RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (Full Version)

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Mercnbeth -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 9:57:00 AM)

~ Fast Reply ~
 
Here's an example of a CM tread where I'm hoping that the situation described is just someone documenting a fantasy.

If not, here's a couple of pragmatic references outlining the minimum cost going from 0-18:

quote:

Child care: (0-11) $4,300
Groceries: (0-18) $1,525
Clothing: (0-18) $606
Gift giving: (0-18) $330
Bigger home: (0-18) $2,900
Bigger car: (5-18) $1,250
Education: (5-18) $600
Recreation: (0-18) $330
Additional insurance: (0-18) $300
Health care: (0-18) $300
Miscellaneous: (0-18) $330
Total amount needed to raise a child: 0-4: $13,891/yr;  5-11: $12,771/yr; and 12-18: $8,471/yr. Total for 18 years $190,528

Source: Defaults roughly based on U.S. Department of Agriculture annual report "The Cost of Raising a Child," Release No. 0127.98. aol1.bankrate.com/aol/calc/raiseChild.asp [image]http://menstuff.org/books/coversmisc/arrow1.gif[/image]


quote:

The latest study from the USDA, conducted in 2004 and released April 2005, shows that a middle-income family (defined as one with a before-tax average income of $55,500) will pay $184,320 … a high-income family (defined as one with a before-tax average income of $105,100) will pay a whopping $269,520. Housing costs are the single largest expenditure followed by food.
To see the specific breakdown of categories and come up with your own dollar total, Bankrate.com has created a calculator that lets you see, for better or worse, what lies ahead. Better start saving those pennies.
Source: http://www.cleverparents.com/2006/01/17/cost-of-raising-a-child/


Have him put the money in trust BEFORE the fact.



lovingpet -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 10:11:27 AM)

When I discuss this case, please understand that I am only giving the facts in evidence as best I know them without a judgement call with regard to them.  My opinion is that this is not going to be what they hope it will be.

I did want to clarify two things.  First, yes they are discussing this in all seriousness and planning to pursue it.  And, as is clear from the "planning", they have not done so yet.  I made an error in naming my thread.  She is NOT pregnant now.  The second, is that this is not based on their fantasy or kink.  It is a couple wanting to raise a family together, albeit in a odd set of circumstances.  Like the progression of many, if not, most, relationships.  Yes, I feel the baby is in for some difficulty in understanding all this and should be considered much more heavily than they currently are.  I never said I approved and I definately think these folks need to think a lot more.

You how sometimes you tell a friend something and you know it is good advise, but they just won't take it?  Sometime hearing it from others, especially strangers, helps more than all the bluster.  This was posted for their benefit, not mine.  I hope they are taking everything to heart you good people are saying.

Thanks a bunch,
lovingpet 




xxblushesxx -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 10:13:52 AM)

Hi LP:

Can you please tell me which state the child would be born in?

Thanks!



lovingpet -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 10:16:26 AM)

West Virginia

Thanks,
lovingpet



LadyPact -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 10:49:09 AM)

To avoid a complete hijack, I would suggest not dropping the insurance from the spouse.  There is really no need to change policies.  While the Dom may be wanting to be fully responsible for all medical costs incurred by the pregnancy, changing the insurance isn't the way to do it.  If they can get overlapping policies, I'd see that as the best way to go.

After four pages of replies, I'm kind of wondering if anyone else has had the same thought I did on a side note.  Of course, I don't know the three people involved, but might this be an alternate way for Dom and sub to have a child because the sub also wants a child and hubby doesn't have the sperm count?  I'm not saying he doesn't have a set of balls because he's letting someone else have sex with his wife.  (Preemptive strike there.)  I mean, literally, is it possible that hubby can not father a child from a medical standpoint?  Has hubby had a vasectomy or does he have a medical condition, and this might be the only way for the sub to have a child at this time.

Btw, somebody back there did mention military medical insurance.  IF the sub wasn't married to someone else, yes, you can cover a soldier's pregnant girlfriend for ONLY those visits needed for the welfare for an unborn child.  Medical insurance then reverts to the child as a dependent.  The testing to determine paternity can be done before birth to establish the medical coverage.  (The only reason I know this is because I was talking with someone who is with JAG on a related issue last evening.)



lovingpet -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 10:59:52 AM)

Thank you LP for considering alternative reasons for this senario.  It has been a bit offputting that folks automatically assume this is all directly related to kink.  From my discussions with them, it is not.  However, they have not disclosed whether hubby's fertility is an issue and I must admit I never even considered that myself.  I don't know if it makes matters any better or worse, but it would be an explanation for it. 

We ( as kinky folks as a whole) are not 100% kink... we are 100% human.  Our level of kink has little to do with our desire for some of the more normal and basic things in life.  How we choose to go about them is another thing altogether.  I want my friends to be wise and do what is best for everyone, including this child they claim they will cherish.

Thanks again,
lovingpet



backseatbebe -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 11:08:44 AM)

ohh i see
if they dont live the normal happy monogous life things must be going to hell
and everyone is stupid for wanting more than just that

best of luck to all of them for choosing something that will not be easy but may be very worthwhile in the end

and gald to hear they are planning all this before actually diving head first

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Lovebug dump the rose colored glasses. Why would a Dom what to get someone elses wife pregnant. He is as big a mental moron as the couple is.



Dnomyar -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 11:13:39 AM)

backseatbabe. How will it be worthwhile in the end?  Op can you ask the people involved That same question. Im assuming that these people are not it some kind of cult.



lovingpet -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 11:19:26 AM)

I have asked and they say the baby will have three parents who love him/her dearly.  Not enough for me, but what can I do?

lovingpet



pixidustpet -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 12:41:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

If she has a pre-existing condition which is listed in her state, dropping her current coverage is a mistake as she may be unable to get private insurance. Group coverage can't be denied, but private coverage can be (depends on the state) so she needs to check before making a blunder and she needs to make sure that the new insurance is purchased before the old insurance is terminated.



as TheEngineer and i are looking to be married before the end of the year, we've looked into the health insurance angles.  in texas, insurance companies can deny certain services based on pre-exisiting conditions.  example, diabetes coverage can be denied for up to 2 years depending on the insurance company, if you've been treated for diabetes for the previous time period (six months to a year are average time periods).  and that's group coverage provided through his work.

if you havent had your insurance lapse, then those things arent quite the same.  but even one day that isnt overlapped and you could be screwed for several years to come.

kitten, who has pre-exisiting conditions that cant be treated at the moment, so as not to screw the chance to be on insurance later...



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 12:43:21 PM)

Don't change insurance, is what I have to say.   Keep with what's in place, don't need the nightmare of changing it.   Make up the difference in terms of what is not covered.  When the child is born, let the Dom pick up the insurance on the kid. 



LadyPact -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 12:49:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Thank you LP for considering alternative reasons for this senario.  It has been a bit offputting that folks automatically assume this is all directly related to kink.  From my discussions with them, it is not.  However, they have not disclosed whether hubby's fertility is an issue and I must admit I never even considered that myself.  I don't know if it makes matters any better or worse, but it would be an explanation for it. 

We ( as kinky folks as a whole) are not 100% kink... we are 100% human.  Our level of kink has little to do with our desire for some of the more normal and basic things in life.  How we choose to go about them is another thing altogether.  I want my friends to be wise and do what is best for everyone, including this child they claim they will cherish.

Thanks again,
lovingpet

You're very welcome.  Infertility can be a touchy subject for a couple, so that might be why they haven't talked about it.



KatyLied -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 12:56:44 PM)

quote:

but what can I do?


Step away from the drama and let them solve it themselves.



MadameDahlia -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 1:30:26 PM)

On top of the money spent furbishing a nursery, clothing and feeding the kid, sending the bundle of joy off to school (at various levels) and perhaps paying for a grand bonanza of a wedding... the dominant in question might also like to start setting aside money for therapy if all of this goes horribly, horribly wrong.

Switching coverage is a bad move. Trying to switch back will likely be a difficult move. If the husband has fertility issues she should probably go to a clinic and forget the idea of being knocked up by her play partner. (Or she might want to try adopting!) Unless she and her loved ones want to be hearing "Jerry! Jerry!" chanted in the future.

While some people CAN go through all of the motions of pregnancy and child birth/rearing sanely... debating whether or not they should flip-flop with her health coverage isn't sane. And if they can't wrap their collective minds around the reasons why they SHOULD NOT screw around with the status quo... I'm of the opinion that they shouldn't be bringing lives into this world.

It may be harsh. But I'm not feeling very forgiving about health care issues. It's hard enough to get it. And it's going to be a miracle if she has all of her "pre-existing conditions" covered upon return. The whole thing sounds like a fiasco waiting to unfold.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 1:59:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

ohh i see
if they dont live the normal happy monogous life things must be going to hell
and everyone is stupid for wanting more than just that

best of luck to all of them for choosing something that will not be easy but may be very worthwhile in the end

and gald to hear they are planning all this before actually diving head first

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Lovebug dump the rose colored glasses. Why would a Dom what to get someone elses wife pregnant. He is as big a mental moron as the couple is.



bsbb, you seem to enjoy taking the opposite side of any debate you put yourself into just for kicks.
Or...you really believe the things you say.
Either way...[8|]



tsatske -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 7:19:11 PM)

quote:

The only thing I have to add to Celeste's excellent post is that in some states, if the parents are married, there is NO CHOICE on who is named the father.  A DNA test will be irrelevant for financial responsibility.  I used to be very active on a divorce board that dealt with this alot.  I thought the person who said it just HAD to be wrong, because it seemed so stupid, but it was true.


absolutely, Cali. In KY and FL, for instance, a man legeally married to Mom at the time she delivers a child is the legeal father.
My youngest sister had a 'poor mans divorce' of several years. ( they quit living together but niether filed for a divorce) During that time she fell in love with another man, they had a child together, then split.
Then she married her current husband, who desired responsiblity for her son, who calls him 'Dad', for whom he has been the only father since before my nephews first birthday.
The adoption lawyer took a nice, safe, approprate, 'cover all bases' approach and got a waiver of parental rights from both the 'legeal father' (who had never even met the child), and the BioDad (who walked when the baby was a few weeks old).



quinta -> RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom (7/23/2008 9:52:49 PM)

Don't change insurance no matter what! 



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