In-House training?

In-House training? (Full Version)

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ButchFemDomCpl -> In-House training? (7/25/2008 11:22:14 AM)
In our current community in Las Vegas there has been a great deal of discussion about training, or the lack thereof. A local group has started up to help mentor those who are new to Las Vegas. I applaud their ideas. They are looking to have more mentors enter their group and help new people. My House is a 24/7 lifestyle house. I have often wondered if there would be people interested in living in a 24/7 lifestyle house as a vacation. There are SO many things that happen in a 24/7 lifestyle house, that it would take more than 24 hours to describe everything. In My musings, I thought that it would be good to offer a place for training for both the Sub/Slave and Domina/Dom. In that manner, people who were new, either tops or bottoms would see first-hand the workings and intricacies of life in a 24/7 house. It seems to Me that a great deal of novices, tops or bottoms engage with someone who is experienced. I thought that I would toss this out here, just to see what others may bring up as considerations that I may have overlooked. All comments welcomed. :) What are your thoughts about entering into a 24/7 lifestyle house for a weekend training? Femme ButchFemDomCpl

Leatherist -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 11:25:37 AM)
"training"?

Surrenderwithin -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 12:28:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ButchFemDomCpl In our current community in Las Vegas there has been a great deal of discussion about training, or the lack thereof. A local group has started up to help mentor those who are new to Las Vegas. I applaud their ideas. They are looking to have more mentors enter their group and help new people. My House is a 24/7 lifestyle house. I have often wondered if there would be people interested in living in a 24/7 lifestyle house as a vacation. There are SO many things that happen in a 24/7 lifestyle house, that it would take more than 24 hours to describe everything. In My musings, I thought that it would be good to offer a place for training for both the Sub/Slave and Domina/Dom. In that manner, people who were new, either tops or bottoms would see first-hand the workings and intricacies of life in a 24/7 house. It seems to Me that a great deal of novices, tops or bottoms engage with someone who is experienced. I thought that I would toss this out here, just to see what others may bring up as considerations that I may have overlooked. All comments welcomed. :) What are your thoughts about entering into a 24/7 lifestyle house for a weekend training? Femme ButchFemDomCpl This is an interesting concept however it has one major flaw in my opinion. One 24/7 household may be as different as night and day from another 24/7 household. Anyone coming in to live and observe will not get an accurate idea of what a 24/7 household IS like, rather what yours is like. It may or may not be indicative of what one may hold for them. It would be sad if they saw your household and determined that 24/7 wasnt for them based on thier observations when in the end they have the right and responsibility to custom make thier own life, home, and relationship. It would be so important for them to understand that this is one example of a home and encouraged to visit several others as well, for a more well rounded understanding of the realities, variations, and versatilities of the situations. Maggi

Shawn1066 -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 12:31:34 PM)
My only question is... What would they learn except how your house is run? And I imagine your 24/7 household is different from most other 24/7 households as well...there's no "one size fits all" type thing that I'm sure you're aware of. If you plan on teaching them various ways to play safely, then I could see how that'd be helpful...but otherwise I'm not sure I see what you'd be offering. The idea is interesting, I'd just like to see some more details. DV's Fox

shadowcd -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 1:17:52 PM)
I would think it would be similer to living in a regular strangers vanilla household no 2 are really truly a like. That being said I suppose it depends on the "training" and as long as it was clear that this is just one variation of thousands and everything was clear from the start that it was just a very general idea that I suppose it may work for some people, while be a very bad idea for others :P I don't think I would personally go on "vacation" to anyone's house vanilla/lifestyle/ or some sort of mix without knowing a great deal about them first :P

ButchFemDomCpl -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 2:10:47 PM)
quote: This is an interesting concept however it has one major flaw in my opinion. One 24/7 household may be as different as night and day from another 24/7 household. Anyone coming in to live and observe will not get an accurate idea of what a 24/7 household IS like, rather what yours is like. It may or may not be indicative of what one may hold for them. It would be sad if they saw your household and determined that 24/7 wasnt for them based on thier observations when in the end they have the right and responsibility to custom make thier own life, home, and relationship. It would be so important for them to understand that this is one example of a home and encouraged to visit several others as well, for a more well rounded understanding of the realities, variations, and versatilities of the situations. I totally agree that every House is different. This would be for someone to see how THIS House is run. There are currently quite a few Houses of 24/7 Domination, however, not so many are Lesbian run. True, it might be "sad" if they came and decided what they see didnt fit for them, but the opposite is true, it might be "wonderful" if they saw how I run My house (as well as giving information about how many others are different). I see a lot of people online who ask about 24/7, but do not take into consideration basic needs. Examples of questions some MAY have not considered: Are you able to be an owner? Does the concept of a person as property raise moral or ethical issues? Can you consistently treat another person as a subordinate? Are you willing to accept the financial obligations, time commitments and lifestyle changes that occur with ownership? For slaves: AmI fundamentally a slave? How long have you known that you were a slave?Are you comfortable with the concept of someone else dictating your clothing, hairstyle and color, manner of speech, where and when you can sit, etc.How important are a sense of belonging and security to you? Does it please you to serve someone? Can you embrace the concept of yourself as property that will be managed for the benefit of another? Role Consideration: Have you considered contractual agreements? Is there a mutual understanding of intentions, responsibilities and obligations? How do you renew this agreement? What protocols will be addressed in your House and how will you address: Positions? Forms of address? Meals? Sleeping? Courtesies? Have you considered Responsibilities? As an Owner, One must ensure that the slave’s needs are met. How will the Dom/mina effect the positive Emotional, Physical, Food, Shelter, Medical, Transportation, Financial (both Current obligations and upcoming) , Sexual, and Intellectual needs of the slave? And this is just the tip of the iceburg of things that most people simply do not consider when wanting to Own a slave. My goals in having a Dom/Sub couple in My house would be for them to get an honest look at the many many things BOTH people need to consider. To let them see House paperwork, to give them ideas in ways they can incorporate 24/7 in their lives. Too often people leap into 24/7 when basic needs of both partners are not addressed. I would never be so foolish as to think or suggest that the way I run My house is the ONLY way. Its just one way, and it seems that very few are willing to open their "inner sanctum." FemmeButchFemDomCpl

Leatherist -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 2:15:11 PM)
I can personally see no use in exploring an alien M/s enviornment. If I am incapable of managing another person in my own household-how could I possibly expect another to teach me? Especially if they were of a totally different organizational and orientation bent? I know exactly the way I want my house and affairs kept in order. The only fine tuning would come from on the job training-just like any other sort of job. Can you learn to run a shoe store by visiting a kennel?

ButchFemDomCpl -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 2:24:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Shawn1066 My only question is... What would they learn except how your house is run? And I imagine your 24/7 household is different from most other 24/7 households as well...there's no "one size fits all" type thing that I'm sure you're aware of. If you plan on teaching them various ways to play safely, then I could see how that'd be helpful...but otherwise I'm not sure I see what you'd be offering. The idea is interesting, I'd just like to see some more details. DV's Fox Good question. My thoughts were that the people who came to the house were given (for lack of a better word) a set of worksheets. In these worksheets would ask questions and give situations that should be addressed in ANY 24/7 relationship. There are a vast many ways to deal with the a myraid of simple things, let alone the majors. Here was My idea of a typical question that many mundane's might not consider in the worksheets: As far as the daily living, there are MANY ways to get medical insurance for a 24/7 slave. How do you plan to get medical care for your slave? At Our House, we do... blah blah blah. The idea is to put forth many many open-ended questions that the couple would refect on and answer between the two of them. What I would show is how those same questions are answered in MY house. The idea I had is to open people's minds to ALL the aspects they need to consider. I wouldnt be putting forth that House of Moriah St Cyr is the best out there, but HMSC is just one way to do things. Often when people are putting together their House documents there are things they miss. My goal is to have a community of DS Houses that have one thing in common.. and thats Domination. How they put their own Houses together will be very different in each incident. Some people want to experience what it means, especially if they have not experienced anything like this previously. This offers them a type of mentorship, both while they are here, and once they leave. While they are here, the submissive will be taught different forms of service, and the types of that service they are taught would reflect on the questions they answered before arriving in HMSC. For example: Master So&So wants his slave to learn formal dinner service. Master has never been to a formal dinner service and is unable to direct slave as to how He wants this task performed. Master will learn what he wants, and doesnt want, during formal service. Slave/submissive will learn everything HMSC has to offer in this area. The couple is then able to pick and choose what they want to keep in their House and what they want to jettison. This is just one example of different things that can be taught within just one House. If this works out, then newcommers would have a choice of Houses they would want to go to. They may want to go to one, they may want to go to several. My goal, again, is to have a community of SM houses. I want to be just one House in the community. We are all different, but bound by the same interest of BDSM. Femme ButchFemDomCpl

ButchFemDomCpl -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 2:35:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shadowcd I would think it would be similer to living in a regular strangers vanilla household no 2 are really truly a like. That being said I suppose it depends on the "training" and as long as it was clear that this is just one variation of thousands and everything was clear from the start that it was just a very general idea that I suppose it may work for some people, while be a very bad idea for others :P I don't think I would personally go on "vacation" to anyone's house vanilla/lifestyle/ or some sort of mix without knowing a great deal about them first :P Correct. No two vanilla houses are the same. I wouldnt suggest that they were. Unlike vanilla and Domination Houses, people do not go to a vanilla house to have someone make their beds or to cook, clean and serve them.... well.. unless they are going to visit their mothers.... You state you dont go "on vacation" to anyones house, and My mind asks "Do you go to a Dungeon? If you go, just how well do you really know the DM's? Those are the people who will come to your help if you have a problem in your scene. How well do you trust them? Do you go to SM classes to get more knowledge? If not, did simply reading books teach you everything you need to know, or felt you needed to know? Do you feel you know everything that you want to learn about BDSM and service? I am just asking.. so that you can see the other possiblities that you may not have considered. Be aware too, I live in Las Vegas. This is one of the worlds vacation spots. We are contacted nearly daily by people who want to "visit" us for play or tell us they are "in town and want to play." It has made NO difference that we are very very clear in our profile we are Lesbians. Thanks for asking your questions.. really got My mind going. :) Femme ButchFemDomCpl

Leatherist -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 2:38:58 PM)
What is your motivation for offering this? Are you seeking some sort of "Academy" status?

YourhandMyAss -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 2:46:41 PM)
I personally don't believe, most concepts of being trained by someone other than your own partner, if it's on things like posture and behavior and ettiquite, because If my dom wants me trained in say behavor modifications he'd train me himself, to his speculations, not someone elses. What if a sub spends all this time learning say third person speak an always keeping their head tilted eyes lowerd and then the dom they choose to enter a relationship in hates third person speak and demands his subs look him in the eye at all times. Well then all the work and training learning those things are wasted, and not only that but the dom has twice the amount of work to do getting her to be what HE expects, not what someone before him trained her to be. quote: ORIGINAL: ButchFemDomCpl What are your thoughts about entering into a 24/7 lifestyle house for a weekend training? Femme ButchFemDomCpl

ButchFemDomCpl -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 2:47:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist I can personally see no use in exploring an alien M/s enviornment. If I am incapable of managing another person in my own household-how could I possibly expect another to teach me? Especially if they were of a totally different organizational and orientation bent? I know exactly the way I want my house and affairs kept in order. The only fine tuning would come from on the job training-just like any other sort of job. Can you learn to run a shoe store by visiting a kennel? Sorry to hear you are unwilling to learn more and open to learning more. You do realise that much of the leather movement was started by gay men? With this said, I am extremely curious to know how you learned to put your house together if you were unwilling to learn from those that are a "different orientation bent?" (TGIQ) If you know how you want your house and affairs kept, why bother posting negative comments? Often relationships blow up because of lack of communication BEFORE the slave moves in. How do you show a slave/sub what life can be like in what would be considered a very secure environment? It would be stupid to think you can learn to run a shoe store from visiting a kennel. Dogs are not made into shoes. Or is this something you do in the House you run? If so.. no wonder you arent interested in learning different ideas, new ways, and different House protocols! On the other hand, you CAN go to one shoe store, see how they set up their inventory, find out how they advertise, find out how they set up their front office, see what uniforms they wear, find out what their customer service requirements are, then go back to the confines of YOUR cozy shoe store and decide what works for you, and what doesnt. Femme ButchFemDomCpl

Leatherist -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 2:53:50 PM)
Because I don't need to copy "gay men". I don't happen to be gay, I see no reason to behave like one. The biggest part of running any household is good old "vanilla common sense". And men and women have been running productive D/s households for a LOT longer than a bunch of gay swingers who decided to goof around in local bars after www2. You use whatever traditions turn you on-I'll go with mine. [;)]

ButchFemDomCpl -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 3:04:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist What is your motivation for offering this? Are you seeking some sort of "Academy" status? As I stated previously: "My goal, again, is to have a community of SM houses. I want to be just one House in the community. We are all different, but bound by the same interest of BDSM." And as for "The Academy" that is a ficitional book written by Laura Antoniou. Sadly, most people who read those books think thats what life is like to be trained in a BDSM house. What I am suggesting is vastly different. What I am suggesting isnt just for slaves, its also for NOVICE Dom/mes, as well as Novice slaves or submissives. There is an excellent teacher who does a slave weekend by the name of Catherine Gross. What I am suggesting is much more "hands on" and "in the moment." Catherine's classes discuss finding your inner servant, and working on self improvement to become a better slave. This class has NO Dominants in it, they are excluded. What I am proposing is a way to teach the BDSM couple better ways of interaction, whether or not they are in a gay/gay, straight/straight, gay/bi, gay/straight, poly/gay, poly/straight, FTM/gay, MTF gay, MTF/straight, FTM/straight, FTM/poly, MTF/poly relationship. Femme. ButchFemDomCpl

sirsholly -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 3:14:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ButchFemDomCpl On the other hand, you CAN go to one shoe store, see how they set up their inventory, find out how they advertise, find out how they set up their front office, see what uniforms they wear, find out what their customer service requirements are, then go back to the confines of YOUR cozy shoe store and decide what works for you, and what doesnt. if I were born into a shoe store then i would already know how to run one...wouldn't I? As most of us...i was born into a functioning household and when it was time to set up my own i already know how i would mimic the one i came from as well as change what i did not like.

ButchFemDomCpl -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 3:16:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss I personally don't believe, most concepts of being trained by someone other than your own partner, if it's on things like posture and behavior and ettiquite, because If my dom wants me trained in say behavor modifications he'd train me himself, to his speculations, not someone elses. What if a sub spends all this time learning say third person speak an always keeping their head tilted eyes lowerd and then the dom they choose to enter a relationship in hates third person speak and demands his subs look him in the eye at all times. Well then all the work and training learning those things are wasted, and not only that but the dom has twice the amount of work to do getting her to be what HE expects, not what someone before him trained her to be. Thats the point. You WOULD be trained by your Top. Your Top would be there to decide what HE/SHE wanted to teach you. Your Top would decide what SHE/HE wanted to bring back into the House. There is just so many different ways to teach a slave behaviors. One of the benifits of going to a House as a couple would be for your Top to get different ideas. I am reminded of going to a class last year on Gender Fuck. This is a perfect example of lots of experienced Dom/mes in the class, but very few who were experienced with Butches who pack. I watched as others got dawning realistion that Butches who pack are able to feel everything and every place that cock of theirs goes to. Very few het Dommes realised that a Butch cock was so sensitive. They did not know that there is a huge difference in "strap-ons" and what a Butch packs... But once they saw the example in the class, they suddenly had a whole new set of ideas on how to play with Boi's (sub butch dykes). Likewise, there *MAY* be many things your Top simply hasnt seen yet, or ideas that havent come to her/him yet. Concepts havent been exposed to him/her yet... Wouldnt you like it if he/she got more ideas to play with you in ways you found exciting and erotic, or that your Top found exciting and erotic? This is about pleasing your Top and finding new, better ways to serve. Femme ButchFemDomCpl

RedMagic1 -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 3:22:08 PM)
Femme, if you run a search on the words "mentor" and "training," you'll see that you've stepped in the middle of a minefield, with what I believe to be an honest, well-intentioned opening post. Someone active in his local scene posted the other day that part of what makes the CollarChat message boards interesting is the number of people who have a BDSM practice, but who leave the scene because they find it wanting. Part of the reason you'll see resistance to neo-traditional protocol structure is that a lot of people reading your words think it doesn't really apply to what they are trying to do with their lives. If you scheduled a series of demos and hands-on classes, and kept the preachy-preachy to a minimum, I'd be interested. Otherwise, well -- I'm a vegetarian, don't wear or buy leather... and even so, there's a decent chance I've read more of the Leather Archives than you have. What would you offer that would be of practical worth to me in my own life?

ButchFemDomCpl -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 3:26:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Because I don't need to copy "gay men". I don't happen to be gay, I see no reason to behave like one. The biggest part of running any household is good old "vanilla common sense". And men and women have been running productive D/s households for a LOT longer than a bunch of gay swingers who decided to goof around in local bars after www2. You use whatever traditions turn you on-I'll go with mine. [;)] Wow.. someone needs to know Leather History. Are you wearing leather? Do you enjoy power over somone else? Do you enjoy tying someone up and using them for your pleasures? If you are, you ARE copying gay men, or maybe you are just deeply in the closet? Granted, SM as such has been around forever, but it was the gay leathermen who brought eventual acceptabity and access to knowledge within our community of Leather. Go with your traditions and good luck with that. Femme ButchFemDomCpl

shadowcd -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 3:27:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ButchFemDomCpl quote: ORIGINAL: shadowcd I would think it would be similer to living in a regular strangers vanilla household no 2 are really truly a like. That being said I suppose it depends on the "training" and as long as it was clear that this is just one variation of thousands and everything was clear from the start that it was just a very general idea that I suppose it may work for some people, while be a very bad idea for others :P I don't think I would personally go on "vacation" to anyone's house vanilla/lifestyle/ or some sort of mix without knowing a great deal about them first :P Correct. No two vanilla houses are the same. I wouldnt suggest that they were. Unlike vanilla and Domination Houses, people do not go to a vanilla house to have someone make their beds or to cook, clean and serve them.... well.. unless they are going to visit their mothers.... You state you dont go "on vacation" to anyones house, and My mind asks "Do you go to a Dungeon? If you go, just how well do you really know the DM's? Those are the people who will come to your help if you have a problem in your scene. How well do you trust them? Do you go to SM classes to get more knowledge? If not, did simply reading books teach you everything you need to know, or felt you needed to know? Do you feel you know everything that you want to learn about BDSM and service? I am just asking.. so that you can see the other possiblities that you may not have considered. Be aware too, I live in Las Vegas. This is one of the worlds vacation spots. We are contacted nearly daily by people who want to "visit" us for play or tell us they are "in town and want to play." It has made NO difference that we are very very clear in our profile we are Lesbians. Thanks for asking your questions.. really got My mind going. :) Femme ButchFemDomCpl to answer the question i don't go to houses/dungeons/munches or anywhere I don't know people :P and I know very little about bdsm :( I never claimed I did i just know that I am very reluctent to meet people regardless of their lifestyle. what i know i know from my previous partner, I am learning and have no shame in admiting I know next to nothing about the lifestyle. I do know that I'm not very trusting of people in general regardless of their lifestyle choices. I have been to some SM classes though with my ex and i have read some books. Though really the way I truly learn is via experiance and if I knew the people that owned the house like if i talked to them for a long time before hand then yes I would consider going.

Leatherist -> RE: In-House training? (7/25/2008 3:33:31 PM)
This is silly. And one of my pet peeves with plagarists. The leatherman scene was set up for gay men to have leathersex. And More than one ACTUAL old guard person (Like Guy Baldwin) has made it perfectly clear that if you are NOT a gay man practicing leather sex, and who had his leathers handed down from a daddy IN that scene-connecting yourself to them is simply contemptuous. You didn't earn ANYTHING. I have done a LOT of research on this group, and I can cite refferences to this effect. It's not for straight men-it's not for ANY woman. They would have had nothing to do with you. So quit claiming lineage from them, because all that is, is a cheap rip off of what they WERE. And it's disrespectful.

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