RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs Safety?

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RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 10:46:48 AM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

The types of doms who behave like this are the type who don't frequent the forum. You're really preaching to the choir here, which is probably the reason you appear not to be getting the responses you're looking for.

Yes, there are men who are jerks and don't want to give out info for whatever reason. Why? Usually the reason is shady-they're married, they're looking to slit your throat, etc.

That's the reason that anyone who has posted on this thread and loads more in the forum would advise against meeting someone unwilling to send you thier information(with the exception of the poster above me, who appeared not to notice that you were going straight to the hotel room with him, and has perhaps forgotten that vanilla one night stands usually don't involve bondage, pain, and are ill-advised to begin with).

Good job with the safety, sub. Eventually you'll find a dom who doesn't suck. An event similar to this has probably happened to everyone else on the forum at some point.

< Message edited by katie978 -- 7/20/2008 10:49:46 AM >

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Post #: 21

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 11:03:38 AM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

I get asked questions by subs that I honestly have very little answer for - I really can't say how I will feel and what I might want to do if I meet them. Heck, I might find out they reek like potted-meat and kim-chi and be so squicked out that anythng else they do or say is moot. I am in favor of meeting people who are nearby, having a casual dinner or coffee, just like I would with any new friend. We have this weird formality in this scene like everything is a job interview. I am pretty liberal with my phone number with locals too. What I have found is that if I like someone when I meet them and we find some common sexual interests, we wil probably have good play time. I have a pretty good asshole meter and it usually doesn't take more than a single face-to-face for me to figure out someone is not worth my time. I suppose it helps that there are a lot of locals I can meet and play with rather easily.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 22

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 11:34:35 AM

dragon2760

Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline

Come on guys, cut the girl some slack. Although the chances are slim I do wonder what are the chances of a predator coming to a site like this thinking that sub females will be easy targets if they personify themselves as a Dom. It is true that she is in a way preaching to the choir but she expressing a legitimate concern.

To the OP even as a male submissive I will only meet for the first time in a very public place. And physical bondage of any sort will not occur until a level of trust has been established. As a male and as much as I may try to not allow it to happen when you are tied spread eagle to a bed with someone down between your legs the name Larana Bobbit can cross your mind for a brief second.

< Message edited by dragon2760 -- 7/20/2008 11:35:52 AM >

_____________________________

"When two people are alone together, and one of them is naked and tied up, and the other is standing over them holding whips and other torture implements, this is not the time to have a serious mismatch of expectations." Jay Wiseman

(in reply to Racquelle)

Post #: 23

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 11:51:42 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

I often choose to meet without giving any of my personal details. We meet publically, in a well-frequented location of my choosing. There is no play at the first meeting, again, by my choice. The address of the location will be easily "googled". While I have brought the occasional potential person back to our place to meet my companion after, these occasions are rare, and there is -still- no play... just discussion. If we don't click, I either pick up the meal or we 'dutch'. I don't share a -lick- of my personal contact info aside from my CM page unless I plan on moving forward with the individual... of course, we've been 'stalked' by a man who couldn't get it through his head that we weren't interested in his skeezy butt, too, so... takes it as you likes it.

The word 'no' is a very effective and most enlightening word. Used liberally, it can prevent all kinds of nasty side effects.

Firestorm

_____________________________

***
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Post #: 24

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 11:54:31 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I wouldnt say you were being over protective, but you may be a little overly paranoid.
It may be that you are not attracting suitably compatable people. I would suggest you look at the reasons behind this.

On another note, suggesting that you may be a man is something that is frequently mentioned on the forums here as a red flag when people will not meet - so him suggesting that isn't unusual.

Why not contact the munch in birmingham? If you cannot attend because of work related reasons then you are already placing yourself in an awkward position anyway. And posting it all here on the forum as well, isn't an ideal move, particularly if you are worried for you safety.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to lovingdomwanted)

Post #: 25

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 12:20:47 PM

maat

Posts: 62
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Another thing to consider is that many of us subs were verry ignorant in the begining. i know i was. i was honestly desperat to try all of this out. i had read, i had tryd to learn as much as i culd online and i got an opertunity. i was stupied and realy didnt think with my head at that time. i was lucky and nothing happend.

in the begining its so easy to forget to be safe. when your first starting out and the mere word "Dom" in a name makes you all fuzzy and wanting more. you can so easely be fooled and fool yourself in to thinking He is so right for you, ok, we havent spoken on the phone or anything else than IM or mail. BUT He knows me, and whants to meet, and you run there without thinking just becuse now, finaly after whanting so desperatly to experience what you long for, what you hunger for, your folish.

your a novice and arent shure enough in yourself as a submissive so you dont say those things you probably should do if it was just any other guy.

I think the point is valid. There are people out there that dont whant the best for you. there are sk Doms who actualy enjoy hurting submissives and not in a nice fun playfull way. There are Doms who likes the mind games that leaves you scared. There are the assholes that are predetors and looks for easy targets.

Just having a rutine to get some basic information atleast gives you time to think about what your doing. meeting in a very public place, the no play on the first meeting rule, Having someone there to keep an eye on you. Just do what ever you feel works for you, but atleast think about it and about why someone wouldnt give away contact information. they might have a good reson, i dont know, listen to your gut feeling.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 26

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 12:26:22 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

Self protection is a good thing be it dating or finding a Top , in todays world there are many strange and dangerous people , there are also those who have no clue what they are doing and will do you harm just to try things out on you . Do your homework , join the local and worldwide community , attend events , muches and gatherings . Educate yourself so when someone says ok i am going to hog tie you like this picture and suspend you by your wrists and ankles 20 feet above the floor you can say umm no thanks i do not wish to have dislocated limbs today and RUN .. Your safety is your job , its your job to find that trusted partner as much as its the responsibility of the Top to care for your well being .The community in the whole scope is small and people do talk , in all roles so ask around , ask for references , watch them do exchanges with others if you can .
I have seen both genders be not safe , and trust has to be there on both sides .Take your time , know what your getting into , remember the time to ask questions is not when your gagged and bound alone .

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 27

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 12:32:36 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Oh hell, I say throw caution to the wind and take a leap of faith.

What's the worst that could happen?

J. T. Ripper (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to lovingdomwanted)

Post #: 28

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 12:41:02 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

involuntary non consensual organ donation ?

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

Oh hell, I say throw caution to the wind and take a leap of faith.

What's the worst that could happen?

J. T. Ripper (the pet)

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 29

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 12:46:05 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

involuntary non consensual organ donation ?

Oh yes, the forced bi scenerio, now I recall.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 30

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 12:56:42 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Red Magic is correct re your attitude. You may not mean to be angry, sarcastic and dramatic but it does read that way.

There are a lot of idiots out there, as well as in here. I've yet to be in a group of people where I loved and adored each and every one. I have relatives who are prats and neighbors, and fellow PTA members. I've gone to the grocery store and silently fumed at people blocking the aisles, the girl yesterday in the Wonder Woman outfit with two friends trying to make a youtube video (I'm assuming) without asking permission of the management or thinking about the other customers comes first to mind.

But a lot of people do want to meet without exchanging ID. In a public place with the avowed purpose of just spending half an hour having coffee. If there's no chemistry or they really dislike each other, then they don't have to worry about this person having their address, phone number, etc.

Myself, I'm old enough to remember going to parties, meeting a guy and going home with him, without knowing his name or anything first. It was loud and I had been drinking, and his name was the part of him I was least interested in.

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(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 31

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 1:10:53 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

I was introduced to BDSM at a time in my life when I was always drunk and high, didn't care about my personal safety, no one used condoms, and most of the people I played with were involved in organized crime. I still didn't get harmed. I am not sure what we say we fear is what we really fear. What is it we really fear? I think most of what we fear is that we won't meet a person we like.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 32

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 1:12:06 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

or in some cases.. the fear of meeting someone we DO like...

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(in reply to Racquelle)

Post #: 33

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 5:14:28 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

or in some cases.. the fear of meeting someone we DO like...

Too true.

But the op has not proved her case that this guy she talked to sought to endanger her. All she's said is he wanted to meet and play. And oddly enough, for all the CSI and Law & Order we watch, most people aren't seeking to dismember their fellow humans.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 34

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 5:19:54 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

or in some cases.. the fear of meeting someone we DO like...

Too true.

But the op has not proved her case that this guy she talked to sought to endanger her. All she's said is he wanted to meet and play. And oddly enough, for all the CSI and Law & Order we watch, most people aren't seeking to dismember their fellow humans.

dont forget ncis, dexter, criminal minds, cold case, without a trace etc....

< Message edited by faerytattoodgirl -- 7/20/2008 5:20:31 PM >

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SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 35

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 5:32:36 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

You made a wise choice in foregoing the meeting, (I think)
Perhaps not so wise in your response to legitimate posts to this thread.

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

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(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 36

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 6:11:36 PM

dragon2760

Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

or in some cases.. the fear of meeting someone we DO like...

Too true.

But the op has not proved her case that this guy she talked to sought to endanger her. All she's said is he wanted to meet and play. And oddly enough, for all the CSI and Law & Order we watch, most people aren't seeking to dismember their fellow humans.

No disrespect intend but I feel that she did point out a few things that would throw up some red-flags for me. He refused contact through a phone call and then told her she was either not a sub or a man in disguise for refusing to meet him and drive to a hotel when she asked for contact information. He also indicated that they had communicated before and that he had her number but when she asked him to message her then he told her he had lost it. He probably meant her no harm at all but I can still understand her concerns. Even some vanilla dating services will recommend when meeting someone face to face for the first time that it be in a very public setting, arriving and departing in separate vehicles and setting up a call to a friend within a predetermined time frame.

_____________________________

"When two people are alone together, and one of them is naked and tied up, and the other is standing over them holding whips and other torture implements, this is not the time to have a serious mismatch of expectations." Jay Wiseman

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 37

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 9:09:26 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Dragon, I'm not saying he's a good guy. I don't think he is. What I'm saying is that what he's trying to do is get into her pants. I really doubt he's Jack the Ripper come back to life so the word "endangering" seems overdramatic.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to dragon2760)

Post #: 38

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/20/2008 11:00:27 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

And the cow jumped over the moon............

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Post #: 39

RE: So What Gives With Doms Who Want To Endanger A Subs... - 7/21/2008 2:28:49 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dragon2760
No disrespect intend but I feel that she did point out a few things that would throw up some red-flags for me. He refused contact through a phone call and then told her she was either not a sub or a man in disguise for refusing to meet him and drive to a hotel when she asked for contact information. He also indicated that they had communicated before and that he had her number but when she asked him to message her then he told her he had lost it. He probably meant her no harm at all but I can still understand her concerns. Even some vanilla dating services will recommend when meeting someone face to face for the first time that it be in a very public setting, arriving and departing in separate vehicles and setting up a call to a friend within a predetermined time frame.

So he is a person who cant be bothered with phone calls. Maybe they are closeby and could meet the next day - who knows? But that hardly means he is a mass murderer, but that he purely wants to get it on. We do not have both sides, only what we have here to read. To me, the whole set of posts flags up red for bad communication and manners from the OP, so maybe, just maybe, it isn't all one sided, hence my suggestion the OP to evaluate her own methods.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to dragon2760)

Post #: 40

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