RE: what makes a "true Dom"

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SirWAX -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (7/29/2008 11:51:46 PM)
I see where You are coming from Leatherist. I'll use myself as an example to maybe give some perspective of where i am coming from: I have had the rare opportunity of being in the 'Dom role' 4 years ago with a real, live, flesh person up until about a year ago, without knowing myself as a 'Dom'. Now, at the time, it was she and I. I never really looked into it outside of that, nor, did i educate myself in the proper treatment of her. What techniques meant. What it truly meant to take care of that person. I did teach her many things about herself, and she taught me a great deal too. I never at that time considered myself a 'Dom', and honestly, I had a pretty limited view of this community at the time. I consider myself now more of a 'Dom' than at times where i had anothers flesh under my hands, IMHO. Not because I went from her to another, but because i took time to gain perspective and reflect what i had actually done and NOT done. Now that may not count much for You, but to me, it makes all the difference. And very respectfully, i believe Your views are a bit limiting and shortsighted. I do agree, it will change my perspective with a person, but that submissive person needs to see something in the Dom/me that can be taught, can be nurtured, can be grown within themselves. Without a Dom/me being in that role, what is it that a sub seeks from Him/Her

Hippiekinkster -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (7/30/2008 12:17:48 AM)
GreedyTop can tell you how Dominiant I am. I can actually drive a car and stuff. And cook and stuff. And buy beer and stuff. I am such the hardass. I have actually flown 14 jets at one time to wipe out a group of kids playing Jacks. It was my olman taught me that, though. He hung out with Nicolai Tesla and Dr. Seuss. He showed me how to build a slant 6 out of Lincoln Logs and Elmer's Glue. Whooo-hoooo! No, really. My credit's so good, I can rent a two-bedroom duplex next to some guy who makes crank. Oh, and I have a bunch of guns, too. I am so manly. Smart, too. I know that 12 bottles of Dumfuck Ice and 8.5 bottles of Really Weak Beer is a much better deal than almost anything. OK no more secrets.

OTKkindaGirl -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (7/30/2008 7:02:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirWAX Hmm, interesting. Thank you for the responses OTKkindagirl and Leatherist. So the fact some do not have 'toys' or a sub, makes them not a true Dom in your opinions. nods okay, what if One is Her/His true self and does not wish to find another? Does that make them any less of a Dom in your opinion? ok, so you twisted it a different way, not exactly what i was expecting. Toys, do not a dominant make (but they sure make it funner, hint) and that wasn't my point. Just because one calls themself a Dom doesn't make them a Dom either. You can be a Type A personalitiy and not even be in this lifestyle, to me those are vanillas. i agree with your very last post quote: I'll use myself as an example to maybe give some perspective of where i am coming from: I have had the rare opportunity of being in the 'Dom role' 4 years ago with a real, live, flesh person up until about a year ago, without knowing myself as a 'Dom'. Now, at the time, it was she and I. I never really looked into it outside of that, nor, did i educate myself in the proper treatment of her. What techniques meant. What it truly meant to take care of that person. I did teach her many things about herself, and she taught me a great deal too. I never at that time considered myself a 'Dom', and honestly, I had a pretty limited view of this community at the time. I consider myself now more of a 'Dom' than at times where i had anothers flesh under my hands, IMHO. Not because I went from her to another, but because i took time to gain perspective and reflect what i had actually done and NOT done. Now that may not count much for You, but to me, it makes all the difference. And very respectfully, i believe Your views are a bit limiting and shortsighted. I do agree, it will change my perspective with a person, but that submissive person needs to see something in the Dom/me that can be taught, can be nurtured, can be grown within themselves. Without a Dom/me being in that role, what is it that a sub seeks from Him/Her Being in Dominant role in this lifestyle is a state of mind. Maybe your feeling more like a Dom now has more to do with your gained knowlege and introspect than when you were first learning. my analogy would be similar to meeting somebody with Micael Jordan's talent at the age of 12 and calling him a pro athlete. He isn't really a pro yet but there is the potential. Only after gaining experience and excelling through his own trials does he become a "Pro". It's wrong to say somebody's views are limited when there isn't time to be taught all one knows who is expressing a view. i personally would love give you all my views on the matter but i have another 12 hour shift to go work. i was trying to be playful and you took it wrong. a lack of relationship doesn't make one more or less than what they are. it's all a state of mind and how you share it with others, on either side of the coin. each person is different. and if you don't want a relationship then why even express an interest in the semantics of how it all works? what does it matter if you truly don't care to have a relationship? why be here at all if you don't really care for others opinions or views or if you are going to start judging others on one or two responses before getting an in depth reason as to why they feel or don't feel a particular way? hope you have a wonderful day, i'm off to work.

SirWAX -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (7/30/2008 10:46:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl ok, so you twisted it a different way, not exactly what i was expecting. Toys, do not a dominant make (but they sure make it funner, hint) and that wasn't my point. Just because one calls themself a Dom doesn't make them a Dom either. You can be a Type A personalitiy and not even be in this lifestyle, to me those are vanillas. I guess it was the way the response was worded, when you said that is basically "a Dom is one who has a sub." the toys bit i gathered was a joke. but then i questioned further to see if you were serious or not. after you didn't reply, i was speaking only to Leatherist as you weren't there to converse with. quote: ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl my analogy would be similar to meeting somebody with Micael Jordan's talent at the age of 12 and calling him a pro athlete. He isn't really a pro yet but there is the potential. Only after gaining experience and excelling through his own trials does he become a "Pro". And so, he is still a 'pro' while he sits a quarter out not playing, right? Which is why the analogy confuses me as this isn't the first time i have seen it. I thought it to be interpreted as Michael Jordan isn't a "Pro" (Dom) when he is on the sidelines or in between games(sub or subs). quote: ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl It's wrong to say somebody's views are limited when there isn't time to be taught all one knows who is expressing a view. i personally would love give you all my views on the matter but i have another 12 hour shift to go work. i was trying to be playful and you took it wrong. a lack of relationship doesn't make one more or less than what they are. it's all a state of mind and how you share it with others, on either side of the coin. each person is different. I wasn't saying that you had a limited view, because i didn't get your full view on that point, in which i am in agreement with you. I was however, respectfully sharing my view that i believed Leatherists views to be a bit limited because when i asked him if being a Dom was solely a relationship status, and he said: quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist After twelve freaking years real time, I know better than to call myself a "dom" when I don't have a sub. I'm only a pervert with ambitions if I don't have real flesh under my control. And any other pervert who thinks otherwise is sadly deluded. By this definition, i got that a person is not a "Dom" if He/She does not CURRENTLY have human sub under their Dominion. I.E. Person with Human sub CURRENTLY= Dom title Person with No sub CURRENTLY = pervert w/ ambitions = Me & many other devoted Doms without a current sub under their care That's how i understood it and when i also tried to clarify by asking, what He calls Himself when He 'in between' subs in his 12 years, if he had anytime without subs, i got an answer involving on-line relationships. which now under your clarification OTK, it makes more sense. He was referring to people who have never had a sub and on-liners only... maybe? quote: ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl and if you don't want a relationship then why even express an interest in the semantics of how it all works? what does it matter if you truly don't care to have a relationship? what does it matter if you truly don't care to have a relationship? I didn't say i, myself, didn't want or care to have a relationship; i said "okay, what if One is Her/His true self and does not wish to find another? Does that make them any less of a Dom in your opinion?" Which actually pertains to the first question asked because the sub was being told that her Dom, wasn't a 'true Dom' for releasing her and not wishing to pursue the lifestyle. Which by your response, i guess he is now classified as a Type A? quote: ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl why be here at all if you don't really care for others opinions or views or if you are going to start judging others on one or two responses before getting an in depth reason as to why they feel or don't feel a particular way? hope you have a wonderful day, i'm off to work. I didn't think i was being judgmental, i thought i was being quite accepting and tried to ask questions that i believed would help me understand Leatherists view of a Dom, after i got where he was coming from based on his definitions, i told him where i was coming from. i did say that i believed His views seemed a bit limited, after he basically insulted some peoples definition of their lifestyle. But again, i didn't judge him, as i try not to judge anyone. Nor was i referring to you after any responses after the first one. In all honesty, i was just trying to start up a conversation in here that would be insightful and maybe have an interesting discussion on how they see being a "true Dom" or "Master" etc. as this issue has been brought up in other threads. Maybe even exapand peoples view points :O I apologize, i didn't mean any disrespect at all. Perhaps i was a bit aggressive toward Leatherist because i felt he was being harsh on people to whom he has not met, but just another generalized characterization of... similar to how 'normal' society views ALL of this community as degenerates. As this community is being judged itself, i would think this community should be more accepting of others in them. Sincerely, SirWaxaLot and i sincerely hope you have a good day at work in spite of thinking i was calling your views limited OTK, as i was sincerely not. Blessings to you and your Sir.

badlilthang -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (7/30/2008 1:34:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelslave77 a "true Dom" is the one that has the "weal sub" is vewy vewy qwuiet.......but has a hard time killing the bubbly laughter pushing itself up from my throat...LOL....

DMFParadox -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/5/2008 7:03:19 PM)
Very simply, a Dom is someone who is sexually stimulated by the demonstration of obedience by their partner. There's more to it; there's skill in attaining and maintaining that obedience, for example, and sadism plays a role sometimes. But that's the simplest definition that I'd accept as completely true. For someone to not be a 'true Dom', to me, would mean that person does not feel more sexual when being obeyed. Their heart's not in it. They want to be obeyed only because then they can use that obedience to attain sex; not for the sake of the obedience itself. I am one who is quickly and visibly turned on by obedience and succor. Especially the unexpected, little victories, turn me on. That's why I identify as a Dom. I apologize for my earlier post, because I was analyzing the reasons why I think Doms exist; not what they are. Regards, Paradox

masterofdrkness2 -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/5/2008 7:16:44 PM)
I don't know if I am considered a true Dom by other and well really I don't care if I am , but I am considered one by the one I own and that,s all that matters right ?So my advise is you decide who is true and who is not the person that works for you will be true.. the one that dont.. well call them what you will.

Philosopher13 -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/6/2008 6:28:01 PM)
Anyone that proclaims they are a true Dom you need to be concerned about, everyone one does things different. If he is happy then you should be happy or you are in the wrong relationship. "One man with courage is a majority" Thomas Jeffereson

Lynnxz -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/6/2008 7:12:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Philosopher13 Anyone that proclaims they are a true Dom you need to be concerned about, everyone one does things different. If he is happy then you should be happy or you are in the wrong relationship. "One man with courage is a majority" Thomas Jeffereson I'm confused by your post here... and then your post complaining about subs and slaves. Care to explain?

CapnHarlock -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/6/2008 7:50:18 PM)
Q: How many "True Doms" <tm> does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one. He holds the bulb and the whole world revolves around him. Old joke - but a bigass red flag

littlebitxxx -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/7/2008 12:44:11 AM)
<FR> I love this thread! Four pages and still no one can explain what makes a "true Dom". Maybe, but OMO of course, it's whatever/whoever his sub thinks he is. I'm thinking that if she says he is (to her), then it must be so.

AllietheKitten -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/7/2008 2:32:33 AM)
LittleBitXXX, How ironic, if the sub defined the Dom... grin I personally became a Domme only after taking a 14 week night course and passing a rigorous flogging test. My Official Dominant Card is in the mail. For reals: I do have some beliefs about what it takes to be a "true Dom" (as opposed to being an internet wanker or just an abusive asshat). It consists of 2 ideas: playing with consent and caring for the welfare of those you play with. Now "caring" can take many forms but generally I think it consists of being mindful not to do anything that will permanently harm the sub mentally or physically (with some rare exceptions). And, not to start a flamewar or anything, but I think its kind of bullshit to pretend that there are no definitions to words. Words mean things...being a "Dom" means something. There are generally observed rules, even on CM. I don't think its fair to say "being a Dom means whatever you want it to mean" just as it makes no sense to say "the sky is whatever color you want it to be". You may fantasize in your head that the sky is pink but a general consensus will say its blue. By the same tack-people generally mean something when they call themselves Doms. However, I do object to the "true" label, as it smacks of elitism and an "us vs them" mentality.

roland23 -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/7/2008 9:19:55 AM)
Maybe we should set up a certification process!

RedMagic1 -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/7/2008 10:52:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lynnxz I'm confused by your post here... and then your post complaining about subs and slaves. Care to explain? He's in figure-things-out mode. Most women, when trying to figure things out, ask questions. However, many domlyguys employ a different tactic. They make statements as though they are TRUE, watch reactions, and then hone their positions from there. You can't expect someone just getting a grip on this stuff to have consistent positions, Lynn. You're way more life-experienced and BDSM-experienced than he is. Yeah, it'd be nice if he realized the other important philosophers in world history all thought asking questions was at least as important as answering them. It just takes some guys longer than others to get over themselves.

littlebitxxx -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/7/2008 11:55:09 AM)
Not meant to offend, Allie, and none taken in return. I sort of agree that there is a definition of "Dom" and "sub." But whose definitions count? A guy that may be the be-all end-all super uberly uber Dom to one sub may just be an overbearing posturing asshat to another. We all see people differently. I may not see you as a Domme where others might. So it's my definition that counts in that case. If your sub views you as a Domme, a perfect Domme for him/her, then you are the Domme. (generically speaking here)

CruelDesires -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/7/2008 2:32:18 PM)
And then we get into the whole "Alpha Dominant" conversation and it goes downhill from there. I am a wolf among sheep. Sheep that play on both sides of the whip. So sayeth the Alpha. There is no definition of what a real and true dominant is. Someone that I see as meek and mild can be totally dominant to someone else. It is all about perceptions and how people interact with each other. Someone that I see as stupid and weak, can be strong and smart to someone else. It is all how one perceives another to be in THEIR relationship together. Shrugs C-D

leadership527 -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/7/2008 3:20:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist The closest I could ever find in all seriousness would be, "Commitment to an authority dynamic." If a man does not find that the most attractive way to live-there is no center to hold it all together. Well damn, this leaves me out again. As I've posted several times, my commitment is to my marriage and to the vows I made at that time to cherish her, love her, and help her reach her full potential as a human being. Everything else is secondary. I am generally dominant but I feel no need to express that dominance in every aspect of my life, situations being different and all. I do nothing by half way measures and we certainly have commitment to whatever it is that we do(tm), but personally I can see dozens of delightful ways that I could structure a relationship with my wife. M/s is just one of the options that seems right now to be working pretty well for us. She wanted it and I'm comfortable with positions of authority so it was no big deal. If she didn't want it again, I've had plenty of experience with authority and leadership in my past.. I have no need to hang onto it in this particular little slice of my life. For me, the most attractive way to live is whatever way maximizes the happiness between myself and my wife. Actually, for just that reason, I suspect that in truth I am switch, not dom. I'm perfectly fine with following so long as someone else is leading reasonably well. I'm a huge believer in lead, follow, get out of the way, or I'll squish you like a bug. I'm pretty content with any of those 4 choices (and yes, I have little tolerance for those that just want to be obstructionist hence my addition of the 4th option). I see it as perfectly plausible that in a different relationship, I might be the sub. But in THIS relationship at THIS moment, there's no question as to who's the dom -- largely driven by the fact that she's so sub. A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. -Robert A. Heinlein

AllietheKitten -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/8/2008 11:15:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx Not meant to offend, Allie, and none taken in return. I sort of agree that there is a definition of "Dom" and "sub." But whose definitions count? A guy that may be the be-all end-all super uberly uber Dom to one sub may just be an overbearing posturing asshat to another. We all see people differently. I may not see you as a Domme where others might. So it's my definition that counts in that case. If your sub views you as a Domme, a perfect Domme for him/her, then you are the Domme. (generically speaking here) Exactly. Words are defined because they are agreed-upon, whether in a small group or a society. Being "dominant" has a general meaning. It can have more specific meaning in the dynamic of a relationship but it also has a broad meaning that everyone should understands. That's all I'm saying.

MasterHermes -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/8/2008 1:20:26 PM)
I am a true Dom because I do not lie [;)] Hermes

WizardOfDelphi -> RE: what makes a "true Dom" (8/9/2008 4:15:06 PM)
Oh, there are some great replies on here. Truly. The simplest answer I can come up with is: A true dominant is an assertive individual who self-identifies as a dominant and who would never, with any real seriousness, refer to themselves as a "true Dominant".

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