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The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 5:13:59 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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The time together from the 1st contact on line to the real time meeting to the planning stage of going 24/7 as Master/Sir and sub/slave has matured.

The cyber interactions are in the past, phone sex is also history. The real time meetings with her/him kneeling at their Master/Sir's Ma'am's feet is still fresh in the mind the pledge to please always still upon the "s"'s lips. Now life's reality set in, how do you clinge to that magic or do you, and if not how long does it take for the majic to wear off in the face of life's pressures?

CP

Post #: 1

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 5:20:23 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I couldn't tell you... seeing as though I only had one online relationship that went real life and all other relationships were in person. But that relationship magic turned off when I turned on his computer!

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 2

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 5:31:49 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Now life's reality set in, how do you clinge to that magic or do you, and if not how long does it take for the majic to wear off in the face of life's pressures?

It is not easy. All too often life comes and turns Master and slave into boyfriend and girlfriend, or even just roommates. Kat and I have a number of things built into her latest contract (which we just signed last night!) to keep the dynamic in good working order.

First, we have twelve mini-contracts that we will negotiate and execute over the next year. These contracts will focus on edgier play, for short durations. (We might have a 24 hour contract where she is treated just like a cat...made to be naked with a cat tail butt plug and sleep in her crate...no talking, no human interaction).

Next, we have a checklist that she has to complete each week. The list gives her duties and responsibilities. Each Sunday we review the list and for each item not checked off, she gets a stroke with a doubled up belt (something she does not like at all).

There are other things that keep us firmly in our dynamic, but they are fairly trivial. When added up they make a difference, but individually they seem insignificant. For instance, if I detect a tone or an attitude, sometimes I will let it go...but if it gets to be too much, I come down on her hard and fast. This re-establishes our relationship, even if it does "freak her out" (her words).

You have to find what works for you, but it is important that you do establish boundaries and rituals to keep them in place.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 3

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 6:12:39 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Well first off, vanillas have been answering that question for thousands of years already- and for a lot of them, the answer is "Let's try this new kinky thing!" only to find that, as usual, it's not the actions or the newness or the pushing limits that makes a lasting relationship.

For me it's a process of remembering and recreating what made it great to start with, and finding new ways to explore together. We unofficially celebrated our two year anniversary of moving in together by taking an overnight trip to Houston- we went to the Aquarium (never been), went to a kinky club event (first in Houston), saw Dark Knight, had lunch and played games at Dave and Busters (first for me), and then I drove all the way back to Austin- which is a pretty big deal for me.

There's always new fun stuff to do together, play on the patterns you've already become comfy in.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 4

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 6:24:48 PM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
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Sir and I are really in this just moving in stage together. He just moved here in March but somedays it is a struggle to even find time to see each other,, but we do little things like sending naughty texts, making sure we at least get to cuddle at bed time, and making sure that we always get some alone time together each week. but as for the D/s dynamic, sometimes it gets a little lost but we always seem to find it again without to much trouble, little reminders are all it takes.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 6:25:10 PM

kikkikat

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/16/2008
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I've been debating a similar question.

We have our 7 year anniversary of our D/s relationship coming up. But we've been boyfriend/girlfriend for 6 1/2 years of that. And we moved in together 6 years ago.

No more phone/ online play. No more every moment together based on the D/s relationship. Everyday things like bills, cleaning etc. really got in the way. We co-own a business together as well. We still managed to keep it going for most of that. But a few years ago moved in with others and this put a real damper on our time alone. Then just as we were ready to move out on our own again, 3 years ago, we got custody of His 13-yr-old daughter. Talk about changing the dynamic.

It's been a constant struggle to keep it alive. And I admit up until recently I started pulling away from that aspect of our life because I was feeling so overwhelmed with everything else.

But we've caught a break. This summer the daughter is away (since June.) I've had to travel 2 weeks for work since then. . but the rest of the time has been just for us. And being alone rekindled my desire to submit! It took making some real alone time happen to reconnect on that level.

That said - we are still working on rebuilding it into the rest of life. And if you'd be willing - I'd love to hear more about the mini contract ideas. But I will suggest that we revisit our old contracts and see about renewing that commitment to each other. Great idea.

Oh and I nearly forget. Have you all heard of the 30 days challenge. It's supposed to be 30 days in which a couple has sex every day with no excuses. Well we have altered it to 30 days of submission for ourselves. Basically every day I will somehow show my submission to Him - no hesitations, no excuses, no interference with real life. We are still discussing how this will work but we hope it will help.

< Message edited by kikkikat -- 7/21/2008 6:28:13 PM >

_____________________________

~Kat

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 6

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 7:50:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Sex meaning full intercourse, or just whatever you define as "sex"?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kikkikat)

Post #: 7

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 8:15:58 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kikkikat
And if you'd be willing - I'd love to hear more about the mini contract ideas.

I'd be happy to share, but the idea is rather new to us as well. We wanted something that allowed us to explore each other like we first did...when things were new and we really weren't sure just what the other was willing to do. I came up with the idea of short term contracts within the long term one to allow us to push the envelope without trying to cram it in when time and energy would not allow.

We are planning on attending a party in Toronto next Saturday, and we have agreed to negotiate a contract for the day. It will probably be some kind of no-limit 24 hour thing with some specific goals...but I am not entirely sure where our negotiations will lead. I know there are things we want to explore...gang bangs, objectification, public humiliation...but part of the fun is not knowing just how far the other really will push things.

I will let you know how our first mini-contract goes!

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to kikkikat)

Post #: 8

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 8:21:59 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Honestly, it comes and goes with life stresses. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Being ldr was all about him seeing the house immaculate, all errands done. Lots of us time and play time, but not real. Real is better, running errands together, cuddling up at the end of another long day, getting a slap on the ass as I lean over to make the bed. Nothing big but lots of little stuff that goes on throughout the day. And day by day, all those little things add up.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 9

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 8:29:24 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
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Your post has great timing for me. Three years ago, almost to the very day, Gary and I met at the event we just showed up for this afternoon...In The Woods although the year was 2005 back then instead of 2008. We actually met first before doing the phone and internet thing for the next 6 months which is a bit unusual.

To keep our dynamic fresh, we play in some ways every day. Of course the play may only last a minute at a time, but it's a minute that means that we both remember what brought us together. When we can we enjoy attending events or going to a dungeon. What makes those times so very special is that they are also so very rare. We often go 5 months without a dungeon trip because the nearest one is 250 miles away when we're in Arizona, but we do make sure we go each and every winter. We also welcome the chances we get to meet new people in new places. As we travel we search for munches that might be meeting while we are passing through. We've always been welcome and it's great to share some time with other kinky folk.

I believe what makes us do so well together and what keeps the magic is that we both work at our relationship. Yes, there are times when we both get irritated with the other as we are both very human, however, in the end he is the Dom, i am the sub...and we like it that way.

< Message edited by peppermint -- 7/21/2008 8:30:39 PM >

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 10

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 9:04:05 PM

kikkikat

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/16/2008
Status: offline

LA, the original 30 day sex challenge came out of a couple who were having marital problems and decided to have sex every day for 100 days. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/25073096/ I believe it was intercourse. I think there is a book they wrote and then the challenge went out for couples to have 30 days of sex. We just made it more appropriate for us by making about the D/s.

Taggard: I like the idea. When we first started together we filled in these contracts that listed all kinds of things and the level we wanted or didn't want them. I KNOW that after 7 years those limits, experience levels and interests have changed. We really are overdue to redo this. Looking forward to hearing how the smaller contracts work out. Thank you for being so open to sharing.

_____________________________

~Kat

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 11

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 9:23:11 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

Now life's reality set in, how do you clinge to that magic or do you, and if not how long does it take for the majic to wear off in the face of life's pressures?

What pressure? A 24/7 M/s lifestyle removed pressure it didn't create it. We have the non-binding contract to bind us to a common goal - our self described 'ideal relationship'. When we wrote it we felt it defined it. It established responsibilities for each of us. All that was necessary was for each of us to trust that the other would fulfill those obligations. Once we obtained it - the pressure was off. Life gets in the way sometimes but our relationship serves to relieve any pressure created. We count on it to do so. It is the one thing in our live that we can rely upon. I'd say without knowing us that it would be difficult to believe, but the truth is we've never exchanged a cross or angry work to each other.

The question itself seems defeatist. It tough to put nicely, but it is the type of question that should be asked and answered during the contemplation stage not after the fact.

I don't think either of us ever give a thought to what we're going to go next. Yet there always seems something to do. We are insatiable for each other. Six years later if anything its intensified. Granted our on-line courtship lasted less than two weeks from initial contact. Talking over the phone is too closely associated with work to be sexual no matter who is on the other end of the line.

If there is a big secret to disclose I'd say it is this. We enjoy each other and take every opportunity to have fun together. There is no place we'd rather be than with each other. No experience that we'd enjoy without the other. We both felt that way from the start and the feeling hasn't waned. We compliment each other extremely well, enjoying seeing the other smile and laugh.

We also do our best to remove distractions and conflicts from our lives. beth serves no other 'master'. I remove as many as possible distractions and reasons for beth to fail as my 'slave'. her answer to anyone who asks what she does, is a gesture to me and the words; "keep him happy."

"Now what?" - That's what. That's what it should be - happiness, fun, seeking opportunities for fun, avoiding as many of the distractions as possible, and when they come up have confidence that the other thing truly important is each other. The scenes, the sex, the sensuality, the passion, comes naturally with that attitude. There is no script to follow. There is magic, and our time together has been magical. Sorry, I can't offer any insight regarding how long it takes for it to wear off.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 12

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/21/2008 9:43:19 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

First off, unless you are literally together 24/7, no one says phone sex has to be "history". It's just that instead of not expecting the other person to be titillated by it for months on end, now you just have to wait until you both get home.

Seriously, if you want your D/s or M/s structure to remain in tact, even though real life is now part of the picture (that's the money earning, cleaning, bill paying, grocery shopping part of life), it's up to you as a D or M to make it that way. It's your dynamic. That means, it's also your responsibility.

The easiest way that I have ever found to prevent a D/s dynamic from becoming something else, is to instill rituals. I know a lot of people frown when I say that, but I'm not talking about long, drawn out, impractical things. That's not the idea behind it. In My view, rituals which keep a dynamic focused are those that are practical, fit your situation and your needs, and can be done without interrupting those other parts of life that all of us have to deal with.

Here's what I would be looking at if I were in the process of changing My online based dynamic, to a real life one. If you're worried about the 'magic' of the online parts slipping away, find a way to translate those things into your physical world. No, it's probably not realistic to think your s will kneel each and every time you walk into a room, but what about instilling a ritual that she will do it, minimally, as her morning and evening greeting to you? Did you have a particular online greeting and way of saying good-bye? Why not keep them when you are at home together? Does she have a specific title for you? Instruct her to keep it in place. Figure out the small things, such as how you want your coffee, tea, whatever, served to you, and have that adhered to. Of course, you might have to come up with alternate things while you're in public, but when at home, structure your house as you want it. That will help you keep that spark.

If you are basing this, and a prior question that I noticed, on the positive things that might be happening in your life, I would like to wish you the best of luck and happiness.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to kikkikat)

Post #: 13

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/22/2008 1:12:43 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Now life's reality set in, how do you clinge to that magic or do you, and if not how long does it take for the majic to wear off in the face of life's pressures?

I would tell you that the magic and never wears off if you do it right. The magic never wears off if you both always put the relationship ahead of yourself. Your responsibility to each other as lovers must never take a back seat to your personal needs. Your duty as Master and her duty as slave or Dom/sub must always be in place. If one of you thinks that there is an issue, a personal need, a desire that is more important than the survival and health of the collective unit, it will be the beginning of the end of the relationship. You don’t always get what you work for in this life but you rarely get what you don’t work for. You must both always work for the relationship.

I have friends and ex lovers in my life that the magic has never faded from. One started in 1970, another in 1979 and one from 1993.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 14

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/22/2008 3:42:57 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
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From: Tampa, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

Now life's reality set in, how do you clinge to that magic or do you, and if not how long does it take for the majic to wear off in the face of life's pressures?

What pressure? A 24/7 M/s lifestyle removed pressure it didn't create it. We have the non-binding contract to bind us to a common goal - our self described 'ideal relationship'.

In an week, i will be moving into my Master's home. i firmly believe that having common goals is the key to a good relationship. Common goals are more important than common interests, common politics, etc. When two are pulling in the same direction, they do not have to be equally yoked, but pulling in different directions will never work.

i will have to find employment, but for me, that's not a distraction nor will my job be another 'master' but simply a task necessary to serve the Relationship and the common goals. It's a matter of focus. Everything i do, whether it's going to work, cleaning the cats' litter box, or spending a day in bondage, is part of serving and pleasing my Master.

As mentioned above, this move to 24/7 will relieve pressure, not create it.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 15

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/22/2008 4:29:28 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I'm leaning towards Merc's answer on this one. What is next, is enjoying one another. What's the point of getting to know one another and building a relationship, if all you're going to do once you reach the 24/7 point is ask, "What's next?"

A huge pet peeve of mine is people who complain of a relationship becoming stale or boring. My first response is to ask those people if they are doing the same things they were doing when the relationship was exciting.

The magic only fades when we stop performing it.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 16

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/22/2008 4:41:22 AM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
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Now what?

Have that triple scoop ice cream without hesitation.

Have fun.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 17

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/22/2008 5:49:47 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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We created rules, rituals and daily periods together where we focus on each other.

Reality isn't porn or a erotica story... mundane necessities will constantly be there.

You combat those by coming up with means - physical, spiritual, mental, verbal, material, use variety here - to stay connected to the Ds or Ms dynamic. Make a mutual commitment to hold up your end of the dynamic.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 18

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/22/2008 5:52:05 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Merc
The question itself seems defeatist.?

Well, I had a much longer answer but Merc beat me to it. And ladypact had it right also. You're the dom. Isn't it your job to guide and lead? Well, instead of thinking in terms of "this week" or "this month", spend a little quality quiet time and think about four decades. If the dynamic is incorporated into your daily lives, then it won't fight with real life. It'll BE real life. This is just the very beginning.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 19

RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? - 7/22/2008 10:21:37 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I couldn't tell you... seeing as though I only had one online relationship that went real life and all other relationships were in person. But that relationship magic turned off when I turned on his computer!

Lockit,

Nods, [the old computer probe] gets so many, but you left us hanging!

CP

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 20

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