RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family

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natasha66 -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (7/30/2008 7:28:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bardtothebone This shallow, self-absorbed, disingenuous ingrate does not deserve you, or your love. You don't need to ask for release as you are not yet collared, so walk away and don't even contemplate looking [or ever going] back. I could not have articulated it better myself.

mypain56 -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (7/30/2008 7:59:09 PM)
Ok, I get it and I appreciate everyone's feedback and I will certainly take it to heart, or what's left of it. But I would like to say in my defence.That the person that was in prison for abusing me we had been over with for some time. Like two years, and it's not like me to run from involvement to another screwed up choice. I knew when he got out of prison he come after me again. So, I moved but then my best friend stabbed me in the back, so the only alternative, I had was to move here, because of the opportunities they have. Medical specialists, and special programs. More schooling for me, and yes it was his suggestion that I move here for all these things not necessarily him. I know we will never live together or marry that's not even in the equation. I am just a very family oriented person, and I wanted to share with what he has with his family that's all. But all of you are right, I have choices and instead of making him the center of my universe. I am going to step back. Believe me now that you pointed out all the risks involved,I can certainly understand why he wouldn't want me to be around his family my gosh it's enough that I have to live in a building with round the clock security. Thank you again...

YourhandMyAss -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (7/30/2008 8:37:37 PM)
I've met Daddy's sister in law brother and his niece and nephew, but, His sister in law an me didn't hit it off very well an that was my fault for making a stupid comment when I thought she couldn't hear, and ever since then she's been rabid in her disapproval of me and our relationship.so I just stay away from his family. I honestly don't mind and I prefere it, besides family entanglements like dinners over at their house an holidays at my house just bore the shit out of me lol. quote: ORIGINAL: daddysblondie Could be several reasons, but I will say this. My Daddy and I have been together for about 8 months as well and neither of us has really met any of the other's family. In part because his family is all out of state and introducing him to my uber-judgmental family members wasn't something I was interested in putting him through at this point. He has met my brother and one of my um's. I think you have to decide for yourself if this is an arrangement you can live with or not. Dare I say that if you're unhappy now, it's not going to get any better. Talk to him so that you can make an informed decision that you feel you can live with.

julietsierra -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (7/30/2008 11:22:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mypain56 I knew when he got out of prison he come after me again. I am just a very family oriented person, and I wanted to share with what he has with his family that's all. But all of you are right, I have choices and instead of making him the center of my universe. I am going to step back. Believe me now that you pointed out all the risks involved,I can certainly understand why he wouldn't want me to be around his family my gosh it's enough that I have to live in a building with round the clock security. Thank you again... As to your first comment: That just may be one of the reasons he's keeping you at a respectable distance from those who depend on him. That doesn't mean you're off limits to him. If he's been attentive and caring and all that, then accept what he can give until HE chooses to give more. You can't buy love - or involvement with someone else's family members. As far as living in a building with round the clock security, while that is important and very necessary to you, it is also significant to him that while you've moved, you are not yet out of danger - and so, neither are those you come in contact with who are unable to defend themselves. As far as your orientation toward family, I can appreciate that. I have that too. And you can have that. No one's saying you can't. What I'm saying is that you simply have to allow him to decide when you're going to be a part of that - IF you're going to be a part of that. There's no way of telling other than of asking him (and I've found it's all in the questions you ask. Ask the wrong ones and yes, you get the whole skywriting answer. Ask the right ones and you may find the answer as to why you're not around his family. But in the end, his family is his family and the only person that chooses when they become involved is him. Not because he's the dominant, but because he's the one who is of that family and he's the one involved in the relationship with you. It may happen - but rest assured, it's only going to be on his time schedule. Be patient. Respect his boundaries. You'd want yours respected. juliet

Lockit -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (7/31/2008 12:07:07 PM)
He doesn't consider your feelings. Hummm... he either doesn't, or you see it as he doesn't. His answer of the sky writing that you were his slave... kind of makes me lean toward... he just might not consider your feelings. That can be because he doesn't consider them... period or maybe you have so many feelings he is getting impatient with them all and feels you are expecting too much. You say you will never live in or be married. Hummm... Considering all things, you need to answer whether it is enough for you. You need to ask why you are in love with someone who doesn't consider your feelings. You told him you loved him and you are looking for more with him... you are... but he said he is slower at that, but he will get there. Do you really think he will? He doesn't consider your feelings... gives you impatient non answers... you will never live in or be married... What does it look like to you? To me... it looks like he has a real good thing goin and he doesn't have to put much out to keep it and he doesn't have to do anything but lead you to believe there could be more one day when he gets there and he doesn't consider your feelings. Bootie call kink style. People can treat you like meat without your input... whether they continue to treat you like meat or not, depends on whether you are pouring the steak sauce on for them. As long as you allow their dining pleasure... it could be that you are meat.

Huntertn -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (7/31/2008 5:12:50 PM)
Why should he give more..???? I mean its Not like you asked for more Now did you? Or is he supposed to be a mind reader? You can ask..he can either grant or tell you No; He cannot do anything unless you ask!

OsideGirl -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (7/31/2008 7:19:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mypain56 every Dominant that I have encountered has treated me like a piece of meat, I am a person too. why are they so selfish. Because you keep choosing the same person over and over again. Which means you need to sit down and examine your decision making process.

angelicbitch -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (7/31/2008 7:54:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mypain56 Ok, I get it and I appreciate everyone's feedback and I will certainly take it to heart, or what's left of it. But I would like to say in my defence.That the person that was in prison for abusing me we had been over with for some time. Like two years, and it's not like me to run from involvement to another screwed up choice. I knew when he got out of prison he come after me again. So, I moved but then my best friend stabbed me in the back, so the only alternative, I had was to move here, because of the opportunities they have. Medical specialists, and special programs. More schooling for me, and yes it was his suggestion that I move here for all these things not necessarily him. I know we will never live together or marry that's not even in the equation. I am just a very family oriented person, and I wanted to share with what he has with his family that's all. But all of you are right, I have choices and instead of making him the center of my universe. I am going to step back. Believe me now that you pointed out all the risks involved,I can certainly understand why he wouldn't want me to be around his family my gosh it's enough that I have to live in a building with round the clock security. Thank you again... No one is saying they are right or wrong... You came on here asking for advice and that is what you got ... be it good or bad. So not everyone said what you wanted to hear that makes the advice they gave bad?? No, it doesn't you came here seeking information... and that is what you got. Sorry it wasn't what you had hoped it would be. Again yes you have choices... and those are soley up to you.. None of us on a message board can make those for you.. none of us live your life and deal with what you deal with. And maybe it takes him time to introduce you to his family. Not everyone jumps in after 8 months or 8 days and says " Hey this is my new fuck toy.. isn't she/he great ?? " Maybe in time he will come around to you meeting his family and being involved... If you have concerns than voice them to him. He is the only other one who can help you not feel like some side dish.... speak to him, and I am sure you have... but if you feel that strongly than open the lines of communication!!!! And if you have talked to him about this ... what did he say ??? Did he offer any kind of assistance ??? just my 2 cents... Peace Angelic

LaTigresse -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (8/1/2008 9:08:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross So what did he say when you asked him about all your concerns? I would like to know the answer to this question.

angelikaJ -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (8/1/2008 9:16:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross So what did he say when you asked him about all your concerns? I would like to know the answer to this question. ...so would I. Going back to my orignal post...IF you are chosing abusive partners (and it seems as though you do not know how to do otherwise) then find a therapist. There is so much more to life than being someone's doormat.

ElanSubdued -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (8/1/2008 2:41:07 PM)
mypain56, I've read through the entire thread. All circumstances, situations, and hypotheses aside, for me, the bottom line is this. You're not happy. You've expressed concerns to your partner and he didn't give satisfactory answers. Many of us have been is this kind of scenario. If you want, you can sit down and have a serious conversation with your partner. Perhaps this will resolve the issues. This said, it's been my personal experience that when I'm feeling as you are, the courtship has never worked out. Things like him forgetting your birthday and you saying "I love you" to which he replied "OK, well it takes me a little longer but I'll come around" are big warning signs. You two are not even remotely on the same page. In terms of BDSM dynamics, you may be on the same page, but this is a very small part of a relationship. As to the first question in your OP, I think it's odd he hasn't introduced you to his children, especially when you've expressed a desire to meet them. The answer he gave you is yet another warning. He can introduce you to his children as a friend. The BDSM dynamics you two share are irrelevant. Thus, the truthful answer is that for whatever reason, he doesn't wish to introduce you to his children - at least not yet. After eight months of courtship and you being registered as his slave, I find this is odd. For me, were this a courtship I was involved in, all of these things would be huge red flags. You've asked for opinions so here is mine. Given what you've said, I think you're likely better off letting this relationship go, learning from the experience, and finding someone who communicates as you do and who wishes to share life together as you do. Elan.

Hizbadhabit -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (8/2/2008 8:32:34 PM)
If he lives in the same area and state as family and you have met no one i say married. Happened to me....

shanaya -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (8/2/2008 8:54:16 PM)
I am so sorry to hear about your trials with him. In my opinion he is no Master, you are serving his need to control whilst he gives you no direction, no understanding, romance or a family life ( this is the impression i am getting ) sweetheart ask yourself one question "do you feel loved, cared for, protected, and a part of his family ? " If the answer is a resounding "no" it is time to take a step back . Although the Dominant/Domme is the one in Control, please remember that they earn that Power by their actions, which means they need to be worthy in "your" eyes of your submission. Best of luck on your journey hugs shanaya

shanaya -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (8/2/2008 9:32:34 PM)
I felt the need to re post. Mainly due to the comment about "being a piece of meat " and that you have been away from your ex violent boyfriend for two years. Without giving too much detail of my personal history, i can tell you from experience that two years is barely enough time to start the road of recovery. It can take at leaast 5 years before your sense of safety returns. By this i mean feeling truly safe with another Man, you owe it to yourself to address your needs first, something victims of abuse have a hard time getting their heads around "putting their needs first" But until you realise that without taking the steps neccesary to ensure your very survival, like counselling , working on self esteem issues, learning to say "no you will not treat me badly" and to have the strength to REALLY face what trauma you have suffered, unfortunately sweetheart nothing will change. Is this your fault ? imo no, but it doesn't come down to fault, it comes down to your future . As you can't change your past but by hell you CAN change your future. Don't wait twenty more years to address what can be addressed now, as it is your future happiness on the line. It is time to walk away from him imo, why ?? because YOU are unhappy, you need to understand this is about YOU and YOUR needs ,and they are not being met. It is time to stay away from relationships "period" at this point in your life. You need a good counsellor who will help you work through the former abuse otherwise it will taint your future for years to come. We all need to put our mental and pyhsical health first because then we make healthy choices and team up with healthy people who become our friends and if lucky a mentally, healthy Dominant/Domme for us to share our lives with. Remember "no" is not a bad word, it is a word that we all need to use to keep us safe It is NOT selfish to put your needs first, it is a neccesity I wish you strength and to eventually feel the sense of inner peace that comes with looking after your health in all areas ~shanaya~

MisterStrongWill -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (8/2/2008 10:01:54 PM)
Wow this sounds like 50 others I have Read.Whaa whaa whaa he won't.wa wa wa I don't understand. WaWAWAWA i can't. Just talk to him!Find out why!Tell him your needs. And he may never ever let you meet the family.

shanaya -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (8/3/2008 12:25:49 AM)
*"Wow this sounds like 50 others I have Read. Whaa whaa whaa he won't.wa wa wa I don't understand. WaWAWAWA i can't.* *Just talk to him! Find out why! Tell him your needs.* *And he may never ever let you meet the family."* Wow you really think your above comment was helpful ?? she or anyone has the right to ask for help to try and understand a situation, it would be nice to think people could try to have some empathy, even if they are handling a situation differently than you or i would handle it. This is a person who is emotionally vunerable at this point in time, and being nasty only makes that person more emotionally vunerable. i tend to expect a bit more from "Adults" sighs ~shanaya~

SocialPerversion -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (8/3/2008 1:23:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mypain56 Please, I really am confused here, that is why I am coming to a Master too ask this very important question. I have been loyal, devoted, faithful, obiedient, for 8 months now. For reasons I could not control, I was able to move closer to him. But honestly not because of him. I am running from a very bad relationship,and the person in was in jail up till a few months ago.The Dominant I have been seeing for 8 months, mentioned all the opportunities that they had in his home town which I admit there are many. so needing to run before my abuser got out of jail I moved away. My Dominant had me under consideration for the last 8 months, just recently lifting it. And now he would like to collar me. The problem is that I am having is that, do most Dominants keep there submissives a secret and away from the family. He has two grown daughters, and is divorced and has been for 15 years. I haven't met his daughters yet or his two grandchildren which live with him. Please tell me if I am being stupid here. I have asked him and he came up with this lame answer. Like what do you want me too do hire a sky writer saying your my slave. Well # 1 I am not his slave and after all these many months I feel I deserve something more, than an inappropriate answer. and he only visits when it's conveinient for him, per usual. My feelings are never taken in consideration, ever. But are they suppose to be, every Dominant that I have encountered has treated me like a piece of meat, I am a person too. why are they so selfish. I serve him, I honor him, I worship him, and I am in Love with him and he knows all these things and he tells me what a great whore I am and that I am Daddy's babygirl. He's never had to punish me for anything, I do nothing without permission. I told him last week that I was In Love with him, and his reply was OK, well it takes me a little longer but I'll come around. I honestly didn't expect him to tell me the same thing, I just want to be a little more a part of his life. That's all like take me out to dinner once a month, or for a drink, something. Thursday's my Birthday, and I can be certain that it will not be remembered. So, should I remind him. or keep my mouth shut. Please help me....... should I ask to be released now before it gets worse. Daddy's/babygirl Srln: 654-049-049 To ME it sounds like you are seeking public and family validation for your relationship... You are saying that you are upset because he only visits you when its convenient for him and that he has never introduced you to his family including his children... to me these comments smack of the poison of a vanilla relationship, you are stating that its more important the he bend himself around making YOU happy, working around YOUR schedule, offer YOU more respect and introduce YOU to his family and friends... and you were wearing a collar of consideration? If you seek the validation of a vanilla relationship then go find someone at a bar, your in a BDSM relationship now so the old shit of introducing the latest girlfriend to mommy and daddy no longer applies unless its agreed upon for some reason. To be honest I would not introduce you to my family either, I would not lie to my family saying that your my "girlfriend" when your my submissive or slave. My sexual and spiritual relationships are none of my families business and I do not have to introduce them to every person who I am either having sex with or in a relationship with. Many of us left the vanilla world because we were tired of the little head games that were being played, if you want to play the spoiled little "show me off" princess then you should just forget about the collar and go back to cupid.com... if you care about your man because he is strong and dominant and driven and because he shoves his cock down your throat or up your ass while calling you his "cum slut" or "little whore" then your in the right place, but you have to remember that in a D/s or M/s relationship its not all about you anymore, unless your the one holding the whip! If your seeking to submit then fucking do it, if your looking to be a princess and treated like a normal girl on the street then fucking do it, make up your mind either way on whats going to make you happy and go with it. If you spend your time flip flopping between what you want to do and what society tells you to do you will just get depressed, piss off a lot of doms and end up being thrown away... choose your path and go with it. I for one hate the "I am a princess" subs/slaves... you have strayed off the golden brick road Dorthy and here the Wizard wields a whip, either forget the rules that have been pressed on you by society and enjoy the cock and bruises or go back where you belong, its easy, just click your heals together three times and repeat "There's no place like norm", "There's no place like norm", "There's no place like norm". Good luck on your choice, may you find happiness whichever path you choose. P.S. If you write "Srln: 654-049-049" then how can you make the comment that "Well # 1 I am not his slave"... ???? If you put on his collar of consideration with the intention of being a slave THAT IS HOW YOU WILL BE TREATED, if you take his permanent slave collar THAT IS HOW YOU WILL BE TREATED! You can't walk up, offer to be his slave and then get upset when you get no R.E.S.P.E.C.T.! Thats like saying "fuck me up the ass" and then crying because you were violated when he actually does it. ~~conquer4love~~

LaTigresse -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (8/3/2008 5:51:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shanaya *"Wow this sounds like 50 others I have Read. Whaa whaa whaa he won't.wa wa wa I don't understand. WaWAWAWA i can't.* *Just talk to him! Find out why! Tell him your needs.* *And he may never ever let you meet the family."* Wow you really think your above comment was helpful ?? she or anyone has the right to ask for help to try and understand a situation, it would be nice to think people could try to have some empathy, even if they are handling a situation differently than you or i would handle it. This is a person who is emotionally vunerable at this point in time, and being nasty only makes that person more emotionally vunerable. i tend to expect a bit more from "Adults" sighs ~shanaya~ Regardless of snark, it was an adult statement. The problem the OP is whining about stems from a universal problem. She has her definition of what her slavery should be, it is obvious her master has a slightly different definition. If those two definitions are not being communicated, and it is obvious they are not, exactly who is at fault? Why is it the master's? She is an adult, it was her responsibility to clearly communicate her needs and expectations at the onset of the relationship. Granted, I also believe it is a mutual responsibility BUT, it is apparent she did not heed that early red flag and then ASSumed they shared similar expectations and is now here pissing and whining and getting exactly what she wants. Sympathy for her and, what a terrible master, you must leave him!!! I call bullshit. Well, big hairy deal that family is so hugely important to her. It is obvious that it isn't to him. At least it's obviously not important to include her in his family. She identifies as a slave, which means as her master, where is the rule that he owes it to her to include her in any family stuff?? Harsh to some, I get that. Would I behave like that, no. Would many slaves be happy with that arrangement, depends upon who you ask. The other thing I don't see being debated here.........who is to say her behaviour has earned her the right to be around his family. I don't allow too many people in my family circle because I am very protective of them. OR, here's another "maybe"...maybe he is protecting her from them. We've all seen some pretty wacko family units. There is one person responsible for her happiness and misery and it is HER. There is a saying something like "you knew what you were in for when you took this gig". Well if she didn't, there is one person responsible and that is her. Enough with the poor helpless maiden looking for their knights in shining armour, then being upset and playing the blame game when they turn out to be "omg, a human being with faults and foibles, that victimized the poor little blameless slave/sub by being human. My god this woman is half a century old, maybe it's time she put her big girl panties on and learn to start dealing with her own shit.

Emma33 -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (8/3/2008 6:38:52 AM)
Hi :-) I just read your post and if i was you... i have quit the relation for sure. I mean... I am on this website since maybe 2 or 3 weeks. I am babygirl,sub... and im here cause im curious . Men who speak to me are cold and absolutly dont care about me as person (dont need to chat long for realise this). I was wondering if the real life... with a true daddy... will be the same then online (cold and without anything else). When i read your post... i got my answer. I like that life style but im still expecting to be treat with consideration and developp something ... more than sexual...in paralele of that lifestyle. Lets see if i will stay long on that website... Good luck Emma xx

julietsierra -> RE: Why after 8 months can't I meet the family (8/3/2008 7:12:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocialPerversion To ME it sounds like you are seeking public and family validation for your relationship... You are saying that you are upset because he only visits you when its convenient for him and that he has never introduced you to his family including his children... to me these comments smack of the poison of a vanilla relationship, you are stating that its more important the he bend himself around making YOU happy, working around YOUR schedule, offer YOU more respect and introduce YOU to his family and friends... and you were wearing a collar of consideration? If you seek the validation of a vanilla relationship then go find someone at a bar, your in a BDSM relationship now so the old shit of introducing the latest girlfriend to mommy and daddy no longer applies unless its agreed upon for some reason. To be honest I would not introduce you to my family either, I would not lie to my family saying that your my "girlfriend" when your my submissive or slave. My sexual and spiritual relationships are none of my families business and I do not have to introduce them to every person who I am either having sex with or in a relationship with. Many of us left the vanilla world because we were tired of the little head games that were being played, if you want to play the spoiled little "show me off" princess then you should just forget about the collar and go back to cupid.com... if you care about your man because he is strong and dominant and driven and because he shoves his cock down your throat or up your ass while calling you his "cum slut" or "little whore" then your in the right place, but you have to remember that in a D/s or M/s relationship its not all about you anymore, unless your the one holding the whip! If your seeking to submit then fucking do it, if your looking to be a princess and treated like a normal girl on the street then fucking do it, make up your mind either way on whats going to make you happy and go with it. If you spend your time flip flopping between what you want to do and what society tells you to do you will just get depressed, piss off a lot of doms and end up being thrown away... choose your path and go with it. I for one hate the "I am a princess" subs/slaves... you have strayed off the golden brick road Dorthy and here the Wizard wields a whip, either forget the rules that have been pressed on you by society and enjoy the cock and bruises or go back where you belong, its easy, just click your heals together three times and repeat "There's no place like norm", "There's no place like norm", "There's no place like norm". Good luck on your choice, may you find happiness whichever path you choose. P.S. If you write "Srln: 654-049-049" then how can you make the comment that "Well # 1 I am not his slave"... ???? If you put on his collar of consideration with the intention of being a slave THAT IS HOW YOU WILL BE TREATED, if you take his permanent slave collar THAT IS HOW YOU WILL BE TREATED! You can't walk up, offer to be his slave and then get upset when you get no R.E.S.P.E.C.T.! Thats like saying "fuck me up the ass" and then crying because you were violated when he actually does it. ~~conquer4love~~ You say the NICEST things!! I'm not being sarcastic here. You said what I was thinking earlier when I posted - but didn't say it with quite so much... ah... emphasis. Thanks juliet

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