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Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 9:26:31 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Sadly,

I'm in a long distance relationship.  While it has a short list of pro's the contra-box is jammed to capacity.  I do get to visit My Pet fairly often, so its not all that bad.

I've been hesitant to get involved in my local scene because I don't have my submissive anywhere tangibly near me.  It wouldn't be something I'd hide from her, so that's not what's stopping me.  I feel as though I'd be looked upon as an outsider, single, with little to add to the situation.  I feel the same way about local clubs and dungeons as well.

So I ask...

How do your local scenes respond to "newcomers" in my situation?

Edit to add, randomly:  The title makes the think of a 30-something fair skinned red head eating her brown bagged lunch, alone on a park bench, with puppydog eyes, wishing he would ask to join her.  Awwww!

< Message edited by HeavansKeeper -- 7/19/2008 9:27:44 AM >

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 9:30:11 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Really depends on the group.  On the whole, couples and single women are always warmly (sometimes overly so) welcomed, while single males are either completely ignored or coolly received.

It's REALLY hard to go alone the first time, but not impossible and might pan out.  Some groups are really just very good at welcoming all, and some groups never are no matter who you happen to be.

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 9:44:58 AM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline 		I'm not new to the lifestyle, but I'm only just now getting involved in my local scene.  My pet is also long-distance, so I go alone.  It wasn't really that hard to get the nerve to go, and when I arrived, I was very impressed with how welcoming everyone was.  Then again, I'm a female, and a Domme, so there are few enough of us in my area (apparently - or perhaps just that are involved with the local scene) that I guess we're the rarity anyway.  But I found everyone - both genders and all flavors of D and s alike - very welcoming. 


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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 10:01:35 AM   
Amadan


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline 		For my part, I'd have to say "it varies".

I used to hit some of the local munches on a regular basis when I first moved back to the area and was attending with my Sub. When we broke up, I generally stopped going because there is a certain bias against single men at munches, tho because I was already known it was lessened considerably. Being a leather vendor helped.

Now that I'm single again, I'm flirting with the munch scene again, but with caution. Attending kink events stag can make me bitter if I'm not careful.



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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 10:05:52 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		It depends on which munch you go to.  One is utter SF/geek, and if you are not known from cons, you are invisible.  At the other end is the one with the uber-bubbly hostess who will drag you into the heart of things.

Are you good at being innocuous and friendly?  That could help...  smile pretty, and don't have any expectations, and be willing to keep trying. 

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 10:11:04 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		At least at the events I go to, you'd be welcomed.  But my understanding is that our particular group is unusual for the scene as a whole in that it is focused on het couples rather than gay/lesbian singles.  Take that with a grain of salt, I don't have enough experience with other local groups to comment.

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 10:13:53 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
At the other end is the one with the uber-bubbly hostess who will drag you into the heart of things.

Are you good at being innocuous and friendly?  That could help...  smile pretty, and don't have any expectations, and be willing to keep trying. 


I imagine Paula Deen hosting a munch.  That would be fantastic. 

It seems to be as suspected, with good reason.  Single men have earned their reputation for trying to get laid wherever, whenever.  The advice is honest and experienced, and even though it confirms the cards are stackked against me, I'll still give it a whirl. =) 

Feel free to continue the discussion, but I had already made my decision far before posing the question.

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 10:17:02 AM   
lacenleathergirl


Posts: 52
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		At the munches here in the Dallas area, you'd be welcomed as a single Dominant as long as you "behave yourself"...:-)  Meaning that you don't come off as a skanky wannabee just here to ogle the kinky people. 

As a single female sub, I've lately attended munches alone and had a great time.  These were in vanilla environments and weren't really threatening.

I have always figured that, if I go alone and don't enjoy it, I can always leave.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Enjoy!

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 10:25:39 AM   
SlaveSimone


Posts: 95
Joined: 3/17/2008
From: Denver, Co
Status: offline 		Holy cow, Paula Dean hosting a munch *snorts* I can just see her leather apron now, oh boy.


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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 10:29:43 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I go to the local munch alone even though I am owned.  I am new to the area and my Master wanted me to make some friends.  Now, if I could just hand out a card saying "Please stop staring at me with your mouth dropped open and telling me that you wish you had someone like me."  LOL

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 10:33:36 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveSimone

Holy cow, Paula Dean hosting a munch *snorts* I can just see her leather apron now, oh boy.





She could be the happy sadist - i don't see her as  a sub type.

Have you seen her beat an egg?????

< Message edited by kiwisub12 -- 7/19/2008 10:34:04 AM >

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 10:39:12 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Paula Deen hosting a munch!!  OMG.  <thud>

No munch will seem the same to me now.... 

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 10:54:40 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		are you still in Miami?  There is a munch that just got started that Cuffkinks, Hejira92 and I were trying to get to last month  http://www.miamimunch.com/ .  It is run by MasterArkady on this site.  I didn't see any future munches scheduled, but maybe if we can get a little group together to go to one, we'd all feel comfortable...

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 10:55:49 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		hmmmm...did somebody say "Road trip"?

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 11:02:44 AM   
Daddystouch


Posts: 162
Joined: 10/20/2006
From: South East England
Status: offline 		I went to my first munch a couple of weeks ago on my own. There were about 30 people there and i actually only recall seeng one couple! I'd prefer to go as a couple, but then I'd prefer to do most things as a couple. Just need to find the other half of that equation first :P But I don't feel that I was looked down upon or ignored because I wasn't with someone.

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 11:02:58 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

How do your local scenes respond to "newcomers" in my situation?


quote:

On the whole, couples and single women are always warmly (sometimes overly so) welcomed, while single males are either completely ignored or coolly received.

Ditto.
In my experience i tend to not approach single male Dom's at munches as unfortunately i have found them to be quite predatory. Probably just a few too many unfortunate incidents which probably don't happen that often and i've just had bad luck.





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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 11:06:41 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Here, it's very common to see a solo dominant or submissive individual or 6 at a munch. Tonight, I am going solo to one of the biggest play parties of the summer, and nobody seemed particularly bothered by it (for those who know me, and wonder why I'm going alone, knowing that I'm mated to another kinkster... yes, she's in South America for a week... and no, we still haven't found the right boy.)

Unless you make a pest of yourself, hitting on submissives and ignoring the word 'no', I'd say that going to a munch will give you a great opportunity to meet people with whom you may share something in common -- it's worth a try, in any case.

Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/19/2008 11:07:33 AM >

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 11:58:17 AM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Munches are just...that...
 
Like anyone else who has gone you....suck it up and....go.
 
Just people in a restaurant, etc....sitting around and visiting with each other...
 
Not like they are play parties...
 
The ones I attended had plenty of single people....there.
 
Umm...good luck

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 12:17:24 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Going alone as a male dominants is sort of liking going to a swinger party with an outbreak of herpes.  Well  not that bad but close.  There shouldn't be any outright rudeness but nobody is likely to hold your hand, unless you are young and or good looking, in which case all the older women who whine about the older doms not being interested will hit on the young fresh meat.

You DO get a better reception showing up with arm candy, no doubt about that.

Locally, while not quite revered as a god, I have a decent reputation long enough that even though I rarely play at parties, someone has seen me play.  However, if I go to anything in San Francisco, I am just another loser single male dominant unless it is one of those rare times when someone who is a "big" fish knows me and introduces me.

However, it ALL beats staying at home WISHING it were different.  My reputation has been built over many years but it too started with one local munch I attended alone.  Starting is the only way to finish.

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RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ - 7/19/2008 12:34:32 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Hi HeavensKeeper,

Like you, I have also been hesitant to attend, as I would be going alone.  For a long time, I was just too busy with a chaotic life and didn't have much interest.  My interest has been growing in the last year, however, but I just feel too awkward about it, for a few reasons. One of these days I'll get off my ass and find the courage to go, despite the reasons not to.

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