quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

First of all, I'm a little confused by your terminology.  Why wouldn't there be a relationship involved with a sub?  I don't know many Dominants who say, "Oh, he's just a sub" when it is someone that they care about.  Are you asking about a primary relationship vrs a D/s dynamic?

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

First, it's unclear to me what you feel you have to offer the woman you'd like to meet.

Sadly, it's somewhat unclear to me too.  That is, I think I am a perfectly fine person in a lot of ways, but if someone is looking for a list of skills or resources I bring to the table, I'm not sure what I can come up with.   I communicate well, can learn fast, and have a good sense of humor, and I'm told I give a pretty decent foot massage, but that's about it.  I think I have a good attitude for a sub, generally speaking. 

quote:

Where I think you're biggest difficulty is going to exist is that you're a crossdresser, which is clearly something that's important to you as I read your profile, although it's apparently not a daily or perhaps even a weekly need.  Crossdressers have a reputation among many dommes for things needing to be "all about the crossdresser" and not the domme, which creates an inherent conflict within a typical D/s dynamic.  Strike one against you so to speak.  That said, there are many dommes who also enjoy that kind of play in moderation.  In that sense, you'd clearly fit the bill.

I'm well aware of the difficulties there, but I also know that if a particular woman can't accept that aspect of me, there's no point in trying to build anything with her.  I'm very flexible about how it can fit into the relationship -- it doesn't have to be in the forced femme/sissy maid mode (though I am open to that), it doesn't have to be frequent, it doesn't necessarily have to come into the bedroom/dungeon at all, though I would prefer it.  But I cou ldn't love anyone who didn't accept, and preferably embrace that side of me.
 

quote:

Where things really seemed to fall apart for me though, was that your profile got very "wishy washy" near the end as to what you were actually looking for.  On one hand you're here posting that you want an LTR, yet in your profile you mention your openess to trying spending time with a switch, dominant couples, or even single men!  I strongly suspect, that's going to be a turn-off to the vast majority of dommes who are also looking for a LTR!  So, in posting that as part of you're profile, you've just put off perhaps 75% of your potential audience.  As such, it doesn't seem to me as though you're being clear on exactly what it is that you really want!  If I were a domme and I read your profile, I'd likely walk away and say "this guy seems rather confused and I don't know that I'd want to get involved!"[/quote[

Hmmm.  I will take a look at that part again and perhaps rephrase it, but I thought it was simple enough.  Yes, I want a LTR.  However, it's possible that finding the right person could take a great deal of time.  In the meantime, I am open to other possibilities for more casual or short-term enjoyment -- partially in the hope that getting to know more people will lead to other things, but partly just because it can be fun and fulfilling, hopefully for all involved.  I don't want someone reading it who thinks I might be fun to play with but isn't interested in a romantic relationship with me to write me off on the basis that I want all or nothing.  Does that make any sense?
 
There are many threads if you use the search function that have been written with suggestions on how to write a good profile.  You may want to spend some time reading some of them.  It's generally clear to me that the majority of women here, are indeed looking for a compatible partner for an LTR!  They all just seem to approach it in different ways.
 
Although you didn't ask for a profile review, I hope you find this feedback helpful to you.
 
 - pixel
 
 

(in reply to pixelslave)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinnipedster

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

First, it's unclear to me what you feel you have to offer the woman you'd like to meet.

Sadly, it's somewhat unclear to me too.  That is, I think I am a perfectly fine person in a lot of ways, but if someone is looking for a list of skills or resources I bring to the table, I'm not sure what I can come up with.   I communicate well, can learn fast, and have a good sense of humor, and I'm told I give a pretty decent foot massage, but that's about it.  I think I have a good attitude for a sub, generally speaking. 

Sounds to me like a good place to start pinnipedster!  Profiles are always a work in progress.  

Don't sell yourself short; every fisherman needs enough bait on their hook to get a nibble on the line so they can do the rest of what's needed to land the one that's worth catching.  Perhaps if you took the above, removed the extraneous portions and stated the rest with more confidence, you'd be showing the ladies that you do indeed bring something to the table you're aware of that is worthy of their consideration.  Being smart women, they'll soon figure out the rest on their own.

They don't need to see all of it at once, only enough to capture their interest.  I'd venture that you have other skills as well that might be valuable to them.  Do you cook?  Are you handy around the house or mechanically inclined?  Do you know how to manage the bills on the computer with say Quicken and set things up for the bank to automatically pay them on time?  What things do you  like to do around the house or would enjoy doing for your Mistress/partner to make life easier?  Since you cross-dress, do you know how to do manicures and pedicures for example?  Just a few things that come to mind as possible thought starters to help you that you may have overlooked.  Remember, whether you like the idea or not, your profile is the primary means you have here to market yourself and that's the first place a woman will look to see if there's mutual compatibility and to determine if she has an interest in having a further dialogue with you.  Time spent working on your profile to refine it (like a resume when you're searching for a job), although often difficult, is well worth the extra effort!

You've been around here long enough to see the threads from women who want a man with some self-confidence; one that brings something with them that adds to their life, not detracts from it.  You can choose to display more of that in your profile without appearing as though you're being cocky; particularly as a strong sense of self-assurance often doesn't come across in your posts when you're being reflective such as you are in this thread.  They'll see the balance once you begin to correspond to with them, you just need to get them interested in talking with you first. 

quote:

quote:



Where I think you're biggest difficulty is going to exist is that you're a crossdresser, which is clearly something that's important to you as I read your profile, although it's apparently not a daily or perhaps even a weekly need.  Crossdressers have a reputation among many dommes for things needing to be "all about the crossdresser" and not the domme, which creates an inherent conflict within a typical D/s dynamic.  Strike one against you so to speak.  That said, there are many dommes who also enjoy that kind of play in moderation.  In that sense, you'd clearly fit the bill.

I'm well aware of the difficulties there, but I also know that if a particular woman can't accept that aspect of me, there's no point in trying to build anything with her.  I'm very flexible about how it can fit into the relationship -- it doesn't have to be in the forced femme/sissy maid mode (though I am open to that), it doesn't have to be frequent, it doesn't necessarily have to come into the bedroom/dungeon at all, though I would prefer it.  But I cou ldn't love anyone who didn't accept, and preferably embrace that side of me.

I completely understand.  No one wants to spend the rest of their lives with a person who can't love and accept all of them.  You sound very flexible in getting your cross dressing needs satisfied.  I think your profile implies that, but perhaps you need to convey that as you did here.  I think that would go a long way towards easing the minds of any Dommes who've had bad experiences with cross-dressers, particularly the ones who couldn't focus on serving the dommes needs; especially if their prior relationships with them began to revolve around the cross-dresser's needs to dress for any and all activities.  From what you describe, I don't see that with you, making you one of the exceptions to what would be considered the rule.  As such, I think you need to emphasize that and let them know that they'd be in control of that aspect of your life and how it is expressed; at least from what you said, I assume they would wouldn't they? 

quote:

quote:


Where things really seemed to fall apart for me though, was that your profile got very "wishy washy" near the end as to what you were actually looking for.  On one hand you're here posting that you want an LTR, yet in your profile you mention your openess to trying spending time with a switch, dominant couples, or even single men!  I strongly suspect, that's going to be a turn-off to the vast majority of dommes who are also looking for a monogamous LTR!  So, in posting that as part of you're profile, you've just put off perhaps 75% of your potential audience.  As such, it doesn't seem to me as though you're being clear on exactly what it is that you really want!  If I were a domme and I read your profile, I'd likely walk away and say "this guy seems rather confused and I don't know that I'd want to get involved!"

Hmmm.  I will take a look at that part again and perhaps rephrase it, but I thought it was simple enough.  Yes, I want a LTR.  However, it's possible that finding the right person could take a great deal of time.  In the meantime, I am open to other possibilities for more casual or short-term enjoyment -- partially in the hope that getting to know more people will lead to other things, but partly just because it can be fun and fulfilling, hopefully for all involved.  I don't want someone reading it who thinks I might be fun to play with but isn't interested in a romantic relationship with me to write me off on the basis that I want all or nothing.  Does that make any sense?

 to see what organizations are in your area which might be of interest to you; thus getting you out and involved in your local communitty where you can meet people on a face-to-face basis and establish those friendships.

I hope this clarifies my original post and gives you additional thoughts to consider.  Feel free to message me on the other side any time you want if you'd like to discuss something In private.  I'm always open to trying to help those who seek additional insight they may not wish to post here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

Yes, in my experience here and elsewhere it is genuinely feasible to search for an LTR both here and elsewhere.  Being open to possibilities and not rigid in your expectations is probably one of the keys.  I think Ms. Lockit was  very adept at explaining much of the process.  Since you want a relationship that's based more on the overall package than kink, you really need to focus on getting to know the woman as a person before you go there.  I've found that once the commonality is established, the kink usually seems to have a way of working itself out on it's own. 
 
Being willing to be flexible is essential.  Know what you Must have, what you'd Like to have, and what you'd consider a Bonus if you found it.  Also know what you Can't have or won't tolerate.  That allows you to really know what's most important to you in a relationship; thus opening many doors and possibilities for you that you may not have previously seen before.  You'll then begin to see far more opportunities than you ever realized existed.
 
Having read your profile, personally, I think it could use some work and that may be some of what might be causing you some difficulties in finding the woman you seek.  First, it's unclear to me what you feel you have to offer the woman you'd like to meet.  If you know that, I suggest you state it up front.  Remember, you're promoting yourself and trying to advertise what you have to offer in the most appealing manner.  You seem to do a good job of sharing your interests and revealing something of your personality.  Where I think you're biggest difficulty is going to exist is that you're a crossdresser, which is clearly something that's important to you as I read your profile, although it's apparently not a daily or perhaps even a weekly need.  Crossdressers have a reputation among many dommes for things needing to be "all about the crossdresser" and not the domme, which creates an inherent conflict within a typical D/s dynamic.  Strike one against you so to speak.  That said, there are many dommes who also enjoy that kind of play in moderation.  In that sense, you'd clearly fit the bill.
 
Where things really seemed to fall apart for me though, was that your profile got very "wishy washy" near the end as to what you were actually looking for.  On one hand you're here posting that you want an LTR, yet in your profile you mention your openess to trying spending time with a switch, dominant couples, or even single men!  I strongly suspect, that's going to be a turn-off to the vast majority of dommes who are also looking for a LTR!  So, in posting that as part of you're profile, you've just put off perhaps 75% of your potential audience.  As such, it doesn't seem to me as though you're being clear on exactly what it is that you really want!  If I were a domme and I read your profile, I'd likely walk away and say "this guy seems rather confused and I don't know that I'd want to get involved!"
 
There are many threads if you use the search function that have been written with suggestions on how to write a good profile.  You may want to spend some time reading some of them.  It's generally clear to me that the majority of women here, are indeed looking for a compatible partner for an LTR!  They all just seem to approach it in different ways.
 
Although you didn't ask for a profile review, I hope you find this feedback helpful to you.
 
 - pixel

 

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinnipedster

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

First of all, I'm a little confused by your terminology.  Why wouldn't there be a relationship involved with a sub?  I don't know many Dominants who say, "Oh, he's just a sub" when it is someone that they care about.  Are you asking about a primary relationship vrs a D/s dynamic?

I guess "primary" is what I mean.  What I mean is, I see a fair number of profiles of women who are already married or otherwise paired up, but still looking for someone else: possibly just a play partner, but sometimes a full-time submissive.  While I might enjoy that situation, it would not fulfill *all* my needs.  As I think I said, the ideal situation would be finding someone who is attractive and attracted to me, who can fulfill all the roles one's mate is normally supposed to fill emotionally, but who also happens to be kinky.  I don't mean it necessarily has to be a completely exclusive relationship, at least kink-wise, but I would want us to be an "us," if you see what I mean.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsJssk

Wow Pix, I don't think I could disagree much more. His profile is fabulous. It says who he is and personally I think that's the most important thing. If I am searching for a mate, I want to know who that person is first and foremost. And it's very clear that he's a crossdresser and not a Transvestite or Transsexual. Second, it says who he wants. That's the second thing I look at in a profile, am I possible what will make them tick. Then he closes with some practical talk about what he might enjoy for companionship. This shows me that he's not too narrowly focused to go out and enjoy life while he's looking for the MsPerfect. It also makes it very clear to people that he might chat with or even play with, that he'll enjoy their company but it's not what he ultimately desires. Dude, if life were different, I'd write to you.

He's free to take what he likes and ignore the rest, if not all of what I suggested.  We all come from different places and I fully understand and accept that.  After all, in a place like this, you get what you pay for.

In no manner was my post written with the intent to tell him that his current profile was unacceptable or "lame".  At the same time, it obviously wasn't getting him the results he wanted, thus the nature of my comments.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

Ms J,
I'm glad you liked his profile and that it worked for you.  The OP posted saying things weren't working for him, thus asking for advice and questioning whether what he wanted could be found here at CM.  I simply gave him my advice, suggesting he build upon what he already had, clarifying it to hopefully attract the Domme of his dreams.  Like you, I felt I also understood where he was coming from, yet others might not, or may be put off by the way it was stated; thus the nature of my suggestions. 
 
He's free to take what he likes and ignore the rest, if not all of what I suggested.  We all come from different places and I fully understand and accept that.  After all, in a place like this, you get what you pay for.
 
In no manner was my post written with the intent to tell him that his current profile was unacceptable or "lame".  At the same time, it obviously wasn't getting him the results he wanted, thus the nature of my comments.
 
 - pixel
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsJssk

pixel,
I am sorry if I was too harsh. I went back and read my post and realized that it might of been harsh when I had no intention of it being so. I have read your profile and some of your journals as well, and would same the same of yours.

quote:


Yours has the feel of someone who will open up and be very real, when he's ready, but their may always be a bit of work on the part of the Mistress to get you there.

quote:


you outnumber us. Try for a second to do a search for yourself. Yeah, enter "sub, male, 30-55 years, straight seeking FemDomme" into the search field. Yikes. I can't go through them all!!  Now, do your regular search for FemDommes and then visually eliminate all those that have a husband/primary and are looking for a secondary. And it's no different on vanilla dating sites. Men outnumber women at least 10 to 1. Maybe it's the nature of the hunt. We're brought up being taught that men hunt and women lead them on. I don't know. But added to the general problem with outnumbering us is that most of the men out there are just looking to jack off in cyber sex. You ar tainted by them. I am sorry, but it's true. I know when I write a girl that I have to really stand out because she sees my e-mail and it's one in a hundred she got that week and she reads it first for signs that I'm just a guy trying to jack off. If I pass that test then she might set in aside to reply to later. But then I"m lost in the rubble. But who I am to give advice on how to find someone here on CollarMe. I'm getting really tired of girls who are ready to give their life to me, until I offer to buy them plane tickets for the first meet. Suddenly, they disappear. What The Fuck!! Where are the grown ups?

MsJ

I'm well aware of that which you speak MsJ.  As you've noted there are indeed many GNC's (an acronym used here for horny net geeks who aren't actually submissives in the lifestyle, but have their own agendas for kinky sex).  It's also common for people to suddenly disappear.  I also know the signal to noise ratio is high and that many are poly which is not what I seek, reducing my options.  Yet, I have many friends who are dommes on these boards and find that I do not lack for opportunities.  I've simply not found the right fit for me as of this moment, but am discovering that by being flexible, there are indeed women with whom there are possibilities.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave
....snipped
As you have a vanilla cone, you've likely not read the 1200 plus posts I've contributed to these boards where I've quite often been very open about myself and my life.  As such, I can understand why you might draw the conclusions you have from reading my profile alone.  My profile hasn't been updated in some time; certainly not since the last relationship I had with a domme I met here on CM.  As such, some editing is admittedly overdue.  Most, gain some insight into who I am and get to know more of me through my posts here or my participation in various organizations in the DFW leather community.
...snipped 

 - pixel
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsJssk

Someone can share all that their is to share about their life, and still not open his soul except to those he values most. My impression, when I read just the two profiles, is that one will open his soul a bit easier than the other.

quote:


And I see that you have read my profile. May I have the priledge of the same critique or commentary that you offered our original poster and that I so uninvitedly offer you.

Warmly,
MsJ

I did indeed briefly look at your profile to see whom it was that I was exchanging posts with.  I'm very uncomfortable providing feedback on a domme's profile; in my experience a no-win situation for a submissive to be in around this particular forum.  Of more importance, I genuinely wouldn't want to hijaak the OP's thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

MsJ

I did indeed briefly look at your profile to see whom it was that I was exchanging posts with.  I'm very uncomfortable providing feedback on a domme's profile; in my experience a no-win situation for a submissive to be in around this particular forum.  Of more importance, I genuinely wouldn't want to hijaak the OP's thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit


MsJssk, I have read your posts to pixelslave and find that I must address a couple of things. pixel is a well known poster on these boards and has proven himself to be one of a very sensitive nature, with an openness that is refreshing and thought provoking. He does not open himself to just anyone and I don't believe that anyone should. But I have found no hesitancy on his part to bear his soul to me, nor anything else that one would assume/expect or require from either a man or a submissive. He is not more work than others I have known, and in fact is much easier as he willingly goes to those loving and soul bearing places. I am sure that if you had been here longer, you would have seen what most of us see in pixel and understand how condescending some of what you said to him might be perceived by him or anyone that knows him.

I didn't wish to call you out or start anything, but since pixel has been evaluated in emotional matters of the heart in a public setting, I felt as one who cares a great deal for him, that he should have the benefit of someone setting things straight. He would never do so himself, although he would graciously address some things and overlook others. He can be rather modest.

You might have been the only responder on the thread that you seemingly felt was suitable for pixel and the man who started the thread; but not all of us are posting about our interest and are communicating behind the scenes. I don't see how it is that you deemed the rest of us somehow unfit for them, since you don't know us at all.

I regret I feel the need to address this publicly, however, since your posts were so public and in my opinion rather condescending and pointedly critical about someone you do not know, I felt the need to relieve myself and clearly state that pixel is not how you have critiqued him to be. pixel is open, loving, generous, kind, tactful, intelligent and much, much more and to hear him being presented as less, is difficult to witness and refrain from commenting on.

I will not try to quote the many things posted, as the posts were very long and trying to present it all or dissect it would be a difficult thing to fairly accomplish.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsJssk

Ironically, we both tell two very different story on how to find an LTR. He swears that you must have a plan and work the plan. He had rules for how many e-mails he would send out and what signs he had to see all sorts of things. It was a logical process for him. I had no idea. Me, I have always said that the only way to find love is to stop looking. I was not looking for my soul mate, the gods simply put him in my path. Apparently, both methods work.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinnipedster

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

First of all, I'm a little confused by your terminology.  Why wouldn't there be a relationship involved with a sub?  I don't know many Dominants who say, "Oh, he's just a sub" when it is someone that they care about.  Are you asking about a primary relationship vrs a D/s dynamic?

I guess "primary" is what I mean.  What I mean is, I see a fair number of profiles of women who are already married or otherwise paired up, but still looking for someone else: possibly just a play partner, but sometimes a full-time submissive.  While I might enjoy that situation, it would not fulfill *all* my needs.  As I think I said, the ideal situation would be finding someone who is attractive and attracted to me, who can fulfill all the roles one's mate is normally supposed to fill emotionally, but who also happens to be kinky.  I don't mean it necessarily has to be a completely exclusive relationship, at least kink-wise, but I would want us to be an "us," if you see what I mean.