a nonsexual relationship? Service and play but sex with others? If in time, you change and want to add that, great, but otherwise why break something that's working?

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 16

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/15/2008 3:35:35 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: urlittleprincess

hello...i have a weird question...'they' say that the brain is the biggest sexual organ we humans have...with that in mind, have you ever met a submissive/slave who would be perfect for you EXCEPT you dont have that sexual chemistry going on for each other...everything else is perfect. is it possible to 'sexualize' him/her by thinking of them in sexual terms and actually create a spark or desire where before there was none??? would it be worth it if their service, companionship and everything else was valued by you? just wondering...

This is describing my Angel. We are perfect together, except there is no sexual chemistry. We managed around that... we just dont have sex. You cant MAKE chemistry.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to urlittleprincess)

Post #: 17

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/15/2008 3:49:13 PM

BKSir

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Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
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Indeed this is the case for myself with a couple pets I had. I adored them, and they served with honour and grace for their time with me. We just did not have that particular attraction. The D/s dynamic is not solely about sex, at least not for myself, but rather the psychological and emotional needs for the exchange of power.

That's not to say that they were chaste. I understood their needs for that kind of physical comfort, and allowed them the freedom, as long as they were honest about it, safe (they knew if I found out that they didn't use protection, that I had no leniency at all and they would be dismissed immediately), and would allow me to meet the person if I asked to do so.

(in reply to urlittleprincess)

Post #: 18

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/16/2008 3:10:35 PM

MidMichCowboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: anguisette22
I'm not attracted to anyone until I know them very well. I can find someone attractive physically, but I just can't desire them unless I've known them for a bit.

I agree with this. I will find someone physically attractive but that is just a start. Intelligence, curiosity and more must follow.

quote:

ORIGINAL: anguisette22
Yes, but can you be in love with someone you're not sexually attracted to? I don't think so; when I'm in love with someone, sexual attraction follows automatically. Isn't it the same for others?

I agree (smart young lady). If I'm in love, I'm attracted. I also can't separate BDSM from sex. To me, they are intertwined. One without the other .. just not satisfying.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to anguisette22)

Post #: 19

RE: sexualizing a submissive? - 7/16/2008 4:06:26 PM

Asmodeus

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Wouldn't it be better to have a nonsexual relationship? Service and play but sex with others? If in time, you change and want to add that, great, but otherwise why break something that's working?

That's how my Master/Sub relationships work. My partner and I are sexually monogamous, but since we are a Dom/Domme couple we both play with others. We've never had sub that we wanted to add to our sexual relationship (we've been together 7 years) but it does remain an option, should the right person materialize.

_____________________________

Deus Ex Machina

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 20

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