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Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 5:53:04 AM

beatdownslave56

Posts: 13
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline

Need Advice...

my master and i have been in a LDR master/slave relationship for a little over a year...i have not made the greatest choices in the past, being separated from my master kills me and i tend not to make the most rational choices so we are now to a point where he has given me 30 days to "step up" and prove to him that i am worthy to be the only slave in his life or he is going to add a new slave. i have asked repeatedly what he means by stepping up and what examples of that will be so i can be successful, he has yet to respond to me or provide examples...he also has cut communication with me other than to give me permission to go places and take certain types of photos to send to him and then the response is either yes or no...nothing more...

this for me, is the worst alternative i can ever imagine. he views it as help for me and a someone to meet his needs, which he has not communicated what needs of his that are currently today not being met by me. i have huge demons with being cheated on in 2 vanilla relationships...i have expressed my concerns that this option will not make me a better slave but have all the past demons surface and in the end would push me over the edge...i already have felt like enough of a failure to him that i have attempted suicide...

help me be a better slave, any advice on what stepping up means to anyone?

Post #: 1

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 6:13:54 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Please clarify by what you mean about bad choices in the past. Was this when you were submitting to him, or prior?

I'm sorry to be this blunt, but I can think of no proper situation where a Master would tell his slave that she needs to improve and not let her understand in which ways this was expected. I think that he has his eye on someone already and is playing a mind game to make you think that this is your fault.

If he is in fact aware of your previous background of having been cheated on, I would suggest that you consider telling him that he is about to enter on a dealbreaker. If he's not aware, tell him.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to beatdownslave56)

Post #: 2

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 6:19:41 AM

beatdownslave56

Posts: 13
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline

had to delete

< Message edited by beatdownslave56 -- 7/14/2008 7:05:15 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 3

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 6:30:43 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beatdownslave56

he has told me that i will never be able to leave. i am in this for life, leaving is not an option for me.

Bull.

your handle is starting to seem extremely apropos.

you can leave him any time you like. Just click your ruby red slippers together three times.

From what you're written here, it doesn't sound like this is a healthy relationship for you. I'd suggest looking around in your area for a Dom/me or couple to take you under their wing and guide you as you look for another to serve. And I don't think that an LDR is a good idea for you. you seem to need a lot of attention in person.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to beatdownslave56)

Post #: 4

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 7:06:06 AM

abcbsex

Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

Sounds like a terrible idea. to be honest, whenever anyone in an LDR cuts off communication, I take it as a sign to lose their phone number (had a bad LDR myself). Let him get another slave but not on your watch. I think stepping up in this situation would involve you standing up for yourself and letting him know that his behavior is the childish bullshit that needs punishment.

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 7:12:26 AM

beatdownslave56

Posts: 13
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline

thanxs abcssex...

you look very happy in your photo.i dream of that happiness with a true master.

the ldr is not the hard part for me because we were very successful in it until we went to m/s roles since that time all appears to be screwed up and that i have been the one screwing it up.

(in reply to abcbsex)

Post #: 6

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 7:17:42 AM

abcbsex

Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beatdownslave56

thanxs abcssex...

you look very happy in your photo.i dream of that happiness with a true master.

the ldr is not the hard part for me because we were very successful in it until we went to m/s roles since that time all appears to be screwed up and that i have been the one screwing it up.

Don't take all the fault on your shoulders. M/s is hard enough while you're living together, I couldn't imagine doing it long distance. Even if you do feel like you're the one who's been screwing it up, I still see that as a sign that it's not working for you. Best of luck with this!

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.

(in reply to beatdownslave56)

Post #: 7

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 7:20:47 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Even if you are the one screwing it up, as you say, the way to improve a situation is NOT to cut communication, but to increase it. So he has told you to do something in a vague way, and will not clarify what that means. In that case, it does usually mean, "I'm not going to tell you what I want you to do, because I want you to screw it up, then I can blame you and do what I want anyway without having to man up and be truthful with you"... or something like that.

I don't play these sorts of games. I say "see ya".

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to beatdownslave56)

Post #: 8

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 7:27:38 AM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

OP, stepping up to me would be getting the hell away from him as fast as i could.

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He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 9

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 7:32:57 AM

beatdownslave56

Posts: 13
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline

i so appreciate the advice from everyone...i think this is what i have been telling myself all along...i think i have been screwing up hoping he will tire of me and just get rid of me...i am afraid he will travel to maryland and do something to me if i try to leave so i am doing all i can to get him to throw me away

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 10

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 7:35:27 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beatdownslave56
he has given me 30 days to "step up" and prove to him that i am worthy to be the only slave in his life or he is going to add a new slave. i have asked repeatedly what he means by stepping up and what examples of that will be so i can be successful, he has yet to respond to me or provide examples...he also has cut communication with me other than to give me permission to go places and take certain types of photos to send to him and then the response is either yes or no...nothing more...

He's set you up to fail. He's put you in a position without the tools to succeed and he's using it as an excuse to get something that he wants, that normally you wouldn't stand for. If he makes it YOUR fault that he has a second submissive....then in his mind, you can't blame him. That's like throwing a child off the end of the dock and walking away. "Well, it's their own fault if they can't figure out how to swim and end up drowning."

He's playing games, and personally, I'd be re-evaluating my relationship if I were in your shoes. You're with someone that is using your struggles to manipulate the situation, rather than helping you grow. If the situation isn't working for you, then move on.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to beatdownslave56)

Post #: 11

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 7:38:08 AM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

He told you he wants you to "step up" but he hasn't told you where he thinks you're lacking? One of the basic foundations for any relationship is communication. He needs to communicate to you where he thinks you need improvement. The threat of adding another if you don't "step up" is ridiculous. It's your place to follow, but it's his place to lead. You can't just say "I want you to be better." Better at what? If he's not willing, or able to point you in the proper direction, then this is probably not the one for you.
LDR's are tough enough, but then add lack of communication...Formula for disaster.

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to abcbsex)

Post #: 12

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 7:40:41 AM

Surata

Posts: 110
Joined: 7/10/2008
Status: offline

Forget being a better slave. He needs to be a better master and not only stop expecting you to be a mindreader, but also to cut the blackmail bullshit (it doesn't seem to be working for you). I'd drop the guy and find someone more deserving of your attention.

(in reply to Cuffkinks)

Post #: 13

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 7:42:08 AM

abcbsex

Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beatdownslave56

i so appreciate the advice from everyone...i think this is what i have been telling myself all along...i think i have been screwing up hoping he will tire of me and just get rid of me...i am afraid he will travel to maryland and do something to me if i try to leave so i am doing all i can to get him to throw me away

If that's the case, I recommend breaking up with him in clear, honest communication, then heading to the police department and asking about restraining orders. No one should make you afraid of physical harm should you leave them, bdsm or not.

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.

(in reply to beatdownslave56)

Post #: 14

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 7:45:31 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Sounds like he's already playing with someone else and is setting you up to fail so he can bring her in. I'm sorry but finding a third is something that usually takes years so for him to say he's adding one in exactly a month makes me very cynical.

He's failed you as much as you've failed him because he never taught you to make better decisions, he knew about your fears and chose not to give you sufficient contact that they were assuaged.

If it were me, I'd stop contacting him and go looking for someone more mature. But only after getting a clean bill of health.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to abcbsex)

Post #: 15

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 7:52:45 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Then I guess it's time for you to call him on his bs and add a new master.

He can make any kind of claim he wants to. It's still bullshit-he has no ground to stand on but what you allow him to get away with.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to beatdownslave56)

Post #: 16

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 8:01:15 AM

beatdownslave56

Posts: 13
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline

thank you everyone...

you have validated what i as a very intelligent, previously strong highly confident slave was feeling, he validated these feelings by me asking for help again today and he ignored me and only responded by telling me that a photo i sent to him last night was not good enough and he was very disappointed.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 17

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 8:10:48 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

this situation brings one word to mind ..... Cluster-fuck. (the hyphen makes it one word Red .... cos I know you will notice)

The dude has little or no idea of how to go about being an Owner....at least from what you say in your OP
He has given you no understanding of how to succeed in service to him.
He is issuing threats in a totally destructive manner under a pretence of motivating you.
He seems to think that adding a new slave into this mix will help you.

If you messed up in the past, it is more than likely because (and I am sorry to be so blunt) the guy who calls himself your master ... is basically a ...... well it would be very unladylike for me to say what I wanted .. so I shall just call him a ninny.

If you are serious about being a slave ... then take your choice of Owner seriously ... this guy sounds like the path to Fucktardia .... not Eutopia.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to beatdownslave56)

Post #: 18

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 8:12:13 AM

opposingtwilight

Posts: 684
Joined: 6/13/2008
Status: offline

Good deal. Now act on it, ok? No more photos n stuff ...

(in reply to beatdownslave56)

Post #: 19

RE: Punishment by adding new slave - 7/14/2008 8:12:31 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I'll tell you how I would solve the problem. He wouldn't hear from me again unless he learned how to behave like an adult. In his case I doublt that will happen.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to beatdownslave56)

Post #: 20

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